Learning to Live Again (Corbin's Bend, Season Two Book 9)

by Ruth Staunton

  By the time they made it home, Lainie was completely convinced that the entire disaster was her fault. She was just as entirely convinced that Grant did not need to know. He would blow it all out of proportion and come down on Kathleen. That would just make Kathleen angrier and lead to another shouting match, which wouldn’t improve things that all. It was better that they just let it go and put it all behind them. He didn’t need to know everything. She’d been handling the girls in my household for years. Surely this wasn’t any different.

  Except that they had a rule about honesty, and Julie had insisted that communication was an integral part of this kind of relationship. If she didn’t tell him, was she hiding things? Was that not being honest? This was between her and Kathleen though. It didn’t have anything to do with her relationship with Grant. That was what those rules were talking about, wasn’t it?

  Lainie resolutely ignored the niggling doubt settling into the pit of her stomach and concentrated on unpacking the things they had gotten from Denver. The girls had grabbed their individual bags and headed up to their rooms, still seething and ignoring one another. She hadn’t heard a peep out of them other than the duel slamming doors that have accompanied them shutting each other – and her – out. She hoped they would work it out of their systems. Sometimes their fights could go on for days, and Lainie wasn’t sure she had the energy to continue to referee.

  When Grant came home from work, she had already put away all of her purchases and was searching through the refrigerator trying to decide what to cook for dinner. “I’m home!” Grant called. “Where is everybody?”

  “In here,” Lainie replied. Changing tactics, Lainie closed the refrigerator and took down a cookbook, taking a seat at the table to look through it in hopes of finding something that sounded appealing to make. Grant came in and tipped up her face to kiss her.

  “How was Denver?” he asked.

  “It was fine,” she said noncommittally.

  “Did the girls have a good time?” Grant asked.

  “Yep,” Lainie said. After all, they’d had a wonderful time that morning. So things had taken a bad turn. That didn’t mean the whole day was bad. The girls had had a good time, in the beginning.

  “Great, you didn’t let them buy out the whole store, did you?” he teased.

  “Of course not,” Lainie said. “We had to leave at least a few things for the other customers.” She managed a small smile. It was an old joke, years old, and one he asked nearly every time they went shopping. At least when he was around to know they went shopping. There had been years when he hadn’t had much of an idea what they were doing. The familiar teasing was a comfort, a welcome reminder that a lot of good had come from this move, even if Kathleen hated it. Lainie turned back to the cookbooks and flipped through a few more pages. “How hungry are you?” she asked Grant.

  “I could eat, but I’m not starving,” Grant replied. “Why?”

  “I was thinking of making veggie lasagna, but that takes a while. Are you up for that?” she wondered.

  “That’s fine.” Grant said. “I can go shower and let the girls show me what they got today. Whose turn is it to help with dinner?”

  “It’s Natalie’s,” Lainie replied. “Can you ask her to come down?”

  “Sure,” Grant said, heading upstairs.

  Humming to herself, Lainie began pulling out ingredients, – zucchini, peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes, noodles – and gathering them on the counter. Hearing footsteps on the stairs, she called out, “Nat?”

  “No, it’s me,” Grant replied from behind her. Surprised, Lainie turned to him. He was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, looking distinctly foreboding. “What happened in Denver?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” Lainie said. “I told you it was fine.” Even as the words left her mouth, her stomach sank a little, knotting with dread and anxiety.

  “So what’s this that Natalie is telling me about Kathleen having a meltdown about uniforms? Because she seems pretty upset for nothing to have happened.”

  “Okay, so Kathleen got upset and had a little meltdown,” Lainie admitted. “I’d forgotten to tell her that the schools here require uniforms. Natalie sprung it on her in the middle of the store, and she didn’t take it well.”

  “Didn’t take it well?” Grant echoed. “What exactly happened, and I mean exactly, don’t you dare try to sugarcoat it or leave anything out. I will ask Natalie if I have to.”

  “You’ll do what?” Lainie said, outraged. “Nice, Grant, pitting my own child against me. I’m not a suspect to be interrogated. I’ll thank you to leave your heavy-handed tactics at work.”

  “I wouldn’t need to ask Natalie if you had just been honest with me from the beginning,” Grant pointed out. “If you had told me the whole story when I asked how the day went instead of trying to brush over everything, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

  “No, you’d be having a shouting match with Kathleen again,” Lainie shot back. “I knew you’d fly off the handle and get all on her case again. We had a good morning before all this happened. I just didn’t want to make anything worse.”

  “And what happened to being honest with each other?” Grant pressed. “Does that mean nothing to you? Do our rules mean nothing to you?”

  Not really. Frankly, she hadn’t thought a great deal about those rules since they wrote them on the paper. There hadn’t been any reason to. In her opinion, the whole exercise was useless. She wasn’t a child who needed the classroom rules posted on the wall to remember how to behave. As far as she was concerned, that paper was nothing more than a way to appease Grant. He hadn’t seemed to be particularly worried about them either. Other than that one afternoon when she had lost her temper and insulted him and then felt so horribly guilty about it, he hadn’t mentioned the rules either. How was she supposed to know he’d suddenly take them seriously?

  Nevertheless, she knew better than to say that right now. He was already angry and questioning the whole domestic discipline thing that he was so stuck on wasn’t likely to improve things any. Sure, Julie had said communication was important, and Lainie had no doubt they should probably discuss their different views one day, but this was clearly not the time and place.

  “Of course not, I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. “I was trying not to make things worse.”

  “And hiding things from me and letting Kathleen get away with behaving this way is the way to do that?” he questioned.

  Lainie sighed. “Probably not in the long run,” she admitted, “but I just couldn’t handle another outburst today. Can’t you understand that?”

  “I can,” Grant replied. “If you had just explained that to me instead of trying to hide things and do an end run around me, then we could’ve worked something out together. As it is, you didn’t give me, or us, that opportunity. Instead of working with me like my partner, you opted to brush over it, like a child trying to hide misbehavior from a parent.”

  “I am not a child,” Lainie snapped, “and you are not my father.”

  “I know that!” Grant shot back. “You’re my wife, dammit. You’re the one who insists on making me the bad guy. I’m trying to help. I want us to work together not against each other.”

  Lainie winced. Put that way it sounded really awful. She sighed. “I was just trying to keep the peace.”

  “That’s what got us here,” Grant said quietly. “I spent too many years just trying to keep the peace instead of stepping up and doing what I really needed to do. When we moved here, I swore I wasn’t going to do that anymore.” He crossed over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Will that keep?” he asked, gesturing toward the various ingredients scattered over the counter.

  Lainie looked around. The oven was preheating, but otherwise there was nothing pressing. “I suppose so,” she said hesitantly. “Why?”

  In answer, he guided her gently out of the kitchen and through the living room toward the office. The moment Lainie realized his intent, she balked.
“Wait a minute, we don’t need to go there. I told you. I didn’t mean it that way.”

  Grant nodded. “I understand your intentions weren’t malicious. You weren’t trying to go behind my back necessarily. You were just trying not to rock the boat. I get that, but you still chose not to be honest with me. That’s not acceptable, and it never will be.”

  “The girls...” Lainie spluttered, growing increasingly frantic and desperate.

  “Are upstairs,” Grant assured her. “I asked them not to come down until I called them.”

  “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I screwed up. I should have told you. I realize that now. I just wasn’t thinking.” She was babbling, and she knew it but couldn’t seem to stop. There had to be something she could say, somehow she could convince him they didn’t need to do this.

  Grant was still walking, gently bulldozing her in the direction of the office. “That’s the point. Getting a spanking this time will help you to remember to think about it the next time you’re tempted to hide something from me.” He pushed open the door and guided her over to the desk.

  Lainie dug in her heels. “I get your point. I don’t need any help remembering. I’m perfectly capable of remembering on my own.”

  “Really?” Grant said. He let go of her long enough to close and lock the door then walked around the desk and pulled his father’s paddle out of the drawer. “If that’s the case, why didn’t you remember today?”

  “I didn’t know you were serious,” Lainie blurted. The moment the words left her mouth she regretted them. They were perhaps the absolute worst thing she could have said at the moment, true or not. “I mean...”

  Grant was eyeing her, relaxed and calm but serious and intense. “Now you will,” he said before she could formulate a more coherent explanation. He picked up the paddle and walked around the desk, coming to stand behind her. “Drop your pants and bend over the desk.”

  Shock flooded Lainie like a bucket of cold water. “What? No way.” It was one thing to do this when she felt guilty and both wanted and needed the absolution or to play around with it as part of sex. This was something else again. Sure, she had technically broken a rule, but the truth had come out in the end. It wasn’t that big a deal.

  Still holding the paddle, Grant moved over to the bulletin board where their handwritten list of rules hung. He took down the list and brought it over to the desk, putting it down in front of Lainie. “What’s the first rule?”

  You can read it as well as I can, Lainie thought irritably, but with him still holding the paddle she didn’t dare say it aloud. She glared at him. He tapped the paper with his index finger.

  “Answer me,” he commanded. He hadn’t raised his voice in the slightest, but it was devastatingly quiet and stern.

  Lainie found herself obeying without conscious thought. “Always be honest with each other,” she read quietly.

  “And is that your signature?” he asked, pointing to the bottom where they had both signed it when they had decided to try DD.

  He knew it was. He’d been sitting right beside her when she signed it. Still, she nodded, swallowing hard.

  “This is going to happen,” he told her. “You agreed to these rules when you signed this paper. If you want to renegotiate when we’re done here, then we can talk about it. I’m not going to force you. Without your consent, it is abuse, and I won’t do that, but until that changes, I’m going to enforce the rules that we both agreed to. Now, you can do as I’ve asked, or I can do it myself, but if I have to do it, I’m going to add swats to what you’re already getting for defiance. Either way, it’s going to happen.”

  Lainie’s palms prickled with apprehension and her stomach made a valiant effort to come out through her throat. The idea of getting a spanking at all was bad enough. The thought of adding even one more swat to that was absolutely intolerable. She wiped her hands on the side of her jeans then moved to unfasten them. Her hands were shaking and it took several tries to get the button to cooperate but eventually she was able to push them down. She stopped at mid-thigh, unable to force herself to lower them any further. She took a deep steadying breath and turned to the desk, bending awkwardly over it. Grant gently adjusted her position, pushing gently on her back until she was balanced on her elbows rather than her hands and shifting her hips into a more stable position. When she was situated to his liking, he took hold of her panties and pushed them down to join her jeans, sliding both down a little further toward her knees. Then, he put a hand on the small of her back, holding her in place. His touch was warm and heavy, oddly comforting.

  Lainie felt him move a moment before she heard the paddle swing through the air. It connected with the crack like a gunshot that Lainie would’ve sworn could be heard throughout the neighborhood. For a split second, there was nothing but the sensation of impact and then there was sting, strong and sudden enough to make her gasp. The sound did nothing to detour Grant. He brought the paddle down over and over. Their particular paddle wasn’t heavy. There was never a sensation of a heavy, deep impact, but Grant tended to layer several swats one atop the other, covering already stung skin several times before moving on. It didn’t take long before it hurt like blazes. Lainie soon found herself squirming uncontrollably, whimpering and pleading. She was prepared to promise anything Grant wanted to hear, up to and including the moon, if he would only stop. He never even hesitated, covering every inch of her bottom and the tops of her thighs. When he targeted the sensitive crease between her bottom and thighs, tears bubbled up, and Lainie found herself helpless to stop them. She gave up even trying to fight them.

  Lainie had no notion of how much longer it went on. It felt like an eternity, but in reality it was probably more like minutes. Eventually, Grant stopped, laying the paddle on the desk and rubbing her back, murmuring gentle nonsense until she brought herself back under control. When her tears had died down to wet sniffles, he helped her stand, turning her in his arms to hold her against his chest.

  “I’m sorry,” Lainie said in a small, shaky voice, and this time she meant it. One of the very first rules of parenting, or even when working with children in situations where more than one adult was involved, was to present a united front. She knew that. She had known it for years and done it many times with other teachers and teachers assistants in her working life. If they deserved that kind of cooperation, didn’t her husband, the father of her children, deserve the same? What had she been thinking, and why did things make so much more sense when her backside was torched?

  “I know,” Grant told her. He was still rubbing her back, swaying lightly back and forth. “I believe that you weren’t deliberately trying to go behind my back.”

  “I wasn’t,” Lainie insisted. “I honestly just didn’t want another fight. It seems like everything is a constant struggle with Kathleen these days. I knew if I told you it would lead to another argument. One meltdown today was more than enough. That was all.”

  “All right, sweetheart, it’s over now. We’ve dealt with it. Now we put it behind us, and try to do better next time,” Grant told her quietly.

  It should have been ridiculous, standing there swaying in his arms with her bottom on fire and her pants still at half mast. Instead, it was oddly comforting. Lainie felt safer and calmer than she had since the whole ordeal with Kathleen had begun. Finally, Lainie gathered herself enough to reach down and pull her panties back into place. She kicked her jeans off, unable to even bear the thought of putting them back on right now. Grant was still holding her, and without letting go, he walked them over to the couch and sat down, drawing Lainie into his lap. She whimpered involuntarily when her very sore bottom came into contact with the rough denim of his jeans, but with a little shifting and squirming, she was able to find a semi-comfortable position.

  “Do we need to talk about the rules now?” Grant asked. “If you’re really unhappy with them, we need to discuss it. I don’t want this to be something I do to you. We’re in this together.”

  Lainie had a bri
ef sarcastic thought that went somewhere along the lines of them both not being the ones getting spanked. She was the only one with a sore backside, but she couldn’t summon the will or the energy to say it out loud. “Maybe,” she said finally, intensely aware of the need to be completely honest with him and not hide anything. Not tonight. Not ever again if she could possibly help it.

  “Okay,” Grant agreed. “What is it that you think we need to discuss?”

  Lainie took a deep breath, struggling to gather her thoughts and find some way to get them out without offending Grant. “I know you believe in DD and rules and structure, but I’m just not sure about this whole rules thing. I’m fine with adding spanking to our sex life. You know I’ve enjoyed our explorations there. I can even admit that it sometimes helps with guilt, but I hate the idea of having a list of rules. It makes me feel like a child who can’t be expected to behave.”

  Lainie risked a glance at Grant, hoping fervently that he understood. He didn’t seem angry or offended. If anything, he looked stunned. She turned away, looking back at her lap. She despised these heavy emotional conversations. Women were supposed to want them, but Lainie hated them. It was far easier to pretend everything was fine, and just go with the flow. Grant caught her chin, turning her back to look at him.

  “I apologize,” he said with an earnestness that went deep. “It was never my intention to make you feel like that. Not once have I ever thought of you that way. I’ve been frustrated myself because when you hide things it makes me feel like you’re casting me in the role of the parent and that was never what I wanted for us. I mean it when I said I want us to be partners. That was my intention with setting rules. When we talked originally, I saw them as guidelines for the way we treat each other and our relationship. I never intended it to seem like I found you lacking. That never crossed my mind. We had grown so far apart, and I saw having the rules as a way to give us boundaries so that we did not do that again. Think about it. All of our rules have to do with the way we handle things in our relationship and the way we treat ourselves and each other.”