Sacred Serenity (Lotus House Book 2)

by Audrey Carlan

  Landen huffed. “You’re sorry. Hell, Amber, I’m sorry, for you. You’re the one who was raised without parents and your brother. Fuck me. I’ve had a sister my entire life.” He shook his head. “All I ever wanted was someone to share the crazy that is being the son of a doctor and a rich ad executive, and this whole time, there you were, being raised by your grandparents. He should have known, and I’m pissed that I missed out on having a sister growing up.”

  A weight the size of Texas lifted off my heart. He wanted me in his life. This new information didn’t change our relationship. Well, it did, but for the better.

  “And worse,” he continued, “I perved out on my own fucking sister. How disgusting is that?” His entire body shook with an exaggerated tremor.

  I laughed hard. Full on piggy-snort-style laugh. “You thought I was hot.”

  “Did I say that?” He cringed.

  “You so think I’m pretty!” I cackled.

  He looped an arm around my shoulder and mashed his temple against mine. “Well, yeah. We come from the same tree. Obviously, we’re smoking hot. Duh!” He grinned.

  I placed a tentative arm around him. “I’m glad we met and became friends before the truth came out. Ever since the day I met you, I was comfortable in your presence, and it’s not normally like that for me. I’ve always been a bit of a loner, but you pressed on and made me come out of my shell. Thank you for that.”

  He kissed my temple and then pushed me away. “Girls are so dumb.” He winked. “Always trying to make something more out of nothing. Uncle Cal, get over here and give your nephew and niece a drink. We’re parched!”

  Looks like Landen wasn’t the only one that knew the truth. “Your father told Cal?”

  He nodded. “And Mom.”

  A trickle of dread wormed its way through my body, raising gooseflesh down my limbs. How did his wife take the information that he had a twenty-two-year-old daughter he never knew about? From the affair he’d had when they were separated all those years ago.

  I bit down on my bottom lip. “Is everything uh…okay?”

  Cal took that moment to come over and place two fresh pints in front of us. He leaned over the bar and kissed me on my cheek. “Glad to have you in the family, Amber. Looking forward to introducing you to your four cousins.”

  “I have four cousins!” I yipped and gripped the bar to keep my balance. Hearing that I had a brother and father, as well as an Uncle Cal, was enough to make my year, maybe even the next five, all filled with glee. I had real-life extended family. Cousins. “Oh my Lord, I want to know everything!”

  Uncle Cal slammed the bar, pointed a finger, and winked while giving me a thumbs-up. “We’ll barbecue. It will be awesome.”

  “Mom took it really great, actually. She’d always been worried about the fact that she was unwilling to give Dad more children. He’d wanted a house full of them.”

  “So did my mom, according to what Nana says anyway.”

  He sucked down a large gulp of beer. I followed suit. “She wants to meet you. Have you over for dinner. Start the process of bringing you into our lives. If you’re, uh, willing.” The skin around his eyes tightened, and he curved his lips to the side. “You are willing? Right?”

  “Yes, of course. I mean, it will be strange, but if I could maybe bring my grandparents to dinner, that would go a long way toward helping me.”

  Landen placed his hand on my shoulder. “Of course. They’re a part of you. And now, you’re a part of us.”

  “Well, okay then. We’ll set something up.” After I tell them, I wanted to add, but didn’t.

  I’d just found out today that I now had this huge family. Telling my grandparents, the people who’d raised me since birth, was not going to be easy. More like I expected tears and mass quantities of praying. Possibly even a church run to see Father McDowell again. For them this time, not me. Eh, maybe me. I could never get too much God on my side, especially knowing what I planned on doing when I confronted Dash.

  I smiled at Landen and then watched as he glanced at something over my shoulder.

  Speak of the devil.

  Dash stood behind me, arms crossed, head tilted. He had the same expression that night he found Landen and me in these seats drunk as skunks. This time, however, we weren’t drunk. I’d barely sipped my first beer. Also relevant was the fact that his jealous beast could take a hike, because now I had a really good reason to be hanging on Landen.

  Curling an arm around Landen’s shoulders, I watched as Dash’s face twisted from shock to jealous rage in a mere second.

  “Dash Alexander, I’d like you to meet my brother, Landen O’Brien. Landen, this is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Child’s Pose (Sanskrit: Balasana)

  Child’s pose in yoga is the primary resting pose. Kneel with your knees wide. Lay your chest down between your bent legs, resting your forehead on the mat. Stretch your arms out wide or tuck them in. Breathe. Find your center. Become in touch with your subconscious mind. Let everything around you, melt away…relax.

  DASH

  I stopped breathing when she said the word “brother,” and almost fell to the floor to worship her feet at the revelation she was going to spend forever with me. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Sans the brother part. That was a mind-bender all on its own, and although I suspected it was eating at her, dealing with our issue was paramount. I would not go another week without this woman in my life. Not even another day. Ever.

  After tonight, she’d be living with me and planning a wedding. Period. She just didn’t know it yet. Once lunch with the ladies of Lotus House finished and we’d said our goodbyes, I spent some time going over what I wanted in life. Truly thinking about each day, year, my future overall. Nothing seemed to exist without her.

  I now had my head screwed on straight and my life plan set. Amber St. James, soon-to-be Alexander, was at the top of every one of those plans.

  1. Get Amber to forgive me for being a jackass.

  2. Admit undying love and commitment to her.

  3. Apologize for trying to make her choose between her faith and her future.

  4. Ask her to marry me.

  5. Get married.

  6. Live happily ever after.

  Okay, so I admit the list was weak, but it held all the important parts that mattered.

  “Your brother?” I quirked an eyebrow and waited for her to work out what she wanted to say.

  “Yep. Paternity test confirmed that Liam O’Brien is my biological father.” Her eyes were sad and tired.

  I’d change that when I could get her out of here and back to my place. I nodded and stood my ground. As much as I wanted to run to her, wrap her up in the blanket of my warmth for all of eternity, she owned this show.

  With a natural grace, she exited the bar stool, pulled her purse over her shoulder, and kissed Landen on the cheek. “Dinner soon?” Her tone was hopeful yet still guarded.

  My gut tightened. My little bird was hurting, I could see it all over her tired expression, puffy eyes, and rose-dotted cheeks. Knowing I contributed to that hurt ate at me.

  Landen smiled and nodded. “Soon.”

  I’d hoped she’d walk right into my chest the way I envisioned, but she didn’t. Instead, she walked around me to the door. Her hair fell thick over one shoulder as she looked back. “Your place or mine?”

  “Mine. If that’s okay with you.”

  “I’ll meet you there,” she said, the exhaustion in her voice breaking me down to confetti-sized pieces.

  Get your shit together, Dash. Your girl needs you. Be a man and follow through with your plan. Make her yours.

  I’d spent the better part of the last two hours figuring out how I was going to solve this rift between us. The only thing that I came up with was to grovel. And grovel I would. She deserved that much.

  The ride to my loft went by in a haze of streetlights and stop signs. All black and white. The only
color the blue of her car as I followed close behind, never letting her out of my sights.

  We both parked, got out of our cars, and I led the way into the elevator and up to my part of the building. There were ten lofts in total in the old warehouse, and I’d bought my place for a steal of a deal. Renovated it myself. In the future, Amber and I could put up some walls up if we needed to for children’s rooms.

  Children. Christ. I was already planning my heirs, and I hadn’t even gotten her to agree to marry me yet. But I would. I’d die trying. Besides, less than an hour ago she introduced me as the man she was going to spend her life with. All I had to do now was be worthy of it.

  When she set her bag down, her back was to me. I couldn’t hold myself away from her any longer. I stormed over, turned her around by the shoulders, pulled her against my chest, and buried my hands in her hair.

  Body-racking sobs left her as if the act of releasing them tortured her entire being. Tears flooded my own eyes, and I let them fall. She deserved to see them.

  “I’m sorry. Amber, my love, I’m so damned sorry.”

  She shook her head against my chest and rubbed her nose against my shirt. “I can’t be without you. I need you, Dash.” Her choked sobs came with a price. A lock around my heart so tight I never wanted to be released.

  “You never have to. I don’t want to change you.”

  “But you have.” She sniffed and laid her hands against my chest.

  The touch burned like white-hot fire, warming me. For the past week I’d been cold, frozen to anything around me due to the icy chill of my heart.

  I curled my hands around her cheeks, threading my fingers into the thick strands of her hair. Strawberries assaulted my nose, and my cock stirred. God, I couldn’t imagine not having that scent surround me day in and day out.

  Her eyes were a watery mess of tears. I felt my own sadness leak down my cheeks. “I love you just the way you are. And I’m going to prove it to you.”

  She shook her head. “No. I’ve made my decision. I’m breaking my vow. I want to be with you no matter the cost. God is merciful. He’ll forgive me. I’ll forgive me.” She laid her mouth over mine and kissed me. Hard.

  Her kiss turned feral instantly. “I want you. Make me yours forever. Take all of me.”

  More tears fell down my cheeks to mingle with hers as our tongues did a feisty tango. She tasted of sadness and hope. I wanted to drown in her essence, fill her with light and love again.

  Amber shifted her weight and tugged me backward until her knees hit the edge of my bed. With all her strength, she pulled at me, letting her body fall onto the bed in a tangle of blankets. I lost my footing, as I suspected was her plan, and fell on top of her. My cock hardened, and I jerked my hips against her, taking her mouth more fiercely.

  She moaned and slipped her hands up the back of my shirt. Her fingers were cold but quickly warmed when she ran them up and down my spine.

  I ripped my mouth away from hers but just barely. She attempted to follow, but I needed to gauge her intent.

  “What are you doing, little bird?” I smiled and traced her face with one hand, wiping away the drying tears.

  “I want you to make love to me, Dash. Let me prove that I’m yours forever.”

  “But the vow…” The words left my throat on a hoarse whisper.

  Her hands clasped my wrists where they lay on each side of her head. Her hair was fanned out like a dark halo. Her green eyes sparkled and moistened, opening up her soul for my viewing. Her normally pale pink lips were now swollen and bruised a darker rose from our kisses. She’d never been more beautiful than she was in that moment.

  “I’ve changed it.”

  I pursed my lips and took in her entire face. Her eyes weren’t their normal brilliant green, and dark smudges marred the skin beneath them. “Changed how?”

  She swallowed and inhaled, her lips parting on an uneven breath. “I’m vowing to you, Dash Alexander, that I will love and cherish you for the rest of my days. I will be your wife in spirit and give you all that I am in exchange for your vow of love and commitment.”

  My entire body tightened. The blood rushing through my veins roared, sending sprinkles of light to cast across my vision.

  “Amber.”

  “Take me. Make love to me. I’m giving myself to you. I don’t want to live my life without you in it.”

  For a moment, I closed my eyes and let the power of her words bathe my soul in a sacred serenity.

  When I opened them, I saw my future. Amber. Nothing but happiness and solace for the rest of my days. She’d chosen me. Her faith was now in me, and I’d spend my days attempting to be worthy of her sacrifice.

  I stood up and walked over to my coat. I pulled out the tiny box that held the item I’d purchased earlier in the day. Her expression was one of curiosity until I came back over and grabbed her hand, pulling her to a seated position on the bed.

  “Dash…” Her voice cracked when I got down on one knee in front of her.

  “Amber St. James, you have shown me true love exists. Before you, I didn’t believe it was possible. I swore I’d never succumb to the propaganda. You have proven to me that with the right person, your soul mate, the individual God intended as your partner comes along, you hold on with everything you have. This is me, holding onto you, forever.”

  More tears fell down her cheeks. I held out the small box and opened it. Inside was a single thin platinum band. No diamonds. Our love was not flashy or for others to gush over. This was for us. Amber and Dash. A commitment beyond tradition. She gasped into her hand.

  I pulled the ring out of its velvet mooring and held it up to her. “On the inside I’ve had an inscription added.”

  With a shaky hand she took the ring between two of her delicate fingers. She swallowed, read the inside, and closed her eyes. Inscribed on the inside of the ring was my truth.

  My path to enlightenment.

  I watched in awe as her cheeks pinked and a rosy blush stole across her face. A serene smile slipped across her lips before she blinked the remaining tears from her eyes.

  “You’re my path to enlightenment, too,” Amber whispered as if the room alone could listen in, but this, these words were just for me to hear.

  “Marry me, Amber.”

  Her nose scrunched in that cute way I adored. “But, you don’t believe in marriage.”

  I slipped the ring on her thin finger. “I believe in us, and more than that, you’re worth the risk. Our love is worth the risk.”

  AMBER

  Our wedding day was the most incredible day of my life. To my grandparents’ dismay, it was not held in our Catholic church nor presided over by Father McDowell because Dash was not Catholic. However, Father did attend and granted us his blessings for a long and happy life together. That alone was enough for me. Not for my papa, but he’d get over it. He didn’t like that I was getting married at twenty-three to a man I’d known for less than a year. Technically, we’d met and married within nine months.

  Our wedding was held at Grace Cathedral, a church that allowed nondenominational ceremonies, in San Francisco. We held ours on the outdoor paved labyrinth on St. Patrick’s Day, in the middle of the week. I wore a simple sparkling white lace and satin tea-length gown. The sweetheart neckline accentuated my feminine attributes along with the middle that nipped in perfectly at the waist. Simple satin ballet flats adorned my feet, and my hair was pulled back on one side with a diamond-encrusted comb. It was an heirloom that my grandmother gave me. It had been passed down throughout generations in the St. James family, and I couldn’t have been more honored to wear it, knowing that one day I would pass it down to my future daughter or daughter-in-law.

  The outdoor space was rich with nature, so we did very little to add decoration to what God had already provided with His organic touch. Chairs had been set around the labyrinth in a circular shape so that all witnesses could have an unobstructed view of the ceremony. An interfaith pastor stood at the center of the labyr
inth. A very small number of witnesses including my grandparents, Genevieve’s family, Dash’s parents, the O’Briens, a handful of the yoga instructors at Lotus House, and of course, the owners Crystal and Jewel, were all present to witness our union.

  Instead of walking down the aisle, I met Dash at the start of the paved maze. He was stunning in a simple khaki suit, pristine white dress shirt, and a cream-colored tie. His hair was styled enough that the top was tamed but not so much that I didn’t want to run my fingers through it and hang on while I kissed him.

  In true Dash style, when we met at the entrance to the labyrinth, he gave me an out.

  “Now’s the time to fly away, little bird.” He smiled. A hint of fear was etched across his amber gaze.

  I gripped onto his hands, puffed my chest with pride, and nestled to his side. “Flying is easy. Staying grounded is more challenging. Are you ready to walk our path?”

  “To enlightenment?” His grin was everything I would remember about this day and then some. Being looked at with complete and total love and adoration is not something I would easily forget.

  “Every day I’m enlightened by you,” he said and lifted my hand, kissed the top, and together, we took the path.

  The journey of walking the labyrinth symbolized three stages.

  The first phase was a releasing. Simultaneously, we shed our tumultuous thoughts, quieted the mind, and let go of the details of our lives.

  At the center, we reached the illumination or receiving phase. That is where we stopped, met our pastor, and said our vows officially, in front of God and our witnesses. Afterward, Dash kissed the daylights out of me, sealing our union as husband and wife.

  We finished the last half of the maze hand in hand where we joined with our higher power, in our case God above, so that His love would heal, bless, and empower our union.

  At the end of our ceremony, we were greeted with hugs and kisses from our friends and family. We took some pictures in the gardens and promised to meet at our favorite little restaurant in the hills where Dash’s parents had secured the entire small French restaurant for our reception.