Truth or Lies

by JA Johnston

  “Oh Grams.” She continues to hold me as everyone takes turns to come in to see the nursery. Bill, Dan’s father, smiles when he sees the names and embraces both Grams and myself within his strong arms.

  He places a kiss on the top of my head, “They are beautiful names buttercup. Your mother would be so proud.” He holds my head in the palm of his hand as I smile at my nickname, “I’ve been here for you since you moved in with Grams and Pops. So, remember, if you ever need me, you call. I’ll be here in an instant.” He kisses my forehead, “love you buttercup.”

  As Lucas and I descend the stairs the front door opens, and in walks my grandmother. My father’s mother. I haven’t seen her since the wedding. She’s called, but it’s always rushed and she’s whispering. “Grandmother.” I say when I see her.

  Helen Bennett looks a lot like the actress Helen Mirren. Not sure what Mirren’s eye color is, but my grandmother has gorgeous hazel eyes. Once she reaches us, she pulls me into an embrace. “I am sorry I couldn’t get here sooner.” She pulls back smiling at me. “But I am here now.”

  Grams walks over and gives her a hug. “Glad you managed to get away from Lewis to be here.” What an odd thing to say. But then again, Grams has known my grandmother a long time. I think she told me once that they were neighbors growing up.

  Grandmother looks around, “Is there somewhere we can talk, just you and I?” She looks at me, then Lucas. He squeezes my shoulder.

  “Let’s go up to the nursery.” I take her hand and lead the way.

  She takes in everything on her way up the stairs, smiling. Once we enter the nursery, she tears up but doesn’t say a word. When she finally turns and faces me she grabs my hands. “I am so sorry my sweet girl. I am so sorry for everything.”

  “What are you talking about, Grandmother?”

  “My son was all wrong for your mother. I knew that. I knew. Yet, I pushed for him to go to her. To meet her, to like her, to marry her. I didn’t know.” She wipes some tears that are streaming down her porcelain skin. I look at her with a confused expression because I have no idea what she is talking about.

  “Eileen and I grew up together. I love her and cherish my friendship I had with her. We always wanted to be a part of each other’s lives. We used to wish to marry brothers. Obviously, that did not happen.” She huffs and she waves her hands in the air. “I was twenty when I married your grandfather and twenty-one when Darren was born. Eileen and I had lost contact by that time. Lewis was so controlling in who I could see.”

  She looks around the nursery, “Is there somewhere we can both sit?”

  I take her to my bedroom, to the sitting area where the cradles are. “Oh, how beautiful.” She tears up again as I sit down in the chaise. She is stroking the side of the cradle, looking down at the tiny blue blanket. She finally comes and sits down in the rocking chair.

  “Your mother had come home for the summer from college. Your grandfather, what did you call him, ‘Pops’?” I shake my head yes. She smiles, “Yes. Well, he had a heart attack, and I just happened to be at the hospital with my mother-in-law when I ran into them.” She has a nostalgic look in her eyes, “It was so good to see her. We chatted up and storm and caught up within hours. And I was so taken with your mother.” She shakes her head.

  “I didn’t want to lose Eileen again. It felt so good to be around her, that I encouraged Darren to pursue Courtney.” She leans back, “I didn’t know until your mother was pregnant with you what my son did and was doing to her. Amelia, my son tricked or drugged her or she was drunk; I don’t remember which, when she married him. She wanted a divorce the very next day.”

  I shake my head, “I don’t understand.”

  “She had taken an internship as his personal assistant. They were on a business trip in Vegas. They were married.”

  I stare at her in shock. This is something I did not know. No one has ever told me. I’ve always thought it was some sort of a fairy tale, like mine, but to hear this and to know what he did to her.

  “Are you alright dear?” she asks.

  “Yes, please continue.”

  “Well, when she was pregnant with you, I asked her why she didn’t seem happy. Then she let me know about her beau, the one she had left to come home for the summer. The one in which she never went back to because my son would not let her go.”

  “He wouldn’t let her go?”

  “He’s just like his father, my oldest. In many ways.” She shakes her head as if she’s in disbelief. “Then she became pregnant, and the day you were born, the smile that I saw in her eyes the day I met her, returned. She loved you so much. You were her pride and joy.”

  “I have very few memories of my mother. I cherish my happy ones. I don’t share those with anyone, except for some. But the memories I do have, are not happy ones.” I say in a low hateful tone. He wouldn’t let her go? What the hell!

  “I saw the signs. I didn’t know what to do. You see, the same had been happening to me with Lewis. I didn’t tell Eileen until it was too late.” She looks down at her feet. “This is all my fault. If I had not encouraged him, then she would still be alive.”

  I shake my head. Yes, she would be. “But I wouldn’t be here.” I say staring at her. If she had not encouraged my father, then I would not have been born. “I wouldn’t be married to Lucas, starting a family.” I stare at her, “You wouldn’t be sitting here to tell me this.”

  She just smiles and shakes her head. “Oh, you would have been here my sweet girl. You still would have been born.” She sighs and hands me a gift bag. “Don’t open this now, but know, that I love you as if you were my own true grandchild. After all, that is how you were raised.” She looks at me lovingly.

  “What?”

  She stands from the chair, “My son found out he was sterile after your mother failed to conceive again. He always has been from an accident in childhood. When he found out, he didn’t hold back.” She’s pacing back and forth wringing her hands.

  “Who’s my father then? The one from college?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think anyone knows.” She kneels before me taking my hands. “Please forgive me for wanting my best friend to be close to me again. I wish I had an answer for your questions, but I don’t. I do love you, always.” She stands again, “I’ll let myself out.”

  “Wait!” I stand too. “I haven’t seen you since my wedding. You just gave me a whole lot of new information that I need to process. But I’ve known you my whole life as my grandmother. Are you just walking out?”

  “As you said, I haven’t seen you since your wedding. I wasn’t allowed to. In fact, being here, if he finds out.” She shakes her head. “But it was worth it. I wanted to see you. You are beautiful, you have a beautiful soul and you will be a wonderful mother.”

  “Come downstairs please, and stay just a little bit longer. I’m sure Grams wants to see you.” I plead and she relents.

  Grams and Grandmother are seated together on the couch, talking softly. Lucas is standing behind me with his arms wrapped around me, his chin resting on my shoulder. “You were upstairs a while. What did she talk to you about?”

  “I’ll tell you later, not right now.” Our hands are entwined, resting above my stomach. I’m watching my grandmothers when we’re interrupted.

  “Lucas, my boy, how are you?” some man exclaims in a boisterous voice while slapping my husband on his back.

  Lucas grins and accepts the man’s embrace, then one from the woman who is with him. He turns and puts his arm around me, “Amelia, I would like to introduce you to Jennifer and Nicholas Hunter, Adam and Ben’s parents.”

  I smile at them. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

  Jennifer comes over and holds my face in her hands. “Oh Lucas, she’s beautiful! You are so beautiful my dear. How are you feeling? How are the babies? Any Braxton-hicks yet?”

  That’s a lot of questions. Lucas and Nicholas chuckle. “You have to forgive my wife, she’s an OB/GYN and just loves when someon
e is pregnant.”

  She just shakes her head. “I love babies and children. If you agreed to adopt more children than the two we have, I would be a stay at home mother and wouldn’t be bothering with pregnant women.”

  Oh, my goodness. What an interesting thing to say. I chuckle and say, “I feel fine and we’re all fine.”

  “I want to apologize for my sister’s behavior.” Nicholas says earnestly looking at me.

  At that moment, Adam appears by his side, “I’ve already told her dad. I don’t think we need to keep bringing it up.”

  “No, we shouldn’t. How’s your blood pressure been?” Jennifer asks.

  “Better. She’s been taking it easier and no more throwing punches until after the babies are born.” Lucas jokes as I glare at him with a smile.

  We’ve been talking about the upcoming holidays when Jennifer and Nicholas Hunter ask us to Thanksgiving Dinner. Since we have already laid out plans for everyone to be here, we invited them also. Which they accepted graciously before Jennifer was paged by the hospital.

  “Amelia dear, I hate to interrupt but I really must be going.” Grandmother interrupts. “Oh” she looks at Adam with wide eyes.

  “Grandmother, this is Lucas’ friend, Adam Hunter.” I introduce him.

  Grandmother is looking intensely at Adam. “Hello, Mrs. Bennett.” He says holding out his hand.

  She accepts his hand, but she has a strange look on her face, like she seems mesmerized by Adam. “Very nice to meet you, young man.” She smiles up at him and seems quite taken with him.

  “Would you like for me to walk you out?” Lucas offers.

  “Oh, no. I can find my way.” She says.

  “It was nice to meet you all. Lucas, it was good to see you again.” She kisses his cheek. As she turns to me, I tell her that I will walk her to the door.

  Before she leaves I ask her, “Grandmother, will you come by again? To talk. I have a lot of questions.”

  She just smiles, “I don’t know my dear sweet girl.” With that said, she walks away. I want her to stay; I have so many questions. She unloaded so much information on me that it isn’t until I see her walk away that I feel the tears begin. I feel myself shaking as I hold onto the doorknob.

  I manage to walk away from the door, I amble my way up the stairs. Once inside my bedroom, I lay down on the bed and cry. How do I know she is telling me the truth? How do I know that she didn’t say this to hurt me? If she is telling me the truth, then who was the boy from college? Who is my father?

  I lay myself down on the bed and close my eyes; trying to reign in these tears, to control my emotions. My mind is replaying Grandmother’s conversation as I am remembering my childhood. Remembering my father, he was very attentive to me and would play with me when he would come home from work. That is, when he was sober or if he came home. I do remember when he traveled we would go stay with Grams. Did my mother do that even before I was born?

  “Daddy, lift me high!” I pleaded as my father held me above his head flying me in the backyard.

  “Amelia, the plane is ready to land. So, you need to prepare for landing.” Daddy says. He’s going away again and I asked if I could fly on the plane with him. He said I couldn’t, but that he would show me how it felt to fly.

  My eyes feel puffy; my head feels groggy. I stretch my legs down and realize I must have fallen asleep and the sun is setting. The clock beside me reads six forty-five. A blanket is laying on top of me. I feel Lucas’ beside me.

  I roll over and look at him. He’s sitting up with laptop in his lap. “Hey.” He says as he closes the lid, scoots down and lays facing me. “You scared me. I didn’t know where you went, then when I found you, you were out.”

  “I’m sorry.” I stare into his blue eyes, “Grandmother said a lot to me and I’m still not sure how to process everything that was said.” A deep breath, “Did you try to wake me?”

  “I did try, but no response. I took your blood pressure, it's fine. Adam called his mother and she said to wait until you awoke. That your body probably needed rest.” He pauses, “What did you grandmother say to you?”

  “What didn’t she say.” I reach across and hold his hand, “She told me that everything was her fault, my mother’s marriage to my father. Then she told me about some boyfriend she had in college, that maybe, he might be my real father.” There’s pressure building behind my eyes.

  “What? Your father? Your father is in prison.”

  “Apparently, my father, or whom I thought was my father, is sterile. Has been since childhood. I guess he went and got tested after my mother failed to get pregnant again. I’m not sure when or if it was the same day that he murdered my mother.” I look into Lucas’ eyes. “I’m not sure about anything.”

  “Amelia” he hushes me and scoops me into his arms. “Does she know who then?”

  “No. I asked her.” I don’t think she did, “She didn’t know who the boyfriend was either.”

  “Does Grams know?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, she’s still here. She wouldn’t leave, she’s spending the night. Dan already brought her stuff here.” He’s running his fingers through my hair and down my back. “Do you want me to go get her?”

  “Not yet. I want to lay here with you for a while. My mind is still trying to process and understand or try to understand what Grandmother said to me. Or, I guess she’s not my grandmother.”

  “When you’re ready, we’ll talk to Grams. Maybe she can shed some light on all of this instead of you trying to figure all of this out on your own. I’ll be right here beside you, helping you.”

  We laid there for another half hour before Grams came to check on us. Once I told her everything Grandmother told me, she was shocked by some of the information, but not all of it.

  “I knew she was pushing Darren towards Courtney. And I did know your mother had a boyfriend that she was going to be bringing home that summer. Summer plans changed that year. She came home early, when Joseph, your Pops, had a heart attack.” She has a faraway look in her eyes. “Courtney rushed home to help. She was supposed to stay the summer in Washington, DC on an internship with her boyfriend. Oh, what was his name?” She shakes her head.

  “I don’t remember, but he never came. Your mother became an intern working alongside Darren. They went to Vegas for a meeting, when they returned, they were married.” Grams sighs and looks at me, “Your mother wanted a divorce, she was not in love with Darren. But he wouldn’t give her one. He was so controlling. Whenever he went out of town, she normally went, or she would stay with us when he was gone.”

  “It was after one of those trips that your mother discovered she was pregnant. So, I don’t know. I don’t know if she met up with someone else or if she was already pregnant when she married Darren.” Grams holds my face in her hands. “Your mother loved you very much and protected you as best as she could. She was always trying to get away.”

  “You wouldn’t happen to have any of her things left?” Lucas asked.

  “I don’t think, but I can check tomorrow once I’m home. But I am staying here with you tonight. You gave me such a scare Amelia.” There is a lot of sadness in Grams' voice.

  “I’m sorry. I was just so drained after her visit, I just needed to have quiet.” I hold both of their hands. “What if we never find out?”

  “Let’s not worry about that now. You have to focus on these two babies, my dear.” Grams squeezes our hands.

  Seventeen years, six months

  THANKSGIVING IS JUST weeks away. I will be spending it with Adam and his family. I’ve met them plenty of times, but this feels different. Adam filled me in on his family’s Thanksgiving tradition which is to share what you are thankful for. Yes, we are living together, sharing every intimate detail about ourselves, but this seems like more, a whole lot more.

  Growing up, it was just another meal that was cooked and sat before us. Grams was invited to join us after Pops passed away. She came that one year, I wa
s seven, but not after that. Then, I did not understand, but now I do. There’s a lot of tension between the four of them, Grams, Grandmother, Grandfather, and my father. Grams began just calling me on Thanksgiving but insisted that I get to spend quality time with her during Christmas.

  That Christmas, I did get to spend time with Grams. Three days. Three days of happiness. Three days that I heard stories of my mother and pops. Three days where I did not have to be reminded of how to behave. I was allowed outside to play in the snow, with the children who lived next door. Their names were Dan and Sam, I remember them now. I was happy with Grams.

  After that year, anytime Grams wanted to spend quality time with me, I was whisked away. Finally, they sent me to a boarding school a couple of hours away. During sophomore year in high school, I was kicked out.

  Needless to say, my father and grandparents took a more hands-on approach in my education then. I still went to a private school, with no tutoring. The friends, or I should call them acquaintances, that I attended school with were hand selected. Even my boyfriend, David Sawyer. Everything I did or did not do was somehow relayed back to them. Well, almost everything, they never questioned David when I came home late.

  Once, I thought I recognized someone at my new school, but I’m not sure who he was. My life was scheduled around school and social responsibilities which included tennis lessons and equestrian lessons. During any free time, I was expected to be at home or I could be with David. Phone calls were the only way Grams and I stayed connected. It wasn’t until I graduated from Semper Fidelis Academy that I saw her again. Honestly, she had become a stranger to me. I did not know this woman and she did not know me.

  College. Wow! What a turning point for me. Somehow, I was in classes with other students that I did not know. Some looked familiar, they must have gone to the academy as well. Not sure if my father tried to get his way and get someone in my classes to report back to him. But as far as I know, that didn’t happen. He always seems to ask more questions about my day and classes then he ever had before. David went to another college, so I had no boyfriend hanging around me either.