Unsound (Horizons #1)

by Ashley Summers

  JONATHAN

  Dinner finished smoothly and I was happy and content when Julie slipped into the back of the van with me. No one else joined our row and I took advantage of the dark and quiet to pull Julie close and hold her hand.

  I didn't know what I wanted. Dinner deflated my panic. I knew that running wouldn't have been the right solution; what was I going to do for the rest of my life?

  I had always planned on heading to the East Coast for college. During my early years of high school, I knew I may have a chance to play ball somewhere and knew the East Coast held good possibilities for me; colleges liked kids from out-of-state with talent. I also liked the idea of being closer to my mom and eventually that translated into being as far from Claire as I could get.

  Once I was out East, California wouldn't be my life anymore and I always assumed I could find ways to avoid Claire to keep her out of my life forever.

  My arm was wrapped around Julie's waist and she snuggled closer into me, resting her head on my shoulder. Thoughts of Claire left my head. It wasn't worth it. Even if I managed to get all the way to my mom in Boston. What then? I would just get dragged back… if I was allowed to come back.

  I held Julie tight and laid my head back on the car seat. I decided to stop being a pussy. It was time to man up and avoid this situation head on. I'm not saying it was the most mature, manly plan, but at least I was making a conscious effort to not want to run. I was going to stay and deal and maybe eventually work through the shit that happened, but in the meantime, I was going to avoid it.

  My dad followed us back for some more quality time with me since it was early. I was surprised that he wanted to spend the extra time with me. I hate to admit that it choked me up a little. Because I was such a piece of shit when I came to Horizons, I didn't think my dad missed me that much.

  Julie said that I needed some bonding male time with my father and the guys, so she said goodnight. My dad gave her a huge hug and she went off to bed with the other girls. I wished I could give her a hug and kiss goodbye, but I had to settle for a wave like the other guys. Jay and Tony sat with us for a bit and we talked about high school and my dad told them about some of my crowning glory football moments. I had to admit that it felt nice having my father brag about me.

  The guys said their goodnights after a while, but my father and I sat for a bit longer talking about sports. Football was definitely out of my grasp, but maybe I could still make something out of the whole boxing thing. We talked about that and I could sense some relief along with general happiness that I was getting involved in sports again.

  It didn't mean everything to my father, but it was definitely something he saw for me. I was a natural athlete and he wanted me to reach my goals. Sure they were goals he instilled in me, but they were also goals that I chose.

  "You know dad, I'm really beat. I had a long workout earlier with Jeff. You think we can call it a night?"

  "Of course, son," my dad said as he stood and stretched, "I should really get back and check on Claire. It was just good seeing you. You really look great, Jon. You're back. I can see it."

  "Thanks, dad," I said quietly, choking on my words again. It hadn't even been 24 hours but the roller coaster of emotions was far more than I ever expected.

  Julie

  It was still early but I was getting ready to meet Jon before breakfast. I wanted to see how he was doing and how the rest of his night went. I hated knowing he was worried and stressed. I just wanted him to be happy and content and here with me. I wanted to be selfish when it came to Jon.

  From the bathroom I heard the knock on the cabin door. The other girls weren't up yet, so I hurried to see who it was before they knocked again. When I opened the door, I saw Jeff standing on the other side of the screen. He looked terrible, like he hadn't slept all night.

  He nodded with his head for me to come out so I slipped on some Uggs and slipped out of the cabin, following him to a picnic table.

  "Hey Jules, you were up already?" he started.

  "Yeah. What's going on, Jeff?" I asked, getting right down to it. All my senses were on high alert. Something bad had happened.

  "I just wanted to talk to you a little bit," Jeff started again. He lifted his worn baseball hat off his head and ran a hand through his hair before refitting the hat back on. I knew he was searching for words, but my anxiety was peaked. I took a deep breath so I didn't snap.

  "I sensed some tension during dinner last night. I've, uh, noticed that you and Jon have gotten really close, and I'm not sure what you two have talked about, but I think you know a lot more than I do.

  "I offered to drive Claire back to the hotel because I wanted to have a chat with her. Something just felt… off. She was even a little… twitchy in the car, for lack of a better word. I noticed that you followed her into the bathroom. Can you tell me what happened, Julie?"

  I remained silent. I was scared to even look Jeff in the eye. This wasn't my secret to tell, "I'm sorry, Jeff. But… I can't," I said as I stared at my hands.

  "I didn't think you would say anything," Jeff said with a sigh. I looked up at him finally, "I just need to know that my gut is right. I know something happened with Jon and Claire. Things are making a little more sense to me now; incidents that are adding up. I want to be wrong, but I don't think that I am and I think that you know what happened. I want to talk to Mike about this today. In person before he takes off.

  "Julie, I'm not asking you break Jon's trust. But before I talk to Mike later… am I wrong?" I looked Jeff in the eye. I wasn't going to say a word but I turned my head in an infinitesimal shake no. I hoped that he took that as a confirmation. I didn't know what happened on the drive home but Jeff was smart and whatever incidents he mentioned, dinner was clearly the final puzzle piece.

  "Thanks Julie," he said with a nod as he stood up. He clearly got what he needed from me and I felt a sense of dread fill the pit of my stomach. I had betrayed Jon and I didn't like that feeling.

  Mindy

  After breakfast, Julie pulled me into the pantry. She clearly needed someone to talk to and I knew there had to be a reason she couldn't talk to Jon.

  "What's up, Jules?" I asked warily, “you done kissing Jon and looking to make out with me now?”

  "I think I fucked up," Julie admitted, pacing back and forth and ignoring my joke.

  I allowed her to pace and clear her mind as I walked over to a crate to settle in for the impending rant.

  "I didn't say anything. But I didn't not say anything either. My silence was the same as telling, I shouldn't have done that. Even if I was protecting him, it's not my secret to tell."

  I let her pace and form her thoughts. It wasn't hard to decipher that this rant was about Jon.

  "I shouldn't have said anything," Julie muttered.

  "You said you didn't say anything?" I asked, this story was getting a little harder to follow.

  "I didn't say anything to Jeff," Julie quickly clarified, "But I did say something…." I nodded slowly, pretending to follow. I literally had no idea what she was talking about anymore.

  "I don't want to pry, but if there's anyway to give me a little more info here. Maybe then I can reach into my depths of wisdom and help you," I tried.

  Julie looked at me and stopped pacing. She nodded slightly to herself as if deciding on something, "I don't want to get too far into it. But, I had a conversation with Claire… in the bathroom of the restaurant."

  "Claire, Jon's stepmom?"

  "She's not his stepmom," Julie quickly corrected me, "Anyway… I think she's a little sick in the head. Okay, I know she's a little sick in the head. I think I scared her a little," Julie finished.

  "Okay," I started slowly, willing the wheels to spin faster in my brain, "and then Jeff had a chat with you, after he drove her home." I nodded again. I didn't want to follow the breadcrumbs to the end of this horrid tale but I could definitely glimpse the end of the road. I suppressed a shiver.

  "Listen," I started slowly again,
"I can kinda see where this is going and I can see the guilt all over your face."

  "You can?" Julie looked at me incredulously.

  I smirked, "not really. You can pretty much train all emotion off of your face like a robot. But I know you feel like you ratted Jon out. Told on him and exposed whatever secret he's holding close to the vest. Whatever you're thinking, you have to stop. You did nothing bad."

  "How do you know?" Julie asked, lifting an eyebrow.

  "I don't. But I know you said nothing to Jeff. Whatever you said to Claire, well… I know you. I know you're not malicious. You're just. Whatever you said to that woman, you felt justified doing it. I know that you want to take responsibility, but it seems like Jeff saw something too. Let him be the adult. Let him take the fallout."

  Julie

  I nodded again.

  Mindy made a good point. Jeff was the adult. Adults in charge. That was the way it was supposed to be but it was something I had long forgotten. All the adults in my life hurt me. They left. In one way or another, they did wrong by me and abandoned me. I hadn't felt safe relying on adults in many years. Until I came here. Until I met Jeff and understood he was someone I could rely on.

  He’s going to make this better.

  That's when I knew I was right. A good feeling spread throughout my gut. There was a calmness I felt knowing that it was better. Jon had so many people to help him build the pieces back up. Jon had both parents on his side. They would always love him. This was all going to be fixed. It was all going to be okay.

  I nodded again.

  Claire going to the bathroom was pure luck. It was a window I had hoped for, but couldn't guarantee. It happened for a reason, and now Jeff was going to come in and help. Because of that, I knew this was going to work out for Jon, and maybe one day I could free all the skeletons from my closet. One day maybe I would be able to start over too.

  "You good now?" Mindy said with another smirk.

  "Yeah," I said with a laugh, "you're wise beyond your years, Davies."

  "Don't I know it? It's both a blessing and a curse." Mindy laughed with me and we walked out of the pantry.

  * * *

  "Jeff knew. He said he had a feeling. Something was off for him and he knew," Jon said to me later that day.

  No guilt, I told myself. Jon didn't have to know about my conversation with Claire or my lack of conversation with Jeff. I just had to be there for him. Help him through this.

  I hadn't seen Jon for a majority of the day. Jeff found him early, they talked and Jeff told him what he was thinking. Jon said that it took a lot of convincing, but Jeff got through to him and called in Mike who was already on his way to the school. When Mike walked into Jeff's office, Jon knew something was wrong. He said that his dad was a mess.

  The night before, Mike got to the hotel room to find Claire packing. There were mini-bar bottles empty all over the room. She had been freaking out as she waited for him. The longer she waited, the drunker and more paranoid she got. She said that she couldn't do it anymore. She didn't want to be married to Mike. Things were different without Jon around. The longer they fought and the more she drank, the more the story unraveled.

  Mike started to piece things together.

  He appeased her until she went to bed, saying she just wanted to close her eyes before she head to the airport. At that point, it was already early in the morning. Mike cleaned up the room, packed his things and waited for Claire to wake up again.

  That's when shit finally hit the fan. She woke up worse than when she went to sleep. She was angry, she was spiteful. Mike asked her flat out if there was something he needed to know about his son. She denied… for a while. But eventually she broke.

  Jon said that the moment he saw his father, he knew that he was broken. Mike came to talk to Jon, to Jeff. To figure everything out. To find out what was right, what to do.

  Jon had stopped talking long before. We sat outside on a picnic bench, letting the dark envelop us. Jon leaned his elbows on the table in front of him, while I straddled the bench to look at him better. I had one arm around his back, my other hand on his thigh. Eventually he dropped an arm and took my hand in his. I couldn't tell exactly how he felt, but I hoped there was relief mixed in.

  JON

  I sat alone in the loft working on a paper. Julie was at a therapy session and I was hoping she would be back soon. It had been a week since the truth about Claire came out and while I was working through the damage, I liked being around Julie so I could avoid the constant thoughts. She knew I needed a distraction right now and she was definitely a good distraction for me.

  I had just spoken to my father. He hit a new level of acceptance. He felt anger. He wanted someone to blame. He felt guilt. Guilt for not seeing the signs. Anger at himself. He was a wreck, but he didn't blame me. He wanted to make sure our relationship didn't suffer. He wanted to fix it all.

  He asked me again if I wanted to come home. He asked me the same thing before he left for the airport. I never told Julie that part when I recapped what happened that day. I didn't want her to know that it was a possibility. I didn't want her to think that's what I wanted. My dad was getting more persistent with his request. Now that Claire was out of the picture, Mike thought that I had a chance at a normal life again. He even offered Boston as a possibility. He said he would move back there to be closer to mom. High school, football, parents. My old life, before Claire, before the divorce.

  It surprised me when I realized: I didn't want that. I wanted things fixed with my father, sure, but I wanted to do it on my own. Plus, neither place was home anymore. My group members were just as much a part of my family and although Claire was gone, the memories could be a stimulus. I didn't want to risk that.

  Of course, Julie played a vital role as well. I couldn't leave her, bottom line. I wouldn't.

  Movement caught the corner of my eye and I looked up to see Jeff.

  "Hey," I greeted Jeff with a smile, "what's up?"

  "Jon, you have a visitor," Jeff said with a smile of his own, "she's waiting in the cafeteria for you."

  I followed Jeff, slightly confused but stopped in my tracks when I saw Julie sitting in the cafeteria smiling and chatting with my mother.

  "Ma?" I asked, hurrying over and scooping the tiny woman up for a hug, "what are you doing here?"

  "Hey, baby," my mom said, pulling back and placing her hand on my cheek, "you look incredible, sweetie."

  "It's so good to see you mom," I said, puling my mom in again for another hug. I looked over her shoulder and made eye contact with Julie. I raised my eyebrows in question and pulled back from my mom again.

  "Your mom recognized me and called me over…" Julie answered my unspoken question, "It seems to be my understanding that you sent her a picture of us..." Julie commented with a smirk. Her smirk widened when she saw the blush run up my neck. What picture?

  "Oh honey, I couldn't miss you from a mile away. She's a stunner, baby," my mom said with a smile.

  "Hear that? I'm a stunner," Julie said with a wink and a poke to my chest as she backed away from the table, "it was so nice to meet you Ms.-"

  "Diane! You better call me Diane, young lady," my mom joked with Julie and pulled her into a quick embrace.

  "Okay," Julie conceded with a giggle, "it was great to meet you, Diane. I'll let you two catch up!" Julie ruffled my hair and walked with Jeff back to the main common room.

  "Ma, don't get me wrong, it's so good to see you. But what are you doing here?" I repeated my question.

  "Baby, I wanted to come last weekend so badly, but I knew Claire was coming. I thought it was best to stay put. But your father called me… explained to me what happened. I wish you talked to us about this sooner. I understand why you didn't! But I do wish you did. You don't deserve to be stuck with this by yourself for so long.

  "I thought everything happened because of where you were. I blamed the lifestyle in California. I thought it was inevitable. I had no idea what was really going on." />
  "Ma, I just… I really don't think I'm comfortable talking about this with you. It's really awkward," I brushed my hand through my hair. It had taken me a long time to open up about Claire at all, and my mother was the last person I wanted to discuss my illicit sex affair with. It was even worse than talking to my father about it.

  "I know that honey, I just… your father is worried about you," she admitted finally.

  "Ma, I know he is. And I'm probably more worried about him. I already tried to destroy my life… I didn't mean to destroy his," I ran my hand through my hair again and over my face.

  "Baby, you didn't destroy anyone's lives. That woman… well she is the one who fucked up."

  "Mom!" I said, surprised at my mother's place of blame and choice of language. She just shrugged and smiled.

  "She was an adult. She should have known better. Maybe your father should have picked a mature adult and not a young adult… but that's his own issue," she sighed, "I don't want you to take blame. I can't even begin to explain how proud of you I am. You've turned things around this past year.

  "You know… your father mentioned asking you to come home," she added quietly. I didn't respond, "I was very upset with him for asking you to do that."

  I looked up at my mom, confused.

  "This just came out, Jonathan… you haven't been dealing with the real issues because you couldn't. Now you have the chance to really work through all of this so you can move on, forget about that monster and be happy with yourself. I am so proud of you," she emphasized each word as two tears spilled out on each side of her face, "you were offered a chance to go home, pick up where you were before all of this happened to you. But Jon, you said no. You said you weren't ready to go home. I have never been more proud of my son. I'm so happy you made that decision and you made it on your own."

  "Thank you, Mom. I love you," I croaked, hugging my mom again. I felt my throat tighten with emotion.

  "So I brought you a little care package," my mom stood up, changing the subject. As she dropped the box in front of me, I looked at her, incredulous.