Sacred Serenity (Lotus House Book 2)

by Audrey Carlan

  DASH

  Rushing out of class tonight was not one of my best moments. All I knew was that my love had thrown me for a loop. The woman that I’d fallen in love with, was balls-to-the-wall-crazy for, was a real-life virgin. I shook my head and tugged at my hair, pacing back and forth alongside the pool table. My best pal Atlas stood silently, pool stick to his chest, hands resting along the top, chin resting on his hands, waiting. I knew what he wanted, but I was loath to give it to him.

  “Spill, Cosmo.” He used the nickname Amber had given me. I should never have told him that she’d called me that. He’d never let me live it down.

  I winced and slugged back a few swallows of the IPA. The stuff tasted like warm, wheat-flavored water. The beer sloshed over the edge of the glass as I slammed it onto the high-top table. “Warm piss.”

  Atlas’s eyebrows rose, but he still didn’t move. Such a cool demeanor. The guy had always been that way. Probably what drove the girls wild. They didn’t get much out of him. Then again, people could say the same about me. Aside from Amber. I spent the last three weeks spilling my soul out to her. And for what? So she could lie to me? A lie by omission was still a lie.

  “My girlfriend has been keeping something from me, and tonight, she laid it out. Among other things.”

  Atlas held the stick with one hand and then lined up his shot. “Well, I can see you’re not angry, but you’re definitely flustered. So she’s not cheating.”

  I scowled at the mere mention of cheating. He knew a woman I thought I loved had cheated on me on in the past. I’d never accept cheating from anyone I was dating, but I knew Amber. Even with the professor’s son, Landen O’Brien, I trusted her.

  And therein laid the crux of my problem. I trusted her. Trusted her to share her secrets. I’d shared mine. Maybe not all of them, but there was time for that. Years in fact. But this, when the hell was she going to share something so crucial to our relationship?

  “Okay, not cheating.” Atlas pulled back his stick and clocked the white into the orange one, sinking it into the corner pocket. “She lie about something?” He leaned against the pool table and tilted his head, assessing my sour expression. “Yep, lying. What’d she lie about?”

  I scowled. “None of your damn business. I thought we were here to play pool and have a beer.”

  He chuckled and scoured the table, looking for his next best shot. “Technically, you called me and told me we needed to go out. You and I both know that’s bro code for shit’s going down personally. Dash, man, nobody knows you better than me. And here you are, pacing the floor, tossing away good beer. Not like you man.” He shot another ball and missed this time.

  Slowly, I sucked in a calming breath. I fisted my hands around the pool stick as if I was strangling it. I hadn’t felt so betrayed in… Crap, I couldn’t even remember when. Since I’d begun practicing the art of Tantra and yoga, I spent more time viewing the world in a positive light. Right then, however, I felt less like myself than I had in years. Maybe if I talked about it, I could work through it.

  “Come on, Dash.” Atlas clapped a hand on my shoulder. “You can tell me anything, man.”

  His eyes were focused on mine, and I stared into them. One brown, one blue, a feature that I’d pointed out to him the day we met freshman year. He’d been wearing one colored contact, and it was out of place, showing the blue eye through the brown ring. I’d never mentioned it again, nor did I punk him out to our friends. Kids in high school could be cruel, so I kept that bit of information to myself. He was in college before he ditched the contacts and went au natural with the fact that he had different-colored eyes. Now, it was almost a party trick and fun to use to pick up women. Of course, that was before I’d committed to my life’s plan of finding the One.

  I pressed my lips together hard.

  Atlas’s brows pushed together. “Shit, she did a number on you. Dammit! I thought Amber was one of the good ones. Sweet, you know. I’m…”

  I growled. “She is sweet. Too frickin’ sweet.”

  He frowned. “How you mean?”

  I closed my eyes and reined in my concerns. This was Atlas. He’d keep anything I told him in the strictest confidence. “She’s a virgin.”

  Atlas’s eyes widened. “Excuse me? I don’t think I heard you.”

  “You heard me.” I pinched my lips together tight and let out a long breath through my nose. I felt like a fire-breathing dragon, not sure how to let out all my steam.

  My friend leaned against the table and rubbed his chin. “Okay. I can see how this would pose a problem for you, being who you are.”

  I stepped forward and placed my hands on the front of the pool table, rolling my shoulders, working the knot that was building between my scapula. “What’s that supposed to mean? Being who you are? Please, enlighten me, Atlas.”

  Atlas shook his head, uncrossed his arms, pressed both palms to my shoulders, and leaned in. He lowered his voice when he spoke. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything offensive. I just know that in your job, you’ve had a lot of experience with women. I’m not calling you out on that. I’m stating a fact. Hell, man, you’re one of the state’s top educators on the subject. I can see how this would rattle you.”

  I nodded and pursed my lips.

  “Now, how’s Amber?”

  I raised my brows. “What do you mean, how’s Amber?”

  He ran a hand through his curly hair and sighed. “I mean, this had to be a hard confession for her, right? She okay? Did you two settle it up before you called me?” His eyes searched mine, moving left and then right a couple times. “You didn’t, did you?”

  My head was too heavy to hold up under the weight of my shame. I surveyed the ground and kicked at the busted peanut shells littering the wood floor.

  “Ah shit, Dash…what the hell, man! You’re so in the dog house.”

  “I’m in love with her, and she’s in love with me,” I said at random, needing to get it out. To tell someone, anyone.

  He chuckled and rubbed at his bearded chin. “Mazel tov. So why the hell are you pacing like a caged animal and putting back beers with me, when you should be working through this with your woman?”

  “I’ve never been with a virgin, okay?” I whispered under my breath.

  Atlas rolled his eyes. “Are you kidding me? This, this is what you’re fretting over?”

  I gripped his bicep and tugged him so that his face was closer to mine.

  “I’m not good enough for her.” The words came out muddied and dragging along the filthy bar floor, my heart in tow.

  Atlas slapped my other bicep and held on. “If she thinks that, she’s not good enough for you. But, I’ve met Amber. And I see that dopey expression on your face when you talk about her. I’m here to tell you, Dash, this is not a big deal.”

  What did he know? I’m certain he wasn’t the world’s expert on taking a woman’s most prized possession. “It is. If she’s held on to it this long, there’s a reason. Because you’ve seen her. She’s gorgeous with a…”

  “Bangable body.” He nodded avidly. “Yeah, your girl has the athlete hottie thing going on with a rack that…”

  I dug my fingers into his bicep, cutting him off.

  “Shit. Ouch. Let up. I’m sorry. You started it.”

  “And I’ll finish it if you disrespect my girlfriend.”

  That’s when Atlas busted up laughing. A full on, hysterical laugh. I let him go, and he backed up until he was sitting on the edge of the pool table again.

  “Do you hear yourself?” He sighed. “Dash, you’re sitting here in a pissing contest with me when you should be making sure your woman is okay. That had to be hard for her to admit. It’s definitely not something you hear every day, especially when you’re dating a twenty-two-year-old college student.”

  “Dammit! I screwed up.” I ran my fingers through my hair and tugged on the edges.

  Atlas rubbed his chin. “Yep, you did. All that matters now is, how are you going to fix it?”
<
br />   AMBER

  Class was a joke today. I couldn’t focus on anything. Not a single thing. I had pretty much shut down since the moment Dash left me standing in the yoga studio, my admission still caught in my throat. My body was still coming down from the highs of the best orgasm I’d ever received when he’d stood up suddenly, addressed the class, saying he had an appointment, and raced out. Away from me. And I haven’t heard from him since.

  I expected a call last night. Nothing. Instead, I spent the evening crying in Vivvie’s lap. Worst problem there—Trent was home. He and Dash had worked out their debacle over Genevieve months ago, right after he’d manned up to his responsibilities with her and his baby. The two of us had also worked out our differences. I’d hated the guy for hurting Vivvie back then. Still, even with our rocky past, Trent comforted me. Brought me hot tea and a blanket. Left his girl and me alone even though they only had a few precious days together at a time.

  God, was I an idiot for falling in love with the wrong man?

  Was he the wrong man? How could he be when every single solitary cell that combined to form my genetic makeup had fallen down the rabbit hole in love with him?

  “Hey, you look like you could use a cup of coffee.” Landen’s green eyes swirled with concern. “Or maybe a shot of tequila?” He set a hand on my shoulder and patted my back. “Come on, I know just the place.”

  Completely numb, I stood, followed him out of class, and to his car. Throughout the ride, Landen didn’t so much as ask me a question. Somehow he must have sensed that I needed the quiet. My mind had been racing for the last twenty-four hours, wondering what to do about Dash. What was he thinking about what I’d admitted? How did this information change the fact that we’d both said we were in love?

  I cringed and stared blindly out the window. The streetlights flickered against the glass, causing a halo effect when I tried to focus on something. Reminded me of being blinded by a camera flash.

  Finally, the car stopped in front of what looked to be a pub. The building was made completely of bricks, which was uncommon in California. Almost everything here was concrete, wood, or stucco, most often a combination of the three.

  Landen jumped out of the car and ran around to open my door. Chivalry was alive and well in Mr. O’Brien. Speaking of O’Brien, the same last name was in a bold font text on a bright green sign with four leaf clovers acting as the apostrophes. The sign proudly identified the establishment as O’Brien’s Pub and Grill.

  “Does your dad own this pub?” I asked, watching the bright sign sway with the breeze.

  “Nope. My uncle Cal owns the joint. Come on. You need to let your hair down.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door.

  “But my hair is down.” I puffed out my lip.

  He shook his head and dragged me inside. The moment we entered, a man behind the bar who looked shockingly like Professor O’Brien, waved us over.

  “Landen, my boy. You look a wee bit thirsty.” The man held up his fingers, showing an inch of air between them. He turned his head toward me while I sidled up to the bar. “And you look like you have a girl… Oh, sweet mother…”

  The man’s face went a pasty white. His mouth dropped open in a gasp as he stepped back and banged into the bar back behind him, one hand clutching his chest.

  “It can’t be. Either time’s been perfect to you, darling, or you’re a ghost.” His uncle didn’t move a muscle, holding his chest and staring at me as if I had a gun pointed at him.

  “I’m sorry, I’m Amber.”

  “A-Amber.” He said my name slowly.

  “Yeah, Uncle Cal, what’s the deal?” Landen looked at me and then back at his uncle, who kept staring. “You’re making my friend uncomfortable.”

  Cal shook his head and then blinked a few times. “You look exactly like someone I know. Well, knew when I was a very young man. What did you say your name was again?”

  “Amber. Who do you think I look like?” My throat went dry, and I gripped the bar so tight my fingers turned white. A sour knot churned in my stomach as I suspected he was going to react the same way Landen’s father had.

  Cal wiped the bar top with a dishtowel, lobbed it over his shoulder, and then leaned forward. His eyes pierced mine. “A woman I once knew named Kate St. James.”

  I closed my eyes, trying to stem the flow of emotions that seared through my chest and hit my eye sockets like a rushing river. After the night I’d had, this was the last thing I wanted to deal with. Apparently, that’s just the way things went sometimes. Fate could be a coldhearted snake.

  I quickly swiped at each eye, wiping the tears away. I couldn’t keep up. They fell all the same as I spoke. “Kate St. James was my mother.”

  The bartender, who had the same curly hair as his brother and far kinder eyes, leaned forward, put his hands over mine where they still clenched the bar top, peeled them away, and brought his face close to mine. “Dear girl. I’m sorry. She’s gone, isn’t she? Your mom?”

  I swallowed, forcing myself to breathe through the emotion clogging my thoughts. “Yeah, she is.”

  He squeezed my hands, and for some reason, it was beyond comforting. Not in a creepy older man way, but in a friendly manner. Even though I’d just met the gentleman, I knew instinctively he could be trusted.

  “When, darling?” He tilted his head to the side, giving me his full attention.

  A full moment passed as I let his question sink in before I could mutter, “Childbirth.”

  His face crumbled, his eyebrows curling in, his lips turning down. Genuine sadness. “How old are you, darling? You couldn’t be much younger or older than my boy Landen here.” He cupped a hand on Landen’s shoulder and gave him the male pat that guys did.

  I chuckled, and Landen’s worried expression finally lifted. “I just turned twenty-two.”

  Something about me saying my age struck a chord with Cal. He stood ramrod straight, turned around, grabbed a bottle of whiskey, and set it on the bar top with a wallop. He then laid out three shot glasses and filled each to the rim.

  “Drink up, then, darling.”

  After the day I’d had and the fact that I’d just met another man who’d obviously known my mother, I grabbed the shot and tossed it back. “Another, please.”

  * * *

  My phone buzzed in my back pocket, vibrating and tickling my bum. I leaned back, thrusting my chest out toward the bar, and twisted around, my noodle-like limbs not cooperating properly. Landen, who sat next to me, backed up the best he could where we were squished next to one another in a crowded bar. I swear it was like digging for gold to get to my phone. Eventually I pulled it out, but it stopped ringing the second I had a hold of it. I frowned as the display said, “Missed Call from Mr. Yoga.”

  I pouted and slapped the phone on the bar and picked up my shot. While squinting one eye, I focused on not allowing the golden liquid to slosh out the sides this time. When I got it to my lips without losing a drop, I sucked it back with pride. The drink was liquid fire going down my throat, but I relished the burn.

  Landen chuckled and was about to speak when my phone started buzzing on the tabletop. The screen showed, “Mr. Yoga” again, and I smiled huge. He’d called back.

  “Whoa, now that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile all night.” Landen grinned.

  I sloppily turned the phone on and put it to my ear. “H’lo.” I meant to say the full hello. Apparently, I was far more inebriated then I thought. My mouth was not working at full capacity.

  “Amber, thank God. Where are you? I’ve been waiting at your grandparents’ all night.”

  “You spoke to my nana and papa…mmm…why you there? Y-you”—hiccup—“you…Cosey…Coshmo…should be with me. I’m fun!” I said into the phone.

  “Who’s dat?” Landen asked loudly in my ear, poking a finger at my phone.

  I swatted his hand and laughed. Then I closed one eye and focused on Landen’s pretty boy face. “That’s m-my my um…boyfriend. Yes!” I cheered w
hen I got the word correct. Then a heaping dose of sorrow poured over my good time, and sadness crept into my party because I remembered yesterday.

  “Baby, why you sad now?” Landen asked.

  His face was funny when he puffed his lip and squinted. Kind of all pinchy-faced. I patted his knee.

  “Amber, who are you with and where are you?” Dash sounded so strange. His words were all growly and unhappy in my ear.

  “You don’t love me anymore,” I slurred and then choked on a sob-slash-drunken hiccup.

  “Where. Are. You?” His words brooked no argument.

  I looked around. “Oh, yeah.” Snapping my fingers was really hard all of a sudden. With effort, I watched as I attempted a couple times until I got a solid smack sound out of it. “I know this one!” I screamed and raised my hand in the air. “O’Brien’s.”

  Dash groaned in my ear. “Amber, are you at the study buddy’s house? I can hear music in the background.”

  Lowering my voice, I giggled. “No, silly.” I twirled my chair from side to side and then spun it around lifting my knees into my chest. “Whee!” I laughed. “’Cause I’m at a bar, don’cha know!”

  “That’s down the street from me. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

  Before I could say okay and that I loved him, he hung up. I pouted and looked for my drink, but everything was blurry with streaks of color.

  Landen patted my arm a little harder than I would have liked so I shoved him back. “Hey! That hurts.”

  His eyes widened, and he rubbed at his face. “Sorry. Sorry. I think I’m drunk!”

  “Me, too!” I laughed.

  “I think you’re both three sheets to the wind,” Uncle Cal cut in and put two big glasses of water in front of us.

  “Booo!” I brought the chilly glass close to me and sucked at the straw. “You no more fun.” Then I turned to Landen. “Uncle Cal is no more fun.”

  Landen nodded, trying to get his tongue around the straw, and looped an arm over my shoulders. “See, you had a good time with me, right?”

  “Boy…what are you doing?” Uncle Cal’s eyes got hard, and his face was all wrinkly.