Not Before Game Night (Bad Boy Bachelors of Orange County Book 4)

by Khardine Gray

  “So… what took you so long, and what’s stopping you now?” Mom smiled.

  I pressed my lips together and took a sip of my hot chocolate. Yesterday, I might have been quicker to give her some cock and bull story. Maybe.

  After last night though, not so much.

  There was a moment last night when I was with Vanessa when something changed about us. I would never be so crass as to think it was because it was the first time that we’d had sex without a condom.

  I would be an idiot if I thought it was that.

  I saw something in her eyes, but it was only a mirror of what was inside me.

  I’d made love to her. That was what it was.

  I’d made love to her, and I saw the moment her guard dropped and knew her feelings for me deepened, increased.

  I claimed to be able to pay attention and have this keen eye for detail. Well, it came out full force last night.

  It was beautiful, amazing, the best I’d ever experienced in my life. So, the question of what had stopped me before and did now was a real good one. The answer was brewing deep within me. I just never wanted to acknowledge it.

  “Have you ever felt that you were so different to something that maybe, just maybe, it was best to keep things as they are?” I asked not knowing if that made sense.

  “Perception is key,” Mom answered. She moved over to the sink and grabbed a glass, filled it with water from the filtered tap only halfway, and came back to me with it.

  I thought she was going to drink it, but she set it down on the counter and pointed at it.

  “Is the glass half empty or half full?” she asked.

  I laughed. I’d heard this before, and my answer was going to be the same to anyone who asked me that question.

  “The glass is half empty, Mom.”

  “To me it’s half full, and I can decide what I want to do with it. It’s not so different that I can’t change what happens to the water. I can fill it right up, or I can drink the rest. And even when it’s gone, there is always something that can be done.”

  “That easy?” I always loved that she could see the bright side of things.

  She pointed to herself. “Almost died, or another chance to live?”

  I stared at her and frowned. “Mom, you almost died.”

  That was a hundred percent certainty, and I didn’t know how she could see it any other way. I was there when she had surgery, there during all the treatments, which were the actual culprit that nearly ended her. So, I truly didn’t know how she could ask me that.

  “Son, the way I see it is I got another chance to live.” She nodded.

  “Well, maybe the part of me that’s just like Dad sees the negative.” That was it. There was my answer.

  There was the answer.

  Just like Dad. I could have been him with my track record, and we were so much alike in the way we thought.

  “Is that it? You’re worried you’re like him?”

  It was it in a nutshell. “Yeah… I do worry about that, and please don’t sell me any bullshit about how wonderful he was. He wasn’t Mom. I admire him for the legend he was in football but that’s all. He was a terrible husband. I don’t get why you talk about him like he wasn’t. I don’t get it. He treated you so badly, and you should have left his ass at hello. But you stayed, and you don’t say anything bad about him. Not once, but the whole world knows what he was like.”

  She looked stunned by my words, and she was right to be because I’d never spoken to her like that before.

  She brought her hands together and sighed.

  “Cole. I know you won’t understand this because what you see is what you saw, but while he was alive, I made the personal choice to stay with him. The man I married wasn’t the man I buried. After that whole event… you know when we first found out what he was like I knew there were other women. There would have been before too. I’d sensed it. A woman always knows. I just kept hoping he’d change back to the person I met. Hoping he’d come back to me. I’m the fool for thinking that it would happen, and I might be the fool for staying, but it was my choice. I’m not one to give up before trying. For me, it was better to try and fail than not try at all and wonder what could have been. Now that he’s dead, I know the answer, and I know we were probably never meant to be. But that’s my personal answer.”

  I was listening. Listening and taking in all that she was saying. I hated that she chose to do what she did because I knew she could have done better. She could have and should.

  “I get it. I just wished you could have been with someone who made you happier. You deserved that.”

  I was speaking the same words that filled my mind when Vanessa came to me nearly eleven years ago now.

  I’d thought she could have been with someone better than me.

  “I know.” She smiled. “Cole. I know. But choice is a funny thing. It means whatever it means on a very subjective induvial basis. For you… please don’t allow the fear of something to guide you. You’ll regret it, Cole. All I have to do is look at you, and I can see just how much your Vanessa means to you, and that didn’t just come today. There’ll be a point where you’ll reach a limit and you either take the next step or not.”

  Her gaze clung to mine.

  I couldn’t refute her words because I felt that Vanessa and I reached that limit last night. It had felt strange to ask her for another painting earlier when there was so much emotion roiling within me to say more.

  We’d reached a limit where something different had to happen. And I had the feeling the damn ball was in my hands. No one to pass it to like out on the field.

  The game was all in my hands, and I could win or lose.

  “Nothing can go on as it is forever,” Mom added. Her smile widened. “Cole, you are not like your father. You shouldn’t worry about becoming like him or let the worry of that stop you from telling this woman how you feel. You should just tell her.”

  She hit the nail with the hammer. Right on the head. Straight to the point. I was worried about doing something to hurt Vanessa. Disappointing her in any way.

  In my usual way, I went through the motions but never thought about what was happening as I did so.

  Could I really tell her how I felt?

  I’d done such a great job so far of keeping everything vague and light. But Mom was right; nothing could go on as it was forever.

  And definitely not when your heart wanted change.

  I thought about the choices before me for the rest of the day.

  While I didn’t zone into autopilot during the meeting, I contemplated the best course of action. I was thinking about what I’d done over the last few months.

  All this time I’d been with Vanessa, I was sure to shit people had seen the change in me.

  There was a while back before we’d started dating when it was just sex, but really it wasn’t. I’d wanted people to see that we were together, and I made that happen. We hadn’t been together for long, but it was long enough.

  She saw too that I was always with her. Every chance I got.

  The only thing I hadn’t done was put a damn label on us. Except for that time when the papers called her my girl. That was them though, not me. Not officially.

  I’d never met anyone who I had to introduce her to as such because everyone I knew already knew her. Even Mom.

  Regardless, maybe the correct next step was to tell her how I felt and ask her properly to be my girlfriend.

  My girlfriend…

  I’d never actually had a girlfriend, and truthfully, I’d never been in any form of long-term relationship. They just weren’t me. I thought I could start with that. Small steps that could help me see how far I got.

  Footsteps sounded in the locker room as I was packing up my stuff to go. The echo came closer to where I was.

  I thought it was one of the guys, but the sound was too light to be one of them.

  I was surprised to see Jayne come around the corner. Denver’s Jayne.

&
nbsp; And her eyes were red, like she’d been crying.

  She brightened when she saw me, although the sadness remained in her eyes.

  I hadn’t seen her since before Christmas. We’d met a bunch of times before, and she always talked to me. Never in a locker room though. Women didn’t tend to venture down here, only in exceptional circumstances.

  “Jayne… hey there.” I greeted her with a polite smile.

  “Hey, Cole. Good to see you.” She nodded.

  I’d always thought she’d looked like a cross between Reese Witherspoon and Jamie King. It was a combo of the way she looked and the expressions she made.

  The woman was beautiful, and just like when I last saw her, I tensed because I knew what her man got up to when he wasn’t with her.

  “You too,” I replied. “Looking for Denver?”

  She pulled in a short breath. “Yeah, I am. I …” Her voice trailed off, and when a tear ran down her cheek, I knew something was wrong.

  “What’s up?” I asked and bit the inside of my lip. The intensity of her gaze deepened, and the expression she wore was one I’d seen too many times on my own mother. It told me she knew about the cheating.

  “Cole… I’m sorry to come here in such a mess.” More tears streamed down her cheeks, and I felt like shit. She grabbed a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes with it.

  “It’s okay. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Cole, I beg of you, please tell me the truth. I know you guys have some unwritten code among you, and what happens behind closed doors or whatever stays secret, but I can’t live like that. I saw something yesterday, and I know what it looked like, but my heart doesn’t want to believe it.”

  “What did you see?” Now I felt like an asshole because right before I’d met Vanessa to go to the party, I’d gone to pick up my dry cleaning and saw Denver in town with Brittany Tate.

  They would have looked like a normal couple sitting around a table outside Starbucks, simply looking like they were out to get coffee if I didn’t see him secretly fondling her tits when she leaned over to kiss him.

  “I saw him with another woman. She was getting in his car, and they kissed.” Another bout of tears came, and her shoulders started shaking. I rested my hand on her shoulder for reassurance, but it didn’t help.

  “My heart wants to believe it wasn’t him,” she added. “Like I saw someone who looked like him, but yet, I know it was Denver. Cole, it was him. Tell me, please, have you… ever seen him hanging around other women? You know, like that? Screwing around.”

  Oh fuck. She was right that there was a damn unwritten code, but there came a time when you had to acknowledge right and wrong. I was the rebel, and I never followed the fucking rules. Written, unwritten, or otherwise.

  I wasn’t a damn liar either.

  She looked at me, and I knew she knew the answer even before I said it.

  “Yes,” I replied. “Yes, Jayne. I have seen him.”

  She bit down hard on her bottom lip and wiped away more tears.

  “I’m really sorry,” I added, releasing her. “I really am.”

  “Thank you for being honest with me.”

  “He doesn’t know what he has,” I told her.

  She shook her head. “He didn’t know what he had. I’ll see you around. Thank you.”

  I watched her go, and her words clung to my mind. Denver didn’t know what he had indeed, and I wouldn’t make the same mistake.

  I knew what I had with Vanessa, and it was more than just asking her to be my girlfriend.

  I loved her too, and it was time I told her.

  Chapter 20

  Cole

  It was a beautiful night.

  Tonight, I’d chosen our new favorite restaurant.

  Casa Picante.

  It didn’t take long for me to discover that Vanessa loved Italian food and she appreciated it even more in restaurants that took on a more homemade style rather than the overly classy places I’d taken her to.

  Flavor. It was all about flavor and what she called made with love.

  We were just finishing off our lasagna, her favorite on the menu. For dessert she’d ordered profiteroles, and I got a sorbet.

  “You better have some with me. I’m not going to get fat by myself.” She giggled.

  She couldn’t put on any kind of weight if she tried, and not from profiteroles.

  “You’ll be fine, baby. Just eat.”

  “I’ll have two.” She straightened.

  “And what of the rest?”

  “You can have two as well. The serving size is eight. Cole, you know it’s a sharing bowl.” She pretended to pout, and I laughed.

  We’d been here for nearly two hours. It really was a beautiful night, and she looked beautiful.

  Her hair was up tonight, pulled back into a ponytail so it showed off her high exotic cheekbones.

  She wore a little black dress that made me crazy for her because I loved her in that color, but then it was the same with any color she wore. She looked good in everything.

  “What?” she asked. “You’re doing that thing again.” She chuckled.

  “What thing, baby?”

  “The looking thing. I still… can’t figure you out, so I have no idea what you’re thinking.”

  “I don’t want you to figure me out,” I teased.

  “Why on earth not? That’s not fair.”

  “Well, when you figure me out, it means the element of shock and surprise is gone.”

  “I get that, but it would be nice to figure you just a little. I can honestly say that I don’t know anyone else who frowns when they tell a joke or smiles when they’re talking about something serious. It’s weird.”

  I laughed. It actually sounded like she did have me figured out.

  “How about we let time help you along. Maybe you’ll figure me out in a few years.”

  “Years?” She raised her brows. “Yes, I agree it’s going to take me years.”

  She gave me that look of awe.

  All night I’d been gearing up to talk to her about how I felt about her. All night I’d sat here acting like I was my usual cool, but I wasn’t. I was nervous. Me, nervous over a woman.

  There was a natural pause in our conversation that gave me the chance to say something, but I didn’t take the leap. Nervously, she glanced over at the waiter coming over to us with our desserts.

  The waiter placed them on the table, and as he went away, I humored her by taking two of her profiteroles.

  “Thank you,” she bubbled and leaned over to kiss me.

  Someone cleared their throat loud. It was in an overly exaggerated manner that felt directed at us.

  When I scowled and turned to see who it was, I understood why.

  It was Denver.

  I never saw him come up to the table.

  He looked like shit. Like he’d been on a bender. It was a few days ago that I’d seen Jayne.

  “Wow, look at this,” Denver said, stepping closer.

  I straightened in my chair as the pungent smell of rum hit me. Denver looked like shit and smelled like he’d been rolling around in a brewery. His face was blotchy, and there was dirt all over his white T-shirt.

  “Denver,” I began. I didn’t know what he wanted to say, but whatever it was, it didn’t feel like anything good. He looked at me differently to how he usually did when he saw me.

  “It was you, wasn’t it?” he slurred and laughed off key.

  “Me? What was me?” I didn’t think Jayne was the kind of person to rat on me and tell him I’d confirmed his cheating, but I actually didn’t care. I glanced at Vanessa quickly, who’d tensed next to me.

  “Don’t act like a prick, Cole. Jayne broke up with me. She said she spoke to one of the guys and they told her they’d seen me with other women. When she said that, I knew it had to be you. You asshole!” he snapped. Now we had the attention of everyone at the nearby tables.

  “Yes, it was me.” I stared him down. I wasn’t
afraid of him or afraid to confirm my actions. “What are you going to do about it? I didn’t lie.”

  “Fucking asshole, my girl left me because of you! All you had to do was keep quiet. You didn’t have to say anything to her. I loved her. I loved her!”

  Now I fucking stood up because he was getting in my face.

  “Is that how you treat someone you love?” I spat back. “Don’t be an ass and tell me yes, Denver. Do yourself a favor and get the fuck out of my face before I knock your teeth down your throat.”

  The only reason why I hadn’t done it yet was because he was drunk, and in my warped brain I wanted to be cordial due to the fact that we played on the same team, and yeah, maybe I still considered him a friend.

  He laughed at me and shoved me hard in my chest. That alone should have made me snap, but he was drunk. Hitting him would be like fighting a guy who was weaker than me.

  “You hypocrite. Fucking hypocrite. You’re only with her because of a bet,” he barked, looking at Vanessa.

  That fucking bet took me a few seconds to remember. It happened so long ago, and at the time so insignificant.

  “Shut the fuck up.” I grabbed him around his neck, seeing what he was trying to do.

  “What bet?” Came Vanessa’s delicate voice over my shoulder. I turned to see she was standing too.

  She looked from me to him, and he laughed. “Cole and I made a brilliant bet for two hundred grand that he could sleep with you the night before the first game. It was to break the coach’s stupid superstitions. That is the kind of man you are with, sweet Vanessa Cartwright.”

  It was the crestfallen look on her face that made me loosen my grip on him.

  “What kind of a man does that?” Denver continued in a drunken slur, now moving closer to her. “I’ll tell you who. Him. Betting with the guys on all the ways he can fuck you. You think he just turned into some kind of saint? Overnight and for you?” Denver laughed louder.

  My throat closed up, and I couldn’t say anything. Usually, to defend yourself, it was against something that wasn’t true.

  “Coleridge Buchanan is the biggest womanizer I know,” Denver declared. “At least I cheated in secret. With him, all anyone needs to do is Google him to see who he really is. It’s all there on the Internet for everyone to see what a man whore this guy is. At least I was serious about my girl. He’ll never be serious about you, never love you, and you know why? You’ll never be enough. Just like his father. Exactly the same. A man who disrespected his wife in every way. Didn’t you hear how he died? Screwing some eighteen year old on his wife’s birthday. Like father, like fucking son. The same. Really now Vanessa, can’t you do any better?”