Only You

by Bonnie Pega

  “Oh, I hadn’t thought of that.” Caitlin paused, her mind racing through the list of errands she’d planned on taking care of the following evening. “I guess I could. What time do you usually leave?”

  “Five-thirty or six. I’m the boss.” He grinned. “I can leave anytime I want to, so if that’s not convenient—”

  “Oh, it’s fine.” Caitlin gave a mental shrug. “I usually close up the greenhouse around five, so that will give me time to pick up Jordie from the sitter.”

  The drive to Caitlin’s house was quiet with both Caitlin and Max immersed in their own thoughts. Caitlin wondered how she could arrange her day so that she could pick Max up at five-thirty and still have time to drop next month’s flyer by the printers, pick up her order at the department store, drop off an overdue library book, and do the grocery shopping.

  Max, on the other hand, toyed with several ways to get Caitlin to agree to dinner on Monday night. He’d gotten her to say she’d take him to work and even to pick him up. It should be simple enough, he decided, to get her to go out to dinner, if he handled it tactfully enough.

  Back at home, Caitlin was brisk and efficient as she threw together a light supper. She set filled plates on the table and Max stared at his, trying to identify the strange lumps in the white sauce over green noodles.

  Obviously he had a question mark in his eyes when he glanced up at Caitlin, because she casually said, “Creamed tofu on spinach noodles. It’s my own recipe. Fresh garlic for flavor, roasted sunflower seeds for crunch. Jordie calls it Tofu Surprise because sometimes I add onion or mushrooms or sprouts. It’s very flexible.”

  “Right.” Max frowned, then decided to try it. After all, it couldn’t be as bad as the Unidentified Fried Object he’d had last week. Then again, it could be worse since it had tofu. He always walked past the soy bean curd stuff at the supermarket. It sounded disgusting. Let’s hope it doesn’t taste as bad, he thought as he bravely lifted his fork.

  Surprise. It didn’t taste disgusting. But it didn’t taste great either. As a matter of fact, Max found it almost completely tasteless except for the garlic. He muffled a sigh and took another bite. The things he would do just to have a few more minutes with her. He fortified himself with the knowledge that he could always call Piggy’s Pizza when he got home. They delivered.

  Halfway through the meal Jordan came bounding in, full of his customary endless energy. As he talked nonstop about his day, Caitlin shook her head a little and smiled. Oh, to be so young and so full of verve. Sometimes she felt tired just watching him. “Hey, fella,” she broke in with a smile. “It might do you some good to slow down enough to take a breath, don’t you think?”

  “Aw, Mom.” Jordan didn’t even miss a beat. “Anyway, Max, what we did was so neat. We took the wheels off his skateboard and fastened them on this board. And then we took a coffee can and—I know. C’mon, Max, I’ll show ya. I got pencils and paper and stuff in my room.” With that Jordie took Max by the hand and tugged him upstairs.

  “Hey, Max,” Caitlin called after them. “Do you want me to save the rest of your supper?”

  Save it? he thought. Heaven help him! “Ah, no,” he replied. “Thanks anyway, but I’m full.”

  “But you hardly ate half. Jordie, let Mr. Shore finish his dinner first, okay?”

  “That’s not necessary,” Max said quickly. “I’d really like to see what Jordan spent his day building.”

  “Well, if you’re sure …”

  “Oh, I’m sure.” I’m sure my taste buds will never be the same, that’s what I’m sure of, he thought.

  “I’ll wrap the rest of this and you can take it home.”

  “Gee, thanks,” he said. Maybe Cholly, his golden Lab, would eat it.

  “Don’t worry, Max,” Jordan said in a conspiratorial whisper as he stopped on the stairs. “Mom doesn’t always put tofu in everything.”

  “That’s good to know.”

  “And it’s really okay sometimes. Specially when she squishes it up with honey and cinnamon and puts it on toast. What’d you do to your hand? Did you have to have stitches? I did once. Three stitches in my knee and …” Jordan continued to chatter on as they made their way to his room.

  Caitlin smiled to herself as she scraped Max’s leftovers into a small container. She didn’t expect him to eat it, it would probably find its way into the trash. But it would be fun watching him pretend to be delighted when she handed him the container to take home.

  Caitlin stacked the dirty dishes in the sink, then decided to take advantage of the few minutes of quiet to practice her breathing exercises again, along with what Dr. Atlee called creative visualization. Caitlin settled back in a chair and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths. But after a few minutes she opened her eyes and changed positions. There, that was better. She closed her eyes and started all over again.

  “Well, shoot,” she murmured, and squirmed around in the chair. It wasn’t working as it was supposed to. She was supposed to be visualizing herself living a completely normal and happy life. What she saw, however, was herself living a completely normal and happy life with Max. “Okay,” Caitlin said to herself. “Let’s try this one more time.”

  She twisted and turned until she felt comfortable and tried again, but no sooner had her eyes fluttered closed than she heard Max’s hearty laughter.

  With a good-natured sigh she got to her feet and headed upstairs. She told herself it was curiosity, but deep in her heart she admitted that some nearly frozen core in her wanted to be closer to the warmth of that laughter.

  She stood in the doorway to Jordan’s room for a long time and watched them. Their heads were bent over something on Jordan’s small desk and Caitlin compared the two—Max’s conservatively cut brown hair next to Jordan’s riot of tangled gold curls. They couldn’t have been more opposite. Or looked more right together.

  An impossible dream, Caitlin thought wistfully.

  She hated to break up a moment that could have come straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting, but in Jordan’s best interest, Max had to leave. Jordan wanted a father so much and he’d taken so quickly to Max that Caitlin knew he was beginning to cast Max in the role. It would be best if Jordan and Max didn’t spent so much time together.

  She tapped on the open door and said with a forced smile, “Sorry to break up the party, guys, but it’s time to leave.”

  “Leave, Mom?” Jordan asked plaintively.

  “Leave, sweetie. We have to take Mr. Shore home now. He can’t drive because of his hand.”

  “Aw, Mom, can’t he stay a little while longer?”

  “Sorry, kiddo, but it’s a school night. Remember?”

  Max stood gracefully and ruffled Jordan’s hair with his good hand, then placed it casually on the boy’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Jordan. We’ll do this again. Come on.”

  Caitlin noticed the easy camaraderie between the two and felt a glimmer of discomfort at the pain it was going to cause Jordie to have his contact with Max restricted. It had to be done though. To put it off would only make things worse. She’d have a talk with Max when she picked him up in the morning and try to explain her position. Heaven only knew what she was going to say. She certainly didn’t.

  The ride to Max’s was a quiet one. Jordan was already beginning to nod off and Caitlin seemed wrapped up in thought. Max kept a speculative eye on her as she drove, wondering what had put that pensive look on her face. He made a few attempts at conversation, but all he got from Caitlin was single-syllable responses.

  He gave up in frustration. Fortunately for his temper, the drive was a short one.

  Caitlin wasn’t surprised at Max’s house. The turn-of-the-century brownstone with its prim elegance seemed to fit him. Even the row of red geraniums highlighted by the porch light fit his traditional, conservative image. It was vastly different from her small Cape Cod with its huge windows and skylights and the garden that could best be described as a patchwork quilt. She stifled a sigh. “Good night, Max.”
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  “Why don’t you come in for a moment?”

  “Thanks anyway, but I need to get Jordan home to bed. I’ll be by in the morning.”

  “Max?” Jordan’s sleepy voice came from the backseat.

  “Yeah, sport.”

  Jordan sat up straight and looked out the window with interest as he rubbed one eye. “This where you live?”

  “Sure is.” Max cast an almost defiant glance at Caitlin when he asked, “Would you like to see it?”

  “Sure!”

  “Ah, Jordie, it’s almost your bedtime and you’ve had a busy day,” Caitlin interjected, her eyes shooting daggers at Max.

  “Aw, Mom, can’t we stay for just a minute? Please?”

  She was going to get Max for this. She didn’t know how or when, but she was definitely going to get him. “For just a minute,” she conceded with another glance at Max.

  “Great,” Max said with an innocent smile, and led the way into his house.

  Caitlin looked around while Jordan knelt on the impeccably vacuumed floor and petted the abnormally well-behaved dog. Caitlin thought dogs should be well-behaved, of course, but a dog that neither barked when you opened the door nor tried to climb up and lick your face wasn’t quite normal to her way of thinking.

  The interior of the house wasn’t quite right either. It didn’t surprise her to find it spotlessly clean and furnished tastefully, but it was bland. There were no potted plants, no brightly colored throw pillows, no magazines on the coffee table, not even the remnants of a doggie bone or rubber ball for the dog.

  The worst things about it were the heavy drapes that shrouded each small window. Feeling closed in, Caitlin shuddered; then, as she was also polite, she said, “It’s very nice, Max. Come on, Jordie. Time to go.”

  Jordan grumbled a little, but gave Max a hug, then walked with Caitlin out to the van. When Caitlin had buckled Jordan in, he pointed to the wrapped container on the backseat. “Max forgot his dinner, Mom.”

  “So he did,” Caitlin murmured. On purpose, she figured, then gave a wicked smile. The least she could do was to give it to him.

  Max’s smiled when he opened the door to allow Caitlin in was genuine, then became a bit forced when his gaze fell on the container. “Gee, thanks,” he said, then rested his eyes on Caitlin’s lips. “I have something for you too, something I’ve waited all evening to give to you, so I’m especially glad you came back.”

  “Oh?” Not a particularly brilliant statement, but it was the best Caitlin could come up with on the spur of the moment. She could almost feel his gaze as she backed away.

  Max took a step forward. “Yes,” he said, his breath warm against her cheek. “What I have for you is—” His voice died as his lips met hers in a kiss that teased and coaxed and lured. He brought up one hand to cradle her face but didn’t pull her into his arms, although he ached to. Instead, he was gentle, one hand caressing her hair, the other resting at her waist.

  Only when her lips softened and parted beneath his did Max deepen the kiss, still keeping a tight rein on his self-control, though his heart pounded and his hands shook with the effort. His seeking tongue made tentative forays into the honeyed interior of her mouth, and she met the gentle thrusts of his tongue with her own.

  When her hands came up to his shoulders and flattened, as if to push him away, Max tensed with anticipated rejection. Instead, her hands slid over his shoulders to his back, leaving Max choked with wonder. He pressed sweet, urgent kisses over her cheek to her ear, then lifted her onto her tiptoes and pressed a single warm kiss in the hollow of her throat before releasing her.

  “Good night, Caitie.” His voice was the barest of whispers as he opened the front door for her.

  “Good night,” Caitlin murmured, one hand going to her mouth as if to assure herself that it had really happened.

  “Sweet dreams, Caitie.”

  “Same to you, Maximillian.” She flashed a sudden smile and left.

  Max watched out the door long after Caitlin had driven off, his lips curved into a smile. She’d kissed him back. She’d really kissed him back.

  Six

  * * *

  By the next morning Caitlin had convinced herself that she responded to Max because the therapy was working and she was ready to respond to any normal, attractive male. It had absolutely nothing to do with Max’s particular charm or the unusual magnetic pull he seemed to exert over her. Or his clean, spicy fragrance, or the devastatingly right way his lips felt.

  Her heartbeat accelerated and her breath quickened as she drove to his house to pick him up for work. Max didn’t help matters, either, by jumping into the front seat and immediately tugging Caitlin to him for a brief but thorough kiss. “ ’Morning, Cait.”

  “Caitlin.” She corrected him without thinking and hurriedly started the van again. She applied the gas, and the motor hummed, but the van wouldn’t move. She tried it again, and the engine raced, but the van still didn’t move. She glanced at Max before shrugging apologetically. “I—it must be stuck or something.”

  “Well,” Max said, biting back a smile, “it might help if you put the van into reverse instead of park.”

  Her cheeks flaming, she gritted her teeth as she shifted gears. Honestly, he was the most provoking man! Good thing the ride to Max’s office was a brief one, she thought, and Max didn’t seem to be in a talkative mood. She doubted she could string two intelligent words together. She couldn’t understand why Max just smiled and whistled softly to himself the whole way.

  When she pulled in front of his building, he cheerfully said, “See you at five-thirty,” and pressed a brief but warm kiss on her mouth.

  “Max, would you behave?” she told him. “You’ve got to stop doing that!”

  “Doing what?” he asked with an all-too-innocent smile.

  “That! As if you—as if I—” She floundered to an uncomfortable halt.

  “As if you belonged to me?” He flashed a cheeky grin and shook his head. “Sorry, sweet Caitie. You’d better get used to it.” Yeah, he thought, the way he was getting used to seeing the sun fight its way out of the confused tangle of curls that haloed her face. The way he was getting used to that impish way she smiled as if she’d just thought of some private joke. The way he was even getting used to the way she challenged him.

  “Have a nice day, Cait.”

  She waited until he’d opened the door and stepped out before replying loudly, “I intend to, Maximillian Tobias.”

  “Touché, Caitlin,” he said as she waved a hand and pulled off.

  • • •

  As Caitlin fought the evening rush hour traffic to pick up Max, she mentally replayed her day. Martha was back at work, so Caitlin no longer had to close the greenhouse for her morning sessions with Dr. Atlee. Today had been the best one yet, Caitlin thought. The doctor had told Caitlin how pleased she was with her progress and suggested she cut the therapy sessions to one a week and enter a women’s support group. She also suggested that Caitlin was ready to take the next step toward a relationship.

  Caitlin couldn’t prevent the way her mind immediately leapt to Max when Dr. Atlee said that. Just as quickly, she vetoed the idea. Maybe she was ready for a relationship, but not with Max. They were just too different. A relationship between them would never last. Relationships with men like Max never lasted.

  With a twinge of guilt she glanced at Jordie. They were nearing Max’s office, and her son was already looking eagerly out the window for any sign of Max. She hoped Jordie would understand why she couldn’t see Max anymore. He already thought far too much of Max for Caitlin’s peace of mind.

  She saw Max waiting on the corner of his street and pulled to a stop. He hopped right in, but not before a car behind them blasted its horn. “Oh, sit on it,” Max muttered, then glanced down at Jordan. “Oops! Sorry.”

  “Oh, that’s okay,” Jordan said. “Mom usually says something about sunshine.”

  “Sunshine?” Max asked.

  “Yeah. About s
omewhere it doesn’t shine.”

  “Jordie!” Caitlin protested, though she found herself smiling back at Max’s sudden grin. “Sometimes I forget he soaks up everything he sees and hears.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Max said companionably, and began telling her about the time he’d tried to build a birdhouse with his nephews. Every time he’d hit his thumb with the hammer, he had immeasurably enriched their vocabulary. Of course, his sister hadn’t seen it that way and he’d had a long talk with the boys about why grown-ups can say certain things and kids can’t. Max found himself embellishing the story as he went, but he couldn’t help it. He loved to hear Caitlin laugh unreservedly.

  Seeing her eyes flash with amusement and her hair tangle around her face made Max more determined than ever to be the man to keep the laughter in her eyes. First, he had to get her to go out with him. He’d do anything to accomplish this goal, even turn Jordan into an unwitting ally, if necessary.

  To that end, Max cast a cautious glance at Caitlin and said, “I know a great pizza place that’s right on the way home. How about if we stop there? My treat?”

  “Terrific!” Jordan exclaimed. “Can we, Mom? Please?”

  Caitlin shot a look at Max that told him she knew exactly what he had done and that he could expect to hear further on the subject. However, in front of Jordan she had no choice but to give in gracefully, if reluctantly.

  As they pulled into the parking lot of Piggy’s Pizza, Max allowed himself one brief, self-satisfied smile which he kept carefully hidden from Caitlin. Okay, so his tactic was sneaky and underhanded, but all was fair in love and war. He wasn’t exactly sure which one this was. He didn’t even know if it mattered. He could spend his life warring to make love with her or loving to make war with her.

  After they took their seats and Max had placed the order, he noticed Caitlin giving a long-suffering sigh and pursing her lips. “Is, ah, something wrong, Cait?” He figured she wouldn’t let him have it too bad in a public place.

  Caitlin studied her fingernails a moment before glancing up. “Whatever makes you say that?” she asked dryly.