The Choices We Made

by Lexie James

  Christos smiled at his enthusiasm. “You should have kept the tip I gave you.”

  “I wanted to.” Michael answered ruefully. “But granddad is very strict. He says that good service is the cornerstone of our work. What we do should not be done because we expect some monetary reward; that’s what we have wages for. Because he strongly believes that he made this rule so if we are given a tip we have to return it.”

  “An interesting philosophy, I think I should talk to your granddad about his philosophies more.”

  Christos watched as his mother shepherded Chrissie over to the cake stall, his eyes roved around until he saw Emme, she was staring at him, an arrested look on her face as she saw him standing next to Michael, he wondered what she was thinking.

  Emme felt as she was being torn into little pieces all of which rolled away into different places. Was this the moment she should approach Christos and tell him that she knew he finally knew that he was their father?

  Her father came into view and panic seeped in, oh no, this was definitely not the right time. Keeping her father in the dark for as long as possible about the name of the father of her children was the best and safest way forward. This weekend was so important; this weekend was about her mother not her and the secrets she held tight.

  In fact keeping quiet was the only way forward as it was quite possible her father would be so angry with Christos that he would fly into a temper and cause a monumental scene, no she was not having that happen this weekend.

  She pointedly turned away.

  Christos sighed, no change then in how she felt about him.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  By the evening, Emme was congratulating herself that she had managed to remain aloof and calm in the face of the intense provocation that having Christos within her reach was causing her. She was still trying to come to terms with the knowledge that he knew he was the twins’ father. She kept hoping that, if she didn’t acknowledge that little fact, she could sort of honestly pretend that she didn’t know. She was still upset by the amount of time Michael had spent with him however, short of yanking him away, she couldn’t work out how to keep them apart.

  She was glad that it was finally time for the concert and she could keep the children close to her.

  As usual the band for the dance was also playing for the concert being given by the choir. As the time drew nearer for her to join them, she became more and more nervous. As if wasn’t it emotional enough to do this anyway, all she could see was that Christos had moved himself into a better position so that he could see her.

  This meant, unfortunately, that she couldn’t avoid looking at him! Bloody man, just what did he think he was playing at? He’d spent the day being her father’s skivvy, running whatever errand her father had decreed, which meant he’d been in her hair all day long. Was he really that thick skinned, that he didn’t realise she wished him at the very bottom of hell?

  If it wasn’t so annoying, it could actually have been quite comical, she recalled the moment they had both grabbed each side of a chair and neither of them would let go. If she’d seen her children do that she’d have told them to grow up! But they were adults, which was exactly the reason why this whole sorry mess had occurred in the first place. She was concentrating on her reminiscence’s so much, it took a second before she realised that the band leader was calling Michael up onto the stage.

  “This year, before we go into our final song, Michael has composed a special piano piece for this evening’s celebrations. Personally, and I know I am only his piano teacher, I think it’s rather special, I believe you will too. Michael, if you would, please come up here.”

  Michael settled at the keyboard self-consciously and raised his hands to begin to play, before pausing to speak to the audience,

  “I call this Hannah’s song.”

  Emme, her heart in her mouth, looked at her son, so small on the stage. When he began to play, the hauntingly evocative music took hold of her and held her almost breathless, as his slim fingers wove their magic. There was a spontaneous standing ovation as he finished, and he stood and bowed, before he ran off the stage into her arms.

  Christos stood dumbfounded remembering that Michael had told him ‘I play piano, a little.’ The boy was amazing, he had a real talent, he stifled the urge to pat people on the back and say proudly to everyone, ‘that’s my son you know’.

  Emme hugged Michael tightly. “I’m so proud of you.”

  But anymore that she wanted to say to him, was drowned out by the music of the final song as she, Chrissie and Michael stepped up to join the choir. Christos watched, spellbound, as they sang, he could hear Emme’s voice above all the rest. Watching their shining faces, he thought his heart would burst with pride.

  Patrick stepped behind Christos, “What do you think of your family then?”

  Christos couldn’t tear his eyes from them. “They’re wonderful, but how I’m going to get them to be mine, I don’t know. I don’t think I’m going to be able to manage it in one weekend, no matter what you think.”

  Patrick’s voice was icy as he coldly informed him. “Well you had better find a way to do it, my boy because I’ll be watching you closely. Meanwhile, I intend to enjoy a dance or two with Adrienne, before we have to go and set of the fireworks.”

  Christos watched Emme climb of the stage, and then go off to gaily dance with her children and some of the staff. All he could focus on was how she deliberately made sure she came nowhere near him. He considered asking her to dance, however memories of the last time they had danced together assailed his senses, and remembering what had come next, he knew, with sickening certainty that she would refuse to dance with him.

  The more he watched her and the children, the bitterer his thoughts became. How could Patrick imagine he could possibly atone for twelve years of neglect?

  She had born his children, nurtured them and cared for them. They hadn’t suffered in any way for having no father around, they seemed to have blossomed. He recalled, with clarity, their confidence waiting in the dining room, thought how impressed he had been by their waiting skills, had watched the ease with which they had been able to do silver service. She had brought them up to be wonderful, confident children and now, here they were, on the brink of their teenage years.

  How could he interact with them?

  How would they react to him trying to become a father to them?

  Father, he thought bitterly, the only fatherly action I have ever done was to have a hand in their creation, nothing more. The more he concentrated on his failings, the more he convinced himself that the children would reject him, once they knew who he was.

  The more he watched Emme, the more certain he was, that he could never be worthy of her love. Despondently he leant against the tree and watched the scene in front of him.

  To the total despair of his mother, Sophia and Adrienne.

  Patrick on the other hand was not quite sure how he felt at the moment, but every now and again, he tried to remember where the gun was that he used for the rabbits. Looking from one to the other, he began to consider if he should step in and march them both of to the nearest church!

  As Emme stepped down from the stage, her shoulders sagged with relief that it was all over for another year. As she began to calm down, her thoughts began to run over the events of the day. From the corner of her eye she could see that he was still watching her, but she pretended not to notice. Instead she moved around their guests dancing, smiling and joking. But inside, she felt as if she were on a rollercoaster yet again, could nobody see it in her face? Now and again she chortled to herself, as she thought of the times he had stepped in front of her today, trying to help. She remembered again how foolish she had felt, when she had wrestled that chair from him.

  Maybe, just maybe there was some truth in what Sophia and his mother had told her, maybe he did care, and that was why he had been so angry last night.

  Trying to see it from his point of view, she supposed the chil
dren must have come as quite a shock. Not that that, in any way, justified the abominable way he had shouted at her or the things that he had said to her. The more she tried to rationalise his actions today, the more she reluctantly had to admit that it appeared he was trying to make amends, she just couldn’t work out why. She glanced at her children and then at Maria, did she have the right to continue to keep them apart?

  She would never forgive his actions that morning as her life had crashed around her, but perhaps she should, for the sake of their children, try and bury her anger a little and maintain a civilised front.

  In fact, the more she thought about it, the more convinced she became that, if he wanted some sort of truce, he would probably ask her to dance. She was determined to maintain a calm polite manner and accept graciously. She wasn’t going to make it easy for him, not for all the tea in china, but she would try, for the sake of her beloved children, to remain civilised.

  She reminded herself that his mother had said that he loved her, in fact Sophia had also said it so was it at all possible? If he did love her, surely, he would come over and ask her to dance? She kept glancing sideways, determined not to let him see she was watching and waiting for him to come over.

  But he never moved, just stood with his arms crossed, standing against the tree and appearing not to even see what everyone else was doing. Instead he appeared glued to the tree. She glanced at his face, it looked like closed off.

  Realisation sank like a stone, crushing the fragile hope that had begun to bloom in her heart, as she began to reconsider some unavoidable facts.

  He had let her stand alone in front of his friends that morning, and he had made no attempt to follow her as she left. He had accused her of having another lover because of the children and even though he now knew it wasn’t true, she couldn’t understand how he could even have thought such a thing of her.

  Did he know her so very little?

  Coldness began to encircle her heart, as she realised, yet again, how stupid she was being, whatever he had been up to today, it wasn’t because he loved her. She must have got that wrong, no matter what Sophia and Maria thought; it was his pride that had been wounded, not his heart. She had been right all along she really didn’t mean anything to him at all.

  Patrick touched Christos’s arm, about to chastise him for just standing there, but the anguished pain in his eyes stopped him from saying anything, instead he decided to swallow his anger and attempt to be reasonable.

  “Perhaps tomorrow would be a better time to speak to her, let’s get the fireworks sorted.”

  Christos nodded and trudged after him silently, fireworks he thought, bloody fireworks that’s all I need.

  Emme was talking to Sophia, her insides a rolling ball of emotions as she tried to focus on the conversation they were having. What little attention she was maintaining, deserted her as she watched Christos, walking away with her father. Disappointment was etched on her face and she knew she had to get away from everyone and try to find some peace. Interrupting Sophia, she asked her to tell the children she had a headache and had gone to lie down.

  Sophia touched her hand compassionately, “Emme...” she began.

  Emme cut her off. “Don’t, don’t say anything, I don’t think I could stand another revelation. Just watch the children for me and give me some time alone.”

  Biting her lip to stop the tears that threatened to engulf her, she stalked away.

  Maria had watched the exchange between them with worry gnawing at her insides. “Well?” she demanded, as Sophia appeared by her side. “What did she say?”

  Sophia replied thoughtfully. “Not that much, but she doesn’t appear as angry as she was. In fact she was really quite distressed. I believe she hoped he might approach her. But now she’s given up and gone inside. She won’t come out again. He will have to do something tomorrow.”

  His mother sniffed. “He’d better! I’m nearly out of patience with him; I couldn’t believe he just stood there like a lemon. I could see he was watching her but he never moved one single solitary muscle, how stupid can he be! Doesn’t he realise that will only upset her even more. Have I really failed him that much as a mother, that he doesn’t know how to tell a girl he loves her?”

  Sophia tried to comfort her. “Maria you haven’t failed him, this is something our children have to work out for themselves. We can offer them examples of how to behave, by the examples we show them through our actions. But they have to work it out in their own painful way, all we can do is stand on the side lines, and pray that they triumph. At this moment she’s upset, tomorrow she might be angry again, but we just have to hang onto the fact that she is emotional which means she cares. Where there is so much feeling there has to be love, he has to make her realise that.”

  Maria found a tissue; blowing her nose she wiped her eyes surreptitiously at the same time. Crossly she enquired. “And when did you get so wise?”

  “I suppose when I failed, so spectacularly, with my own children.” She dryly replied with a glimmer of a smile. “Therefore we will do what Emme has asked us to do, watch the children as they enjoy the fireworks. Come and enjoy a grandmother’s pleasure, even if, you can’t tell them who you are yet.”

  Moving through the audience, they joined Chrissie and Michael at the front. Together they watched as the sky was riven with an explosion of coloured stars and rain.

  Christos was taken aback by how much he had actually enjoyed creating the firework show. There was definitely more pleasure to be gained from orchestrating the event, than he had ever found in just watching it. He found the concentration needed to ensure he kept Patrick safe, had momentarily put his own problems to the back of his mind. They all came crashing in on him again however when he and Patrick walked back to the crowd, and he found that Emme wasn’t standing there too.

  He watched as Sophia drew Patrick to one side, talking to him quietly, and then saw Patrick excuse himself and walk away.

  That’s that then! He thought; I knew nothing that I did would change her mind. I knew she wouldn’t want anything to do with me, not after all that I said and all that I have done to her to wreck her life.

  Stiffly he said goodnight to everyone and stalked away.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Patrick found Emme sitting silently in her room where she had been watching the fireworks.

  “And just what do you think you are doing, sitting in here, all alone?” He demanded.

  “Go away Dad, please, I’ve got a headache, I don’t want to talk to you.” She continued to look out at the dark sky, refusing to turn around and look at the father she adored. She was afraid to see the disappointment in his eyes, as she would once he realised the extent of her stupidity.

  “Indeed? He fumed. “And is it a headache you’ve had for the last twelve years, which is why you’ve never told me who the father of your children was?”

  Slowly Emme turned to him, even in the semi darkness he could see the tears glistening on her cheeks. Wordlessly he held his arms out to her and she sought refuge in them. While she sobbed her heart out, he knew all he could do was hold her tight, and try to comfort her, finally her sobs began to abate.

  “There now, do you feel better? Are you ready to talk to me?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. “There, almost clean.” He told her with a grin.

  She blew her nose loudly and returned his handkerchief to him.

  He looked at it ruefully. “Well now it’s not.” He gave her a hug then pulled her down to sit beside him. “I think it’s finally time you told me everything, don’t you?”

  Panic-stricken she raised her eyes to his. “Oh dad, I’m so sorry I messed up big-time. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I so wanted you to be proud of me. Just look at the mess that I’ve made of my life.”

  Her voice broke as she finished speaking and Patrick heard the tears threatening to break forth again. Stroking her back to comfort her as he had once done when she was a small child he told he
r quietly. “Emme, I am proud of you, I’ve always been proud of you. Why on earth would you think any different?”

  She shuddered in his arms. “Because I got pregnant and I didn’t get married first. That was my fault, because I let him, you know, do that. But I honestly and truthfully thought he loved me. I got it all wrong; he didn’t love me at all. He just wanted to win a bet. And stupidly I helped him win it, by, you know, letting him. But I loved him; I loved him so very much. I would have done anything, to make him tell me he loved me too.”

  Patrick listened, torn between trying to ensure he didn’t upset her anymore, and confusion at the revelations her confession were finally telling him about the fateful night when she became pregnant.

  In an attempt to ease her distress, he gently reminded her of a pertinent fact. “Your mother and I weren’t married when you were born.”

  In anguish, she burst out. “But you were a couple! You loved each other; you had already created a nest that you brought me home to, that you cocooned me inside of, our home, our family. I couldn’t give my precious children any of that.”

  Try as he might, Patrick knew he couldn’t argue with that comment, so he decided instead, to focus on something else she had disclosed. “Explain to me please, what it is you meant by a bet?”

  She blushed and looked at her hands, not wanting to look at her father’s face as she admitted what had happened to her.

  “My friends told me the next morning. You see when I woke up he had gone, so I went to find him. I got to the canteen and he was there with his mates, they were laughing and joking and I heard my name. When he saw me he sort of froze, looked at me and then he looked away, he looked away! Then Susie took me aside and told me his mates had run a book on when he would sleep with me. They were just paying out the winnings. That’s all I was to him, a way of winning a bet.”