Into Each Life

by Shelia E. Bell

  “Hey, thanks for coming,” Prodigal said to Teary. His voice was weak and drawn. “I didn’t know if you would be able to get here or not. But I’m sure glad you did.”

  “I’ll stay for as long as you and the boys need me,” she told him while rubbing his hands.

  He responded with teardrops standing in the corners of his brown puppy dog eyes. “Thanks. You know what, Teary?”

  “What?”

  “I can’t describe the pain. It’s something I can’t put into words. All I know is that I never want to experience this kind of hurt again.” Without warning, a flow of screams erupted from him. His body shook with each deafening sob. Teary held him close. Together they cried.

  ♦

  Ruth and Fantasia remained in Bonsai Bay for a week after the funeral. Ruth was prepared to stay longer to help him out with the house and the boys, but he was adamant about her going back to Belleaf with Fantasia.

  “Momma, Teary already made plans to stay with me and the boys for a few weeks.”

  “Honey, I know but I don’t want to leave you, not now.”

  “We’ll be fine. I promise.”

  “If you say so, son. But you know I’m only a phone call away. Say the word and I’m on my way.”

  The fact that Teary would be staying with Prodigal for a few weeks gave Ruth some sense of relief. She didn’t know how much help she would have been to Prodigal anyway. Faith’s death was far too painful for her and brought back sad memories of her own. As Ruth pondered on Faith’s death, tears crested in the corners of her eyes. I still can’t believe she’s really dead.

  Fantasia was also glad that Teary had decided to stay with Prodigal for a while. She wanted to get back to the gallery as quickly as possible herself. She couldn’t stand to see her brother in pain. By submerging herself in her work she could mask the true sense of hurt she felt inside. Faith’s death reinforced Fantasia’s feelings about God, religion and the whole gamut of stuff she had been brought up to believe in when she was a little girl. She was determined to live her life just like she was doing—without God. She witnessed only heartache and heartbreak. If this was what having faith and believing in God was all about, she didn’t want any part of it. She was doing fine on her own. Fantasia was also anxious to get her mother away from this pain as much as possible.

  Ruth was somewhat reluctant to board the plane. She had second thoughts about leaving her son so soon after Faith’s death.

  “Look, Momma, I know you’ll be more than happy to stay, but believe me, I’ll be fine,“ Prodigal reassured her as he handed the carry-on bag to her. “The Richards are more than happy to help with the twins, plus several church members have agreed to help out too. And remember, Teary’s here, too, you know. So please, go home and take some time to get yourself together. I know this is just as hard on you as it is on me. You loved Faith too,” he cried.

  “Sweetheart. I’ll respect your wishes,” Ruth said, hugging him. “It does give me some peace to see all the wonderful friends you and Faith have made here. I’m proud of you, Prodigal. You’re so much like your father. Strong. Handsome. Stubborn.” She spoke to him softly, while slowly stroking the side of his face with the back of her hand. “Call me if there’s anything you need and I’ll come running. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Of course I do, Mom. But I’ll be okay.” Prodigal turned toward Fantasia. “You be good, sis. Take care of Momma and yourself too.” He hugged her tightly. Fantasia reciprocated with an even tighter squeeze.

  “You know I will,” Fantasia told him. “And like Momma said, call if you need anything.”

  “Will do. Now hurry before you two miss your plane. Call when you make it home. Is your friend going to pick you up from the airport, Momma?” Prodigal asked.

  “Yes, he’ll be there. Bye sweetheart.” Ruth blew a kiss in the air at her son and then headed for their plane.

  When they arrived in Belleaf, William was there to greet them at the airport. When Ruth spotted him, she raced to the arms of William Phillips. Her love. Her second chance at happiness.

  Chapter 32

  Woman In The Mirror

  Sara approached the entrance to Surrey Hills where she and Andrew had lived for the past five and a half years. When she swirled up in the drive leading to her condo, she still hadn’t made a decision about her future with Anthony. She would have to play it by ear and not allow him to continue to unduly pressure her. This was a time in her life when she longed for her Aunt Vashti. She would have been able to go to her aunt for advice about Anthony and his ultimatum. Aunt Vashti would tell her what she ought to do. But like Faith, Aunt Vashti had answered God’s call for her life too. It had been two years since Aunt Vashti died in her sleep of a heart attack. Her death had been hard on their family especially because Aunt Vashti had barely a sick day in her life. She’d never even spent one day in a hospital. When Aunt Vashti died, Sara remembered what the old folks used to say, “Your best day can be your dying day.” Aunt Vashti proved that saying to be right.

  Just as memories of her aunt flashed across her mind, so did Derrel Perkins, the director of Finance at the University of Seattle. The two of them had been making goo-goo eyes at each other for the past year and Sara was definitely attracted to him. His perfectly formed stature made her blush at the sight of him while his rugged and reddish complexion only fed her lust. He strode along the halls of the university with a cocky sort of confidence. The perfectly tailored suits he wore exuded his self-assurance just as much. To Sara, from the top of this man’s head to the soles of his feet was nothing but pure fineness.

  “Momma,” Andrew yelled. He ran toward her, grabbed her in his long arms and hugged her tight while planting sloppy kisses over her face.

  “Hi, baby,” Sara smiled. “Don’t you know you’re getting too big to run at me like that? Shucks, I can hardly keep myself planted to the ground.” She hugged him tightly in return and laughed heartily as he made her forget all about the illicit thoughts that were going through her mind seconds before.

  “I’m glad you made it back home safely, Ma,” Andrew said, excitedly.

  “Thanks, baby. I am too,” she answered. “Where’s your daddy?”

  “Upstairs in the shower. I had a game today so we haven’t been home that long. How’s Mr. Runsome?”

  ”Mr. Runsome is having a hard time, Andrew, so we have to keep praying for him and his sons. You know he and his wife had been together just as long as me and your daddy. As a matter of fact, your daddy and I met each other around the same time Mr. Runsome and his wife met each other.

  “Wow, it’s a bummer what happened to her. How is Auntie Teary?”

  “She’s fine, sweetie. She told me to give you a great big bear hug. Oh, I almost forgot. She sent you some money too.”

  “Yeaa, now that’s what I’m talking about. Hand it over, Ma.” Laughter spread across his brown chiseled face. He looked so much like Anthony.

  “Here you go.” Sara pulled out the small wad of money, handing it to him. “Before you go running off to the mall to spend it, tell me what you’ve been up to since I’ve been gone. Didn’t you say you had a game today? Sara asked her son as they walked inside the house and into the family room.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Great. My mind has been so consumed with the death of Faith. But I’m home now and it’s the best feeling in the world, Andrew.” Sara reached over, hugged her son, and gave him a couple of kisses on each cheek.

  Andrew had been playing basketball since he was four years old. He started out playing for the YMCA and now this was his second year playing on a competitive basketball team sponsored by the community center. They had a game every Saturday morning. He also played point guard on his high school varsity team. Sometimes Sara thought that Anthony enjoyed the games even more than Andrew.

  “Did y’all win today, honey?”

  “Yep, by eight points. I shot twelve points today with five assists,” he boasted proudly.

  Sa
ra turned around and screamed for joy.

  “Andrew, I’m so proud of you. You are awesome. Simply awesome. But you know that already, don’t you?”

  “Sho’ you right,” Anthony said, walking into the family room where the two of them sat. “I’m glad you’re back.” Anthony walked over to Sara and planted a kiss on her forehead.

  “Hi there,” Sara said. “You think we have a future NBA star here or what?”

  “I believe we do. This son of ours is dangerous on a basketball court.”

  “Momma, you have to come and see me play more often.”

  “I do come out and see you play, Andrew. But you know how I feel about that. That’s you and your father’s private time. I don’t like to interfere.”

  “Yeah, I know, but still you’re going to have to come to the last game,” Andrew stated.

  “I always do, don’t I? And when I do, you tell me that I become too excited. But I can’t help it. Those referees can act so stupid sometimes that it makes me furious.” Father and son laughed at Sara’s remark.

  Later that night, when Sara and Anthony prepared for bed, she somehow felt Anthony was going to ask her if she had made a decision. She took extra time in the bathroom hoping he would have fallen asleep by the time she stepped out or maybe he wouldn’t stay over tonight.

  “Come on in here, woman,” he said, reaching out for her to climb into the king-sized bed beside him. “You didn’t think I was going to go home without so much as a kiss from you did you? And you’ve been gone away too? Naw, you aren’t going to get off that easy.”

  Anthony grabbed Sara’s thick body close to his, allowing his rough, enormous hands to travel their familiar course. Sara looked at him. His eyes were closed and his mouth hungrily planted kisses along her face. It had been almost two months since she and Anthony last made love.

  She didn’t know why she didn’t want to marry him. All she knew was that it was Anthony who changed the direction of her life when they did it that first time sixteen years ago and she couldn’t forget the fact that she allowed him to take her virginity. She blamed him for robbing her of the future and kind of life she always wanted to live. She was thankful that she had Andrew, but she couldn’t help but think from time to time, what if things had been different?

  With Anthony’s lips covering hers, she allowed herself to imagine it was Derrel Perkins. Anthony whispered in her ear. “I love you, Sara. Say you’ll be my wife.” He moaned heavy and panted hard, moving his firm 220-pound body slowly and carefully on top of her. “Talk to me. Talk to me, Sara. Tell me that you’re mine. Tell me, Sara.” He lovingly pleaded.

  “Yes, Derrel. I’m yours. Yes, baby. Yes, yes, yes,” she screamed as she began to release the pressure that she had held back for the past few months.

  Anthony pulled away from her the moment she called out Derrel’s name. He jumped up, put on his jogging pants and t-shirt then bolted down the stairs and out the door. Sara heard the door slam hard behind him. Sara lay there not believing what had just happened.

  She lay in silence. She was too shocked to be able to move. How could she have done that? Just because she didn’t want to marry Anthony didn’t mean that she wanted to hurt him. He was too good to her, and to their son. He had always been there for them. How could she have done such a stupid thing? What was she thinking?

  Sara heard the sound of Anthony’s Nissan leaving out the driveway. She jumped up and dashed to the window just in time to see him speeding down the street. For the first time, Sara realized that it wasn’t other men she wanted. She enjoyed flirting of course, but that was only to mask what was going on inside of her. That was to mask the true fact that she was afraid because of the mistakes she made in her life. She didn’t want things to go wrong with her and Anthony. She truly did love him.

  She sat on the edge of the bed and allowed the tears to flow, tears that had been pinned up inside of her for many years. She cried, “Anthony, my dear, sweet Anthony.”

  Dawn quickly made its entrance and Anthony had not answered of her numerous calls during the night. Sara was worried. She didn’t know where he was or if he was okay. She realized that she didn’t want to lose Anthony. The thought of them forever apart tore at her heart. She thought about all that they had been through. He was the one whose love for her had remained constant. He was the one who had shown Andrew what it was to be a man. He was the one who nursed her and Andrew back to health whenever they were sick. The one who moved to Seattle just to be closer to her and his son. It was Anthony who comforted her when Aunt Vashti died. Anthony was such a part of her life that she had begun to not see him anymore. She was so accustomed to him being “there”. Now he was gone.

  “Aunt Vashti, tell me what love is?” Sara remembered asking her when Andrew was just a toddler. “How do I know what love looks like and feels like between a man and a woman? I know what it looks like between a mother and child. I know that each time I look at Andrew, each time I hold him in my arms, each time he cries. I know I love him Aunt Vashti. But the love between a man and a woman, it’s different, isn’t it?”

  “Why, of course it’s different, honey. But not in the way you might think. Love between a man and a woman often times produces offspring like Andrew, sweetheart. But Andrew, you see, is the by-product of, or should have been, the by-product of the love you and Anthony shared for each other. Come here, my child,” Vashti said. “Let me show you something.” She led Sara into her lavishly furnished bedroom. Aunt Vashti walked over to her wood oriental print night table and pulled out a journal. She flipped the pages until she came to what Sara thought was a poem of some kind. “Listen to this,” Aunt Vashti told her. “Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. That, my child, is love.”

  “Aunt Vashti, that’s beautiful. Where did you get that?” Sara asked curiously.

  “It came from a Bible translation called The Message. It’s actually the thirteenth chapter of first Corinthians. Some call it the love chapter. “I’m going to have it printed and framed for you, Sara. I want you to remember and know what love looks like, acts like and talks like. It’s not based on feelings. It’s far from that. As a matter of fact, your feelings can lead you astray. You can feel excited about something or someone that has absolutely nothing to do with love. I don’t know what you and that boy, Anthony, called yourself doing. Maybe you thought you loved each other. Maybe you do love each other. I don’t know. All I can say is, time will tell. Believe me. One day you will know, honey. One day you’ll know for sure.”

  Sara allowed her mind to come back to the present. She rose from her bed and walked over to the cedar chest she kept tucked away in her walk-in closet. She knelt down on her knees and ruffled through the piles of papers and sentimental items she had collected over the years until she found what she was searching for. She carefully pulled out the gold frame that Aunt Vashti had given her years before. Aunt Vashti had the passage of scripture printed and placed it in a sterling silver frame just like she had promised Sara she would. Sara read the words again.

  Sara began to sense what she had known within her spirit all along, but had been too afraid to admit. Anthony loved her. It was she who had been selfish and rude. It was she who had been unkind and walked around with a swelled head. She had hidden her true self from Anthony all of these years. She had walked around looking for love in all the wrong places, when she had it right underneath her very nose. Sara held the framed words against her chest and prayed.

  “Lord, forgive me for being stupid and selfish,” she prayed. “I hurt the man who loves me. I hurt the father of my child. I hurt the man I love.” For the f
irst time, she admitted that she loved Anthony. “Give me a chance to show Anthony that I love him.” She was still on her knees in the closet praying when Anthony walked in the house. The sun had come up. He looked worn and haggard. He crept up the stairs, his face drawn and hurt. He loved Sara but he didn’t believe she loved him and for the first time he was willing to accept that. He felt belittled, humiliated and destroyed. As he entered her bedroom he heard her pleading voice coming from the closet. He listened as she cried in prayer.

  “Oh. God,” she continued. “Please give me one more chance with Anthony. Please. You know I’ve never cheated on him. I know it was the devil that made me call out another man’s name. Lord, I don’t want that man. I want my man. Not some figment of my imagination. Bring Anthony back, Father. I need him to forgive me. I want to be his wife,” she cried out. She looked up suddenly, startled by the sound coming toward her. There stood Anthony right outside the entrance of the closet.

  Sara stood up and rushed out of the closet toward him. “Anthony, I’m so sorry. I love you. Won’t you forgive me,” she wept uncontrollably. “I want to be your wife for the rest of my life. I want to grow old with you. I want to make love to you forever. I want to sleep with you, eat with you, laugh with you, and cry with you.”

  “I’ve waited all these years to hear you say those three words."

  He grabbed her and held her tight; squeezing her while the tears flowed from both of their eyes. Sara kissed him with fervor. Opening her eyes, she looked at the woman in the mirrorshe was smiling.

  Chapter 33

  In My Face

  “Debra, long time no here from,” Teary’s voice rang with excitement over the phone.

  “Hey, girl. How is life treating you in the good old south, my friend?” asked Debra.

  “Alright, I guess. I’m working hard, but that’s nothing unusual. When are you coming to visit me? All this time I’ve been down here and you haven’t been here, not once.”