If he didn’t believe in the God above, any relationship between us would not work. I was a devoted believer in the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. I’d be accepting if he didn’t believe in one specific denomination, but having no faith at all…that would be a deal breaker.
“My point, little bird, is that I believe we all have faith in a higher power but call it by a different name.”
Oh, thank you, God in heaven above. He’s a believer. Amen to that.
“So you believe in God?” I asked, more for my own sanity than anything else. I should have had faith that God would never put me in a position to feel such intense romantic feelings for a nonbeliever.
“As much as I consider myself a spiritual person, I do believe in the God you love and worship. However, I am not religious in mainstream ways such as attending mass or going to Sunday worship at the local church.”
I nodded and sipped my wine, letting the berry notes calm my anxiety over this subject. Probably because I wanted him to have a similar belief system. Needed it in order to continue seeing him. Regardless, religion was a heavy subject to get into on a first real date. Well, technically the second if I counted our lunch at Rainy Day last week. And the third if I included pastries and coffee when we first officially met.
While I was thinking about his response, the waiter came back and took our order. We both ordered the gourmet French steak. Dash promised it would taste amazing with the wine, and I took his word for it.
“So, you mentioned earlier that you had a really strange week. Tell me about it?” Dash asked.
I groaned and leaned back heavily in the cushioned chair. The waiter had turned on the heat lamp near our table, which provided a comforting environment to relax and snuggle into the squishy pillow. I held my wine near my chest so that I could enjoy the aroma while we waited for our meals.
Dash sat patiently while I gathered my thoughts. I appreciated a man who could enjoy the silence between us, not fill the air with useless chatter when a moment of silence would do.
Finally, I took a breath and decided if I was going to have this man be more than just someone I lusted over, I needed to share my life with him. See if we were truly compatible.
“This past week I started the medical program. The one I told you about?”
“Okay, and why is that strange? Is the course work unusual?” He rested his hands on the table and focused his amber gaze strictly on me.
I sipped a bit of wine and let it roll around my tongue, trying to decide how to word the experience. “No, but you know how I told you that my study partner was my instructor’s son?”
Dash’s gaze turned cold and hardened to stone. “Yes,” he growled.
I giggled, enjoying the bit of jealously. At least I knew he was as affected as I was by this thing between us. “Well, his father has been acting weird around me. All week he’d stare at me, and he made a point to ask me the oddest questions, most of them personal.”
Dash reached a hand out and settled it on my knee. “Do I need to talk to this guy? Put him in his place? Did he do anything inappropriate?” His words were rushed and laced with acid.
I shook my head. “No, no. Nothing like that. It’s just it was odd. Then I went over there yesterday, and Landen and I hadn’t even opened our books when the professor came home. He admitted that I looked like someone from his past. Someone named Kate.”
Dash rubbed his warm palm along my thigh, still keeping a proper distance away from my private parts, although I wouldn’t admit, even under duress, how much his simple touch was affecting me. I could feel my temperature rise, which made the heat lamps’ fiery air a tad stifling. My palms were moist where I gripped the wine glass with both hands.
“Okay. Well, at least he was honest. So what’s the problem then?”
I licked my lips and blew out a breath. “The problem is that my mother’s name was Kate.”
His eyes were soft and welcoming when he spoke. “You said she passed when you were born, right?”
I gripped the glass even tighter, hoping in my anxiety I wouldn’t break the fragile goblet. “Yes, she died giving birth to me.”
Dash reached over and relieved me of my glass and set it down on the table before he leaned over and gripped both of my hands. It was as if he knew this conversation was hard on me. I adored that his instinct was to soothe and comfort me.
Oh, Lord. I could fall in love with him so easily. Please guide me to Your will.
“So this professor may have known your mother before she died then?”
I nodded but didn’t say a word.
Dash continued, “And this is unsettling. Why?”
“Because I’ve never met anyone who knew my mother outside of my grandparents. She was only twenty when she died. All of her friends are long gone by now. I wouldn’t even know how to contact them, and my grandparents had more to deal with than worrying about keeping connections with my mother’s old friends. They had to take care of me.”
“Are you going to talk to him?” Dash asked.
I glanced down and watched his thumbs sweep over the tops of my hands. Such a small comfort that carried with it an enormous amount of meaning.
My shoulders felt heavy as I shrugged. “I can’t not talk to him. But it’s more than that. When he saw me, it wasn’t simple recognition. It was as though he was cataloguing me, taking in each one of my features as if he needed to memorize them.”
That remark made a little muscle in Dash’s jaw tick. He leaned forward, getting closer to me. “Is he scaring you? I have no problem ensuring no man ever makes you feel fear.”
I lifted my hand and caressed his cheek. “Not really, no. It’s more unsettling. I get this feeling there’s something he knows or remembers about my mom that he’s not bringing up. I owe it to her and myself to find out what it is. Don’t you think?”
Dash blew out what could only be a frustrated breath. “Can I be there when you ask him?”
He squeezed my hand and right then, right there, it was clear that I didn’t have to go through this alone. Sure, I had Genevieve, who I knew would be with me if I needed her, but she had her own problems to deal with. Besides, Trent was coming home for a couple weeks, and I didn’t want to bother her with my silly little investigation.
“You would do that for me?” I asked Dash, peering into his caramel eyes for the millionth time this evening, knowing I’d never tire of them.
“Amber, haven’t you figured out that I’d do just about anything for you?”
“Dash…” My throat clogged, and I reached for my glass, chugging back a few gulps to clear the emotional tickle that had risen at his statement.
“No, listen. I’m all in. Whatever you need. I’m here for you as I hope you’ll be for me. I meant what I said. There’s something special between us, and I for one want to give it the time it needs to flourish and blossom into whatever it’s supposed to be. I had planned on spending this evening convincing you that I wanted to be an us. Exclusively.”
I set my glass back down. “Like going steady?” I laughed, and he followed suit.
“In so many words, yes. I want to be with you, Amber. Whatever that means. Let’s give what we are starting a fair shot. Part of doing so is being there for one another. If this man knows something about your mother that has you feeling out of sorts, I want to be the hand you hold to get you through it.”
“Thank you. I want that, too,” I admitted.
“So you’re going to give us a try?” he asked with a huge smile.
I smiled so big my cheeks hurt. “Yeah, I am.”
“You won’t regret it. Come here.” He curled one hand around my nape and the other cupped my cheek.
Before I could suggest that public displays of affection in fancy French restaurants were not ideal, his lips slanted over mine. He licked into my mouth, tasting of wine and his own brand of spice. He intoxicated me with his kiss, moving my head from side to side. I pulled back to gulp a few rushed breaths before he pulled me
back, coming on so strong and delving for more.
Dash took everything I had to give, his body language promising me more than I’d ever dreamed. And I kissed him back with a fervor I didn’t know I had. I tugged at his bottom lip then soothed it with my tongue. He groaned and retaliated by sucking on my tongue and nibbling the tip delectably. His hand massaged my nape while his other hand held me close, our chests pressed together. He exhaled, and I inhaled, sharing breath so we could kiss longer, go deeper, until I was lost in him once more. No…in us.
After dinner, Dash took me for a walk near the water’s edge. We kissed in the moonlight with the water crashing against the rocks below, serenading the most perfect date in my life. When it got late, Dash drove me home and walked me to my grandparents’ door.
“See you on Friday for class?”
I grinned against his lips, enjoying the press of his body against mine as he held me against the wall of my childhood home.
“I’ll be there with bells on,” I said and then plucked his lips for another tasty morsel.
He moaned against my mouth. “Can I call you tomorrow?”
“I’d love that.” I kissed him, gently pressing my lips to his in small pecks.
“Are you going to talk to the doc? Remember, I’ll be there if you do.”
I pulled back so I could look him in the eye. “I’ll ask for a time that I can meet him privately. Maybe this weekend?”
“This weekend works perfectly but not in the evening.” His eyebrows rose as he whispered, “I have a date.”
Cold, hard dread slithered down my spine. “A date.” I winced under the strain of the simple statement. I’m pretty certain that my face paled because my stomach twisted into unbearable knots.
“Yeah.” He leaned even closer. “With you. All my weekends are booked from here on out.” He kissed my mouth hard. “For my girlfriend.”
His girlfriend. We were absolutely the silliest couple on this side of the coast. When I told this story to Genevieve tomorrow, I was going to leave this part out. She’d think I’d gone mad.
“I’ve never really had a boyfriend. Not in any official capacity,” I admitted, smiling coyly. I just barely stopped myself from twirling a lock of hair around my finger like a starry-eyed teenager who’d just been asked to go steady by the coolest boy in class.
He grinned and then gave me another peck on the lips. “Good. Then I’ll be your first and your last,” he said before turning on his heel and jogging down the steps, my heart his eager companion as he hopped into his car and drove away, waving until I couldn’t see him anymore.
Thank You, Lord, for bringing him to me. I cannot wait to see what the future holds.
Chapter Ten
Half Lotus (Padmasana)
Half Lotus pose opens the hips and stretches the ankles and knees. Once you get into a cross-legged position as shown in the image, pull one ankle up to rest on the inner thigh, tucking the other ankle deeper under your alternate thigh. Make sure to switch legs in order to keep your center balanced. To move into full lotus, cross both legs and rest the feet and/or ankle onto the inner thighs simultaneously.
AMBER
Two weeks had passed since I’d seen Professor O’Brien in Landen’s house. The plan was to approach him right away about the awkward exchange and find out what, if anything, he knew of my mother. Mostly, I wanted to know if it was truly my mother he thought he knew and, if so, how. Alas, he’d left that weekend for a two-week-long vacation with his wife, Susan. Landen had stayed behind to attend class. We’d spent the time following the doctors we’d been assigned to at UCSF. I got Emergency Medicine. Needless to say, the ER was not where I wanted to be long-term. Too much death and gore for my tastes.
The best part of the last two weeks was that Dash and I’d been seeing one another most days. He’d taken me to the movies and on long walks through the city. We’d spend nights making out at his home or pressed up against the wall of my grandparents’ home, petting hot and heavy. I’d been lucky because he hadn’t pushed me for more. If he had been a man attending my church, committed to Catholicism, more wouldn’t be an issue. Unfortunately for me, I had to fall for the guy that was arguably an expert in sex. I wouldn’t be able to hold him off for long. I could already feel the tender fibers of my hold on my vow shredding at the edges.
I looked over at Dash addressing the class, lost in his sheer beauty. He was bare-chested, wearing only a pair of his standard loose, white yoga pants. Any woman in her right mind would want to gobble him up.
“Class, today’s lesson is going to be very personal and explicit. You not only have to use the power of your mind to ignore all the other couples around you, but you also have to trust that your partner is focused solely on you and your experience with one another.” Dash looked around the class, making sure to lock his gaze with each participant. Silently, each member nodded their agreement to his request.
I had no idea what was in store for class today, only that Dash warned me it was going to be more physical than what we’d done before. Now that we were a couple, I didn’t mind him touching or kissing me because he’d not crossed any lines. Besides, I loved touching him in return.
“Remember that Tantra is designed to help you achieve liberation or enlightenment. In Sanskrit, the word Tantra means ‘to weave or extend,’ which is what we are going to learn today. Do not be afraid if you have an overtly physical response. Today’s practice should bring you to the height of orgasm without actually tipping over. That is something you can take with you and practice on one another at home.” He smirked devilishly.
Um, what? He couldn’t be serious. He was going to bring me close to orgasm? Here, where everyone could see me? I clenched my hands together tightly in my lap. Dash noticed and brought both up to his lips and kissed each finger until I fully unclenched them. He turned his head and mouthed, “Trust me.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I did trust him. He’d given me no reason not to. Besides, we’d played around over the past couple weeks and spent some time rubbing against one another sensually while making out. The most he’d done was stimulate my nipples. Even that was more than I’d done with other men. I wanted to take things further, but so far, he hadn’t asked, and I was grateful I didn’t have to address my vow, although I knew it would come up sooner rather than later at the rate our relationship was progressing.
Technically, I didn’t see anything wrong with touching one another or even orgasming for that matter. My sole requirement, the parameter I personally was unwilling to go past was that he not take my virginity. Over the past couple weeks, I’d thought about nothing else but having his fingers inside me, stroking me, making me come without the aid of my clitoral vibrator.
Dash’s instruction filtered back into my mind, bringing me back from my mental jaunt.
“The practice I’m going to teach you today was founded by Charles and Caroline Muir. They crafted the concept of the sacred spot massage. Not only can doing this practice provide intense vaginal orgasms that may be followed by female ejaculation, but more than that, it’s designed to build trust between you and your partner. When you attempt this practice tonight on your mate, do not be frightened if either of you experience a deeply emotional connection. One or both of you may cry, which is not uncommon when you are opening the second chakra so passionately.”
An intense heat rushed up my chest, scalding my cheeks. I set my hands over the inflamed areas.
“Just like blood flows through our veins, so does our body’s energy. In order to tap into a woman’s sexual psyche, you must first gain her trust. Putting your fingers inside a woman and expecting her to just open her heart, mind, and body to you would be asinine. First, you need to start with your words. Tell her what her giving herself to you means to you. Women tend to be natural givers. In this context, you need to wash that away and allow, as well as encourage, her to receive your attentions.”
Most of the members of today’s class were holding hands and c
aressing one another with small touches of the hands, arms, neck, and legs. Watching them interact with each other was a true gift. The couples were here for their own reasons, whether it be a deeper connection, a fun new thing to try, maybe they were even at risk for a dissolution, but right then, they were all one hundred percent focused and committed to the study. It not only showed that couples should spend more alone time connecting, but it also proved to me that the work Dash did in this class was genuinely helping people stay in love. He was doing a service that couldn’t be matched for these families. And the best part was that he enjoyed sharing his knowledge and spreading love more than anyone I’d ever known. Regardless of his past experiences, sexual or otherwise, his soul and his intentions were pure.
Dash got up on his knees, turned to the side of the yoga mat, and requested I stand. I followed his instructions, as did the rest of the women in class.
“Now men, cross your legs comfortably. Ladies, straddle your mate and sit in his lap with your feet locked tight to his buttocks.”
I straddled Dash, balanced myself on his shoulders, and, with the aid of his hands on my hips, sat softly on his lap. He adjusted me to where we were chest to chest. His was bare and on golden display. I reminded myself with a mental lashing not to drool over my man in front of the class. The same one I’d given myself when he removed his shirt earlier. I bit down on my lip as he smiled and waggled his eyebrows.
Stinky jokester. He loved this, putting our relationship on display. I swear, every chance he got when we were walking the streets or having dinner, he’d make a show of looping his arm over my shoulder, nuzzling my cheek, kissing my neck, playing with my hair. All the romantic things you see in movies, Dash actually did, and he did them regularly.
“All right, Cosmo, where is this going?” I grinned, playfully using the nickname I’d given him. He pretended he hated it, but he was always talking about the moon and stars, pointing out constellations, sharing his thoughts on the universe and how the energies interact with one another, hence how he’d scored this endearment.
Sacred Serenity (Lotus House Book 2) Page 11