The Windsor Girl

by Sylvia Burton

  Over dinner, James surveyed his brother and could not fail to notice the dark circles beneath his eyes, nor the fact that Richard was a shadow of his former self. His heart yearned to tell him of his meetings with Ellie. He had been back to her house several times, knowing that all his hopes of their being more than friends were dashed a long time ago.

  His knowledge of the child’s origin, was a secret he was obliged to keep, but one which caused him tremendous pain. He loved his brother and could imagine the hell he must be suffering, but James felt helpless, in the light of his promise to Ellie.

  Sitting there, at the table, the eating of food just one more routine to go through, Richard stared at James and was amazed at his appetite.

  ‘How you can sit there and enjoy your food, I will never understand’, Richard commented, his lips forming a thin line of contempt.

  Louise, who had been chatting chirpily, asked, ‘whom are you addressing, Richard?’

  ‘He is speaking to me Mother. Richard hates my guts and I can’t say that I blame him’.

  James put down his knife and fork, carefully lining them up beside his unfinished meal, ‘what can I say Richard?’

  ‘You can say that you will help find her. Then you can tell her that you’re sorry for all the trouble you’ve caused her. Alternatively, you can say that you are a cad, sir’, and with this, he brought his clenched fist down, hard on the table, sending the contents of his glass, spilling across the table.

  As he watched the dark stain, slowly spreading it’s way across the white linen, Edward, trying without success to control his temper, said, ‘enough is enough! The two of you must sort out this distressing affair, before it goes any further. Can you not see what this is doing to your mother? She’s at her wit’s end with this sordid business’.

  He turned his attention to Richard, ‘are you aware that, after much ‘soul searching’, I have agreed to care for the girl, and the child, should she ever be located? You know that your mother has a desire to see the child, and provide an allowance, so it is not brought up in a slum. Why then do you insist on this mindless taunting of your brother?’

  ‘Because he failed to do the decent thing, that’s why Father’.

  ‘But he wanted to marry ‘this maid’, when she confronted him with her condition. That he changed his mind, after taking my advice, is no reason to condemn him. He has seen the error of his ways, and is happy to conform to our wishes. And, as I have said, financially, we will help. What more do you want?’

  Richard could find no words.

  Victoria could feel Richard’s agony, as if it were her own. In her mind, she silently wept for him. She could do nothing but pray that he would come through this terrible time, with his mind intact.

  Louise simply sat there unable to take another mouthful of her food.

  Edward looked from one to another of them, and then shouted at Richard, angrily, ‘why the hell don’t you say something?’

  Richard jumped up ‘because I don’t, bloody well, want to, that’s why, because you wouldn’t understand in a million years’. He made for the door, but before he left the room, he looked across at James, once more. ‘Brother of mine, you have a lot to answer for’, he said and quickly made his exit.

  ‘Go after him James’, pleaded Victoria, ‘I fear for him’.

  James knew he had to talk to Richard, to save his brother’s sanity, but fought with his integrity, as to how much he could tell him. His promise to Ellie tied his hands, but Ellie did not know of Richard’s feelings.

  God, what a mess, he thought, as he went to look for Richard.

  He found him in the drawing room, standing by the window, staring out at the night.

  James stood for a moment, by the door, and said, ‘Richard, I must speak with you’.

  ‘Get out of my sight, before I forget that you’re my brother’.

  ‘You must hear me out Richard, its important’.

  ‘Important to whom, you James? Well, I don’t want to hear your snivelling excuses. You’re not even fit to speak her name. Where were you when she needed your help? You let her walk away without a word, and without a thought of where she would go or how she would manage? Just get out I don’t know you any more’.

  He turned around, in the darkened room, fists clenched and his voice hoarse with emotion, and repeated, ‘get out James before I throw you out’.

  With trembling voice, James pleaded, ‘Please, Richard, listen to me, then if you want to hit me, be my guest’.

  Richard said nothing, but turned his back on his brother and resumed his vigil of the night sky.

  James, silently said, forgive me Ellie, then spoke, with trepidation, ‘I know where she is Richard’.

  Richard, at once, spun around to face James. ‘You’ve seen her? Where? Tell me, where have you seen her?’

  ‘Richard listen to me, it’s hard for me to tell you this, but I made a promise to Ellie that I would say nothing’.

  As Richard, started to protest, James held up his hand, ‘please, Richard. Let me tell you all that has happened, and then you may ask me as many questions as you like. Please Richard, let us sit and talk, as we used to’.

  They sat together, with only the dim light, from the window, and James looked at Richard with compassion.

  ‘First of all, let me say that Ellie, and the baby are fine. She gave birth to a boy on Christmas morning, and he is a beautiful child’.

  Richard felt a hurt, inside him, as if a knife had turned in his chest. James continued, ‘I have to tell you, that the child is not of my making’.

  ‘Now wait a minute, Richard’, he cried as Richard made a move, as if to punch him.

  ‘Please Listen’, shouted James, trying to hold back his brother’s fists, ‘you are the father, you fool’.

  ‘Good God, James, what are you talking about? How could I possibly be the father of Ellie’s child? I have not touched the girl, much as I wanted to’.

  ‘But Richard, you did. Do you remember the night Ellie came back to this house, after her mother had died?’

  ‘Vaguely, but what has that got to do with it?’

  ‘That was the night Richard; the night you made love to her’. Richard was stunned.

  ‘I remember seeing Ellie that night, and trying to comfort her, but I did nothing more’.

  ‘Yes you did brother, but you were too drunk to remember anything about it. But Ellie could remember and she told me never to remind you of it. She did not want you, unless you truly loved her. At the time, you would have felt that she had trapped you because of the child’.

  Richard put his head in his hands, as James went on. ‘She’s a wonderful girl Richard, and if I had had any sense, and an ounce of courage, I should have married her, even though she told me she loved someone else’.

  Richard could hardly believe what he was hearing. ‘You mean, that Ellie loves me? And I have a child?’

  ‘Yes Richard’.

  ‘James. Why didn’t you tell me? How could you let me go on thinking that you had let her down, when all you did was protect her?’

  ‘Because I loved her too Richard and I didn’t know who the father was, at that time. She has only recently told me about you. When I saw the child, I saw my brother’s face. Ellie realised that I knew her secret and felt she could trust me to keep it’.

  ‘Where is she James?’

  ‘I promised Ellie, Richard’.

  ‘But you must tell me, now. I must see her, surely you know that?’

  ‘Richard, I’ve let Ellie down, badly, in the past. Tonight, to a certain extent, I have betrayed her yet again. I cannot tell you where she is living until I have a chance to speak with her again’.

  ‘But I must see her James’.

  ‘Please understand, I could never have the love from her, that I would have wished, but I value her friendship and I can’t risk losing it again’.

  ‘When will you speak to her?’

  ‘Tomorrow I promise. Immediately my work is finished,
at the mill’.

  As Richard stood up to go, he placed his hand on his brother's shoulder, ‘James. I’ve misjudged you. I’m sorry’.

  ‘I am not without blame, Richard’.

  ‘Friends?’

  ‘Friends’.

  They touched hands, and Richard left the room.

  He made his way to his quarters, via Victoria’s room. He felt the need to see her. She had been supportive over the last year and he wanted to show his appreciation. As he reached the landing, he could hear his sister’s raised voice.

  ‘I insist on a bath. Do you hear me, miss? I’ll be damned if I allow you to dictate to me’.

  After which, he heard, ‘but Missus Barnstable, I can’t manage to lift you into the tub. I’m not strong enough’.

  ‘Then drop me in the damned thing, you ninny’.

  Richard smiled, for the first time in many months. Vicky could be a bitch.

  He went inside, just in time to hear an almighty splash, accompanied by the words, ‘oh, go away, you fool’.

  The maid came running out of the bathroom, near to tears. On seeing Richard, she said, ‘I’m sorry sir, but Missus Barnstable is not very pleased with me, I’m afraid’. Then she quickly disappeared out of sight.

  The bathroom door was slightly ajar, so he called to her, ‘Vicky. It’s me’.

  ‘You can’t come in Richard, I’m naked’.

  ‘Well, I didn’t think you bathed in all your finery’.

  ‘You sound different. Are you all right?’

  ‘I’m more than all right Vicky. You won’t believe what I have to tell you’.

  He eased himself down onto the floor, outside the bathroom door and sat with his back resting against the jamb and told his sister everything that James had revealed.

  ‘Can you imagine, Vicky? All my searching will soon be over. And my son? What about my having a son, Vicky? Can you believe this awful year of misunderstandings, is at last, coming to an end?’

  Victoria's tearful voice came to him, from behind the door.

  ‘Richard, please come in, I’ve made myself decent’.

  Richard pushed open the door to find Victoria in the soap filled bath, with a large white towel, wrapped around her frail body. She held out her arms to him and, like a child and he went to her.

  Both were in tears as she held him, soaking him to the skin, in her attempt to show her love.

  ‘Richard, I am so pleased for you. Your love and determination has won through. You refused to give in and now you have an opportunity to put things right’.

  ‘Oh, and I will, Vicky. I’ll make it all up to her’.

  ‘You are a fortunate man to have a second chance, and believe me Richard, Ellie is worth every minute of effort you’ve put in’.

  ‘I just hope she will accept that I didn’t remember?’

  ‘Try not to worry, Dear. I have a feeling that everything will turn out the way you wish’.

  ‘I do hope so Vicky, for all our sakes’.

  Before he left her, Richard lifted her from the tub, towel and all, and sat her in her chair.

  ‘Now you will have no need to yell at the poor maid’, he said, kissing his sister on the end of her nose.

  When Victoria was alone, she gave thanks to God for his blessing of reconciliation, if indeed, reconciliation was possible.

  The next evening, Richard waited for his brother to come to him, with Ellie’s permission to see her. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do and he prayed he would get the chance to put everything right.

  The clock on the mantel struck nine and Richard, already in a stressed state, began to doubt the reality of it all. It was as if he had dreamed the whole thing. Like the pictures which constantly came to his mind’s eye.

  ‘My God! That’s it!’ The realisation hit him. ‘The visions are not dreams, but flashes of memory. I remember! I actually remember! The pictures were not of James, but me’.

  He rejoiced as he felt, once again, the love and passion of that night, and knew that his intuition had led him in the right direction. She had always been the woman he loved, even when he was not aware of it.

  He glanced again at the clock. What had happened to James? He should have been back long ago. Perhaps Ellie had refused to see him. This thought made it impossible for him to wait any longer. He could not waste another day. He would go in search of his brother.

  His steps took him once again, to the area he had visited yesterday. He could not think why, but it seemed to be right that he should. He walked first one street, and then another, peering at every passer-by, all of them huddled up in their winter attire.

  Richard found himself, outside an ale house, and having had no luck, in the last hour, decided to go inside to collect his thoughts.

  As he entered, the noise of garbled conversations met his ear. The place was full, to overflowing with, mainly working, men. He seated himself on a vacant seat, at the end of a wooden bench, close to the roaring fire.

  He ordered a flagon of beer, from a large man, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up above his elbows. He eyes roamed around the room, vaguely noticing the pretty barmaid.

  ‘You not from these parts are you?’

  Richard turned around to see a wizened old man, cloth cap in his head and bright, inquisitive eyes.

  ‘It’s true I’m a stranger to this house’.

  ‘Aye, I thought as much’, said the man, noting the cut of the stranger’s clothes. ‘You can always tell a stranger by the way he looks around at the place. I knew as soon as you came in. I said to myself, ‘he's not from round here’. I can tell by your ‘togs’. Aye!’

  Richard was not listening, but searched the faces of the men there, not really expecting to find his brother.

  He watched as a woman, in the corner of the room, drank down a black liquid, taking a full glass down in one large gulp. A drunken man was weaving his way to the bar to refill the woman’s glass. He observed the man as he stumbled and fell against the bar. It was then that Richard took a second look at the barmaid, who proceeded to mop up the beer, which was spilled in the collision.

  Could it be? He thought, his heart pounding against his chest. It had been almost a year, and her long hair had always been tied into a neat knot. This girl’s hair framed her face like a golden halo, but yes, it could only be Ellie.

  ‘I see you eyeing up the barmaid? Well lad, you'll get no joy there. She’s bonny lass, and no mistake, but even with your smart clothes, she’ll have nothing to do with you. Aye, others have tried and got a slap for their efforts’.

  The old man sniggered as he gave this information, but Richard hardly heard a word, but asked the man, ‘do you know her name?’

  ‘Aye, but I tell you you've no chance, my fine fellow’.

  ‘Tell me her name man’.

  Sensing the voice of authority, the man said, ‘it’s Ellie something or other, nice lass, an all. Drives men mad in here she does with her nice yellow hair. Makes me laugh, it does cause she won’t have nothing to do with them’.

  Richard made no other comment, but his eyes never left Ellie’s face. Having mopped up the wet bar, Ellie continued to serve the men, standing at the bar, but had the feeling that she was being watched.

  As she lifted her eyes, they focused inexplicably, on the stranger who was sitting by the fire. Her heart missed a beat as she realised who he was.

  Their eyes met across the crowded room and it was as if there were no others people present. Her breath came in shallow gasps and she felt the surge of love, running, like the blood surging through her veins.

  She went towards him. She had no control over her body, her legs kept moving in his direction and, in a flash, she was standing beside him.

  Richard stood up at once, his eyes, saying the words his lips were unable to speak. They stood, face to face, neither saying a word.

  Richard searched her beautiful face, and he could see the Ellie of his, most intimate dreams.

  ‘Ellie?’ was all he said.


  ‘Richard, I never thought ...............’

  ‘I’ve searched for so long Ellie ..........I tried to....’

  ‘I never knew Richard ... I never…’

  Albert came to her, ‘Ellie, may I be of some help? May I suggest a bit of privacy?’

  ‘That would be a help, sir’, said Richard, his eyes still on Ellie’s face.

  ‘You can use the back room for a while, if you want to. I can see that the two of you have much to discuss’.

  ‘Thank you Albert, you’re very kind’.

  Once inside the room, they stood there, not touching but looking into each other’s eyes, each searching for the truth, both holding their breath, with hopeful anticipation.

  Ellie was now the first to speak. ‘This cannot be, Richard. You being here, I mean’.

  ‘I must have scoured the whole of Yorkshire and yet here you are. How are you Ellie, and the child?’

  ‘We are well, thank you. Did James tell you I would be here?’

  ‘No, he said he would ask you if I could call on you. But Ellie, he did tell me the child was mine’.

  ‘He had no right’.

  ‘He had no choice. He could see I was losing my mind, searching for you. He was reluctant to tell me anything, he knew that I loved you but said he had to keep his promise to you. He was to tell me tonight if you would agree to see me, but he did not come to the house and I could wait no longer. It is quite by accident that I am in this bar tonight’.

  His arms went out to her and he added, ‘Ellie. I thought I would never find you. I have searched this town ever since you left the house’.

  ‘Why did you search Richard?’

  ‘Because I love you Ellie’.

  Ellie wanted Richard, but she had to be sure that he truly wanted her.

  ‘Tell me Richard. Is it because of the baby that you have sought me out?’ Her heart wanted to cry out, ‘please, my darling, say it isn’t so’.

  ‘Oh no my angel. Because I found I could not live without you. At first, because of the drink, I remembered nothing of our night of love, therefore, I presumed that James was your lover and the child his. Even then, I could not help but love you. Then, slowly, it kept coming back to me, in flashbacks of that night. I thought I was going mad’. His eyes pleaded with her to believe him.