Winter Blues

by Jade Goodmore

  “What’s wrong, baby?”

  “Nothing at all,” she says, able to smile a little.

  “Then why are you crying?”

  “Because I’ve missed you. So much.” She smiles again, but it’s pained.

  “Don’t ever miss me. You don’t need to miss me anymore because I am right here. Always.” I feather her lips with my own, calling on the gentility that she needs. She responds and raises her hands to land on my stomach. Her slight fingers are heaven to my skin as they weave around to my back. I press her to me, relishing in the feel of her soft chest against my firmness. She sighs into my mouth as my own fingers trickle down her ribs to her hip. Flush against me, she raises onto the balls of her feet and the friction against my erection is enough to force a sharp gasp from my mouth.

  “You okay?” she asks, her lips leaving my mine only to suckle at my neck. I roll my head back in appreciation before sudden urgency overcomes me.

  “Yes. I need you, Darl.”

  “I’m yours.” She can’t possibly understand how powerful her words are. I long to believe her. In this moment, I need to believe her.

  “Say that again.”

  “I’m yours.”

  Her declaration is the motivation I need. My hands are quick to find her thighs as I bend and lift her onto my waist. Our centers are brushed against each other, propelling my desire further. I lower her as softly as I can onto the bed and allow myself a moment to marvel at her beauty. Her curves are accentuated by the shadows cast by the candlelight and the deep rising of her chest is hypnotizing.

  “Reid, please,” she breathes, her fingers curling over the bed sheets.

  Agreeably, I step out of my boxers and crawl onto the bed, settling between Darlene’s inviting legs. Immediately they wrap around my hips, entwining our bodies as we work to entwine our minds. I fall against her heaving chest as I secure a wet kiss. My eager mouth trails over the hypersensitive line that spans her neck and she shudders under my tongue.

  The knowledge that I can still do this to her after every issue that has amounted between us is empowering. It’s what urges me to descend further and take her tight nipple into my mouth. Her pleasure is instantaneous and I wonder briefly if I can make her come like this but I’ve waited too long to taste her again, and I’m going to taste all of her. As my lips trace the contours of her subtle abs she trembles in anticipation. When my tongue finds her sex a spluttering of breathy tributes pour from her lips, to God, not me, but I share her gratitude.

  Her smell is a gift from heaven itself and her sweet taste is delectable. The way she grinds her hips in response to my lapping is so unbelievably hot. I love her greediness, her impatience, her appreciation, because it means I’m doing it right. I fleetingly wonder if anyone else can make her come like I can but I force the destructive thoughts from my mind and clamp down on her center, using my teeth to illicit a cry from her panting mouth.

  Needing to hear her come, needing to hear her scream my name and cancel out any other name she has ever panted recently, I intrude on her opening with my fingers and curl them against her. Moving, rubbing, curving in a repetitive action that has her twisting in the prelude to her climax. She thrusts against me before tightening around my fingers and wailing my name. My name on her trembling tongue is a sweet song and as it repeats in lazy rounds I tease out the last of her release.

  Bringing myself over her body, I revel in her post-orgasm state. Her eyes are closed and her sweet mouth open. I waste no time in sharing her taste, coaxing her idle mouth with my eager tongue. She springs alive with a gentle moan. “You have no idea how good that was,” she whispers as my mouth sucks on her earlobe.

  “Your pleasure is my pleasure, baby. I felt how good that was.”

  “No, let me make you truly feel it.” Her shaky hand teases a line down my torso but I pull back.

  “No, no, I want you, now. I’m desperate to be inside you. I’ve waited too long.” She sighs happily at my words as I pull her hips to me. I center myself at her opening and push in with restrained slowness, savoring every inch of my length inside her tight heat. Her moan is low and the most erotic sound I’ve ever heard. How Darlene can use her voice to produce such overwhelming responses in me is magical.

  “You feel amazing, Darl. You were made for me, a perfect fit.”

  “I feel it, I know it.”

  God, I hope she knows it. I want to prove how good we are together, how despite the lust she may feel for someone else she will never be loved like I can love her.

  I grind into her, slow and with purpose. I allow her to feel all of me as I feel all of her. My lips feast at her neck, breathing variations of compliments against her blazing skin as my hands caress her perfect curves. I have her sweet ass cupped and tilted to meet my thrusts in one hand and a full breast filling my other. Her melodic moans are coaxing me into an early release and so I still myself, wanting to prolong the pleasure for as long as I can. I need her to be wowed by our magic. I want our reunion to last all night until we are incapable of moving.

  And even then, I’ll find a way.

  Her heels are digging into my ass, pulling me deeper into her and her nails are clawing at my back. She’s as lost as I am. She’s a vision in the throes of pleasure. She’s so fucking hot that I can’t hold on much more.

  I pull back, resting on my heels as I lift her to straddle me. “Lean back, baby, I’ve got you.”

  She complies, rolling back until she is arched and supported with my arm. My other hand pulls at her nipple as we work together in perfect unison; our hips meshing together through her wetness, our breath coming in fast unity, our moans in harmony.

  She’s made for me. She has to see that.

  She tightens around me and I allow myself to ease the restraints of my control, pushing into her harder and faster as we ride out the release together. She comes undone in my hand, calling my name. And with that I’m burying myself into her depth, shuddering with a guttural groan. She lifts herself, cradling me in my release with her dainty hands, stroking my hair from my forehead before kissing me so honestly that I want to take her again. I will.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” she whispers. When I open my eyes I realize that she has tears in her blues. I stroke them away as they fall against her cheek.

  “No more tears. I’m here, you’re here. That was perfect and it’s not over. I’m going to love you all night, Darl. You’re my wife, and for that I’m going to show you my gratitude.”

  I’m already moving inside her again, needing no more coercion than her sweet words. She takes my jaw in her hands and empowers me with the sweetest smile. “I love you, Reid.”

  I’m pierced with emotion and the pain ripples through my body. I work it out with each thrust as I tell her over and over again, show her over and over again, that I love her. I’ll always love her.

  25

  DARLENE

  Lured from my sleep by the awareness of being alone, I reach across the bed and find Reid gone. In his place, a note.

  My wife,

  I didn’t want to wake you. You look too peaceful. I just wanted you to know that while I’m at work I will still be thinking of you, loving you. Last night was heaven. I love you, my darling.

  Your husband.

  I smile a face-aching smile as his words coincide with the raw aftereffects of our marathon reunion. I’m surprised he managed to walk this morning let alone make it to work. I look at the clock and realize it is closer to noon than I’d like. Moving lazily from the bed, I head straight for the bath, needing to soak the post-sex aches.

  In the heat of the bath I remember the heat of our passion. It was unmatched in ferocity, in depth. We’ve made love hundreds of times before and it’s always been amazing, but last night was epic. It was poetic. A million things that needed to be said were spoken through our bodies and the words consequently followed.

  This outcome was a complete surprise. I could only imagine terrible things happening after Blue and Reid were
forced into the same room as each other. I mean, Reid has no idea why he should hate Blue, but for some reason he does. And Blue, with his goddamn song. If he was trying to scare me, it worked. If he was trying to wound me, it worked. If he was completely genuine in his declaration then I am in far more trouble than I realized. Blue doesn’t strike me as someone who gives up easily. Last night proved that. But absence will make it easier, regardless of what his intentions were before.

  I don’t plan on going back there. Despite my arguing with Reid I had already decided on that before we left the bar. I just hate it when Reid tells me what to do. When anyone tells me what to do.

  I wrap myself in a bathrobe and grab some cereal for breakfast, or maybe lunch. When my phone starts vibrating to the tune of Can’t Fight The Moonlight I laugh and hurry to answer.

  “You changed my ringtone.”

  He chuckles. “Yes, yes I did. Do you like?”

  “I love.”

  “I love you.”

  “So you said.”

  “I wanted to say it again, and again and again and…”

  “There’s no need,” I interrupt through a laugh. “I can still feel how much you love me,” I say as I uncross my legs.

  He hesitates. “Are you sore?”

  “A little,” I admit, but I don’t care. The pain in no way deducts from how phenomenal last night was.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “No, you’re right,” he laughs quietly. “I’ll have to take it easy on you tonight though. Did you want to do anything?”

  “Yeah, food and a movie.”

  “I like that plan.”

  We manage to talk a little more before he has to work some. He says goodbye with an obvious smile and I match it.

  Would you believe that after all the hesitance I have shown I actually chose to go running on my own today? No, me either, but I did. It was actually quite nice not having to match Reid’s eager pace. It was a lazy jog but a jog nonetheless. Reid is proud when I text him to tell him.

  After I have showered and vegged out I head to the nearest store and pick up the ingredients for homemade pizza. I can control the calorie intake this way. I stop on the way back to get a coffee. Ordinarily, I would delight in the instant warmth it would bring to my hands but I’m surprised to find that I’m not suffering in the cold today. I look to the sky and see blue, bright with the sun rather than heavy with clouds. I feel a trace of heat on my face and I close my eyes to savor the moment. It’s been so long since I have been graced with the sun that I briefly wonder if my neglected skin will crack in its return.

  Not willing to let go of the warmth just yet, I find a bench in the park and sit, watching the fountain as it too rejoices in the beams. It’s not particularly warm, in fact there’s a bitter breeze, but when it breaks I can at least pretend. How coincidental that the sun should return along with the warmth in my marriage.

  Is winter behind us?

  I can only hope so. I stretch my legs and close my eyes again, wishing I had my iPod with me to throw on some Sheryl Crow.

  It takes me several minutes to realize that someone is sitting next to me. I hear a long exhale and when I turn to look I see Blue blowing out sheer smoke.

  “How long have you been sitting there?”

  “How long have you had your eyes closed?”

  I sigh, annoyed. I guess when we live almost opposite we are bound to run into each other occasionally. I suppose complete avoidance isn’t going to be possible after all.

  “You and hubby looked cozy last night,” he continues, rolling his cigarette between his thumb and finger.

  “No thanks to you. You think you’re funny singing shit like that?”

  “I wasn’t trying to be funny. I was trying to tell you how I feel the only way I know how.” He turns to look at me, his eyes wide and honest.

  “You cannot be serious?”

  He shrugs his heavy shoulders and looks away, taking a long drag on the last of his smoke.

  “What happened with Zach?” I ask, needing so desperately to change the subject.

  “Last night?” he affirms. I nod. “He had an opinion on something that had nothing to do with him, and I didn’t like it.”

  “Had an opinion on what?”

  “On us.”

  “There is no us.”

  “Ouch,” he winces.

  “What did he say?”

  “He’s been bugging me about you,” he shrugs again and I curse his nonchalance. No wonder Reid hates mine so much.

  “He knows?”

  “He knows how much I like you. How much I’m falling in...”

  “Don’t you dare,” I interrupt and stand, tossing my coffee into a nearby trashcan and smoothing down my clothes. “You can’t turn this into something that it wasn’t, Blue. And you have got to stop trying to compete with my husband. He will always win. This, whatever it was, is over.”

  I walk away with my head held high and my heart in my throat. I know I don’t have anything other than lust for Blue but that doesn’t make turning my back on him any easier. He’s a good guy, misguided, but good. There is evident chemistry between us but it doesn’t transcend any further than the stage or the bedroom. And even then, he doesn’t compare to what Reid can offer me.

  Sex is always better when there is love involved.

  After prepping the pizza and putting together a salad I sit and wait for Reid to come home. I wait much longer than I’d like before I get a text to say that he’s running late and to eat without him. I don’t. Instead I put everything in the fridge and curl up on my chair. I force back the belief that after just a couple of days with my Reid he is slipping again.

  I don’t want to believe it.

  I don’t believe it.

  As the clock strikes nine I begin to believe it just a little.

  A glass of wine eases my anger a touch but it does nothing to limit the upset. As if sensing my thinning resolve, Blue chooses this moment to text me.

  -I know you said we were over but I can’t accept that.

  I miss you, way more than I should. B-

  -You have to. I miss you too, but your inability to accept it’s over

  is what is keeping us apart-

  -I’m trying-

  -You sure are ;-)-

  -Haha. Am I going to see you in The Nest again?-

  -No. I can’t-

  He doesn’t text back and I’m grateful. I don’t know where that conversation could have gone. I turn my phone off and head for bed. I don’t want to fall asleep out here and give Reid ammo for an argument. Not when I’m the one with the reason to be pissed off.

  My eyes have barely closed when I hear our apartment door click shut. Soft padding feet line the hall and then our door is opened. I hear shuffling of clothes before the bed is jostled under a weight. One warm hand slips around my waist and hot lips brush against my shoulder. My annoyance is melting away but I hold on with cold fingers.

  “You said I would never have to miss you again. I missed you,” I whisper with as much attitude as my thawing tenacity will allow.

  “I’m sorry, baby, but I’m only partly sorry. I like to hear that you’ve missed me. It means that I’m not alone in my desire to be with you all the time.”

  “Hmm.”

  “And besides, I worked late so that I could work from home tomorrow.”

  I turn at his announcement. “Really?”

  He nods before hovering over me, trailing his nose down mine and stroking my lips with his for just a second. “After last night and tonight I think we’ll need to recuperate, right?” His lips find mine again, but with more ferocity, an apology.

  I accept all night.

  26

  DARLENE

  I can’t remember the last time we had such a perfect morning together. Mornings lately have either been spent rushed and silent, or alone. Today we enjoyed a lazy morning. We ate, we ran, we bathed together. It’s been wonderful. Reid is attentive
and I’m open and we are everything we haven’t been and everything I have missed.

  Reid has regretfully taken up in his office this afternoon to race through the manuscripts before his work dinner tonight, and so I am left picking at my guitar on the sofa. I’m going to miss performing at The Nest. Performing in general. It’s such a part of who I am and while I don’t wish for it to be a career I can’t imagine not having it in my life. It’ll be easier when I’m teaching again though. I get the same buzz from teaching as I do when I am singing in front of an audience. But I worry that since it is not my choice to quit performing like it was the last time, maybe the need won’t surrender so easily.

  I’m strumming my own arrangement, something without words, but the melody speaks for itself. The tempo is lazy but happy with an undeniable country influence. It reminds me of our honeymoon. We already lived in LA with a coastline of white beaches so we wanted something different. We drove through Arizona and stayed at a ranch with endless rolling hills at our disposal. We rode horses and trekked and rejoiced in sharing the experience and more importantly, our time. Our busy lives were already beginning to pull us apart and so this unreserved time together in our own little nirvana was perfection. If ever I need reminding of how amazing we can be, I only have to cast my mind back to that vacation.

  I’m not aware that I have an audience until I look up to see Reid smiling at me, his glasses lifted onto his head as he leans casually against the wall.

  “Sing for me,” he says, his green eyes bright and pleading.

  “What do you want me to sing?”

  “Our wedding song, Songbird,” he responds with no hesitation. A smile flickers on his face and I wonder briefly if he can read my mind.