Unsound (Horizons #1)

by Ashley Summers

  I didn’t know how much longer he would be in the shower, so I quickly undressed and folded my clothes in a small pile on a sink. I walked up to the shower and took a deep breath as I reached my hand up to the curtain. I knew it would scare him, but I was scared too.

  I pulled the curtain back and my eyes immediately met Jason’s. He had heard me call his name. He knew I was in the bathroom. But I don’t think he was ready for me to be standing naked in front of him.

  “Mindy,” he said warily, “are you okay?”

  I didn’t answer, I was sick of that question. I stepped into the hot shower and pulled the curtain shut behind me. I looked up at Jason and pulled his face towards mine, kissing him deeply.

  Jason responded immediately, tensing up, then softening into my kiss as he pulled me closer to him. The water poured over us, and I hadn’t said a word to Jason, but nothing was more perfect than that moment. I wanted Jason to know how I felt about him. I wanted him to have all of me. As the water poured over us, I made sure everything I felt poured into that kiss.

  “Mindy…” he said, pushing back a little to see my face.

  “Don’t,” I said, “don't ruin this. I want this too. You and me,” I tried pulling Jason back to me, but he resisted, “what’s wrong Jay?”

  “Well, if you really want to do this with me, I think I get the right to a little peek… I wasn’t really looking when you walked in here….”

  I laughed and pulled him back to me. As the water turned from hot to lukewarm, Jason pulled away again and turned the water off, “wait here. Let me get you a towel.”

  Once I was dry and in his bed, my senses started coming back. I had questions forming in my head.

  “Do you really think it’s a good idea, this? You and me?” I asked, watching Jason walk around the windows, looking out before drawing the shades. He was the sane one. He was supposed to know what the right thing was. What if trying to be together ruined our friendship and the whole thing imploded? He didn’t answer until he came back over to the bed.

  He leaned over the bed to kiss me gently, "I didn't realize it until you came here, but I've wanted to be more than your friend for a long time. It killed me that I couldn't go to Virginia with you. That I couldn't be there for you. I want to be the one who takes care of you, makes sure you're safe."

  "I thought about you all the time. I missed you," I admitted. It was so hard for me to talk about my feelings but I owed it to Jason to try. He didn't push me. It was something I loved about him. He got me without forcing it.

  My body started to shake at the realization. Jason felt the tremble but only crawled next to me under the covers and pulled me against his chest. He didn't ask if I was okay. He didn't ask me what was wrong.

  "I think I love you," I said quietly into Jay's chest. I could hear his heart beat double-time as he held his breath but I wouldn't look up. Finally, he let his breath go.

  "You only think you love me?" He said and I could hear the smirk on his face. I resisted the urge to punch him, "cause I'm pretty sure you do."

  "You cocky, son-of-a," I started but Jay spun us so I was on my back looking up at his bright blue eyes. He rested his weight on his forearms so he didn't crush me.

  "I'm fucking in love with you, Davies. You make me so fucking happy. And you can keep pretending that you're not sure, but if you feel half of what I feel for you, I'm okay with that.

  "Now..." He continued as he looked down at our bodies, "you were gone for too long. You owe me."

  "Oh, I owe you?" I said with a laugh, "what's wrong with you?" Jason response was to, just kiss me hard. Everything felt right. I was supposed to be here. Jay and I were meant to be in each other's lives. That's why we found each other again. I kissed Jason back with as much passion as he had for me. My body just responded naturally to him. Like this was how our relationship was always supposed to be.

  Like the first time, Jason was gentle but precise and every touch was incredible. All thoughts stopped and I concentrated on being with Jason.

  JON

  I was so excited Julie was back. I needed to see her, needed to talk to her. Hug her. Kiss her. I knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

  There wasn't one, so I pulled my shirt and sneakers on before knocking again. I imagined Julie was still holed up in bed, depressed. I was excited to tell her she didn't have to be sad anymore. That I was wrong and sorry.

  I knocked again, but didn't hear anyone inside. I pushed the door open and peeked inside. No one was there. I felt a rush of disappointment. I walked over to Julie's bed and sat down. It had been a while since she had been there that I couldn't smell her perfume anymore.

  I didn't know if I was disappointed that Julie simply wasn't there or that Julie wasn't there still being sad about me. I had to learn how to not be such a selfish prick.

  I got up to leave when the door pushed open and someone walked in. The disappointment grew when I saw Marie instead of Julie. She screamed when she saw me.

  "Sorry, Mah," I said, standing with my hands splayed open in front of me.

  "God! Jon! I didn't expect you in here," she said as she caught her breath and walked further into the bunk, "Julie's in Jeff's office."

  "Jeff's office?" I parroted like an idiot.

  "Yeah. I saw her go in there with Lena. Everyone looked serious," she commented. I started for the door, ignoring anything else she may have to say.

  "Thanks," I called over my shoulder as I walk out the door and jogged over to the main hall.

  Julie

  My palms were sweaty. I had made my decision clear to Lena but for some reason, it was harder to tell Jeff how I got to my conclusion.

  "Welcome back," Jeff said with a grin that eased my nerves slightly.

  "Thanks, Jeff," I said with a smile of my own. I was happy to be back. After my realization in Virginia, everything just felt like it was falling in place and I knew what my next steps were going to be to take control of my life.

  I took a deep breath and recounted to Jeff what I had discussed with Lena and Mindy back in Virginia.

  I didn't want to press charges and I stood firm on that. The last thing I wanted was to prolong this nightmare. It made sense to me that Ronnie wouldn't hurt my sister. I had to believe it was true because if I didn't have that hope, I had nothing. She only had three years left of high school and it was my goal to have my life together.

  The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wanted to make a difference for kids like me. I didn't want to be a teacher. That was so cliche. I wanted to be a social worker or a lawyer. I figured it would depend on my grades in college weather I would go to graduate school or law school. Either way, I had a long road of school ahead of me.

  My grades were impeccable. I made sure of that. I knew they had to be if I had any hope of getting into a good college with my record. Now I had to hope they were enough to pull a scholarship. If I got my life together, my sister could maybe come to me. And if Ronnie laid a hand on her, he and my mother would both spend the rest of their lives in jail. I would make sure of that. But I had to be prepared for that first.

  "I'd like to start taking SAT and ACT prep classes," I started winding down my list of goals. I had written them all down on a piece of paper but I didn't take it out during my spiel, I had it all memorized:

  1. Get emancipated from my mother

  2. Ace my SATs and any other standardized test I needed.

  3. Get into a good college

  4. Make sure my sister was taken care of

  5. Get an apartment and a part time job and anything I might need to survive on my own

  "We can put some classes together for you Julie. I actually think it's time that I start putting all of that into gear. I've been selfish about letting you guys move on. Usually it's up to your specific group counselor but I've held onto more control with the Mountain Climbers than I should," Jeff admitted.

  I smirked, "that's why you guys have been fighting? Power struggle?"

 
; "We have not been fighting," Jeff and Lena said together.

  "Convincing," I said, the smirk still on my face.

  "Well you seem to really have your plan mapped out, Jules. Next step is bringing the others in on the plan. I think we need to have a group meeting," Jeff looked at Lena who nodded in agreement.

  "There's a lot happening right now with everyone and I think there's gonna be some changes."

  I nodded but kept my mouth shut. I didn't know if I liked change.

  "It's already late, let's talk to everyone at breakfast," Lena suggested, "you probably want to get some sleep or relax and what not."

  "I get it," I commented as I stood, "you two want some alone time. Maybe you guys can figure out how to handle that power struggle." I ended with a wink as I backed myself out the door with a wave. I closed the door quietly, but my chuckle died in my throat as I turned and found Jon sitting on the bench.

  "Fancy seeing you here?" I said quietly as I sat next to him.

  "You don't know how good it is to see you, baby" Jon said, barely above a whisper.

  The endearment took me by such surprise that I looked into Jon's eyes to see if he meant his words. I felt my breath catch as I looked into his GREEN eyes. He meant his words. And so much more. There was so much emotion in his eyes that I felt my head spin and my pulse speed up. I would never not be affected by Jon when he looked at me like that. Like I was his world. My brain was going fuzzy and I had to break eye contact to keep my thoughts clear and sane.

  I had another list of goals specifically for Jon.

  I decided to hear him out but at group session the next day, I was going to lay it all out. He had to know everything. No more secrets. Jon was going to get every bit of my past and then he could actually decide if he wanted me for good. If he did, then I was his for the taking.

  “I made a huge mistake,” Jon started, “I let my pride get to me – I cared about something that should never have even mattered to me. What happened in your past… what happened in my past, that’s where it all is. I forgot that you’re trying to move forward from all the heartbreak just as much as I am.

  “I don’t even deserve you. I’ve been such a selfish asshole. I never once thought about you and how you felt. I know you’ll never be able to forget. But I really hope you can start to forgive me, and that I can work towards gaining your trust. I want to say again, but I don't think I full had it. You knew you had to hide things from me and I understand that. The trepidation to talk to me… I pulled it all out of you, I forced you before you were ready, before I was ready, and then I abandoned you for the fall out.

  "You are the most beautiful, vibrant girl I’ve ever gotten to know. You are honestly the most caring, amazing person inside and out and all I did was add to your misery. I didn’t help you, I did what all those other men in your life have done. I let you down.

  “I realize that what there is between us now, or at least… what I hope we can find again, I realize that it’s the future, it’s the present. And I don’t want to forget the past, I just want to help it shape you and me. Everything that I said over Christmas, everything that happened between us that week – that was real. That was now. That was you trusting me and letting your guard down and forgetting the past and I’m sorry I ruined it."

  I stared at Jon for a few moments. I was speechless. His words were beautiful. His words were everything I wanted. But I had a plan that I had to stick to. Maybe it was a test, but I would never stop taking care of myself and if this test protected me from future heartache, so be it.

  "Thank you for saying all of that," I whispered. I was still speechless, "everything you said... It was beautiful. Thank you."

  "That's all you have to say?" Jon asked. His feelings for me had clearly morphed but he still held onto his quick flash temper. I smiled.

  "Jon, I missed you too," I said, lightly placing my hand on his cheek. His face pressed into my palm and his eyes closed in contentment. I smiled wider. Jon was big and strong but he was such a little boy deep down.

  "You said so much. It was so beautiful but can I sleep on it? I have some stuff to say to you too. But I'm so tired and I need some time to think a bit."

  Jon nodded, "can I walk you back?"

  "Of course," I responded.

  We both stood and Jon took my hand in his. I missed him. It felt good to touch him again. It was like coming home after a long trip. It was comforting and just felt right.

  We walked in silence back to my cabin but it wasn't uncomfortable. At least not for me. As we stopped outside the door and I looked up at him, I wished I could tell him more.

  "Thanks for walking me back," I said quietly. I looked up at Jon and wrapped my arms around Jon's waist. He pulled me tight against him and I buried my head into his chest. Home. The word kept flashing in my mind. That's what Jon was. That's what everyone was. That's why I couldn't tell him everything in that moment. I wasn't ashamed anymore but it was about more than me and him. In order to heal, I had to share everything with everyone, even Marie.

  * * *

  The morning came too soon, but I was up early, ready to get this over with. When we got to our group therapy session and after we listed to Jeff and Lena, I opted to go first.

  I had it scripted out in my mind so I just jumped right in. I started from the beginning. I told everyone about my dad getting sick and dying. I told them about my mother remarrying Ronnie. I told them about how he was and the realizations I’d had in Virginia about my mother’s jealousy. I didn’t stop. I plowed through. I needed to get it all out once and for all. I didn’t want my past to be a part of me anymore.

  "I won't dance anymore. He took that away from me too. Dancing was something that brought me joy but also something my dad loved. Ronnie ruined it. He tainted it with his encouragement. Jon, I told you about my first boyfriend. The one who raped me. Ronnie hated him. I mean, the guy ended up being a complete asshole so he hated him rightfully. But still. It's almost like he knew it was about to happen. He got to me a couple weeks before Justin did. I wasn't able to tell Justin. Then he drugged me and raped me. And I almost thought that wasn't so bad. At least I couldn't remember it. It all happened so quickly. I turned 15, Ronnie was coming into my room regularly, and I was introduced to drugs.”

  I finished with some of the worst tales about my time living on the streets. I admitted how easily it was to becoming a hooker and how it was easier to use harder and more available drugs to forget it all. Every story and every chapter of my life was closing as I talked about it. Soon I would be able to start a brand new book and put the sad tale on the bookshelf. It was over. New was new and new was the future. I would control it and take care of it and make everything of it that I possible could have.

  No one spoke when I finished and I looked down at my hands.

  “Jules?” Jon said so quietly it was almost a whisper.

  “Yeah?” I said, not looking up. He waited until I looked at him, an annoyed glare crossing over my face.

  “Thank you for sharing that with me. Well, with everyone. But I want this one for me. I forced you before, to talk about everything and I couldn’t handle it all and I’m so sorry for that. I will never forgive myself for that. But I hope that you can forgive me, eventually.

  “What happened to me being a whore?”

  JON

  I let out a hiss of breath.

  “I was fucked up and wrong. I didn’t want to understand. I wanted to shut down and push you away. Nothing that you did on your own was your fault. I know you were scared and alone and had nowhere else to turn. I know you were hurting and lonely and I’m just so sorry that I ever called you that. I’m sorry that I didn’t just accept you for everything I know you to be.”

  I wasn’t embarrassed and I didn’t care that everyone was sitting there listening to me speak so candidly about my feelings for Julie. I loved her and I didn’t care.

  “You’re the most caring person I’ve ever met. You’ve always put others before you. You tru
thfully care for all of us. And that’s why I’m so thankful you finally shared everything not just with me, but with all of us. You’re not alone anymore. You have me to share all your hardships with. You don’t have to carry all of that with you forever. It’s mine now too.

  “It’s all of ours,” Tony and Chris added at the same time. Julie let out a laugh but I could see the shine of tears in her eyes.

  I walked over and knelt in front of her chair. We were in a circle with Jeff and Lena, but I didn’t care if I could get in trouble. I cupped Julie’s face and looked her in the eyes.

  “I love you,” I whispered, only for her, “and I won’t ever stop.” Julie closed her eyes and let the tears fall. I brought her face close enough to kiss each of her eyelids, kissing the tears away before I kissed her mouth.

  Julie kissed me back earnestly. Her hands reached around the back of my neck and pulled me closer. My body had missed her so much, and I knew hers missed mine the same way. I forgot about everyone in the group. I wedged Julie’s legs apart and crawled in between them. I reached down and pulled her hips so she came forward enough in her chair to wrap her legs around my waist. All I could think about was her skin, her lips, her warmth.

  Jeff cleared his throat loudly and I froze.

  Julie and I looked at each other with wide eyes for a moment before bursting out with laughter.

  “Sorry, Jeff!” she said quickly, pushing me backwards away from her. I got up from the floor, kissed her cheek quickly and went back to my seat. Even though I was across from her, it was too far. Nothing was going to keep up apart anymore.

  Mindy

  Our group therapy session had already started with a bang. Now that Jon and Julie were sorted, the news to follow was Michelle’s. She was ready to fly the coop and was moving shortly after her birthday.

  Michelle had told us all about the meeting and the sober house. She told us about her visit with Jason to the community college and how exciting everything was to her.