Stargazer

by Melanie Matthews

  “Okay, can you recommend her?”

  “I have already sent the information to President Pallas.”

  “Why? Did you know what my decision would be?”

  “I recognized your distress when I mentioned Doctor Victor Jamison.”

  “Can you…feel?”

  “I am a machine. I do not feel.”

  “But if I’m a Stargazer, how do I express human emotions?”

  “You are the anomaly.”

  “Can you figure me out?”

  “I cannot.”

  “What are you?”

  “I am a citizen of Sanctuary, an employee of the Corporation, and the responsive interface to computer queries, provided to ensure a more acceptable appeal to mankind.”

  “What are those tubes in your head?”

  “They are cables allowing the rapid flow of information.”

  “Do they hurt?”

  “I feel no pain.”

  “Are you an alien?”

  “I am a machine with a humanoid appearance.”

  “Stargazers look humanoid, don’t they?”

  “Yes, except for the distinction of lavender hair and eyes.”

  I ran my fingers though my hair. It was soft and full. I wondered what my face looked like.

  “Why do Stargazers have such features?”

  “It is in their biological makeup.”

  “What planet are they from?”

  “That information has yet to be determined.”

  “Does the Corporation have the ability to travel in space?”

  “I am not authorized to answer that question.”

  “Okay, does the Corporation have the knowledge to travel in space?”

  I wondered if I could trick her like Loren did with Protocol 19-82.

  “No, they do not. Excuse me, EHAE-01-23-3013-A, but I am being requested elsewhere. Goodbye.”

  “Wait! Is Henrietta coming?”

  Medusa was gone and the wall was white again. I waited and waited, desperately needing to use the restroom, when finally the buzzing sound reappeared and someone walked through the wall. To my relief, it was Henrietta, and not Victor.

  She held her head down, wearing a dress like me, but it was dark gray. Her full brown curls almost covered her face. I noticed her eyes were dark, possibly brown like her hair.

  “What is your command?” she asked in a soft voice.

  “I don’t want to command you. I just need to go to the restroom. Can you help me?”

  She lifted her head with furrowed brows, confused. “I was told you were different than other Stargazers.”

  “Aren’t you afraid of me?”

  “Yes, but it’s my duty to serve, whether it’s a human or an alien.”

  “Have you served aliens before?”

  “A year ago, I was confined in a prison cell with one.”

  “Why?”

  “They wanted to see how the Stargazer would react to me.”

  “What happened?”

  “We mated.”

  “That’s unbelievable!” I sat down on the table, feeling sick. “Did you get pregnant?”

  “Yes.”

  “What happened to the child?”

  “At birth, it was taken from me.”

  “Did you know if it was a girl or a boy?”

  “They didn’t tell me. The fetus was taken to a lab to be studied.”

  I felt even sicker.

  “Who was the presiding doctor?”

  “There were two: Dr. Elliott Hinder and Dr. John Goode.”

  I almost vomited. John had been an accomplice in the experimentation on a child! It was too much to bear! I looked at Henrietta. She seemed so calm.

  “Are you not upset at losing your child? What they made you go through?”

  “I serve the Corporation. How can I serve you?”

  “Can you just show me the restroom and I’ll go by myself?”

  “That’s not authorized. I have to attend to you.”

  “Okay, so, where is it?”

  Henrietta approached me, less timid than I would have imagined her to behave. She held out her hand. I took it and there was that same magnetized feeling again, not only to the table I had been confined to in the white room, but also when John held me when I struggled to free myself.

  I tried to shake my hand loose, but it was attached to hers like glue.

  “We are bonded now,” she explained.

  “What does that mean?”

  “Everyone I go, you go.”

  “But what if I make a run for it?”

  “There are guards posted everywhere. If you love as you claim, you wouldn’t endanger my life as well, because I would be caught in the crossfire. Even if my life ended, it wouldn’t matter. I’m just a slave. I serve the Corporation in life and death.”

  “Henrietta…”

  “What?”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t make her see that everything she believed in was wrong.

  “Let’s go.”

  Instead of us walking through the wall, it slid open like a door. When we walked out, holding hands, I noticed my cell was just one of hundreds upon hundreds, on different levels, spiraling up to the ceiling. I couldn’t see anyone side, but there were guards walking, patrolling. I was on the lowest level and there were more guards here. They were faceless men with hatred in their eyes. A few smiled, looking down at us holding hands. I guessed Henrietta and I were an amusing spectacle. We walked down a long white hallway, passing several closed doors. Finally, we reached the end, and a door labeled PRIVY. I felt embarrassed as Henrietta held my hand while I did my business. I noticed a shower in the room as well. I realized I hadn’t had a bath in awhile.

  “Henrietta, do I stink?” I asked, nodding towards the shower.

  “You could use a bath.”

  “Can we become unstuck?”

  “I can get in the shower with you.”

  “No, no! I want to shower alone.”

  “It’s not permitted.”

  “How am I supposed to clean myself attached to you?”

  “I can clean you.”

  “Again, no, I want to clean myself. Well, I guess I’ll just have to stink around everyone.”

  “The Stargazers don’t care if their smell bothers others.”

  “Well, I guess I’m not a Stargazer.”

  “But you have other attributes.”

  I sighed. “Yeah, I don’t know why.”

  “You act human.” She smiled. “You have…personality.” She furrowed her brow. “But more like a rebel than a resident of Sanctuary.”

  “Well, thanks, I guess.”

  I took another whiff of myself. I really did stink.

  “Medusa, are you there?” I called out.

  The restroom mirror became a black screen and Medusa appeared.

  “Yes?”

  “I want to bathe. Can Henrietta and I be unstuck?”

  “I will check.”

  Medusa tilted her head and pushed buttons as usual. Finally, she said, “You may bathe, but a different attendant is required.”

  “Who is it?” I asked, afraid to know.

  “Doctor Victor Jamison.”

  I grunted. “Why is he my alternative attendant?”

  “President Pallas has decreed that if you are to bathe, Doctor Victor Jamison is to be your attendant.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. Pallas was trying to humiliate me. He must believe I was human.

  “Will Dr. Jamison and I be bonded?”

  “If you desire, but no, it is not required.”

  “How close will he be to me?”

  “You are allowed to bathe while he supervises.”

  “What about privacy?”

  “It is not authorized.”

  “Fine,” I said, angry. “Please see to it that Dr. Jamison supervises my bath.”

  As we waited, I said to Henrietta, “Sorry, I’m not pushing you out, but I’m not going to let them think they know me, because they
don’t.”

  The truth was I didn’t know myself. Perhaps before all of this, I did this sort of thing—defied people—rebelled.

  “If that is your wish,” said Henrietta.

  “You can go back to whatever it was that you were doing.”

  “I was in the service of President Pallas.”

  “What do you do for him?”

  “I read to him.”

  I was shocked. “You read to him?”

  Henrietta nodded. “He likes poetry.”

  “Can’t he read?”

  “He likes it when I do.”

  I shook my head, confused by this poetry-loving dictator. The door to the privy opened and Victor walked in with a smirk on his face and a pair of white shoes.

  “Loren said he would bring them,” I told Victor.

  “Well, he was on his way, but I stopped him, told him that you needed me to supervise your bath and it only made sense that I would bring you some shoes.”

  I was sure Loren didn’t like that plan at all, but it seemed Victor was above him in superiority.

  Victor laid the shoes on the counter and turned to Henrietta. “You may go now.”

  Henrietta nodded and her hand easily slipped from mine. Before she left, she turned to me and said, “Goodbye.”

  I sensed she was a little sad.

  “Bye,” I told her, sad too.

  She left and Victor closed the door. A red line appeared to show it was locked. “Well, well, let’s get started.”

  I looked at the shower. There was no curtain to block me from his eyes. I turned so that my back was to him. I took off my dress, folded it, and laid it down on the counter, next to my shoes. I dared to look at my body and noticed it looked human. I took another glance at the bathroom mirror. Before, when I first arrived to the restroom, I had taken a quick glance, and noticed eyes, a nose, lips, and everything else that was deemed human, but now, I really took a hard look.

  My eyes were lavender, as they said. It matched my hair. I had lavender eyebrows too. My nose was small and my lips were full and pink. I stuck out my tongue. It was pink.

  I turned to Victor, naked, and said, “My tongue is pink, if you wanted to know.”

  He didn’t respond. He just stared at me. I noticed his eyelids were drooped as if he was tired, but his breathing picked up. His chest was heaving. He licked his top lip. I didn’t know a lot, but it seemed Victor was very attracted to me. I felt sick. He was not the man I wanted to attract. I thought John was nice, but after hearing that he presided over the experimentation of a half-Stargazer, half-human baby, I was sickened by him. I liked Loren, but I didn’t want him attending my bath. I’d rather have Victor, who I hated.

  I turned from him and stepped into the shower. There was a panel with buttons, but I didn’t know which ones to push.

  “Medusa, which one starts the shower?”

  I only heard her voice. “I can activate it, if you wish.”

  “Oh, please do.”

  “At what temperature would you like the water?”

  “Ah, I don’t know, how about not too cold, not too hot?”

  The water gushed out and it was perfect. I moaned out in delight.

  “Thank you, Medusa.”

  “You are welcome. Will you need soap?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “Which scent would you like?”

  “What are the options?”

  “There are honey, vanilla, strawberry, and rose.”

  “You mean, rose like the flower?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you have lavender?”

  “Lavender is forbidden.”

  “I thought so. What about with garments?”

  “That is also forbidden.”

  “And the color purple?”

  “That is allowed.”

  “That makes no sense.”

  “It is the law.”

  “Sounds like a stupid law to me.”

  “Are you ready to pick a particular soap?”

  “Uh, how about, rose?”

  “You might want to close your eyes.”

  That wasn’t Medusa. I turned to see Victor, still staring at me from the door. He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t brooding. He was just staring at me.

  “Why?” I asked.

  He took a step forward and then stopped, placing his hands in his pants pockets.

  “It comes out in a mist.”

  I looked at the panel and saw numbers, counting down. When it got to one, I shut my eyes like Victor suggested. The mist came out, smelling of roses, all over my face, my hair and my body. Although I felt like I had just been sneezed on, I did feel cleaner as the soap did its job. The water continued to flow, washing the soap off. Steam was all around me and flowing out to the room. I could see Victor in a haze of white.

  “Are you finished?” he asked.

  I would’ve spent hours in that shower, but I didn’t want him gawking at me anymore. Apparently, he didn’t want to stare at me anymore either.

  “Yes,” I replied. “Medusa shut the water off please.”

  The water instantly stopped and I took my hair, squeezing out as much water as I could. When the steam dissipated, I saw Victor, standing near me, with a white towel, open for me. I stepped out of the shower and went to take the towel, but he pulled it back.

  “Allow me.”

  Chapter 6

  I turned around as he took the towel and dried my hair, taking his time. Next, he took another towel, and dried off my body. He took his time while he did this too, very careful, gentle. For a man, he was well-reserved. He must find me utterly unattractive. I didn’t mind. He wasn’t that great to look at either with his receding hairline.

  “I’m sorry about the lab before.”

  I didn’t say anything as he helped me put my dress and shoes on.

  “I was ordered to inject you.”

  “Did you have to do it so many times?”

  “I’m sorry about that too. I could tell you were in pain, but that would mean you were a Stargazer, and I had to know the truth.”

  “The pain was horrible. I can still feel it inside my head and the back of my neck hurts.”

  He swept my hair aside and rubbed his thumb over the spot where Dr. Keller had injected me. I didn’t like him touching me, but I really didn’t have a choice other than to use my superb strength to crush his bones, but that would definitely mean my death, or at least torture until death. I had wanted to die earlier, but now I wasn’t so sure. I had questions and I wanted them answered.

  “It’s bruised,” he murmured. “Would you like to go to the infirmary?”

  I turned around and saw the look of concern on his face. “Is that another word for lab?”

  “No, no one will harm you. We have something that came make your head feel better and heal that bruise.”

  “You tortured me and now you want to help me?”

  “I’m sorry. I was just doing my job.”

  “What is it with everyone around here? You torture me because it’s your job. Henrietta is a willing slave. I don’t get it. This Sanctuary sounds more like a Hellhole.”

  “The Sanctuary is everything,” he said, indoctrinated.

  “Sure it is.”

  “We have universal health care. Let me take you to the infirmary. We have medicines that are like magic.”

  He smiled, as if that was supposed to make me feel better.

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “You can go back to your cell, be in pain, or you can come with me. Don’t worry. I won’t bite you.”

  “If I’m so loathsome, why are you even bothering?”

  “You’re not loathsome. I think you’re beautiful.” He took one step towards me and I instantly backed away. “I’m sorry. Let’s go to the infirmary. You’ll feel better then.”

  I sighed, unsure, but then said, “All right.”

  He held out his hand.

  “What?” I asked, confused.

  “We have to be
bonded.”

  “No, I’m not doing that.”

  “If you don’t, you’ll be knocked out and taken back to your cell. Do you really want to go back there?”

  I reluctantly took his hand. He weaved his fingers between mine and squeezed.

  “Can everyone bond?”

  “Yes.”

  “How do you do it?”

  “It’s in our DNA.”

  “You had something injected in you like the Brain Boosters?”

  “No, we were just born with the ability to bond.”

  “You attach your hand to someone like glue?”

  He took his free hand and pointed to his head. “It’s in our mind too. We decide to bond, to attach to someone, and then our skin does the rest.”

  “What about arms? Or legs?”

  “Yes, it works the same way.”

  “Are you serious?”

  He smiled. “Why? Is that weird?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “You Stargazers are weird to us.”

  “Loren thinks I’m half-Stargazer, half-human.”

  “You may be that, but there’s Stargazer in you, no doubt.” He ran his fingers through my half-dried lavender hair. “How do you do that?”

  “It’s in my DNA,” I returned with a smile.

  He smiled. “Here, let me show you.” He let go of my hand and held my wrist. “You’re strong. Try to pull away.”

  I tried and tried, but we were stuck together.

  “That’s weird and neat at the same time.”

  He smiled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  He held my hand again and we were bonded as we left the privy. All the guards stared at us with amazement.

  “Is it unusual for you to be holding hands with a suspected Stargazer?”

  “It’s unusual for me to be holding hands with anyone. I’m a bit of a loner.”

  “You’re not with Dr. Keller?”

  Victor shivered, but he wasn’t cold. “Not that old thing.”

  “How old is she?”

  “Old.”

  “How old are you?”

  “I’m twenty-eight. Do I look old?”

  I stopped to take a look at him. We had been walking down various hallways with guards in black uniform and doctors in white lab coats staring at us. We were in front of a door that read INFIRMARY.