by Gina Azzi
“I wonder if he’ll update his Facebook status,” Sam muses. “That would really make it official. This…” he gestures to the party commotion outside the bathroom door “…is nothing.”
I drop my head back in my hands. I’m unceremoniously sitting on the closed toilet lid. Kristen sits on the floor across from me, her back pressed up against the bathroom door. She looks like she’s in as much shock as I am. Sam leans against the sink, his arms crossed in front of his chest. His grin is one of pure amusement. He runs his hand through his hair, turning to fix his side part in the mirror. “Do you guys think I should change my hairstyle?”
“Sam!” Kristen barks. “Stay focused. We’re discussing Lila’s life dilemma right now.”
“What life dilemma?” Sam turns back around, glaring at me. “This is amazing news! You’re dating Cade freaking Wilkins. Enjoy it, babe. You know how many girls would love to be in your position right now?” He tilts his head taking in my physical position. “Well maybe not sitting on a toilet during a party but—”A knock at the door interrupts him.
“Lila?” It’s Cade.
“Oh my God. What do I do?” I whisper to Kristen.
Her eyes widen and her mouth opens and closes a few times but no words come out. She looks like a fish and suddenly I start to laugh. Once I start, I can’t stop. I’m hunched over on the toilet, gripping my sides, hysterically laughing. Kristen joins in, falling over in front of the door. Sam looks at us like we’ve both lost our minds and pushes Kristen out of the way, stepping over her to open the door for Cade.
“These two are your problem now,” he says as he swings the door open.
Cade stands on the other side, his arms bracing his body against the doorframe. He leans into the open space, a tribal tattoo just evident under his right sleeve. His serious expression, the storm brewing in his gray eyes, the tightness of his mouth, snaps me out of my giggles.
Kristen looks scared and stands up quickly. She shoots me an apologetic glance before abandoning me completely and following Sam out into the hallway.
Cade enters the bathroom and stares at me. He kicks the door closed behind him and presses his back against the door, crossing his arms against his chest, his T-shirt pulling taunt over his biceps. God he’s hot. He licks his lips slowly, narrowing his eyes at me, studying me.
I feel exposed, completely self-conscious. I cringe when I realize that I’m still huddled on the toilet seat, so I stand up, squaring my shoulders and meeting his stare. The air grows thick with tension, unsaid words, unspoken thoughts.
And a whole lot of sexual want.
I will not blink first.
After a few moments, Cade sighs, dropping his arms by his sides. His expression grows earnest, his eyes thoughtful.
“Look, Lila, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that in front of all those people. That wasn’t cool.”
I nod.
“I just…” he takes a step toward me “…I hated hearing what those girls were saying about you. And I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression. I mean, about us.” He chuckles wryly. “This isn’t coming out right.” He blows out a deep breath.
He looks so cute, exasperated, trying to explain emotions and thoughts he’s clearly having a hard time putting into words.
I stay silent, waiting for him to sort through his thoughts.
“I like you,” he says it simply.
I smile at him, an encouragement to continue.
“And I’ve dated a lot of girls. It was fun and easy, but I never saw it going anywhere. I don’t want you to have that impression of me, though, because that’s not what I’m doing here. That’s not what I’m doing with you.”
“Then what are you doing with me?”
He chuckles again, releasing nervous energy. Cade looks me straight in the eyes so I can see the sincerity and honesty there. “I want us to give this a real shot. I didn’t mean to declare my position so soon and make an announcement like that tonight. I didn’t want to put you on the spot. But I want to date you. For real date you. And be in a real, monogamous, please-come-to-my-games-wearing-my-jersey-and-bake-me-cupcakes and I’ll-fix-your-car-when-it-breaks-down relationship.”
I stare at him, his eyes boring into mine. His eyes are dark and serious, like a thundercloud. My mouth dries. Suddenly, my throat feels parched and I reflexively lick my lips. He looks down, catching the movement, and a small smile flickers across his mouth, lifting the left side of his lips in a smirk. I search my mind for something to say, anything to form a response.
“I don’t have a car,” I say lamely.
His smirk deepens, the right corner of his mouth lifting to mirror the left. “You can take mine.” He steps closer, taking my hand in his and lacing our fingers together.
I look up at him. He works his jaw nervously, the slight shadow shifting as he brings his face closer to mine. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. You’re here for one semester. I travel a lot for games. A lot of girls on campus gossip and say shit that isn’t true, and that will definitely apply to us. But when I’m with you, when we’re just hanging out and talking, it’s so natural. I want to see where it goes. Just see where everything leads and figure out the hard parts as they come up. What do you think?” he whispers.
I reach up on my tippy toes and kiss him. Of course I want this. Is he crazy? I just didn’t expect to ever feel the light-headed giddiness that accompanies new relationships with him. Or this soon. Or have it announced tonight.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t want him. That I don’t want this with him.
He pulls back gently, breaking the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I want to try this with you too, but let’s take it slow. I’m not into all the drama and craziness. I just want to get to know you.”
Cade breathes out deeply. Is he relieved? Annoyed? In agreement?
“Me too.” He runs his fingers under my jaw, lifting my chin, and kissing me again.
I pour all the words I’m scared to say into the kiss. I want you. I like you too. You make me overanalyze. You make me question myself. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before.
Cade releases my hand and weaves his fingers through my hair, slanting his lips over mine, deepening our kiss. My hands wrap around his biceps, leaning into the strength of his frame. He boxes me in, the backs of my knees hitting the toilet.
And I can’t help it. I laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Cade pulls back slightly, the mirth in his eyes obvious.
“You do realize we’re making out in the bathroom, right?”
Cade laughs. “I can’t imagine the gossip that’s going to start when we’re seen leaving here together.”
“At least I’m your girlfriend now so the rumors shouldn’t be too vicious.”
Cade smiles, tucking a loose piece of my hair behind my ear, his fingertips lingering against my neck. “Girlfriend, huh?”
“Well, I don’t know. Sam says it doesn’t count until its Facebook official.”
Cade chuckles slowly. “I’ll get right on that then.” He takes my hand in his and squeezes. “Come on. Let’s get out of this bathroom.”
“After you.”
Chapter Thirteen
Cade
Over the next two weeks, Lila and I settle into a routine of sorts. During the day, we both juggle our busy schedules. I go to classes, sign in at study hall, am early to every practice, see the trainer for ice baths and PT on my knee. I study during lunch and hit the gym whenever I can squeeze in a workout.
She attends her lectures, meets her study groups, has one-on-one meetings with her academic advisor. Each week, she rotates to a different hospital department for a few hours of each shift to gain exposure to various specialties. Her shifts change frequently, and she spends many hours at the hospital, observing, asking questions, taking notes. She studies over breakfast. She eats fruit parfaits and sips skinny lattes.
But at
night it’s just her and me. She comes over around 10:00 PM, her eyes tired but a healthy, rosy glow staining her cheeks. We escape from our monotonous daily routines by spending time together, getting to know each other better. Most nights, Lila even sleeps over. Her blond hair fans out across my pillow, and she giggles when I kiss the insides of her wrists, the soft skin of her neck. She likes to run her hands up and down my back before I fall asleep. I like to wake up to her face still asleep, her breathing soft and even. She sleeps with her hands placed together, curled up on her side, her clasped hands resting under her chin. She looks like an angel.
I don’t want to rush her, rush anything between us, but after spending nearly every night together for a week, falling asleep each night talking and laughing and joking around, my first away game against Notre Dame is coming up and I don’t want to leave without having things completely official between us. I’ve never waited this long to have sex with a girl, and although I’m enjoying falling asleep next to Lila each night like I never have before, I want her. All of her.
The night before the team leaves for South Bend, Indiana, Lila catapults into my arms the second she enters my bedroom.
“Happy to see me?” I ask.
“Very,” she answers in between kisses.
Her hands squeeze my shoulders and I scoop her closer, lifting her easily. Her legs wrap around my waist and I lean her against my closed bedroom door. She kisses me fiercely, her nails digging into the tops of my shoulders, her fingers stroking the sides of my neck. She pants tiny breaths in my ear.
“Cade.”
I move us to my bed, laying her down under me. I tug my fingers through her hair, pulling out her ponytail so her blond waves spread out, marking my white sheets with color. Her blue eyes are wide, arousal and nerves present as they latch onto mine.
Her hands come up, pressing flat against my chest and sliding down my abdomen. She hooks her fingers under the hem of my shirt and tugs lightly, pushing my T-shirt up my chest. When she gets to my shoulders, she sits up slightly, pulling the fabric over my head. She scoots back, nestling into the pillows at the top of my bed, her fingertips brushing my skin, beckoning me to follow her. Her eyes drink me in, lingering on the tribal tattoo around my right bicep, taking in the ink that works up the left side of my ribs. It’s not as though she hasn’t seen it before, but this time it’s different. And we both know it.
I hover over her frame, dipping my head to capture her lips, tasting her sweetness. I brush kisses over her jawline, her collarbone, the tops of her breasts. I undress her slowly, peeling her out of her sheer tank top. She shimmies her shorts down her long legs and lies down before me. Smooth skin, flushed cheeks, eyes I want to lose myself in. Her bra and panties match: a deep royal blue. Lace. A tiny bow winks at me between her breasts.
She’s breathtaking.
Her hands, hot on my skin, push down my shorts, removing my boxers with them. I take my time kissing each inch of her body, making her squirm, loving the tiny moans and nervous giggles she breathes out. She pulls me up, flush against her body, and kisses me deeply, passionately, fully. She gives me all of herself in that kiss, all the words she doesn’t want to say out loud, all the thoughts she’s scared to share.
I take it all in and gently strip her of her bra and panties.
I’ve never seen a girl more beautiful, sweeter, purer, than Lila.
“You sure?” I whisper, taking her earlobe between my teeth and gently tugging.
“Yes,” she answers, wrapping her legs around my waist and cradling my body between her hips. “I want this with you.”
I nod into her neck, pressing kisses into her shoulder.
I reach into my bedside drawer and grab a condom, rolling it on quickly.
When I’m positioned against her entrance, she leans up on her elbows and smiles at me, her fingers clutching onto Jared’s dog tags, pulling me closer for a kiss.
I slide into her slowly and still. She kisses me again and I slide back. My fingers dig into her sides, holding her steady, pulling her closer, merging our bodies as one as I pick up the momentum.
Her body is warm, her hair tangled around my fingers, her lips soft. Her moans are sweet, her skin smooth. She’s everything.
And I’m lost inside her.
* * *
I’m floating on a natural high. Lila’s scent is still lingering on my skin when I cross into the end zone, effectively securing our lead. The wind blowing through my helmet, the feel of the football in my hands, the grass beneath my feet as I run down the field is nothing compared to two nights ago when Lila fell asleep in my arms sometime around 3:00 AM.
I toss down the football as the guys from the team crowd me, yelling, cheering, knocking against my helmet.
“Victory is ours!” Miers yells in my ear.
We beat Notre Dame 42-30.
The scouts are starting to show up, even this early in the season. I’m being projected as a pick for the NFL draft by ESPN. The phone calls and congratulatory emails from friends back in Jersey have been overwhelming. Mamma’s beaming smile after she watched my face flicker across ESPN was truly priceless. Dad sent me a photo of her expression, capturing the joy and pride in her eyes.
I’m riding a natural high.
But the only thing I can think of is running my hands through long blond hair and staring into deep blue eyes.
I’m completely lost to reality.
Chapter Fourteen
Lila
I had sex with Cade freaking Wilkins.
“You had sex with Cade freaking Wilkins,” Sam reiterates my thoughts. “You lucky bitch.” He dips a French fry into his ketchup cup before popping it in his mouth. “I can’t believe I’m already jealous of you.”
“How was it?” Kristen asks, curious.
I look down at my hands. I can already feel a blush working its way up my neck and spreading through my cheeks.
“Oh my God, you’re blushing.” Kristen smiles. “That’s cute.”
“It was amazing,” I answer her. “He’s incredible.”
“Well, with a body like that, I’d hope so,” Sam comments.
“Don’t be jelly. At least I’m sharing the deets with you.” I steal a handful of fries from his plate.
“You’re skimping on the deets,” he huffs. “I need more.”
“I don’t want you to hate me completely.” I smirk at him, dunking a fry into his ketchup.
“I knew it. You really are a lucky bitch.” He laughs back.
My phone rings and Emma’s face lights up my screen. “Be right back,” I tell them, answering my phone. “Hey, girl¸ hey.”
“Tell me everything.” Emma’s excitement flows through the line. I knew she would be the first to call after my cryptic message of OMFG.
I laugh. “Oh my God.”
“That good?”
“Better.”
“Damn, Li. I need details. And a picture. Oh who am I kidding? I looked him up online. He’s hot. You have a freaking boyfriend.”
Cade freaking Wilkins is my freaking boyfriend.
“I know. It’s crazy, right?”
“It’s amazing. It’s just what you need. So, are you a smitten kitten already?”
“Totally.”
She laughs. “How do you feel?”
“Good. I feel good.” I pause, thinking about how I feel. You know, besides the part where I’m floating on cloud nine and my legs feel like a jellyfish every time I think about Cade. “It was different. So different than anyone else I’ve ever been with.” It was more emotional, more of a connection, more than just physical.
“Even better than Steven?” Emma asks, referring to my first serious boyfriend. Steven and I started dating the second semester of freshman year and I thought I was in love with him. We were together for a year and a half before we realized we wanted completely different things and had different expectations for our relationship. But I would never even compare Cade to Steven, despite the fact that he was my only real relat
ionship up until this point.
“It was just more. Everything, every moment, was so much more intense, more passionate. It’s like we were completely in sync. I can’t describe it. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. With anyone.”
“Ahh! I’m so happy for you! That sounds incredible. Sigh. I need to meet this man stat.”
“I know! Thanks, Em. What’s going on with you? Who’s the tall guy from the photo?”
“Oh, you know, lots of little things but nothing too exciting to report.”
“That’s cryptic.”
“I promise to divulge when I have something solid to share.”
“Pinky promise?” I ask, not wanting to press her.
“Swear it.”
“Okay, but I want the scoop soon.”
“Let’s focus for a minute. When is Cade back?”
“Tomorrow.”
“And …?”
“We have a date.”
“Followed by hot sex?”
“That’s what I’m thinking.”
She giggles. “Good for you, Li. You sound so happy. This is a good thing. Okay, girl, I got to go. The senator is coming in and I’m not supposed to be yacking to my girlfriends. Message me this weekend?”
“Done. Love you.”
“Love you. Talk soon!”
“’Bye, Em.”
I hang up and smile to myself. As much as I miss the girls, I know they are truly happy and excited over my new relationship with Cade.
I’m just about to rejoin Sam and Kristen when my phone vibrates with a new message.
Cade: Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Pick you up for dinner at 7?
I can feel the smile on my face before I realize I’m cheesing like a lunatic.
Sigh.
I’m definitely a smitten kitten.
* * *
At 6:53 PM, I’m ready for our date and suddenly, very nervous. I roll my eyes at myself. It’s not like I haven’t gone out with Cade before. He’s already seen me cry. And he’s already seen me naked. Yep, all of those things have already happened. So why am I nervous now?