Requiem for a Dream

by Hubert Selby Jr

  Marion laughed loud and long, And I dont even have to lie to the clods. Werent you ballin your last shrink too? Yeah, but that got a little tacky. He stopped writing for me and wanted to leave his wife and straighten me out. . . you know, a real chauvinist. This guy is different. I see him once in a while and we have fun and theres no pressure. We just have a good time. And he still writes for tranks and downers. A couple of weeks ago we flew down to the Virgin Islands for a weekend. It was a ball. Hey, crazy. Sounds great. Yeah. So your folks are still footin the bills, tilting his head toward the rest of the apartment, for the pad and so forth? Yeah. She laughed out loud again, Plus the fifty a week for the shrink. And sometimes I do a little freelance editing for a few publishers. And the rest of the time you just lay up and get high, eh? She smiled, Something like that. You really got it made. But how come youre so hard on your folks, I mean like youre always coming down so heavy onem. They bug me with their middle class pretensions, you know what I mean? Like they're up there in that big house with all the cars and money and prestige and collect money for the UJA and B'NAI BRITH and KRIST knows who else—howd he get in there? He'd better watch out, we gotim once we'll getim again. Marion joined Harry in laughing, Yeah, they would too. I mean, thats the way they are. Theyll cut anybodys throat to make money then give a few dollars to the NAACP and think theyre doing the world a favor. You see how liberal they are when I come home with a black guy. Eh, theyre no worse than anybody else. Harry leaned back and stretched and blinked his eyes, The whole world is full of shit. Perhaps, but the whole world doesnt embarrass me. They have everything but culture. Theyre gross. Eh, gross, schmoss, and he shrugged and smiled, his mouth hanging loose and his eyes sleepy. Marion smiled, I guess youre right. Anyway, no point in letting them bring me down. Thats the whole trouble with pot. Sometimes I get a little paranoid behind it. Yeah, ya gotta learn how to hang loose, and he smiled his sleepy grin and snapped his fingers and bebopped his head and they both laughed, Whatta ya say we get to bed? Okay, but dont fall asleep right away. Hey, what am I? some kindda nut? They chuckled and Harry splashed some cold water on his face before getting into the bed. He hadnt finished stretching and getting comfortable when Marion was leaning over him, her face close to his, a hand rubbing his chest and abdomen, I dont know if its the pot or talking about my parents, but Im horny as hell. Whatta ya talkin about? Its me. I have that effect on broads. Im irresistible. Especially since the plastic surgeon hung me, and he started to laugh and Marion looked at him and shook her head, Dont you ever get tired of that old joke? Talk to your shrink about it. Maybe its a wish fulfillment, and he laughed again and Marion chuckled then kissed him and rolled her mouth from one side of his to the other, thrusting her tongue as deeply as possible into his mouth, Harry reacting with his and putting his arms around her and feeling her nice smooth flesh under his hands and caressing her back and the cheeks of her ass as she rubbed the inside of his thighs and gently ran her fingertips around his balls as she kissed his chest and stomach then grabbed his joint and stroked it for a moment before wrapping her lips around it and caressing the tip with her tongue, Harry continuing to fondle her ass and crotch as he squirmed and stretched, his eyes half closed, streaks of light shattering the darkness of his lids and when he opened his eyes he could vaguely see Marion hungrily gobbling his bird, his mind electric with ideas and images, but the drugs and the pleasure of the moment created an inertia that was delicious, absolutely delicious. The inertia was suddenly broken as Marion sat up and nested his bird and for hours, or perhaps seconds, he just lay there with his eyes closed listening to the exciting squish of joint against snatch—Ride a cock horse to Branburry Cross—then opened his eyes as he reached up to grab her boobs, then pull her down so he could tease them with his tongue, nibbling, chewing and sucking on them as he slid his hands up and down her back and Marions eyes were rolling back in her head from time to time as she moved and rolled and sighed and groaned and they continued their lovemaking until the dawns early light started seeping through the shades and curtains and the heat of their love-making cooled in the warmth of the sun and they were suddenly, and completely, asleep.

  Sara lovingly spread the cream cheese on her bagel, an eye and a half on her set that glowed in the early morning light in her living room. She took a generous bite out of the bagel then slurped a little hot tea. From time to time she smoothed and evened the cream cheese on the bagel before taking another bite and slurping more hot tea. She tried to eat the bagel and cream cheese slowly, but still it was gone before the next commercial. I'll wait. No more before the commercial. The next one should be a kitty litter. They got such nice pussy cats. They purr so nice. She sipped a little tea from the glass and watched the set thinking that maybe she wouldnt have anything else until after all the commercials. After all, its no big deal. And after breakfast I'll go to the library and get the diet books. Dont want to forget. The library first then to Adas so she can dye my hair. A lovely, gorgeous red. O hello puss. O, youre a sweetie little puss. So cuddly like a baby. She reached over and picked up the cheese danish and started dunking it in her glass of tea before she realized what she was doing. She awoke to her action as she chewed and rolled the danish around in her mouth. She looked at the pastry in her hand, and the indentation her teeth made on the edge where she had bitten, then realized why her stomach and throat were smiling. She almost ignored the commercials completely as she continued to bite and chew as slowly as possible, taking short, jerky sips of tea. When she finished the delicious cheese danish she licked her lips again, then her fingertips, then wiped her hands on the dish towel on her lap, then gently rubbed at her mouth before sipping more tea. She looked at the wrapping that had been around the danish and wiped the glazed moisture with her fingertip and licked it. Waste not and want not. Hmmmmmm, it tasted so good. It seemed to be extra special this morning like it was made for an affair. Maybe she should get another one. I'd miss the end of the program. I dont need any more. Eh, who needs it. I'll forget all about it. I'll watch the show and not think of the cheese danish. She continued to wipe the wrapping then lick her finger. She finally crumbled all the wrappings up in a little ball and tossed them into the garbage and forgot all about the bagel and cream cheese and the cheese danish that seemed so extra flaky today. A special. She watched the show and sighed, as always, at the happy and humorous ending, then finished her tea and readied herself to go to the library. She washed the plate, the knife and glass and put them on the drain board, brushed her hair and neatened herself, put on her nice button down sweater, then looked at her set for another moment then turned it off and left the apartment. She knew it was too early for mail, but she would check anyway. Who knows?

  The library was two blocks to the left, but she automatically turned to the right and was unaware she had turned in the wrong direction until the girl behind the counter in the bakery handed her her danish and change, Here you are, Mrs. Goldfarb. Take care. Thank you dolly. Sara left the bakery trying to believe she didnt know what was in the bag, but the game didnt last long because she not only did know what was in the bag, but she couldnt wait to get it out and eat it.

  But she ate it slowly and with deliberation, just teensy little nibbles that titillated her palate and enabled her to make it last all the way to the library. She asked the librarian where the diet books were. The librarian looked at the bakery bag Sara was still clutching then escorted her to the section containing the many diet books. O, so many. I'd lose weight just looking at all the books. The librarian chuckled, Isnt it pretty to think so. But dont worry, Im sure we can find just what you want. I hope so. Im going on the television and I thought maybe I should lose a few pounds so I look svelte, and Sara rolled her eyes and the librarian started to laugh then contained it to a chuckle. You dont have to worry about all these books in this section. This deals with nutrition and proper diet and health and improper diet and disease. Disease I dont need, thank you. And weight I dont need. Sara Gold-farb smiled at the librarian who returned h
er smile. Then Saras eyes twinkled, Maybe a little more than some. Well, the books you would be interested in are here, these deal with losing weight. Sara tried to look at all of them at once, They look so fat, if youll excuse the expression. She twinkled again at the librarian who had to control her laughter and keep it down to a chuckle. I think a skinny book is better. I dont have too much time. The time I need to lose weight, not to read a book. I could get muscles lifting books that big. The librarians eyes were tearing slightly from controlling her laughter. Well, heres the slimmest volume on the shelf. Sup pose we take a look at it. The librarian glanced through it quickly, nodding her head, Yes, yes. I think this will fit your needs perfectly. Theres a minimum of reading, the regimen is clearly laid out in easily understandable terms and, this is the part I think you will really like, it says you can lose up to ten pounds a week, or even more. I like it already. Also, I happen to know that this is a very popular book. We have three copies and we have a difficult time keeping one on the shelf. I assume it is a good book from a reducing point of view. She chuckled again, Of course I wouldn't know personally. Im noticing. I hate you already. Just dont tell me you eat ice cream and cake every night. The librarian was still chuckling and put her arm around Saras shoulders, No, just pizza. You should plotz already. They were both chuckling and the librarian kept her arm around Saras shoulder as they walked to the check out counter. After the librarian checked her out and handed Sara the book she asked her if she wanted to throw the paper bag away. Sara looked at it in her hand and shrugged, Why not? It worked hard. It needs a rest. The librarian tossed it in the wastepaper basket, Have a good day, Mrs. Goldfarb. Sara smiled and twinkled, Take care dolly. She held the slim volume tightly in her hand as she walked home. The sun felt so nice and warm and she found joy in the yelling of the children who ran along the street and between cars, jumping on each others back ignoring the honking of horns and the screams of drivers. Just feeling the book in her hands she could visualize the pounds melting off. Maybe this afternoon, after Ada fixes her hair, she'll get a little sun and feel thin. But first the hair.

  Ada had everything ready. For twenty-five years she had been dyeing her own hair and in her sleep she can turn anyone into a redhead. Maybe not knowing always ahead of time exactly what shade of red, but red. She first made each a glass tea because, believe me, youll need it to wash out the taste and smell, then she got to work. She set everything up on the kitchen table and worked in such a way that they could watch the action on the television. Ada wrapped a bath towel around Saras neck and started stripping her hair. Saras face twisted and wrinkled like a prune, Ech, what a smell. Thats the Gawanus Canal? Just relax dolly, you got a long way to go. Youll get used to it. Get used to it? Im almost losing my appetite. They both chuckled and Ada continued the slow stripping process as they listened to, and watched, the television. After an hour or so, Sara became accustomed to the smell and her appetite returned and she wondered if they would be finished before lunch time. Sweetie, we're lucky if we're finished before supper. So long? Thats right. With you we're starting from scatch one. And I thought I would catch a little sun today. In a box youll catch it. You just relax and think how gorgeous youll look

  with your red hair. Today the hair tomorrow the sun.

  The heat and the sun awakened Harry and Marion in the afternoon. They each tried to convince themselves to go back to sleep and not let the other one know they were awake, but after a few minutes the game became tedious. Especially for Harry thinking of the nice taste he had saved for now. He sat on the side of the bed for a moment, then went to the bathroom and threw some cold water on his face, rubbed it with a towel, then filled a glass with water. Hey baby, get up and get your works, I got a little somethin here. Marion sat up and blinked for a moment as she stared at the bathroom door. You putting me on Harry? Hey, I dont play those kind of games. Me and Ty scored for some way out dynamite shit yesterday and I still got a good taste left. Marion got her works and joined Harry in the bathroom, Here. She put the cooker on the sink and Harry tapped some heroin in, then the water, and cooked it up. He drew all the fluid up in the dropper then squeezed half of it out and passed it over to Marion, Ladys first. Well, thank you kind sir. Marion wasnt fully awake, still feeling the grogginess that comes from a long party and sleeping during a hot afternoon, but she was alert enough to tie up and pump up a good vein in a couple of seconds and get a good hit. She started to nod almost immediately and Harry took the works from her hand and cleaned them then tied up and got off himself. They sat on the side of the tub for a few minutes, rubbing their faces and smoking. Harry tossed his butt in the toilet and got up, Whatta ya say we get dressed for a while, and went back to the bedroom and put on his shirt and pants. Marion continued to sit on the side of the tub, rubbing her nose, until the heat from her shortening cigarette forced her eyes open and she tossed the butt in the toilet and washed her face, slowly, hanging over the bowl looking at the water and the face cloth, smiling at them, thinking of how she would pick up the cloth and soap it and then scrub her face and rinse it and splash on cold water then pat it dry . . . while just spinning the cloth around, dreamily, with the tip of her finger. Eventually she picked up the cloth and lovingly caressed the water from it and rubbed her face then stood up and looked in the mirror . . . then smiled. She let her face air dry and enjoyed the tingling sensation, then cupped her hands under her breasts and smiled with joy and pride as she turned and posed in various angles admiring their size and firmness. She thought of brushing her hair but just fluffed it with her hands, luxuriating in its feel and sheen, then posed for a few more minutes before putting on her robe and joining Harry at the kitchen table. O, you finally got out, eh? I thought maybe you fell in. She smiled, I thought you were trying to, and she grabbed his breasts and squeezed. Hey, take it easy. You wanta give me a cancer? He slapped her on the ass and she smiled again and sat down and lit a cigarette. Jesus, thats some good stuff. Harry leered at her, What are you talking about? She smiled. Animal. Yeah. You love it. I didnt hear you complaining. Hey, you know me, Im a happy go lucky clod. Well, I dont know how happy you are, and they both chuckled, almost inaudibly, their faces in wide grins and their eyes partially closed. Marion poured a couple of glasses of Perrier water and Harry stared at the bubbles for a minute then asked if she had any soda? No, but I have some limes. Harry giggled. They sat smoking and drinking Perrier water until the nod started to wear off and they settled in with a fine, mellow feeling as their eyes started to open a hair at a time. After a second glass Marion asked Harry if he wanted something to eat, Yeah, but not until ya take a bath, and he giggled. Animal. Will you settle for some yogurt? Harry started laughing, Yogurt??? Wow . . . and you call me an animal, and he continued laughing. Marion chuckled, Sometimes I think youre sick. Sometimes? Yes, sometimes. The rest of the time theres absolutely no doubt. She took a couple of containers of yogurt out of the refrigerator and put them on the table, along with two spoons. Well, Im glad that at least some of the time you have no doubts. Indecision is a terrible thing. Still on the pineapple yogurt kick, eh? Yes. I love it. But dont you ever get the hots for strawberry or blueberry or any of them? No. Just pineapple. I could live on it the rest of my life. Well baby, if eating pineapple yogurt every day will get you looking the way you do Im all for it. Marion pulled her shoulders back and turned slightly in a pose, You like the way I look? Hey, you kiddin? Youre sensational baby, Harry leaned across the table, Youre good enough to eat. Well, maybe you had better start with the yogurt. Its very nourishing. O yeah? You mean it puts lead in your pencil, eh? Okay, take a letter, and he started laughing. Marion shook her head as she smiled and put a spoonful of yogurt in her mouth then licked her lips. How can you laugh at those jokes of yours, they are positively terrible. Yeah, but I lovem. If I dont laugh, who will? Marion continued to smile as she finished her yogurt. They had another glass of Perrier water and were really enjoying their high even though they were sweating from the heat of the day and the dope. Harry closed h
is eyes and started breathing deeply, a serene smile on his face. What are you doing? Sniffing. Sniffing? Sniffing what? Us baby. Us.

  It smells like the Fulton Fish Market in here. Marion smiled and shook her head, Don't be so gauche. At least its better than being crass, and anyway, Im lovable. Harry laughed and Marion chuckled, then he got up, Why dont we take a bath? Marion smiled, I didnt think you knew how, and then she started laughing, I like that. That was a good one. They both laughed and he took off his pants and shorts and tossed them on the bed as they went back into the bathroom. Marion put some bath oil in the water and they plopped in the tub and luxuriated in the smooth, scented water and washed each other slowly, as they worked the soap in to a lather and caressed the lather over each others body, then slowly dripped water over each other, floating away the heat of the afternoon.

  Sara continued to stare in the mirror, blinking. Thats red? Ada shrugged, Well its not exactly red but its almost, maybe, in the same family. The same family? Theyre not even distant cousins already. Well, maybe a poor relation. Not even welfare. How poor is poor? How poor is poor? How high is up? Its a red. Not a red red, but a red. Red? Youre telling me this is a red? Yeah. Im telling. Its a red. Youre saying a red? Yeah. Im saying. Then whats orange? If this is red I want to know whats orange? I want to see an orange thats not even a poor relation of this. Ada looked at Saras hair, then her reflection, her hair, reflection, then pursed her lips and shrugged, Well, it could be a little orange too. A little orange? Ada kept nodding as she stared in the mirror at Saras reflection, Yeah, it looks like it could be, maybe, a little orange. A little orange? Its a little orange like being a little bit pregnant. Ada shrugged again. So whats to worry? Itll be alright. Whats to worry? Someone may try to juice me. Relax, relax, dolly. It just needs a little more dye. Itll be alright for the television. I look like a thermometer. Thats what I look like. Like an upside down thermometer. So dont blow your top. Relax. We'll have some smoked fish and bialy. Come, come, sit down. Ada led Sara away from the mirror and sat her down at the table. I'll get you a glass tea and youll feel better. Ada put the water on and got the fish out of the refrigerator and the bialy from the bread box, and the plates and utensils. All day long Im getting my scalp scraped, and burned and smelling like dead fish and I look like a basketball. You should learn to relax. Thats your trouble, you dont know how to relax already. Im telling you its alright. Tomorro we'll do it again and youll look like Lucille Ball. Here, have a piece of smoked fish and bialy.