Listen for the Singing

by Jean Little

  In the hall, following Nancy French again, Anna tried to figure out what the teacher meant about the poem containing a reason for studying literature. Was it because, through reading, you could go places you couldn’t travel to any other way? She, too, knew how the heather looked because of reading The Secret Garden. Books made the whole world yours, if you read enough. That must be it.

  Suddenly, a big boy, hurrying to somewhere, cut right in front of her through the line of students. Startled, she glanced after him. When she turned back in search of Nancy, the girl in the red blouse was nowhere in sight. There was no one else Anna recognized. All around her other students marched briskly by, clearly knowing exactly where they were going. Then the crowd thinned as boys and girls disappeared into classrooms. Up and down the halls, brown doors closed, shutting her outside.

  Anna did not just stand there. She made herself walk ahead, turn right where she thought Nancy must have … might have gone, and then she stopped beside the first door. It wasn’t quite closed. If it were the right one, she would only be seconds behind the rest of her class. But how would she know? And even if it were the right room, would she be able to see an empty desk? Somehow, it was harder to see clearly when she was frightened and embarrassed. But she had to do something!

  If only she’d copied that schedule …

  Knowing it would be no help, she opened her notebook and looked at the room plan. The print was pale purple and indecipherable.

  The card on the door! Nobody would know if she looked right up close. She tried to make it out. It was smudged but did it say …

  Accidentally, she pushed against the door and it slammed shut. She gasped and backed up. Then she heard a man’s voice say, “Would one of you open that door? It’s stuffy in here. They’ve just painted the sills and I can’t open the windows.”

  Anna put out her hand and opened the door herself. It was better than having someone catch her skulking outside. The man’s voice had sounded friendly.

  Edging in, she blinked at the brightness of the room. If only she could spot Nancy!

  “Can I help you?” the teacher asked.

  “Please, I’m lost,” Anna said. “I’m looking for class 9E.”

  Before he could answer, she saw Nancy French’s blouse. And Nancy herself, looking miraculously familiar.

  Anna stepped forward and smiled.

  “Hi, Nancy,” she said.

  Nancy just looked at her.

  Certain it was Nancy, but unnerved by her silence and not seeing an empty desk anywhere, Anna stopped, not knowing what to do next.

  Maybe it wasn’t Nancy. She had made mistakes before.

  Then another girl stood up and beckoned.

  “We’re 9E. You’re not lost,” the girl said. “You’re supposed to be right here. Come sit by me.”

  Anna went, keeping her eyes wide open so no tears would spill over and disgrace her. She sat down in the desk next to her rescuer.

  “I’m Maggie de Vries,” the girl said softly from across the aisle. “You’re Anna Solden. I remember you because you registered just before I did and because …”

  She stopped, flushing.

  “Because of Mr. Lloyd,” Anna finished for her.

  “He was awful!” Maggie said. “How come you got lost?”

  “I can’t see very well,” Anna began to explain. “I was following Nancy … Who is he? Where are we?”

  “Mr. McNair. Algebra.”

  “Stop chattering, you two,” Mr. McNair said. “Copy down the name of the book from the board. I’ll expect every one of you to have that book with you tomorrow morning. The book and whatever brains you happen to possess. You’ll need them in this class.”

  Mr. McNair was the teacher who had befriended Rudi, suggesting he try for the scholarship and giving him extra tutoring. There was a smile in his voice now, but Anna felt defeat. Mathematics was her worst subject.

  “Do you need help?” Maggie whispered, as though she had not been told to hush. Anna nodded. This desk was halfway back, and Mr. McNair’s writing looked hopeless. She couldn’t see it at all from here.

  Maggie worked busily for an instant and then passed a page across to Anna. The name of the text had been printed in big careful letters. Anna, too pleased to do anything but smile, wrote it in her own notebook.

  As she did, she thought briefly of Nancy’s unfriendly face. Then she remembered Mr. McNair saying, “Stop chattering, you two.” That made Maggie and her sound as though they were forever talking, like old friends.

  And what were the words Maggie had said, the words that had reached out to her, drawn her to safety, and given her a feeling of belonging?

  “You’re not lost. You’re supposed to be right here. Come sit by me.”

  Anna thought that, for the rest of her life, she would remember Maggie saying those words. Compared to their warmth, being lost seemed not to matter at all.

  Chapter 6

  When they stood up to go on to the next class, Maggie reached across the aisle and touched Anna’s arm.

  “You stick with us,” she said, as Anna looked up. “It must have been awful walking in all by yourself like that.”

  “It was,” Anna said simply.

  “Paula and I … Here’s Paula,” Maggie said, turning to a dark-haired girl across the aisle on the opposite side of her. “Paula, this is —”

  “I know. Hi,” said Paula.

  “She’s Paula Kirsch, the famous Austrian,” Maggie said with a grin.

  “Thank you,” Anna said, “for making him stop.”

  Paula shrugged. “I hate a bully,” she said.

  “Were you really born where you said?” Anna asked. It didn’t seem possible.

  “I sure was. My parents were visiting relatives of Dad’s and I surprised them by arriving a month ahead of when I was expected. Mother hasn’t forgiven me yet. I was supposed to be born in Glasgow where her mother lives.”

  “I don’t know how you dared, all the same,” Anna said.

  “She beat up on boys all through public school, whenever she caught them picking on smaller kids,” Maggie said. “Every boy I know is scared to death of her.”

  By now, they were in line and leaving the room. Mr. McNair stopped them momentarily.

  “So you’re Rudi’s sister,” he said.

  Anna nodded.

  “It should be a pleasure having you in the class,” Mr. McNair said. “Rudi is the finest student of mathematics I have ever taught.”

  Should she warn him that what was true of Rudi was far from true of his youngest sister? He would find out soon enough.

  “Thank you. I’ll tell him,” she surprised herself by saying.

  She was so used to being tongue-tied or stammering at moments like that. Maybe the fact that she was in high school had suddenly made her more mature.

  “Maggie! Paula! Wait up!”

  A tall, pretty redhead came racing up to them.

  “I wondered where you’d disappeared to,” Maggie said, not sounding terribly excited at the sight of her.

  “I saw Mike Jelinek back there and I just stopped to ask him if he was going out for the rugby team. He’s a bit clumsy but he’s so strong!”

  “I should have guessed,” Maggie said. “Get in line, Suzy, and walk fast. We’re miles behind.”

  “What’s the next class?” Paula asked, over her shoulder.

  “Home Ec.,” Maggie said. “That’s why the boys went off in a different direction. I know the Home Ec. room’s along here some place.”

  Anna, placed between Paula and Maggie, felt better than she had all morning. There was something trustworthy about Maggie. Something kind. And Paula must be as brave as a lion. Beating up boys!

  “Here,” Maggie said and the four girls scurried through the door.

  The Home Ec. teacher was a short, cushiony woman with sharp black eyes.

  “I expect girls to arrive on time for this class,” she informed the four of them as they took the four unoccupied seats ri
ght across the front. “Dawdle in the halls and you’ll dawdle in the detention room at four o’clock.”

  “We weren’t dawdling,” Suzy said in an indignant voice. “We couldn’t find the room. We had to stop and ask, and somebody told us it was upstairs and —”

  “That’s enough,” said Miss Marshall sharply. Anna could see her name printed in big block capitals on the board. “I’m not interested in excuses. The others found the room without any trouble.”

  Suzy sat and looked injured. Anna was shocked. They hadn’t asked anybody the way. She looked over at Maggie. Maggie met her glance and made a face.

  Miss Marshall was taking the roll.

  “Suzanne Hughes.”

  “Here,” Suzy said, still sounding wounded.

  “She’s hopeless,” Paula muttered under her breath, from Anna’s other side. “She fibs all the time and when you tell her to quit, she doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Paula Kirsch. Is Paula absent?” Miss Marshall’s voice reached them.

  “Oh, no. I’m here. I’m sorry. I didn’t hear —”

  “Listen in future,” said Miss Marshall, giving Paula a cold look which marked her down as one of the troublemakers.

  Anna, knowing that she, too, was part of this group, felt excited about belonging and uneasy about the day when she would have to explain to the teacher that she, Anna, could not thread a needle. What if Miss Marshall thought she was another Suzy Hughes and just lazy? They were going to do a unit on cooking first. Good. Measuring was the only pitfall there. She was sure already, that Maggie would help her when she needed it.

  When they moved on to history, Suzy suggested that they sit at the back. Before Anna had time to open her mouth, Maggie said, “No. We’re sitting near the front where we can see better.”

  “You can have lots more fun back there,” Suzy protested.

  “Go ahead. We’ll meet you after,” Paula said.

  Anna did want them to sit with her but Suzy made her feel uncomfortable about it. Finally she wrote a note and passed it to Maggie when the teacher had his back turned.

  Don’t sit up front if you don’t want to just because of me. I can get along all right.

  Maggie passed back the slip of paper.

  But I do want to.

  Anna felt herself beaming. Suddenly, she thought of Isobel ordering her to smile. She had tried it with Nancy and it hadn’t worked. But with Maggie, and Paula too, she didn’t even have to think about it. She had done it and so had they. That was the best way with smiles, having them just happen because you couldn’t help it. She wrote on the note,

  Thanks a lot.

  Maggie read it from where she sat.

  “For what?” she asked.

  And their grins met like hands clasping.

  Nothing special happened in general science, music appreciation, or art. As they started out once more from the art room, Anna felt tired. Surely noon had come and gone long ago! But she was happy.

  I never dreamed I’d be happy, she thought, remembering how she had felt at breakfast.

  “Only one more to go,” Maggie said, checking the schedule sheet. “P.T.”

  Physical training! How could somebody be so light-hearted one minute, and then feel nothing but a sense of doom. Isobel had told her the horrors of physical training in full detail.

  “I LOVE P.T.,” Suzy said.

  “How do you know?” Paula asked. “You’ve never taken it.”

  “It’s sports and dancing and stuff,” Suzy said. “I’m great at things like that. I’m going to try out for being a cheerleader. Everybody says they take mostly older girls, but they have to take some from our class. And I’ve been practicing.”

  “In front of the mirror?” Paula asked, teasing.

  “How did you know?” Suzy looked surprised but not at all embarrassed.

  “Just smart, I guess,” Paula said.

  Isobel had advised Anna to get a doctor’s certificate saying she couldn’t take part, she remembered now. She fully intended to. She’d go the minute she was free. If only she could survive the next few minutes without making a fool of herself …

  Please, God, don’t let there be a relay race, she prayed.

  There wasn’t one.

  Miss Willoughby told them that they were to wear tunics, white blouses, navy-blue bloomers, long black stockings, and white running shoes.

  Anna was determined to get that doctor’s certificate, but she knew she still had to have a tunic for assembly. And it was to be brand new. Frieda was still wearing Gretchen’s old one, so for once Mama had decided that Anna deserved something new. Ever since she had been a little girl she had wanted to wear a school uniform and now, on assembly days, she really would.

  “We have seven minutes left, girls,” Miss Willoughby called out, startling Anna out of her daydream. “Spread out quickly in rows, two arms’ length apart, Like this.”

  She pulled two girls forward and demonstrated. The class scrambled into position.

  “Now touch your toes. No bending the knees now! Again! Now stretch up high. Up, up, UP! Pretend you’re reaching for a star. That’s more like it. Arms out. Arms forward. Touch your shoulders. Now let your arms rest at your sides and take a deep, DEEP breath. As much as your lungs will hold! More! Looking around this class, I see some lazy chests! Breathe IN!”

  Anna, breathing in, blushed. Her breasts were still small but she was self-conscious about them. The way Miss Willoughby was peering at each of their chests in turn made her want to duck behind someone. Poor Paula! She was as big as a woman almost. Not that Paula seemed to care.

  “Now your posture …” Miss Willoughby started.

  Mercifully, for Anna, the bell rang. From years of bending over to see things, she had grown slump-shouldered. Mama was always at her about standing up straight. While she was used to Mama and hardly heard her anymore, she did not want Miss Willoughby talking pointedly about lazy shoulders.

  They headed to their homeroom although Anna did not see how, with Mr. Lloyd in it, it would ever feel like a home. Suzy had dropped back saying something about wanting to find out where you went to ask about getting to be a cheerleader.

  “I’ll bet she gets to be one too,” Paula said, as the three of them walked companionably along together. “She really is pretty and I, having been forced to attend ballet lessons with her for one whole month, can testify that she’s graceful. She made the rest of us look like elephants.”

  “How did you get them to let you quit?” Anna asked, understanding from Paula’s tone that ballet lessons had not been her own idea.

  “Oh, my mother can see reason if you’re firm enough,” Paula said. “She thought it would be good for my posture. I told her I’d rather walk around three hours every night with a book on my head.”

  Anna turned and stared at her. Paula raised her eyebrows.

  “They’re always at me about mine,” Anna explained. “I was scared that the P.T. teacher was going to start talking about it. I thought I’d be the only one.”

  “Oh, I slouch too,” Maggie said. “We’ll have to form a Poor Posture Club.”

  Anna was amazed at their nonchalance. Didn’t they mind being told, over and over, that they were round-shouldered? To her, it was part of the long list of things she hated about herself.

  “There are worse things than poor posture, you know,” Maggie said, reading her mind. “The Ten Commandments never say, ‘Thou shalt not slump.’”

  Even Anna had to laugh at that. Maybe she did take things too seriously.

  “What do we do now?” Paula wondered. “I’m worn out. I can’t even remember the names of all those teachers, and I’m not sure I got that schedule straight. I didn’t have time to check it.”

  “I didn’t get it at all,” Anna confessed, glad of the opening.

  “Come on to the back of the room and you can copy out mine,” Maggie said. “While you’re doing it, I’ll go and sign Paula and me up for locker partners.”

/>   Anna, about to copy from Maggie’s writing, which was as clear as printing, stopped and looked up anxiously.

  “What do I do?” she said. “I don’t know anybody.”

  “I think he’ll assign you somebody alphabetically. I’ll ask while I’m there,” Maggie said. She watched Anna trying to rule off her page into blocks, each space representing a class period.

  “Let me do that for you,” she offered. “It must be hard to see to get the lines straight.”

  Anna gladly handed her the ruler.

  When she was gone, Anna, looking at the page closely, began to fill in the subjects.

  “It’s nice getting geography over early in the day,” Paula murmured. “If Mr. Lloyd picks on you again, I’ll tell my mother.”

  Anna was puzzled.

  “You don’t think he shut up just because I talked back to him, do you?” Paula said, her voice low, her expression amused. “My mother’s on the Board of Education. And Fred Weber’s father is an alderman. We aren’t as brave as you think.”

  “Yes you were brave,” Anna said. “He might not even know about your mother …”

  “He knows,” Paula said. “Mother’s always getting her picture in the paper. She thinks the strap should be abolished! Anybody who thinks his kid is being treated terribly in school goes to my mother and she makes sure it’s checked into. Here’s Maggie. What’s wrong?”

  “I have a lovely surprise for you, Paula,” Maggie said, sitting down with a thump on the desk in front of them. “And one for Anna too.”

  “Don’t just sit there looking mad. Tell us,” Paula ordered.

  “You already had a locker partner,” Maggie said to her. “I’ll give you three guesses.”

  “Why that little sneak!” Paula exclaimed. “I never said … She didn’t even ask me …”

  Anna felt bewildered for an instant; then she guessed the truth.

  “Suzy?” she asked.

  “Yes indeed. And Mr. Lloyd wasn’t about to change anything he considered already settled. That’s where Anna’s surprise comes in.”

  Again Paula had it figured out first.