Pirates to Pyramids: Las Vegas Taxi Tales

by Carlson, JJ

  Lack of power means horrible things to a hotel:

  Lack of lights means it is very hard for guests to dress or gather their stuff and ... much harder for a hotel to secure its guests.

  Lack of hot water means it’s hard to wash or shower for Easter Sunday.

  Lack of hot food means goodbye to five star meals.

  Lack of elevators means it’s time to go to another hotel.

  I was told by shocked guests that besides being escorted, they were told that no one knew when the power would be restored. And please follow them to the shuttles outside and go to their sister hotel for a shower in their spa. And please accept a breakfast at those hotel restaurants, complimentary, of course. After all, this is Easter.

  (For the record, their guests were assisted in registering at other fine hotels at no charge and were later invited to return to the Bellagio, gratis.)

  I doubled my grip on the steering wheel and my efforts to get back to the ailing Bellagio to help. I raced back again and again like a battlefield taxi picking up the shocked and mentally wounded. This horribly unfortunate blow to the prestige and elegance of the Bellagio continued for an incredible seven days.

  For seven long days teams of electricians worked in the manholes in the street behind the dark empty hotel. Cabs drove by day after day counting, as many as fifteen trucks from different electrical companies.

  Rumors flew back and forth:

  "Big screw-up that got worse and worse until a power cascade took down the whole electrical system."

  "When they finally fixed it, some guy threw the main breaker switches all the way on all at once and it blew again."

  "Now they have to fix it all over again. This time they will turn it all on in phases very slowly."

  "Hackers must have done this."

  Only one story was confirmed. Bellagio was seven days without power or guests.

  Estimated cost: 40 million dollars.

  FEAR FACTOR BACKFIRE

  Fear Factor was a popular TV show that captured audiences for several years and they even took their cameras to Vegas. Contestants had their fearlessness severely and increasingly challenged in competition against each other for serious money.

  Besides some terrifying high-beam walking up on Mandalay Bay roof, the show got everyone's attention and blood moving by having the contestants slide down the Luxor Hotel pyramid wall at breakneck speed. Show contestants had to put on special frictionless suits or risk being skinned alive, then were tethered by a cord attached to their feet so they controlled their speed and prevented a runaway accident. A big movie-stunt pillow also helped protect them from falling to their death.

  As fun as that was to watch, I had more fun, once, from a different vantage point. I work days and I watched as Fear Factor's film team spent all day setting up the exciting contest for that night's filming. That morning I parked in Mandalay Bay's Beach level cabstand to wait for rides.

  This level is one floor down from the main level entrance and is open and accessible to all cars and most trucks. When I arrived I saw Fear Factor's truck was down there and it was obviously the tallest truck that I had ever seen under the ceiling. I stared at it to see how this guy had gotten in. Not much clearance left. I estimated the total gap to be thirty feet, and the truck was taking twenty eight feet, at least. But, if you drove it slowly it would probably be all right.

  Fifteen minutes later, I heard the roar of a motor from a strange vehicle, magnified by the underground acoustics. Thinking that the strange noise must belong to the strange truck, I turned to see if he was revving it hard to show-off. No. He was moving at an unsafe speed just missing the concrete ribs on the underside of the ceiling. But he was missing them so I let go of my concern, a little too soon.

  I had just got my nose back into the newspaper when the "boom" went off. And what a boom it was.

  Having forgotten the truck I looked for the joker with cherry bomb. Then it dawned on me to check that the truck made it out. When I saw it, it was not moving any more because he had selected the exit that sends vehicles up a ramp to the street outside.

  How that sunlight must have teased him, 20 feet away. The roof, which didn't rise up when the ramp rose, had trapped him in a world class goof. The ceiling had pealed the truck roof back like a sardine can, probably ten full feet. Now he was wedged, tight.

  They knew about letting the air out of the tires to lower the truck and free it up. They tried it and failed. They got another truck to pull on it. Tried it and failed. No, they had to offload all the expensive film equipment so they could torch off at least ten feet of roof.

  I could tell it was only a marginally safe clearance to the ceiling, but to race the truck while barely missing the roof and then shoot up the exit with the uplifting ramp? He was in trouble now. If Fear Factor show wanted to film fear they just needed to get their own driver's face as he watched his truck and his job collide.

  DRIVING STUNTS

  If you drive a cab for more than a year you will have many stories about driving stunts. You may even be one of them.

  The worst I ever saw was on the frontage road, now called Dean Martin Road. This one would have rolled Dean over in the box. I saw the police fatal team wrapping up their investigation on an accident that was severely ghoulish. Evidently, at 3:00 a.m. a pickup truck full of celebrating off-duty Air Force airmen who had some fun earlier and had some girls with them in the truck and in back, drifted over the line at high speed and hit a poor limo driver, unloaded, hurrying back to the Strip for his last ride of the night.

  All I saw was the white stretch-limo front end, motor and all pushed back into the passenger area. This was a distance of at least seven feet. After a horrible scene like that the mind protects us by saying thing like "He never felt a thing, he was gone so fast he was in heaven before the tires stopped.” I would want to be out of there between, "Oh...” and… “S_ _ T."

  We found out later he was well-liked and missed. Now his spirit can ride in any limo any time he wants.

  ++++

  I saw an accident that could have been bad, but wasn't. In fact, it was funny. By the airport, in a motel parking lot I spotted a limo lying on its back. Limo drivers think they are better drivers than taxi drivers but this made it totally clear. They are not better, just longer.

  This driver had rolled his stretch limo. How do you roll a stretch limo with that long base and very heavy chassis? We got to laugh because the driver was out laughing and there were no passengers or ambulances, just a motorcycle cop taking his helmet off, to stay a while.

  Every time I drove by the scene to take people to the airport, more and more cops arrived to enjoy a look. Too bad this was before cell phone cameras because this was such an oddity in our world. Again and again I went by trying to figure how he did it. Then I saw the car's location with new eyes and I think I know the only way he could have managed it.

  I think the driver entered the parking lot of the motel a little bit too fast for this driveway ramp. The entry angle could very possibly start the car to rock. And then I noticed broken bricks on a flower planter, suggesting he hit this, too. A bigger bump so soon after the other bump, and at just the right time, would give the limo two large flexes and possibly rock it up and even over. Years before, I had seen a stunt driver do it on TV, on purpose.

  Hollywood stunt driver, Joey Chittwood, showed everybody how he rolled cars up on two wheels and drove them this way. He would overfill the tires on the driver’s side and run the car up a short ramp at just the right speed. This would rock the car up, intentionally. This crazy stunt was visually freaky but was easy for one who practiced it. This limo driver guy was not expecting it, and he was now waiting for his boss to show up. I drove on.

  ++++

  Another driver pulled a unique stunt. While he was fleeing a felony with cop cars right behind him he decided to use the Strip to escape. What was he thinking? He must not be from around here

  “Maybe this bad idea showed why he turned to a
life of crime. He didn't have a clue. Even taxicab drivers don't go very fast on the Strip. His next brainstorm was to crossover lanes to the other side into oncoming traffic. Not good thinking, again.

  One of the oncoming cars was a cop car. He pulled a hard turn and slid right into the black and white. This meant that an ambulance would soon join us. Since no ambulance here can be called without the fire department being called, too, it being the law, we now had the street crowded with police cars, ambulances and big fire trucks.

  That was especially unkind of the felon, since the Strip was now hopelessly blocked and every car had to be moved to accommodate emergency vehicles and a police investigation.

  Thanks a lot, Mr. Felon.

  Can you tell I was one of those trapped in the traffic/crime scene.

  THE LUXOR GHOSTS

  There are no stories about the lights on the Strip stranger than what occurred one spring at the Luxor Hotel. Visitors and locals alike were spooked by the arrival of the "little ghosts" on top of the pyramid. There was something very odd going on in the world famous laser light. Little "Casper the ghosts" were floating in the light beam.

  They appeared and then disappeared in a weird dance, around the most powerful light on earth. This laser is the light that is visible from outer space. This is the same beam that is run at only half strength because airline pilots fear blindness from flying directly over it.

  I marveled at the dreamlike performance of the little guys. I liked watching them very much but I had to drive and answer my rider's questions about what is going on. Some riders were so amused they had me circle the building so they could continue to watch. It was intoxicating in a whole new way for Vegas visitors. A controversy was born: what the heck was it?

  The solution to the puzzle starts with gypsy moths. These gypsy moths are big and pop out of the desert floor every several years, similar to, but not to be confused with, cicadas. Just like other moths, they hang around lights, too. Since Las Vegas has millions of lights we saw millions of these guys at night. And where was the most powerful light in the whole world, at the Luxor.

  Birds delighted in this phenomenon because they eat moths. Birds go after moths wherever they are, and since moths were in the light, the birds went to the light. The birds circled the light beam, rising higher and higher. I am sure they were in the euphoria caused by the presence of countless meals. I heard that some birds ate so much that they could no longer fly.

  Grounded by buffet belly, I know the feeling.

  So when the little "ghosts" turned out to be happy birds we suddenly understood. They appeared when they flew on the opposite side of the light from view, and then they disappeared from view when they went between us and the light. This happened again and again.

  I never tired of looking at them, especially with the meter running.

  OFF A PERFECTLY GOOD BUILDING

  The Palms Hotel opened with one of its most exciting venues, the Ghost Bar nightclub, 60 stories up. The view of the Strip from one block away is awesome and unobstructed. One evening just before dark a waitress got a bad vibration from a customer. He sat alone and while he wasn’t being rude he was acting weirdly. She couldn't cheer him up with a drink or a smile; he just kept staring into space.

  Finally, she went to her supervisor who watched the customer's peculiar behavior for a few minutes. He agreed with her and called security. Security listened closely and did what they do, took him to the back room with his things. They were polite but found his answers too vague to be legitimate. So they searched his stuff and found a parachute!

  This man was a base jumper. He was going to jump off of a perfectly good building. In order to jump he had to measure his leap over the side of a very tricky glass wall. His obvious concern over the first step slowed down his take-off. This was what alerted the waitress even though she didn't know why..

  The Stratosphere Hotel has arrested at least two base jumpers when they landed on the ground. It doesn't take long to hit the deck from any height especially 1000 feet, but security was walking nearby. Another jumper escaped in a nearby car as soon as he landed. You have to be so careful not to land on your escape car. It ruins everything, the landing, the car, and the bones in your legs.

  In 2010 the Stratosphere reversed its position on the base jumping phenomenon. A new thrill ride was approved and now offers you a jump off their building. A wire strapped to your harness lets you free fall 850 feet and up to 40 miles per hour.

  Yes it costs $99.00 but I figure you will get that back in free drinks for the best bar story for a long time.

  ++++

  When I first moved to Las Vegas in 1990, I would occasionally read about a group of paid skydivers that would land at events to excite the crowd. This being Vegas they soon figured out the perfect promotion for their act. They all dressed as Elvis.

  They called themselves The Flying Elvi's and became so popular that they were even in some movies about Vegas. Alas, they retired after the group missed a target area. They landed in a parking lot, critically injuring some of the team.

  I am told skydiving is cool fun. It is the landing that’s the tricky part. I miss those guys.

  THREE BROTHERS AND DAD THE ADMIRIAL

  One of my best rides was excellent for money but even better for the stories.

  A local who lived far from his favorite poker room needed a taxi so he wouldn't risk a DUI after playing all day. So off we went and soon he was telling me about his unique family.

  He said he was a welder at a heavy machinery repair place, and he made good money and was doing fine but he was much prouder of the other boys in his family. His father was a retired admiral. His retirement check was $5000 a month, so he was set for life. His older brother held a degree in mechanical engineering and worked at the same place that he did.

  This brother had started as a maintenance and general helper, never revealing his engineering degree. One day a particularly tricky and expensive repair job failed, causing the company to face significant loss of schedule and money. The secret engineer brother went to the owner/boss and told him there was a way to fix the part more easily and quickly. The boss was incredulous so he challenged the brother to demonstrate and was shocked and pleased when it worked, saving the company thousands of dollars.

  The boss gave the brother a cash bonus and when he heard there were even more ideas that he had that could improve the company's profits, the brother got promoted to assistant manager of operations. I was impressed by this story but he told me to wait for the best story of all.

  He said he had a younger brother who had been the family under-achiever. He was so "lost" as a young man he would just sit in his room and play video games on the TV. His father, the admiral, started to worry about him and encouraged him to join the Navy, see the world and get some free training, education and benefits. But no, he could not have his video games in the Navy.

  "Then I am not going," he said. But the admiral had another suggestion, college. He, reportedly, gave him the list of available courses, saying "choose something that interests you."

  He chose computer sciences and off to school he went where he found he had natural ability and aptitude in a certain specific area. Later he got recruited by a fledgling company with new ideas on how to make video games.

  That company did so well it was sold to a giant corporation and the youngest brother had "sweat equity" so he received a check in six figures.

  Next, he met some other guys with a totally new idea for a company that was creative, risky and work intensive. They hired the youngest brother away from "games" in exchange for startup stock, which worked for him because he didn't need money right away. Years went by and the company went public, setting a stock market record on opening day.

  Hard to believe but this young brother was holding onto original stock in Yahoo. His personal worth went into the tens of millions of dollars. He went on to buy his brothers new houses and now the admiral was off his back, for good.

  Th
is rider gave me a good tip but his story was great.

  HOTEL CRIME

  Security officers do not discuss their hotel work with anyone, per hotel policy. People might be disinclined to stay in a hotel in which a crime occurred. So, as a taxi driver I was always curious when the local police paid visits to the hotels I served. The police usually parked their cars quietly in the back of hotels but occasionally they parked right smack in front. Mostly they would get a low level complaint to record and they went about it very discreetly at a back or side door where guests rarely go.

  After giving several cab rides for a senior security officer for one of the newest and funnest hotels I thought that maybe now I would finally find out what goes on when things go bad in our adult amusement park. No dice. No specific information ever came out of him. Then one day he shared something in his own way.

  He: "What size are these hotels?"