Bombay Rains, Bombay Girls

by Anirban Bose

  The pearl like droplets sizzled on the dry, parched land, the air suddenly redolent with the smell of wet earth. The rains pockmarked the dusty soil that hastily deliquesced into globs of mud. Like a hundred percussionists suddenly gone berserk, the rapid arrhythmic beats of a million droplets, ricocheting off cement sidewalks, tin roofs, dusty leaves and bare roads, filled the air. In the reflective silence of sudden inactivity, hundreds stood still, admiring the scene as though frozen in time, welcoming the first showers and their promise of plenty. Then, as abruptly as it had begun, the rain petered off and stopped, leaving behind small rivulets, hundreds of muddy puddles and a distant rainbow in the slowly brightening sky.

  Adi watched the rains while waiting for Renuka at a small municipal park close to the hospital. The park was dotted with numerous gazebos that provided both protection from the rain and privacy from other people.

  Renuka smiled happily upon seeing him. ‘This is a surprise. I almost didn’t believe it when Praful said you were waiting for me over here,’ she said, striding eagerly towards him. ‘How are you? Haven’t heard from you for a long time.’

  Adi held his smile briefly and said, ‘I’m fine…but I know someone who is not.’

  ‘Who? Are you talking about me? You have no idea how hard this has—’

  ‘No. I’m talking about Neil.’

  The smile on her face vanished and the laugh lines around her eyes melted into an icy stare.

  ‘Neil came to my room some days back,’ said Adi. ‘He was very upset. Said you had broken up with him and wouldn’t even tell him why.’

  She remained quiet. Her face grew somber and she shifted her bag from one shoulder to the other for lack of anything better to do.

  ‘Why don’t you at least talk to him, Renuka? He deserves an answer!’

  ‘Is that the reason you asked me to come here, Adi? To talk about why I should talk to Neil and give him a reason? Why don’t you tell him the reason, Adi…you know why I stopped seeing him!’

  ‘No, I don’t! What are you talking about?’

  ‘Oh, come on, Adi! You know it… Why do I have to spell it out for you?’

  ‘Renuka, I don’t know what you mean and I’m tired of drawing conclusions on your behalf. I’m tired of your interpretations of feelings and friendship. I thought Neil was special…you said that, remember?’

  ‘Both of you have been my friends, Adi…and I initially thought I was in love with Neil…but then you came along and you—’

  ‘No, Renuka! Please, let’s at least be honest with each other. I didn’t happen to come along! You knew Neil two years before you knew me, and then you came and sought me out. Please don’t insult my intelligence. I’m not the naïve, bumbling idiot I once was. At least, I hope you respect me enough to tell me the truth…the truth, as you, and only you know it!’

  Renuka’s eyes widened with surprise. She started to say something, only to find herself at a loss for words. She stuttered awkwardly, vacillating between denying her actions and defending them. Unable to do either, she opened and shut her mouth a few times. Soon, her malaise dissolved into a troubled silence, and Adi noticed the tears well up in her eyes even before she reached for her handkerchief.

  ‘Will you be upset if I tell you?’ she said finally.

  ‘It doesn’t matter, Renuka! But if we have to clear the air, we have to be honest with each other. I can’t deal with half-truths any more.’

  She dabbed her eyes and began in a voice that started to falter almost immediately. ‘I met Neil in high school. He was a year senior and we worked on a play together – The Merchant of Venice. That was when I got to know him. He was Antonio and I was Portia, and we got close to each other. We spent a lot of time preparing for the play, for an inter-college competition. We were friends for a long time and… I thought he was such a nice guy.

  ‘We started seeing more of each other when our play won a prize and we had to go for a national level competition. Neil was very sweet, very nice…so gentlemanly…and we started to like each other. I don’t know how else to explain it, Adi…but I felt very strongly for him and started to get serious about him.’

  She paused to dab her eyes some more. ‘Do you remember Adi, I told you how my family wanted me to meet some other guy for an unofficial engagement…someone from another business family?’

  Adi nodded.

  She continued. ‘But I loved Neil and I’d ask him repeatedly if he felt the same way. He would say he liked me but how could he be sure that what he felt was love? I was desperate, Adi. My parents were pressuring me so much and I wanted Neil to say that he loved me! I just wanted Neil to be serious about me… I was desperate, Adi. That was when I met you in Anat Hall for the first time… I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!’

  Adi stiffened, trying to interpret the apology.

  She sniffled. ‘I just wanted to get to know you a little bit, Adi…somehow make Neil see…you know…’ She started crying, unable to complete the sentence.

  ‘So you wanted to make Neil jealous?’ asked Adi. ‘Is that why you tried to get close to me and pretended to have an interest?’

  She kept crying. ‘I’m sorry, Adi. I didn’t mean to involve you to the extent that I did… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!’

  Adi stood still, staring at her as she buried her face in her handkerchief, weeping for having wronged him. Yet, his own lack of outrage surprised him. All he felt was a weight lifting off his shoulders.

  Her eyeliner left dark smudges on her handkerchief as she searched for the next dry spot on the little piece of cloth. Then she wiped her eyes carefully and said, ‘I’m sorry, Adi. I never meant to hurt you. Neil was right, I didn’t know what love meant until I met you. I never anticipated falling in love with you, Adi. I stopped seeing Neil for you…for you, Adi!’

  Adi didn’t reply.

  His silence unnerved her. ‘What? What happened? Why are you silent, Adi?’

  Adi shook his head. ‘It’s different now, Renuka,’ he said.

  ‘What’s different?’

  ‘Things change, Renuka.’

  ‘What has changed? I remember you were so upset with me that evening after Rose Day.’

  ‘I… I love someone else.’

  She stopped sniffling and stared at him for a few seconds. ‘You’re not in love,’ she said finally. ‘You cannot be in love!’

  Surprised, Adi scoffed at her. ‘I don’t think you should be telling anyone else about love, Renuka!’

  ‘You’re right, Adi,’ she said, trying to smile through her tears. ‘I shouldn’t be telling anyone about being in love…but I know a thing or two about trying to get someone’s love. It’s Isha, isn’t it? I know what you are trying to do, Adi…you are doing the same thing I did to Neil when I wanted his love…you tried to make me see that I did really love you…and you’ve succeeded Adi…you have. It has worked, Adi.’

  ‘Renuka, that is nonsense!’

  ‘Nonsense? No, no, Adi…don’t you see? I did the exact same thing! And I’m not blaming you for it. You’ve succeeded…you’ve made your point!’

  ‘I wasn’t trying to make a point, Renuka. I’m really in love with…’

  ‘How do you know that you are in love, Adi? You told me that you loved me, and now you say you don’t. How do you know you love her?’

  ‘I never said I loved you!’

  She held her distraught eyes on him for a few seconds before rummaging through her purse. She pulled out a card and read, ‘I feel wonderful because I’ve seen the love light in your eyes; and the wonder of it all is that you just don’t realize how much I love you!’

  Adi stared at his handwriting on the card from Rose Day and recoiled with discomfort.

  ‘What is this?’ she demanded, her eyes digging into his face for an explanation. ‘You wrote this, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yes! I sent it…but I didn’t actually…mean…’

  ‘You didn’t actually what? You didn’t mean it? Then why were you upset that evening? Why?’
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  ‘Maybe I meant it then…!’

  ‘Maybe you meant it? Maybe…Adi? You said you loved me but you cannot even remember it now? And you’re certain that you are in love now?’

  Adi felt lost. He struggled to clarify, only to get even more embroiled in doubt. This revenge was exactly what he had intended that evening after Rose Day!

  He fell silent. Renuka stared at him intently, his silence reinforcing her conviction.

  ‘You don’t know you are in love, Adi,’ she said. ‘I know what you are feeling now. You have feelings for someone because you want to fill the void I left in you. You are doing the same thing I did, when I wanted to feel loved, Adi.’

  ‘No, Renuka! You are wrong! You have no idea!’

  ‘Then tell me, Adi, what is it that you feel which is so different now? You said you loved me, but now you cannot even remember saying it? What is it that you call “love” when you think of her but didn’t feel when you wrote this card for me? You said you were honest…so tell me, Adi what is it that you call love?’

  Renuka’s questions haunted Adi as he prepared to meet Isha later that evening. Instead of clarifying matters, the acrimony of their meeting left him even more confused. It also left him desperate to avoid any discussion about his relationship with Isha: the very discussion he had so desperately sought in the isolation of his room just the previous evening.

  Isha waved excitedly upon seeing him.

  ‘Hi Adi. I got to conduct two deliveries by myself today. Dr Choksi said that I was a natural…whatever that means,’ she said, grinning uncontrollably.

  ‘Great,’ said Adi. ‘This calls for a treat.’

  ‘Yeah, let’s go for a movie. There is a good movie in Sterling… “Ghost”. If we run, we can make it before the evening show starts.’

  Adi smiled, agreeing readily to her suggestion, hoping that the horror movie would be a welcome distraction that would thwart any discussion about their relationship.

  He was wrong on both counts. The movie was a beautiful love story that made their hearts heavy with ardour as they stepped out of the hall into a night that was still young. Over dinner, she talked about the movie repeatedly, clearly moved by its romantic theme. Adi was deliberately evasive, hoping to avoid getting into a discussion about their relationship. He studied her face whenever her attention was elsewhere. She looked radiantly happy. Unable to participate in her happiness, Adi cursed his restless heart silently.

  It was close to 10 p.m. when they walked out towards Marine Drive. The night sky hid the clouds well. The street vendors normally inhabiting the sidewalks had already deserted it. Dark and desolately beautiful, the drive curved along the shore before disappearing into the lights of Malabar Hills at the northern end. A few cars zoomed by, slowly melting into the distance. Adi and Isha splish-splashed along the wet stone paved sidewalks. Along the shoreline the waves crashed angrily against the ledge, their powerful surges brought on by the strong monsoon winds.

  Then, without warning, it started to rain. The downpour drenched them before they could locate a shelter. They ran towards a lone taxi standing at the side of the road and knocked on the window. The driver let them in.

  Adi followed Isha in and quickly closed the door behind him. The driver turned around to look at them. ‘I am off duty,’ he informed them in a perfect Bihari accent while sizing them up with the same suspicion he would accord a young couple on the verge of eloping.

  ‘I know, I saw your metre,’ Adi replied. ‘We were just looking for a place to get away from the rain. Could you drive us to JJ hospital?’

  ‘JJ hospital? Doctor?’

  Adi nodded. He was rewarded with immediate respect.

  The driver said, ‘That area near Grant Road is filled with water. The taxi will get stuck. Anyway, not to worry…just sit in the taxi as long as you want. After the rain stops, I can take you to JJ.’

  They thanked him profusely. The driver put some light music on the radio then stretched out on the front seat comfortably. Within a few minutes he started to doze off.

  Outside, it continued to pour relentlessly. Huge waves crashed over the ledge, spilling gallons of seawater onto the street. Sheets of water ran down the glass panes, blurring their vision, disfiguring the traffic lights’ red and green into a shimmering haze. The rains drummed a steady pitter-patter on the roof of the car, intermittently escalating into a crescendo of intense tapping when the wind bore down in gusts. The car shook when that happened, reminding them of the storm’s fury.

  As they sat in the taxi, calm, warm, with a lilting melody in the background, a strange sense of security began to envelop Adi. He could feel the knots in his muscles dissolve slowly and the tension in his head started to dissipate. For the first time that evening, he began to relax.

  Both of them were soaked. Isha sat next to him, trying to shake the last drops of water from her hair. She had tilted her head sideways, letting her hair fall to one side while running her fingers through it. As she brought her hands down by her side, they touched his.

  ‘Oh…sorry!’ said Adi and retracted his hand.

  ‘No, no,’ she said, with a shy smile, ‘I… I don’t mind.’

  He smiled nervously, put his hand on hers and gently rubbed the back of her fingers. She didn’t protest. Slowly, he turned them over and held her hand tightly in his. He was surprised at how soft they felt. She moved closer to him. Adi eased his arm over her shoulders and intertwined her hands in his. He rubbed them gently, feeling the soft wetness of her long, smooth, graceful fingers. They smiled nervously at each other.

  Nobody spoke. The radio crooned on, its beautiful melody filling the space between them. The rain continued unabated outside, lashing at the windowpanes with a ferocity that seemed to challenge them to step out. The waves whipped the rocky ledge. The winds howled, swaying the palm trees, swinging them back and forth as though they were made of rubber. Streetlights and traffic signs swayed in the wind, casting strange patterns on the road below.

  Cocooned inside the taxi, Adi felt strangely content and very safe. In this small warm niche, his world was perfect, even if everything outside was crazy and chaotic. He sighed, feeling the warmth of Isha’s body next to his.

  In the faint glow of the radio dial, she looked breathtakingly lovely. The millions of droplets running down the windowpanes cast soft black and white shadows on her face, rippling on her skin like the gentle caress of a mysterious lover. Her wet face glowed like a beautiful wax doll. Her breasts moved gently with her breath, the stiff nipples straining against the wet fabric of the soggy T-shirt clinging to her chest. Her skin smelled salty-sweet, and he leaned forward to catch its comforting whiff. His heart began to race and he could feel goose pimples sprout on his arms. He felt blood rushing into his pelvis and a familiar tingle dried his mouth. He tightened his grip on her hands and blew softly on her neck.

  She turned and looked at him nervously. Her breathing became heavier and her eyes began to droop. Her lips were lightly parted; her breath sweet and moist.

  His heart beating wildly he leaned forward to kiss her.

  He had got to within millimetres of her lips, when he heard someone shout, ‘Stop this drama!’

  They jerked away from each other as though struck by lightning.

  The taxi driver was glaring at them from the front seat.

  ‘Get out!’ he bellowed. ‘You call yourselves doctors! Get out of my taxi! Now!’

  Trembling, they spilled out of the taxi, willing to brave the elements rather than their embarrassment. They plodded back to the bus-stand in silence, suddenly finding adequate protection from the storm by holding each other’s hand.

  ‘I can’t believe what just happened,’ she said once they were on the bus.

  ‘I should have been watching out for him. I’m sorry,’ apologized Adi. ‘I just got so over-whelmed that.’

  ‘No, no, don’t be sorry about that, Adi… I’m just sorry we couldn’t…’

  Adi smiled at her and squeezed h
er hand. She gripped his hand tightly and went back to looking out of the window.

  Adi bought the tickets from the bus conductor. Again, she insisted on taking them.

  ‘What do you do with these?’ asked Adi.

  ‘I collect them,’ she said, smiling mysteriously.

  Soon they reached the campus. Hand in hand, they walked slowly towards the ladies’ hostel, a light drizzle keeping them company. They sat on the ledge next to the hostel’s entrance, unmindful of the soggy clothes that stuck to their bodies. Khadoos Baba shot them a disparaging glance from behind the collapsible gates, then went back to sleep. The clock on the wall above his head claimed it was close to midnight. The area in front was completely deserted. Adi held her hand, not willing to let go just yet.

  She appeared to be lost in thought. Then, she said, ‘Adi, I have to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before.’

  Adi nodded, waiting for her to begin.

  ‘I… I have a problem trusting anyone… I’m extremely insecure about people,’ she said.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I find it difficult to get to know people, or let them get to know me. I’m kind of…reserved…if you will. Remember what I said about having only one friend? It’s actually my fault, not really my choice.’

  ‘Why?’

  She fell silent again. Then, after a few seconds, she sighed and said, ‘My father left me about ten years ago.’

  ‘Oh! I’m sorry…What happened? Did he die young?’