Toss Up (The Toss Trilogy)

by Craig, Susan

  Startled, Sally squared her hips against the wall behind her. It moved her a bit away from him, but not much, and he turned to bring them face-to-face, interposing his muscular thighs between hers. Her back erect, and hormones on red alert, Sally looked into the green eyes set in her husband’s face. As Daniel slid his hand along her jawline, cupping the back of her head, Sally sat straighter, and tried to lean away from him, but there was nowhere to go. Her small retreat was ignored.

  “I’ve been wanting to do this since the first moment I saw you,” he said, lowering his lips to hers.

  Sally froze. Daniel’s lips were smooth and firm on hers. Persuasive. She felt herself starting to relax, her body responding to the gentle demand of his lips.

  As he stood between her legs, the angle of her head as he kissed her felt eerily similar to being kissed by Trent. It was like stepping back in time. Drowning in sensations that resurrected past love, she wrapped her arms around his waist, drawing close to him. The hand that held her head shifted as he deepened the kiss, and she felt his other hand, warm on her hip, then sliding along her thigh.

  A small part of her brain insisted she remember where she was—remember when she was. Surfacing from the ocean of remembrance, Sally grasped his wrist, stopping the caress as he began to run his hand back up to her hip. The office door opened.

  “Is Mugs—” Jim stared at the two locked in their intimate embrace. He saw Sally holding Daniel’s hand on her thigh.

  Daniel lifted his lips from Sally’s and turned his head to Donovan without releasing the woman in his arms. “Don’t you think you should knock?”

  Jim’s voice was harsh with anger and embarrassment. “My mistake.” He spun away, closing the door.

  Calmly, Daniel returned to kissing Sally, but her moment of frozen indecision had passed. “Back off, Dr. Smith,” she said, placing a hand on his chest to push him away.

  He looked disconcerted, but stepped away.

  Sally took a breath. “I’ve given you the wrong impression, and you deserve to know why… You see…” She paused, searching for a way to explain that wouldn’t insult him, but failing to find one. “Well, there’s no good way to say this. My husband died five years ago. And you look so much like him it’s scary—except for your eyes. His were dark. And he was taller than you—six-three. But with me sitting and you standing… and your face…” She was beginning to babble. Sally closed her mouth and bit the tip of her tongue—just hard enough to keep it still. Blinking back tears of embarrassment and frustration, she looked away. “I let myself pretend you were him, for a minute. I’m sorry.” She looked at her hands, feeling small and miserable. He made a quiet, strangled sound and she raised her eyes.

  He was grinning in self-deprecating way and shaking his head. When her eyes met his, he chuckled. “So,” he said, “You had me momentarily confused with your dead husband. Wow. I can see that the uniqueness of my personality and abilities have made a real impression on you.”

  She stared, feeling uncertain and foolish, and knowing he had every right to be insulted.

  Instead, he laughed outright. “There goes my ego, down the drain. You owe me for that, you know.” He fixed Sally with an assessing look. “I think you owe it to me to get to know me. At least well enough that if I kiss you again, you’ll be sure who I am.” He took her hand to politely assist as she slid off the counter, then stood holding it in his. “Don’t you think that’s only fair? How about dinner tomorrow night? Agreed?”

  She gave him a small smile and nodded her head, neatly trapped. “Agreed.”

  “Good. I’ll pick you up at your place around six. Now let’s see how Diana’s doing with Momma Mugs and the pups,” and still holding her hand, he led the way from the room.

  chapter ten

  Sunlight streamed into the farmhouse kitchen, and the air was rich with the scent of fresh-ground coffee and Diana’s special blueberry yogurt pancakes. Sally, comfortable in an oversized flannel shirt and Nordic-patterned mukluks, took a last bite of pancake, smiling in satisfaction as the delicate flavor teased her taste buds.

  Setting her own coffee cup down, Diana tightened the sash of her classic silk robe, and crossed her slim legs, dangling a blue leather slipper from the toes of her left foot. “So. You’ve rested, I’ve fed you, and you have a full cup of coffee in front of you. Now tell me what was going on last night with you and Daniel Smith.”

  Sally made a face. “I was hoping you hadn’t noticed.”

  Diana gave a snort of laughter.

  Sally opened her eyes wide in a parody of innocence. “What?”

  Diana grinned at her across the scarred oak table, which, like the humble farmhouse that had spawned her spacious home, had once belonged to Logan’s Uncle Ned. “Didn’t notice? Jim’s truck pulls up. I hear him in the hall, and moments later the front door slams and his truck zooms away. Then Smith comes in looking smug and leading you by the hand. And you look as guilty as if you’d been sneaking around behind the bleachers at high school. Get real. How could I not notice?”

  “Well, it’s complicated.”

  “We’ve got time, just start talking.”

  “Okay. The short version.” Sally paused to gather her thoughts. “The really short version. Jim and I had sex yesterday afternoon and then last night he walked in on Daniel kissing me.” She was shooting for an incredulous response from Diana, trying to keep things outrageous and light—funny somehow.

  Diana sidestepped the obvious and simply looked at Sally, brown eyes warm with approval. “You finally made love with Jim.”

  “I didn’t say that.” Sally looked into her coffee. “I said we had sex.” She paused, but Diana said nothing, so she went on. “I felt so awful after writing everything down for the police—all about the notes and all. It seemed so horrible—so dirty and frightening. Jim was sitting beside me at the table while I did it. When I finished, he looked at me and hugged me and…I needed comfort and safety so badly… It just happened.”

  “Are you trying to say it could have been anyone?”

  No. “Yes. It could have been anyone.” But it was Jim. “Look, I’m not like you. Trent wasn’t my first.”

  “No, but he was your last, until now. How did that suddenly change?”

  Jim kissed me. “I don’t know! Lately it’s like my body’s on simmer all the time. It hardly takes anything to get me going. I can’t be around Jim at all without wanting him. I dream about him at night, but the day he brought Daniel to the shelter—just seeing Daniel felt like being struck by lightning, and I watched his butt all the way down the hall. I’m out of control.”

  “I doubt that. The boy’s buns are worth watching, and how could you not be shocked? He’s a dead ringer for Trent.”

  Sally nodded. “Except for the eyes.”

  “So what really happened between the two of you last night?”

  Sally propped both elbows on the table and rested her chin on folded fingers. She lifted her head to face Diana. “I’m not entirely sure. He took me by surprise. I was sitting on the counter, he was standing up, and for a moment it was like kissing Trent. Then Jim walked in.”

  Sally heart hurt, remembering. I shouldn’t feel guilty. I’m not Jim’s property. “The problem isn’t Daniel. When I explained I’d gotten him mixed up with Trent, he laughed it off and asked me out. He said I need to get to know him better so I don’t get mixed up again.

  “I can handle Daniel. But Jim thinks he’s in love with me, and I don’t know what to do about that.”

  Diana held up a hand. “Wait a minute. Back up to Smith. You’re going out with Smith?”

  “Yes. Tonight. I like him.” Sally leaned forward. “And he’s more mature than you’d think.”

  Diana pulled her head back. “Take it easy. I don’t care how old he isn’t. You want to date a younger guy, go for it. It’s why you want to date him when you could have Jim that I don’t get.”

  “It’s hard to explain. After we had sex, Jim told me he loved me. I tried
to tell him that I’m not in the market for love. ” Why do I feel ashamed?

  Diana was frowning. “Why on earth not?”

  “I won’t risk falling in love again, ever. I can’t. Besides, Jim is my friend. I love him like a friend. And it’s not fair to be with him that way when I can’t return his feelings.”

  Diana looked blank.

  “That would be using him,” Sally explained. “I already hurt him once. I don’t want to hurt him again.” She walked away from the table into the living room. Curling up in one corner of the soft leather couch she pulled the cashmere throw off the back and covered her lap.

  “And?” Diana sat on the other end of the couch and waited.

  “Look, Tyler loves Jim. I’d hate for us to lose Jim’s friendship, but I can’t pretend there’s hope for us when there isn’t.”

  “But why isn’t there, Sally?”

  Under the soft throw, Sally pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She took several steadying breaths. Then she raised her chin and faced Diana. “Love hurts. I’ve had all the hurt I can deal with for one lifetime. I can’t love someone again like I loved Trent. What if I lose him? You can’t possibly understand, but I’d die if I had to go through that again.”

  “So you want things with Jim to go back to the way they were? You want to pretend you didn’t make love…that he never told you he loved you?”

  “I wish! But I don’t see how that can happen. He kissed me a week ago, for no good reason except to win an argument. But that woke up all sorts of stuff inside me. Wants, and needs, and fantasies. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him ever since, and then yesterday...well, you know.”

  “Didn’t it help?”

  “It was wonderful, until he said he loved me. If we did anything again now, I’d feel like I was taking advantage of him. But I still have raging hormones, and I won’t be able to concentrate on anything if I don’t do something about them.”

  “And you won’t consider Jim because he’s in love with you.” Diana stared at Sally and frowned. “I think you’re nuts, but there are other ways—”

  “I don’t just need an orgasm, I need a person—a man. Someone safe, and not looking for more than a bit of fun.” Sally moved her gaze to the braided rug on the floor. “I’m thinking Daniel may be what I need. He’s made it clear he’s interested, and I don’t think love is on his agenda any more than it’s on mine.”

  “Sally!” Diana put her fingertips to her temples and rocked her head back and forth. “You are off base on so many levels I can’t even think where to begin.” She looked up. “What about Jim? You think that won’t hurt him?”

  Sally sat up straighter. “At this point, I don’t see any way to avoid hurting Jim. If he does love me, it’s inevitable that he’ll get hurt. And the sooner he stops loving me, the better off he’ll be. That alone is enough reason to sleep with Daniel.”

  “And what about you, Sal?” Diana stood up. She marched back and forth, emphasizing her words by tossing her arms wide. “Do you really think a fling with Smith is what you need? Will it last long enough to take care of all the stuff you mentioned? And if not, then what? Who’ll be next? Phil Cavalo? Sam Mitchell? Mark Hunter? Because you’re right about one thing. I don’t think love is on Daniel Smith’s agenda either.”

  Sally pushed aside the throw and stood to glare down at her friend. “You can get down off your high horse anytime, Ms. Perfect. I seem to remember someone skipping out in the middle of an outing with my son and me to go fall into bed with a man she fancied.”

  Diana’s arms fell to her sides, but she looked Sally square in the eye. “That’s true, I did. But I wasn’t falling in bed with one man to avoid the fact that I was falling in love with another.”

  Diana was her best friend, but this was going too far. Sally spat out each word. “I am not and will not be in love with anyone. And I will sleep with whoever I want to, with or without your approval.” She picked up the cashmere throw and began folding it vigorously. “I have an Economics paper to write and a child to pick up. I can’t waste any more time on this.” And tossing the folded throw back over the couch, she stormed from the room.

  Daniel Smith slammed the clinic door and stomped down the hallway after Jim, outrage apparent in every line of his body.

  Jim spoke without looking back. “You want to discuss it, come in my office and shut the door behind you.”

  “Hell, yes, I want to discuss it.” The door shut firmly. “Dammit, Donovan, why do you want to give me a hard time about this? The man was flat out questioning my authority!”

  Jim sat on his desk facing Smith, braced by one long lean leg while the other was hitched far enough up onto the desktop that the foot swung free. He maintained the appearance of a man at ease. Actually, he was a man under control—tight control. He looked calmly at the young vet. “Your authority? It was his horse.”

  “All right, my ability, then. What does he know about systemic blastomycosis?”

  “More than you seem to think. Hector Sanderson has been raising horses since before you were born. There’s precious little that he hasn’t seen and less that he hasn’t read up on. Maybe you need to stop being so high-and-mighty and learn a bit about dealing with people.”

  Smith shook his head, raising his arms as if appealing to the gods, then letting them drop. “Now you want me to go to charm school?”

  Jim narrowed his eyes and stared Smith down. When the kid looked away and dropped into a chair, Jim went on. “Look, this trial period isn’t only for making sure you and I can work together. If you can’t get along with the people here, you’ll be a liability to this practice instead of an asset. School’s over. Nobody cares that you were top in your class. They want to work with someone who shows them respect, not a know-it-all, dictatorial kid, which is how you came off yesterday, whatever you may think.”

  Smith opened his mouth to protest, but Jim held up a restraining hand. “You haven’t done anything to get to know folks since you came here. The only contact you have with anyone, as far as I can see, is when they have a problem with an animal. What do you do with the rest of your time, Smith—hide in your apartment like some kind of hermit?”

  An angry flush reddened Smith’s neck and crept over his jawline. His hands clenched. “It’s none of your business what I do with my time. I don’t have to win the town popularity contest to be a good vet. I know what I’m doing. You can’t deny that my skills are top of the line. That’s what makes me an asset here—not that I chat people up. Your precious clinic isn’t what brought me here anyway. It’s only a place to earn a living.”

  Jim ignored the immature pot shot at his clinic, but took advantage of the opening it gave him. “Yeah? Well what did bring you here? I’ve often wondered why you came to York.”

  “None of your damn business. I have work to do.” He shot up and spun toward the door.

  “Hold on a minute, Smith.”

  The command in Jim’s voice halted Smith at the door.

  “Besides saying you were arrogant, disrespectful and argumentative—which our discussion makes it pretty clear you were—Hector also said he tried to call you at nine, but couldn’t reach you. You didn’t get to his place until after noon. Why?”

  “My cell was on the fritz. I had to get it fixed.”

  “I’m sure he tried the land line here also. If your cell phone wasn’t working, why weren’t you here in the clinic where people could reach you?”

  Smith stood with his hand on the door, dull red still staining his neck and jaw. “It was a mistake, all right? Happy now? It won’t happen again. Anyway, I put the time back in, saving that bulldog litter last night when you couldn’t be reached.”

  Jim stayed where he was—in control, barely. “I saw how you were putting in time last night—making time is more like it. It was uncalled for and unprofessional.”

  “Unprofessional, maybe, but definitely not uncalled for. Is that what this is all about this morning? Ar
e you pissed that I’m enjoying getting to know Sally Johnston? Hell, man, I asked you about her the day I met her, so don’t go making any claims now.”

  “I’m not making any claims, and that’s not what this morning is about. But she is a friend of mine, so you watch your step.” Jim tried to make his concern sound impersonal, but when he saw Smith’s eyes narrow, he knew he had failed.

  “Don’t worry, big brother. I never step farther than the ladies want me to. And tonight, when I take Sally to dinner, I’ll see how far that is.” With a cocky grin, Smith left the room, his good humor restored.

  chapter eleven

  Sally’s emotions were tangled. She drove toward Matthew’s house to pick up Tyler, oblivious to the cheerful sunshine and clear blue sky. She hadn’t expected to get a reprimand from Diana, and she didn’t appreciate the implication that she was in love with Jim and trying to avoid it. What does Diana know about it? She never lost someone like I did. Diana couldn’t understand the impossibility of going through that twice. Maybe not, but she means well.

  Of course she does. She’s my friend. And annoying as it was, Diana had only been doing what real friends do. Sally let go of her anger and relaxed. Drat it, Diana. She pulled the minivan up at Matthew’s house, and Tyler came out the door dragging his sleeping bag and clutching birthday treats. He climbed in and buckled up.

  Eyebrows raised, Sally looked at her son. “Wow. I thought I’d have to wrestle you away from Matthew.”

  “No, he has to go to another party at his Aunt Julie’s, so we all have to go home so they can leave.”

  Good planning—Matthew’s mom is smart. It had been a good weekend to choose as well, with Thanksgiving break coming next week. Sally turned the van toward Diana’s house. She’d cooled down, and wanted to straighten things out with her friend.