Hopelessly Broken

by Tawny Taylor

  Logan was in the kitchen, Aeron’s little ankle-biter cradled in his arms. “Jenny, are you okay? You look a little funny.”

  “Funny? Why? I’m fine.”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” The little beast began squirming, and Logan tightened his hold on him. “Your face is red.”

  Jenn felt her face getting hotter. “Oh. That’s because I scrubbed it to get all the flour off.”

  “Ah.” Logan’s gaze jumped from her to something, or someone, behind her. “Then Aeron must have scrubbed his hard too. His looks worse than yours.”

  Aeron made a little sputtering noise, and Jenn resisted the impulse to sneak a peek over her shoulder. If it wasn’t for the fact that her face was practically on fire, she wouldn’t have minded seeing Aeron’s flaming cheeks. But she was too embarrassed to turn around.

  “Ready to go?” Aeron asked.

  Logan set Cojack on his feet and hopped up and down. “Yes!”

  “I’ll drive.” Not waiting for Jenn, Aeron headed for the door. Logan followed him. Jenn took up the rear, watching Aeron’s very nicely-shaped backside. Outside, Aeron opened the back door for Logan while Jenn made herself comfortable in the passenger seat. She watched Logan strap himself in as Aeron got the car started.

  Seconds later, they were on the road, weaving between snow-covered parked cars, headed toward the restaurant. Logan chattered nonstop in the backseat. Aeron responded with the always appropriate, “that’s great” an occasional, “cool” and plenty of “yeses”. By the time they’d arrived at the restaurant Logan had mapped out a plan for the day that included making a snow fort, a walk with Cojack, and building a fort in his room. None of his plans included Jenn.

  It seemed she’d been replaced.

  But she was okay with that. When her brother was with Aeron, he was happy. He was whole. He was normal.

  There was a time she’d never thought he would be normal again.

  Six

  He was only human.

  Flawed.

  Weak.

  She’d been so close all day, since this morning. Laughing with him. Talking to him. Watching him. Teasing him. How could he be expected to live like this? It was hell. Worse than hell.

  And now, after enduring hours of her tempting glances and shy half-smiles, he couldn’t think without images of her lush lips and wide eyes invading his thoughts. He couldn’t sleep without the sound of her sweet voice echoing in his dreams. He couldn’t breathe without the scent of her skin teasing his nose and making his blood burn in his veins.

  He’d tried. Oh, how he had tried. He’d prayed for hours after he’d locked himself in his room tonight. He’d begged for help. But none came.

  His control was on the verge of snapping.

  Right now she was on the other side of that door. Her curvy little body a mere handful of steps away. Within reach.

  It was late. Logan was sleeping.

  She wanted him. She’d made sure he knew it.

  Go.

  No. He shouldn’t. He couldn’t.

  Resist, dammit. She deserves so much more than the heartache you would give her.

  He shoved open his door and stepped into the hallway. He dragged in a deep breath. Damn. His body hardened. His muscles tensed.

  She had just showered.

  He imagined her skin glistening, droplets gliding down over the curve of her hip. He started salivating.

  Wet.

  Soft.

  Ready.

  The thread snapped.

  Her door swung open and banged against the wall, blam.

  Jenn, standing next to her dresser whirled around. “Aeron?”

  “Dammit, Jenn.” His eyes were wild, dark, feral. Tension pulled at his features, his mouth, his jaw.

  She couldn’t move. She was frozen in place. Like a doe caught in the scope of a hunter’s rifle. “What’s wrong, Aeron?”

  He charged at her like a furious bull, shoving a chair out of the way. He halted inches from her, nose flared, breathing swift.

  Her heart rate spiked. She searched his eyes, trying to push through the dark shadows. “What is it? Are you angry at me?”

  “No.” His hand jerked up, cupped her cheek. And her skin sizzled under his touch. A little jolt of electricity charged through her system, locking her muscles, freezing her in place. She couldn’t move. She didn’t want to move. Her gaze drifted down, to his mouth. That perfect mouth. His lips looked soft yet strong. Would she ever know how they tasted? “I…I’m trying.”

  “Trying to do what?” she whispered.

  “To stay away.”

  “From who?” she asked, though she already knew the answer. All day she’d found herself flirting with him, stealing glances, smiling at him as he played with Logan. And he flirted back for a moment. Everything was wonderful. She felt alive and beautiful and happy. But then he suddenly jerked away, his tone chilly, his eyes like dark river ice. Over and over that cycle repeated until at last he grumbled, “Excuse me,” stomped upstairs and locked himself in his room.

  It was strange and confusing. Why was he acting so hot and cold?

  “You.” His thumb grazed her lip, and a shudder of need quaked through her. She curled her fingers around his wrist, holding onto it to steady herself. Her breath caught in her throat. Need pulsed through her system, firing her nerves like little white-hot firecrackers.

  It was just like her book, exactly like it. She’d never dreamed it could be so wonderfully painful, such longing, such wanting.

  “Why?” she heard herself say. “Why stay away?”

  “Because I have to. Because all I can do is hurt you.” Despite what he was saying, his head tipped, inching closer.

  Was he going to kiss her?

  She let her eyelids drift down and held onto his wrist with an iron-tight grip. Kiss me, every bone in her body demanded. Kiss me now. “I don’t believe you.”

  “You have to.”

  His breath was sweet. Intoxicating. Warm and gentle. The hand flattened against her cheek pulled her forward, easing her toward his waiting lips. Closer. He was coming closer yet. Almost there. His breath was fanning over her mouth.

  But no kiss.

  Seconds throbbed by.

  “Aeron?”

  “Tell me to stop,” he murmured. “Tell me now.”

  “Kiss me, Aeron.” Using the hand gripping his wrist, she pulled until his mouth found hers. The instant her lips made contact with his, it felt as if the world was spinning, whirling, dipping. Brilliant lights exploded behind her closed eyelids. Blasts of heat raced through her body. She threw her other arm up, looping it around his neck, and pressed her body against his.

  Oh, the agony.

  Oh, the aching.

  More. She had to have more. When a whimper pushed up her throat and past her parted lips, his tongue dipped inside her mouth, filling it with his sweet flavor. She practically sank to the floor.

  A strong arm circled her waist and held her in place. His other hand slid around to cup the back of her head. His tongue caressed hers, plunging in and out in time to the throbbing heat crashing through her.

  Dizzy, breathless, she let her legs collapse, falling into his embrace.

  He hauled her into his arms, swung around, charged to the bed and dropped her. In an instant, the towel she’d been wearing was stripped away, and she was writhing beneath him, her legs dangling over the side of the bed. He was standing, bent at the waist, his weight supported on two strong arms. His mouth was ravishing hers, tongue, teeth, lips stirring a blistering need deep inside her body. She reached down blindly, followed the flat, planed surface of his stomach to his belt, unbuckled it and unzipped his pants.

  Aeron ripped his mouth away and grumbled, “Dammit.” He cupped her cheek, dragged his thumb over her lower lip. “You don’t deserve this.”

  She didn’t care what she deserved or didn’t deserve right now. Every cell in her body was throbbing. A heavy beat was pounding between her legs. “Don’t stop. Please.” S
he unzipped his fly and shoved her hand into his underwear. He was hard. Thick. Ready. The thought of that huge penis plunging into her made her shudder.

  He would be her first. Aeron.

  He growled, grabbed her knees and pushed them up and wide apart, opening her to him. She felt so exposed. It thrilled her. Especially at the look of longing he gave her. “I want you. More than anything.”

  “I want you too.” She nodded. “Please.”

  He moved one of his hands up her leg, watching as it traveled higher, higher. Along her thigh to her mound. His fingers parted her nether lips and slid between them.

  Her spine arched at the intimate touch. Her body became engulfed in pulsing heat. Oh God, it felt good. Better than she remembered. It had been so long since a guy had touched her there. One finger slid deeper.

  She quivered, her inner walls gripping the invading digit. The pleasure amplified.

  “Damn, you’re tight. Are you…?”

  “Yes,” she said, knowing what he was asking. When that finger slid a tiny bit deeper, her eyelids drifted shut, and she was engulfed in a swirling world of ecstasy.

  “Shit.” His hands jerked away.

  Silence.

  Stillness.

  Where was he?

  She blinked open her eyes.

  “I can’t. We have to stop. This can’t happen. Do you hear me? It can’t.” He covered her simmering body with the towel, zipped up his pants, stomped out of her room and slammed the door shut behind him.

  Damn, that had been close. Way, way, way too close.

  Staying here with Logan and his sister was a bad idea. Not just a bad idea, but an asinine one. Sure, he’d gotten closer to Logan. He never would have been able to get this close so quickly if he hadn’t agreed to come and stay. But he was playing with fire. He couldn’t stay here. Not one more night. Tomorrow he would tell Jennifer he was going home. She was going to have to find someone else to be her make-believe cousin.

  Knowing he wouldn’t sleep at all, he lay down and closed his eyes. The image of Jennifer’s flushed face played behind his closed eyelids, and his body tightened.

  Shit, he couldn’t get away from her fast enough. He jerked upright. A distraction. He needed to think about something else. Anything else. Moving quietly, eyes fixed on Jennifer’s closed bedroom door, he headed for the bathroom, passing by Logan’s room. His door was open. Logan was sitting on his bed, a book in his lap.

  Perfect.

  Aeron checked Jennifer’s door. Still shut. Good.

  Smiling he stepped into Logan’s room.

  Logan looked up and returned his smile. “Aeron!”

  Seven

  “I see you have a book about angels.” Thankful for the distraction, and having yet another chance to talk to Logan, Aeron quietly stepped into Logan’s room and motioned to the book in the boy’s hands. “Do you believe in Angels, Logan?”

  “Sure. My mommy and daddy are angels now.” Sitting cross-legged on his bed, Logan ran his hand over the open page. Printed on it was a classic image of an angel, a man in a robe-like gown, all white, white wings stretched out from his back, a golden halo hovering over his glossy mane of blond waves. Of course, that was nothing like how most angels looked. They all were different, just like men. Unique. Individual. Beautiful, but in a very different way than mankind could imagine. He knew this because he’d seen more than his share of angels over the years. “Jenny told me Mom and Dad are up in heaven now, watching over us, making sure we’re okay.” His little face tipped up, eyes upturned as if he were searching heaven for them right now.

  What Logan said wasn’t exactly true. Men didn’t become angels when they died. Angels were created by Him, to serve Him. People were created too, but not as servants. They were free. Free to make choices. Free to accept or reject Him. Angels just served.

  But they were powerful and worthy of respect. Angels could kick some serious ass.

  “Are your mom and dad angels too?” Logan asked, reaching for Cojack, who had just leapt on the bed. Cojack let himself be caught and curled into the boy’s arms.

  “No, my parents aren’t angels.”

  “Oh. Are they…” Logan’s eyes dropped. “Down there?”

  “In hell? No. They aren’t there either. They’re in Ypsilanti.”

  “Where’s that?”

  “Kind of far away from here…but nowhere near hell.”

  “Oh, that’s good.” Logan cuddled Cojack tighter to his chest. “But don’t you miss them if they’re so far away?”

  “Sure I do.”

  “Then why don’t you go home?” Logan stroked Cojack’s little head, and Cojack’s eyelids drifted closed. Contentment shone in every one of the little dog’s features.

  “I will go home. Someday.”

  “But not too soon, right?”

  Aeron couldn’t help chuckling. Logan’s honesty was refreshing. And amusing. “Not too soon. Why? Would you be upset if I took Cojack away?”

  “I would be a little sad, sure.” Logan kissed the top of the dog’s head. “But not just because of Cojack. I think Jenny would be sadder than me.”

  “Oh, I don’t think she likes Cojack very much. She probably wouldn’t miss him at all.”

  The boy giggled. “No, silly. She likes you.”

  Aeron’s face warmed. Had it been that obvious, that a child could see it? “No, she doesn’t like me.”

  “Yes, she does. Jenny doesn’t laugh. Ever. She hardly smiles. And she works all the time. She never makes messes. But with you…she’s different. She’s happy.”

  She’s happy.

  Aeron’s heart jerked in his chest. He swallowed hard. She might be happy now. But when he left… “Well, I…don’t…”

  “It’s okay, Aeron.” Logan pulled back his blanket and tucked the sleeping dog into bed as if he was an infant. “If you want to love her, I won’t be upset.”

  “Love? Oh, buddy.” Aeron was ready to put an end to this conversation before it got any more awkward. “It takes people a long time to love each other. Not just hours. Or days. It takes years.”

  Logan shook his head. “Jenny doesn’t believe that.”

  “How would you know what she believes?”

  “I read her books. They’re kind of silly, but some of them are okay.” Logan slid beneath the covers next to Cojack, tucking the dog against his side.

  “Books?”

  “You won’t tell her, will you? She’d get mad at me if she found out. I like the cowboy ones. Only the cowboy ones…” His face pinked. “Because there’s stuff about taking care of horses. I want to have a ranch someday. And I want to have lots of horses. Big, strong ones. And dogs. And chickens. And a cow too.”

  “That sounds like a great dream.” Sadly a dream that would never come true. A little pang of sadness tugged at his heart. He’d never gotten this close to a client before. He was feeling emotions he shouldn’t be. Regret. Guilt. He couldn’t afford to let himself be tugged and torn, or he wouldn’t find the strength to do his job when the time came. He lifted his hand to his neck. The chain was still there, invisible to everyone but him. Binding him to his master until the debt had been paid.

  Pushing up from the bed, Aeron cleared his throat. “Looks like you’re getting tired. But that’s okay. It’s time for bed.”

  “Okay,” the boy grumbled, his eyelids already falling halfway over his eyes. “Will you at least think about what I said?”

  “Think about what?”

  “About Jenny. When she’s sad, I’m sad too. You make her happy.”

  Once again, Aeron’s heart jerked. He couldn’t make Jenn happy. At least, he wouldn’t be able to stick around to make her happy for long. Too soon he would be called away again, to help another client pass from this world to the next. And another. And another. For months. Or years. Or decades. He didn’t know. The weight of his debt was measured in the number of links in his chain. For some reason he didn’t lose one for each soul he escorted. Sometimes one would disap
pear after a client was done. Sometimes none. In total, he had only lost five links. Five. He counted them every time he finished a job. The chain still circled his neck, hung down his back to the ground, and dragged at least several feet behind him.

  At this rate, he wasn’t even sure he would pay off the debt by the time he took his last breath.

  * * * * *

  Aeron spent the night packing his things and preparing to return home. He was dreading the conversation coming up. But it couldn’t be avoided. He’d learned a long time ago that there was no use trying to avoid the unavoidable.

  At the first sign of Jenn being up and about in the kitchen, he went down to break the news.

  She was standing in front of the open refrigerator. When she saw him, a beautiful smile lit her features.

  Shit, this was going to be tough.

  Something was wrong. She could see it in his eyes.

  Jenn felt her smile wilting. What could it be? Things had gone so well yesterday. They’d had a nice breakfast, and then Logan and Aeron had enjoyed their boy stuff together.

  Surely it had nothing to do with last night…?

  Aeron’s jaw set. “Jennifer, I’m sorry, but I have to leave.”

  It took a second for his words to sink in. When they did, her stomach instantly tied itself into a knot.

  He was leaving?

  He was leaving.

  No. He couldn’t. Her caseworker would be back. Anytime. If she found out they were living in the house without an adult, Logan would be taken away.

  “Aeron, if it’s about what happened last night—“

  “No. It’s not that. It’s…” He shook his head. “Sorry, but I’m just not the hero you made me out to be. I’m just a guy who has a job to do and has a life to live. I can’t get tangled up in anyone else’s problems.”

  His words were like razors, slicing through her. He couldn’t get tangled up in anyone else’s problems? Well, far be it from her to do that to him. “Fine. Go.”

  “It’s the way it has to be. I’m sorry--”

  “Sure. Whatever,” she interrupted. The last thing she wanted to hear was how terribly she’d inconvenienced him. She didn’t want his pity. She didn’t want anyone’s pity. “It would be better if you left before Logan gets up, or you’ll be facing a barrage of questions.”