Donovan's Station

by Robin McGrath

  Donovan’s Station

  Donovan’s Station

  Other books by Robin McGrath

  available through Creative Book Publishing

  POETRY

  Escaped Domestics (1998)

  ISBN 0-920021-57-3

  $12.95

  SHORT STORIES

  Trouble and Desire (1996)

  ISBN 0-920021-36-0

  $11.95

  YOUNG ADULT

  Hoist Your Sails and Run (1999)

  ISBN 0-920021-78-6

  $11.95

  Ask your favourite bookstore or order directly from the

  publisher.

  Creative Book Publishing

  P.O. Box 8660 36 Austin Street

  St. John’s, NF

  A1B 3T7

  phone: (709) 722-8500

  fax: (709) 579-7745

  e-mail: books@rb.nf.ca

  URL: www.nfbooks.com

  Please add $5.00 Canadian for shipping and handling and taxes on single book orders and $1.00 for each additional book.

  Donovan’s Station

  novel

  ROBIN McGRATH

  ©2002, Robin McGrath

  We acknowledge the support of The Canada Council for the Arts for our publishing

  program.

  We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Book

  Publishing Industry Development Program (BPIDP) for our publishing

  program.

  All rights reserved. No part of this work covered by the copyrights hereon may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means—graphic, electronic or mechanical—without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any requests for photocopying, recording, taping or information storage and retrieval systems of any part of this book shall be directed in writing to the Canadian Reprography Collective, One Yonge Street, Suite 1900, Toronto, Ontario M5E 1E5.

  Front Cover Art: Photo of Betsy Donovan

  Back Cover Art: Photo of Donovan’s Station

  All photos from McGrath family collection

  Cover Design: John Andrews

  Printed on acid-free paper

  Published by

  KILLICK PRESS

  an imprint of CREATIVE BOOK PUBLISHING

  a Trancontinental associated company

  P.O. Box 8660, St. John’s, Newfoundland and Labrador

  A1B3T7

  Second Printing February 2004

  Typeset in 12.5 point Centaur

  Printed in Canada by:

  TRANSCONTINENTAL

  National Library of Canada Cataloguing in Publication Data

  McGrath, Robin

  Donovan’s station: a novel / Robin McGrath.

  ISBN 1-894294-42-4

  1. Newfoundland and Labrador—Fiction. I. Title.

  PS8575.G73D65 2002 C813’.54 C2002-901661-4

  PR9199.3.M42427D65 2002

  For Janet Kelly

  May 22, 1914

  Archbishop Howley,

  The Palace

  St. John’s

  Your Grace,

  Enclosed are the papers you requested for your trip to Europe. I have been in touch with Brother Power in Tralee and have arranged for him to lie with you throughout your stay in Ireland. I only wish I had as much confidence in the assistance I have organized for your sojourns in Spain and Italy, and that you will not lie too greatly fatigued by the journey and the labours that accompany it.

  During your absence, I intend to plan out the structural reorganization of the administration that you have approved, and see only one major impediment to lie overcome. Merging the various convents under a single mother house would benefit the Catholic education system immensely, but unfortunately the nuns appear to be firmly wedded to the system as it was designed by the late Bishop Fleming. While it may be possible to order compliance, it would be better achieved through negotiation.

  As you are no doubt aware, I have in my Topsail parish an acquaintance of the Bishop, one Keziah Donovan, the proprietress of the flag stop station at St. Ann’s. She has old ties with the Presentation Sisters and if she could be persuaded to give her support to the scheme it might be all that is needed to make it happen. I am assuming, of course, that the Bishop was scrupulous in his dealings with the woman. Evidence to the contrary might lessen the hold his memory has on the members of the order.

  Mrs. Donovan is very elderly, and I had news this morning that she may be in failing health. Discreet inquiry indicates that any documents relevant to our concerns such as wills, letters etc., are in the hands of the Railway’s lawyer. Conroy is one of our own staunchest supporters, a friend of the Church, and would warn you if there were any compromising correspondence in his hands. My intention is not to discredit the parties involved, but to protect the good reputation of one of the most respected members of our community. A reminder that you answer directly to Rome might be in order.

  Your intercession with His Holiness, and the proposal of my name for elevation to the position of Domestic Prelate at the Papal Throne, is an honour that I can only say was beyond my greatest imagining. I can assure you that the affairs of the Archdiocese of St. John’s may be safely trusted to me as Administrator during your absence, and after your return for as long as I am needed.

  Your most obliged and very

  obedient humble servant

  Edward Patrick Roche, Vicar-General

  May 23

  Very fine, cool day. Doctor has been, and says that Mumma has had a paralytic stroke. Dermot forgot the bacon for the Society dinner; will have to make-do with fat-back. Kaiser William wandered onto the track and they had to stop the train. It took three men to push him off and one got kicked. Had a note from Monsignor Roche asking after Mumma. So kind of him—I didn’t think they got along but he sounded quite concerned.

  The crows are racketing—the train must be on its way. Funny how the crows always make such a fuss about the train, as if it were an owl or an animal that has to be scared off. It works, of course. They give the Irish cry as the train pulls towards the station, and the thing goes off again, leaving the cows and the farm to them.

  The eleven fifteen was late as usual, no doubt. I hope they sent out the bacon to wrap the partridges for the dinner tonight. Or was that last night? No use fussing—I can’t do anything about it anyway and it only wears at me. The Benevolent Irishmen, or the Orangemen, or the Mechanics’ Society, or whoever it was wanted partridges will no doubt survive without me to feed them. Kate will always manage somehow.

  Now the train is going, the 107. 1 can always tell that engine, it has such a huffy sound to it, like young Lizzie when she isn’t getting her own way. Is Lizzie here or in town? I can’t remember what day it is. It seems so odd to be lying down in broad daylight, staring at the ceiling, with all that work in the kitchen to be done. Peaceful, though, with the crows and the train, and the sound of Kate’s cows in back. Kate wanted to move me into her room, away from the train and the traffic, but I like the sound of the world going by my door; it’s soothing, really, and it distracts me from worrying about whether someone will stop and want something we don’t have.

  I know I can’t move, but it doesn’t feel like it. I thought paralysis would feel like you were frozen and no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t budge, but for once in my life I have no desire to move at all. If I could lift my hand this instant I wouldn’t do it, not unless my sweet man was to hold his hand out to me and urge me to take his in mine, and that won’t happen as he’s seven years in the graveyard. “Happy as a lamb on a tombstone,” he used to say when I asked him if there was anything he wanted at the end of a meal. And at the last going off he said, “No lambs, maidey, not ’til you’re there with me.” So the marble lamb sits in the bac
k shed, packed in straw, waiting for me to go too, and I suppose that won’t be long now. Not if I can learn to keep my mouth shut when Lizzie s around.

  Eighty-four years is time enough for one life. My dear Mr. Donovan was only sixty-seven when he died. Too young. Ah, I can feel the water leaking out of my eyes at the very thought of him. Mustn’t do that, for if Kate looks in she’ll worry. Kate has enough to worry about, with the dinners for the Benevolent Irishmen and young Lizzie nagging her about how she dresses, and now me stuck here like a bump on a log, dying too slowly.

  If only my mouth were paralyzed. I try not to eat, but they coax me and eventually I give in and have a mouthful and before I know it that’s turned to three or four mouthfuls. How long has it been now? A week, perhaps. There is just too much of me to disappear in a single week. I know I’m losing weight, for when Kate turns me over now I can tell it’s easier for her, and when I look down I have to try harder to see the swell of the bed cover.

  Last night—I think it was last night—they sent Lizzie with the apple and I could smell it as she came into the room. My heart sank down through the mattress, for I knew I couldn’t say no to an apple. Kate had stuffed it with Demerara sugar and butter, and baked it to mush with a little grating of nutmeg, just the way I used to do it for her and Min and Johanna when they were little and had a cough or a sore throat. Lizzie sat so that I could see her face—so like mine when I was fourteen—and she said “You’re going to eat, Nanny,” and I thought how like her it was to be bossing me around even when I’m on my deathbed.

  That face of hers—it’s so peculiar to see her eyes looking out of my face. We’re as different as chalk and cheese, me and Lizzie. I was always soft, easy to shift, and Lizzie is like steel. If she ever falls in love, it will be a terrible shock to her. She sat there with the spoon and the apple and told me to open my mouth and when I didn’t she leaned over and kissed me, right on my lips, and I was so astonished that I opened up. Before I knew it she had half the apple spooned down my throat, and I almost laughed to see the triumph in her eyes. She’ll be berating poor Kate that it’s her fault I’m not eating. I hope Min comes and takes her home again soon, so we can all get some rest.

  I must keep my teeth together next time.

  Thirty white horses upon a red hill;

  Mow they stamp, now they champ, now they

  stand still.

  I haven’t got thirty white horses left—only twenty three last time I counted—and they were never really white, but they have lasted me eighty-four years so I suppose I mustn’t complain against them now. I used to hate my teeth, clamped my mouth shut even when I smiled so that no one would have to look at those square, yellow pickets, but they were strong and when other women my age were losing their teeth, mine just went on champing and stamping. Old habits die hard, though, and only sweet Mr. Donovan could make me smile outright. It was just shyness gave me a mouth like an axe—in Lizzie, it’s grit. I see the determination in the set of her mouth and I don’t wonder any more that people didn’t know I am just shy.

  The shadows are different; I must have fallen asleep. And here comes another train, a special excursion going out to Kelligrews, perhaps. I remember the first time I saw the train, in January of ’82 it was, just the two cars and half a dozen men hanging off the engine. They stopped over at Ann Fitzpatrick’s and the engineer had burned his waistcoat and it reminded me of the Bishop. How Bishop Fleming would have loved the train. He was such a man for traveling, always off to Europe to raise money for the convents or to build the Cathedral or to fight with the Anglicans over the twelve shilling fee for Catholic burials, and when he was home it was off up the coast to Fogo or wherever. He’d never have let the train go by, day after day for thirty-two years, and not gotten on it to see what was at the end of the line.

  I used to wonder about the places it went, what meals the other station hotels and inns were serving to the passengers, but somehow there always seemed so much to do here that getting on the train when it was outward bound just didn’t happen. Lizzie can’t believe that I’ve never been west of Kelligrews. I’ve been south to Petty Harbour, east as far as the Battery, and north to Broad Cove, and I know every inch of the land between. I’ve walked it, rode it on horseback, driven it in carriages and long carts, even done most of it one time or another in Mr. Goodridge’s motor car. I know every stick and stone from Paradise and the Horse Cove Line to Fort William. In my younger days, I could find my way in the thickest fog or a driving snowstorm as easily as if it was a sunny day in September. Even the Bishop didn’t know the route as well as I did.

  Now here’s a thought. I will see the Bishop soon if I can just shut my teeth against the baked apples. That’s who I’ll look for, as soon as ever I’ve found my own sweet man, Mr. Donovan. I’m sure Bishop Fleming will like Mr. Donovan. I must tell him about the train, though perhaps people in heaven already know everything there is to know. Still, I’ll tell him about the engineer and the waistcoat, as it will make him laugh. Perhaps in heaven I will remember the burnt waistcoat but not Mrs. Cadigan’s baby.

  Oh, I can feel the water on my face again. I am so weak. I can’t shut my mouth against the sweet apples and I can’t shut my eyes against the salt tears. So long ago. I can’t remember a thing before that day, not even my baby brother being born. The Bishop was at the stove stirring the pot and he fell asleep and burned his waistcoat. I will think about the work, carrying the food to the houses, and it will dry the tears. Five, I must have been, and sturdy even then, and so lucky not to have caught the smallpox when everyone else was sick and dying with it. My father got it first, spots like bird shot under the skin of his wrists, and then just as he was getting a little better Mother got sick and then Richard got it, and neither of them able to lift a finger to do anything for the poor little boy. I did what I could, keeping the fire going in the stove and soaking out a bit of fish and biscuit to feed us all, but I was only five and I’d been waited on hand and foot my whole short life. That changed soon enough.

  I was looking out the window, I don’t know why because everyone in Petty Harbour was either gone or sick, and that’s when I saw the Bishop coming over the hill. He had his skirts hiked up into his belt and he had a bag on his back with his medical chest in it. I remember, I ran and told my mother there was a black man coming, meaning a clergyman, and when she looked and saw it was a Catholic priest she started to cry, thinking she’d get no help from him. Maybe if it had been another man, she’d have been right, but Bishop Fleming never asked who was Catholic and who wasn’t, he just set to, trying to help feed everyone.

  I think we were the only house on the Southside with a stove then. Everyone else had an open fireplace, with crooks and crottles for hanging the pots on, or iron fire dogs and a crane if they were lucky, and I thought it was such a pity to shut the fire up in a box but my mother was so proud of that stove. Grandfather Bulley had sent it out when Richard was born, a gift for his first grandson.

  There now, I, do remember before the Bishop. I was so small, I hadn’t realized how much trouble it was to keep an open fire, or how hard it was to cook on one. Father had cut enough wood for the whole winter when the smallpox came, so the Bishop used our house for cooking the food, what there was of it. “The Bishop’s little rodney” they called me, because I followed him around the Harbour the whole winter, carrying pots of food across to the Catholics on the Northside as well as to the Protestants on the South. I still have the scar on my ankle where I spilled hot water down my boot. I was such a baby— people were dying all around me and I was crying my eyes out over a blister the size of a penny, but the Bishop put chamomile salve on it and wrapped it in scorched cloth just as if it was a real injury.

  I can almost smell the bandage now, the hot, clean smell of the burnt linen so different from the scorched smell of his waistcoat. He was so tired, he must have fallen asleep standing up at the stove and I smelled the wool of his vest burning. “Bishop, dearest,” I said, pulling on his coat tails,
for I was such a baby I didn’t know you mustn’t call a bishop ‘dearest’. “Bishop, dearest, wake up or you will burn the dinner,” I said, and he staggered back from the pot and almost lost his balance, and his waistcoat was steaming. He was making a sort of porridge, using whatever he could find, oatmeal and flour and hard biscuit all boiled up in water, and then he’d put a lashing of molasses into it from the keg in the corner, and we’d carry it around the Harbour, to the houses where the people were too sick to cook anything.

  It was the day he burned his waistcoat that we went out to see the Cadigans. Theirs was the last house on the path out to town, and they’d all been fine when the Bishop came into the Harbour, so he hadn’t worried about them, thinking, I suppose, that they were too far away to be infected. But then he noticed that there was no smoke coming from there two days in a row, so we went round with the food and saved a bit in case they needed it. They were all dead except the baby. Mr. Cadigan was wrapped up in a blanket on the floor by the wall, and the older boy was on a mat near the fireplace, and Mrs. Cadigan was in the bed, covered in sores from the pox. The baby was covered in sores as well, but it was still alive and the smell of the place was enough to choke you. Poor little baby, so sad, only it had managed to get the clothes off its mother and had gnawed at her breasts ‘til she was half eaten.

  The Bishop must have forgotten I was there, for he took the Lord’s name in vain, though I’m sure the Lord will have forgiven him considering the circumstances. I must have made a noise, dropped the little bucket I was carrying, perhaps, because he turned around and flung his arms round my head, pulling me tight to his waist so I wouldn’t see, and I could smell the burnt wool of his waistcoat, such a relief after the smell in the room where the baby had done its business all over the bed, and the poor little thing died before we got halfway home with it. We buried it in an empty nail keg. I remember thinking it might have been my baby brother, and I never wanted to mind Richard after that.