Unsound (Horizons #1)

by Ashley Summers

  “You’re not going anywhere, Min. It’s way passed curfew and Jeff didn’t bust you. You’re leaving tomorrow night. You belong here, with me.”

  “You’re acting like I’m not going to come back,” I said.

  Jason turned me around to face him and looked at me with serious eyes, “would you not come back? If that was an option. Would you consider that?”

  I looked back at Jason and felt my heart melt. He was worried about not seeing me again. I felt my hand reach for his face and try to smooth his worry lines, “I’m coming back. I have no idea what’s waiting for me in Virginia, or who’s getting me or anything about my future. But I know I’m coming back. I know I need to be here.”

  At that last part, I pointed to Jason’s heart. Hoping he understood what I was getting at, without having to say it. But I needed to be with Jay. That was the only certainty I had. Jason let out a deep breath as if he had been holding it, waiting for my answer. I think my heart melted more.

  I snuggled into his chest and went back to sleep, listening to the beating of his heart, feeling his arms around me.

  Jonathan

  Julie was leaving that night on the redeye with Mindy and Lena. Jeff was driving them to the airport at six. I wanted to talk to her before she left. I wanted to tell her that I knew. As much as I wanted her to open up on her own, I felt guilty holding this information. She deserved to know that I knew.

  She deserved so much better than I gave her. I cursed myself for ever hurting her. I was actually proud of her for not trusting me. That was my strong girl. She protected herself. She survived.

  I had hurt her and now was time to stop. It was time for me to share her pain and eventually, make it all go away.

  I went around the girls cabin and knocked on the window above Julie’s bed. I assumed she was there, since that’s where she had spent most of her time lately. After a couple of seconds I tried again. When she finally pulled back the curtain and looked out, I beckoned her outside with a few head nods.

  “Hey,” she said warily as she walked around the side of the cabin to where I stood.

  “Hey Jules,” I greeted her. I should have prepared more. I didn’t know if I should grovel or just pull her against me and kiss her and then grovel. I knew groveling was going to have to be done at some point, and yet, I couldn’t find my words.

  “Um, what’s up?” Julie asked. She stood a few feet away, keeping her distance. I approached at a painfully slow pace, as if approaching a wounded animal so they wouldn’t scurry away.

  “I just wanted to see you before you left,” I answered.

  “Why?” Julie shot back. I loved so much about her, but her fire was the one thing I missed the most. I hadn’t seen much of Julie for months, but her fire had been extinguished. I felt a pang in my chest knowing that was my fault.

  “I fucked up, Julie. Big time. When I came to you Parent’s Weekend, I still hadn’t processed. I didn’t understand. I’ve realized how much I fucked up. I shouldn’t have come and tried to push it all under the rug then. I needed to understand, and I didn’t, I couldn’t.

  “But now, I’m so sorry Julie. I did everything wrong. You tried to push me away and I let you. I didn’t fight for you. I couldn’t get out of my own way and accept you when you’ve done nothing but accept me. You’ve been there for me without asking for anything back. All you’ve done is fight. You’ve fought all the time; you’ve taken care of yourself. It’s my turn. I want to be the one to fight for you, to take care of you, to protect you,” I was rambling. I should have prepared more.

  “Why?” Julie asked. Her face was blank but her voice sounded rough. I stared back at her, feeling frustration mounting in me. I was ashamed at that, but this wasn’t going the way I expected.

  “Why?” I parroted.

  “Why now?” Julie said quietly, “I can’t really give you an answer right now. I have to leave in and hour and I’m not done packing.” Julie was whispering now, but I was close enough to hear her, to touch her.

  “When are you going to come back?” I asked, smoothing Julie’s hair behind her ear. She stiffened at the touch and shrugged in answer, discretely pushing my hand away at the same time. I knew instantly that was a calculated move. Julie knew how to keep people away, to keep people’s touch at bay.

  “Right,” I said with a nod. I was trying hard to swallow my anger. I knew I was being selfish again, but didn’t she know I was here to take her back? I was doing all of this for her. Getting better, getting control of my anger, all of it was for her. I needed her.

  Somewhere inside, I knew I shouldn’t be mad at Julie. I was the one who hurt her. I know I fucked up. I knew I had to regain her trust but something in me just couldn’t accept that. She was leaving in an hour and I was scared. I was so scared of losing her. I was so scared that once she stepped off campus she wouldn’t come back. Why can’t I say any of this?

  “I have to finish packing,” Julie said quietly.

  I couldn’t do anything but watch the love of my life walk away from me as I stood there helplessly. I was pathetic. I was a fuck up. I couldn’t even apologize right.

  Jeff

  This was the second time we were having this argument and I was getting pissed off. I thought the subject was dropped after Parents Weekend, which was the first time we fought about it. It was worse that Lena brought this up again over the phone from Virginia.

  “I didn’t ask her to come here Lena,” I reminded my girlfriend of her betrayal. I was less than pleased to know Marianne was up here to speak to Jay and Michelle. I didn’t like her facility. Jay and Michelle would only be eighteen amongst a much older crowd if they chose to go. I know those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, but I’ve met some of that crowd. They were manipulative and conniving like many addicts can be. Luckily Jay made it clear that he wasn’t ready to move on, but Michelle had the spark in her eye.

  She had no idea what was out there for her post Horizons and maybe I was being selfish wanting to keep her sheltered just a little longer but I wanted to make sure my kids were really ready before being thrown into a life of temptations.

  “If anyone is ready, it’s Michelle,” Lena kept going.

  “You don’t know her the way I do, Lena,” I kept saying. Pointing out that I’ve been around my kids for far longer and knew them better, “The people there are going to be charming liars who look for someone as young and naïve as Michelle to work over. I’ve worked hard to make sure Horizons wasn’t like that. Michelle hasn’t been around that kind of addict with years of practice trying to get what they want.”

  “I know she’s ready. She wants to go to college. Be proud of that, babe. And even if you think this house is going to crush her, remember that she’ll have someone out there to protect her. I know you haven’t full accepted Evan.”

  “Ugh, Deputy Evan,” I scoffed, still not over his betrayal.

  “If you don’t think she’s ready, you’re a fool. And that’s fine. I can forgive you that,” Lena said and I could almost hear the smirk on her face, “all I’m asking is that you take her this week. We might be here more than a few days and I promised Michelle we’d go check out Marianne’s place. Jason said he’d go with her and this is the perfect time with Mindy being out here.

  “Sorry,” Lena said quickly, “God, that was insensitive of me. He just doesn’t want her to find out. Wow, I can’t believe I said that.”

  “Baby, it’s okay. I know what you meant,” I told Lena. She was too hard on herself.

  “I feel like I’m all over the place,” she admitted, “the girls are both just… going through so much. I should actually get inside. I don’t know who’s here. A car service picked us up from the airport.

  “Can you please just think about it so I don’t have to harass you every chance I get? Michelle just wants to check it out. You said you wanted to be involved in her decisions. Here’s your chance. Call Marianne. She’s expecting a visit this week. Bring Jason and Michelle and just l
et them see what’s out there. They need to move on.

  Julie

  I had been pretty introverted since we left campus with so many confused thoughts about that conversation with Jon. It was easy really. Mindy was obviously not in the mood to talk, what with being recently orphaned and all. I didn’t know the deal with Lena. She either had her own issues on her mind or was giving us space. Either way, I was happy about it.

  I was pondering this, a momentary reprieve from thoughts of Jon, when the car slowed to a stop.

  I didn’t think much when I saw the town car waiting at the airport with a sign for Ms. Davies. Maybe that should have tipped me off for the sprawling mansion before me.

  We had pulled into a circular drive paved with cobblestones. There was a fountain in the center, bubbling happily in the warm climate. The house itself, well again, the word mansion had to be used, but the house itself was a modernized plantation. The basic structure and columns seemed original but the façade had a new modern brick siding, contemporary shutters and windows, and a massive ornate wrought iron door. The porch was even a modern rendition of a classic Southern architectural staple.

  I was still in stunned silence as we exited the car and entered the grand foyer. I looked up at the split staircase and knew instantly that this was where Mindy’s like had forever changed. I could almost picture in detail her standing at the top of the stairs, watching her father tumble head over heels all the way to the cold marble I was standing on.

  “It was the right one,” Mindy said suddenly, bringing me to the present. I looked over at her and she simply shrugged with a blank look.

  “You’re morbid, you know that, Davies?” I commented but didn’t dispute her comment since she correctly guessed my thoughts.

  “I may be morbid, but I’m right,” she quipped, sounding pleased with herself.

  “You know, this is where I pictured Pretty, Pretty Princess to live…”

  “Not me,” she finished as my sentence trailed off. I didn’t finish once I realized how rude I sounded.

  “It’s okay,” Mindy said, “I didn’t grow up here. This isn’t the house that Jay would sneak into. A few months after Jason disappeared, my grandmother died. My grandfather had died years earlier, and I think my parents were waiting for my grandmother to kick it so they could get the inheritance.

  “My grandparents were old Southern money. They were my fathers’ parents. They hated my mother. They all had some estranged relationship that I can’t even pretend to understand. All I know is that there was enough money from them even split between my other two uncles. Anyway, before the ink was dry on the check, literally, before the funeral even happened, they had the house on the market and started packing to move.

  “It’s not like my childhood home was small or ugly or anything to be ashamed of. But it just didn’t hold the same prestige knowing we were old Southern money,” Mindy finished recounting her tale with a fake Southern accent.

  “So Jason doesn’t know about the new digs?” I asked, curious if she ever brought it up to Jason after they reconnected.

  “Nah,” Mindy said with a sigh, “once I left here, I sorta forgot about it. I only lived here for about eight months anyway.”

  “Hey guys. That was Jeff,” Lena announced walking in from outside. I hadn’t realized she was out there on the phone.

  Mindy walked further into the house to another room. We followed when we heard her gasp. Every surface of what I could tell was normally a pristine and gorgeous professional chef’s kitchen was covered in floral arrangements, baked goods and what I could only assume were casseroles.

  “Good Southern values,” Mindy said, continuing her drawl with an eye roll.

  “Wow, Mindy,” Lena started as she walked further into the room to inspect the arrangements, “your parents must have been really—”

  “Powerful people in the community, yes,” Mindy interjected, “they weren’t loved. They were feared and hated. They had a terrible reputation. This,” Mindy extended an arm sweeping out towards the flowers, “all this is bull shit. Southern hospitality and hypocrisy.”

  “Melinda Luanne Davies, how dare you say that,” a very Southern female voice sounded from an entrance I couldn’t quite see through all the flowers.

  “Your parents were loved. Not by me, I can assure you. But some of these people had respect for those two.” The disembodied voice got closer, but I still hadn’t seen anyone.

  I looked over at Mindy and saw a rare smile across her face. Then it his me, “your middle name is Luann? As in Melinda Lu, Mindy Lu?” I fought back laughter.

  “Remember the front stairs?” Mindy threatened with a glare. I stuck my tongue out as a woman finally appeared as though out of nowhere.

  “Young ladies should never have such appalling manners,” the woman exclaimed as she witnessed my tongue sticking.

  “Aunt Prue, don’t mind Julie there. She was raised by wolves,” Mindy teased.

  “Pretty much,” I agreed. There were proper introductions, and Aunt Prue forced us to sit and drink sweet tea before taking Mindy into another room to discuss some details in privacy.

  “This whole thing really isn’t a stereotype, is it?” Lena asked me quietly as we sipped our tea.

  “This whole thing is surreal,” I offered.

  Mindy-Lu

  “I’m so sorry that we didn’t come get you ourselves, baby girl,” Aunt Prue was sitting in my father’s desk chair in the study. I had only been in this room a couple of times. I still didn’t miss the complete lack of personal affects. There wasn’t a single photo of me, but then again, there wasn’t even a photo of either of my parents.

  “We didn’t know you where you were, Melly,” Aunt P explained, “We had no idea you weren’t living here anymore. We got the call from the police and it all happened so fast and everything was so confusing. Your Uncle Henry was here last weekend and he found some paperwork, some… enrollment forms to… to rehab?”

  Aunt Prudence whispered the last part. She married my Uncle Henry and unlike my Yankee trash mother (my grandmother’s thoughts) Prudence was also from old Southern wealth and prestige. Thinks like rehab, alcoholism, depression and everything that seemed to make up my personality were taboo for the family.

  Both of my parents had been in politics. That’s how they met, why we lived in Virginia. It was still considered the South, but it wasn’t South Carolina, where the rest of my family resided. My mother was actually born and bred in Virginia in a suburb of DC. My grandmother didn’t want to ever consider my mom to be a proper Southern Belle. Especially with her career in politics.

  “It’s not what you think, Aunt P,” I stated, “I’m not an addict. Honest. I’ve barely even gotten drunk.”

  “I don’t understand,” she asked, accent thick as ever. It was actually refreshing to hear it.

  “I have depression. I’m not addicted to drugs or anything, but after the incident with dad, the police thought—”

  “Incident?” Aunt Prue asked me. I stopped and studied her face. She didn’t know.

  “You might want to call Uncle Henry so I don’t have to go through this twice,” I suggested, getting comfortable.

  We put my uncle on speaker while he drove back up from South Carolina. He hadn’t been able to stay the week because of work, so Prudence had been handling all the arrangements with the house and funeral. I always liked Uncle Henry and Aunt Prue, but they lived far and we saw less and less of them over the years.

  After months at Horizons, I decided it wouldn’t be so hard to tell them what happened. The drinking (them), the depression (me), the cutting (also me). It was surprisingly easy to talk about. At least easier than I would have imagined a few months ago. When I was living in hell.

  “Baby girl,” Aunt P whispered for the hundredth time. She had tears spilling down her face and even Uncle Henry’s voice sounded thick with emotion when he talked. I was overwhelmed. By what? I’m not sure.

  “Hey,” Lena said from the doorw
ay. I don’t know how long she was standing there, but something told me she heard most of the conversation. She came into the room and put her arms around me in a hug.

  Yup, she definitely heard all of that.

  “I am so proud of you,” she said. At that, Aunt Prue blew her nose loudly into a handkerchief. The three of us looked at each other and started to laugh.

  “Oh my word,” Prue said, trying to regain her composure. That’s when Julie walked into the room with a light tap on the doorframe.

  “So this is where the part is,” she commented. She must have been in the kitchen the whole time, alone.

  “So does this mean…” Aunt Prudence gestured to Julie.

  “Oh yeah. Julie goes to school with me,” I stated, “and Lena is our counselor.”

  “School? That’s what you call it?”

  “The kids take classes almost daily along with therapy sessions. But our school system is right on par if not more advanced than the state’s. We also do the SAT prep, ACT prep and help with all the college applications and scholarships.

  “Some of my kids may go a year later than planned, but we get them there and get them started on the right foot and in a healthy mental state. We give them a fresh start.

  “Thank you,” a voice piped up from the speakerphone.

  “Sorry Uncle Henry. I forgot you were there,” I called out.

  “Don’t apologize to me, young lady. Listen, I’m gonna get off the phone so I can concentrate on driving. You know there’s all these crazy drivers… these… uh… days.”

  Uncle Henry made a big to do about clearing his throat, but the reminder was already out in the universe. Two of the craziest (drunkest) drivers were about fourteen hours from being put six feet under.

  “It’s okay, Uncle Henry. No kid gloves on my behalf. I’ll see ya soon.”

  “Ya?” Julie asked with a smirk one the call was disconnected, “you’re real close to a ya’ll there Mindy-Lu. I know you want to.”

  “Ha, ha, ha,” I remarked. I knew Julie was just trying to break the ice.