Amazon Chief

by Robin Roseau

  But the voice went on and on. I clutched at my head screaming, "Make it stop!"

  "Karena," Ralla said. "We're going home. Beria can ride with me for now. Find enough to put between us. I'll ride in front."

  I screamed at the demon, not paying attention to what happened around me. Hands on my arms helped me to stand, and then more hands helped me onto a horse. I found myself separated from Ralla by what appeared to be a folded up tent, keeping us apart so her voices wouldn't call out to mine.

  And then we rode; we rode hard.

  From time to time, I heard Omie sobbing, but she grew quiet.

  We stopped, trading horses around. Someone gave me food and ordered me to eat. I screamed at the voice instead.

  We rode into the night. I lost track of time.

  But then I heard my sister's voice. "Give her to me. Carry her to my bed."

  Arms lifted me, many hands, and still I clutched my head, screaming, "Make it stop. Make it stop!"

  And then there were more hands, plucking my clothes off.

  "Malora, the fire."

  My sister undressed me like she did when I was five, and then she stripped out of half of her clothes as well. She pulled me to her.

  The demon screamed at me, but then his voice grew fainter and fainter.

  I clutched at my sister, sobbing as she rocked me back and forth. Malora stepped close, taking my wrists gently and setting them on the bare skin of my sister's back. Maya's hands were on my back, splayed out as she rocked me.

  Slowly, the voice grew silent, running from my sister.

  I continued to sob.

  "Shhh, Beria," Maya said. "You're okay now. I've got you. Honey, I've got you."

  "Omie!" I screamed. "I want Omie!"

  "I know, honey," Maya said. "I know."

  "Jasmine and Neela are with her," Malora said. "You're a warrior now, Beria. I know it hurts. I know it's hard. But you're strong, and we're so, so proud of you. You do this for Morehama. You do this for your mother and your father. You suffer this to keep them safe. Your brothers are safe, and all your friends are safe. And the price is hard, but you are strong, stronger than any new warrior I've seen in a very long time."

  "Omie..."

  "I'm sorry, Beria. I'm so sorry."

  "Maya?"

  "Better?" she asked.

  "How did you do that?"

  "It's what you've been doing for Omie for nine years, Beria," she said. "But if the voice is quiet, let's get some clothes back on, okay?"

  "All right," I said.

  So I sat complacently as Maya pulled a shirt back on, then helped to dress me again. The voice was quiet, but I found myself clutching at her anyway.

  "She'll stay with us," Maya declared.

  "Of course," Malora said.

  * * * *

  I slept fitfully, waking twice in tears, calling out for my lover. Maya held and rocked me, and they both told me it was okay when I apologized. By morning, I was witless and dull, and I wouldn't let go of my sister even for a few minutes.

  Finally, Malora peeled me off of her. "The voice will be quiet for several hours," she said.

  "You can touch me?"

  "Yes," she said. "We can even hug. But you will notice when warriors hug, they avoid touching skin. If you touch too much, you will need your companion sooner, as the voice will return more quickly. But if the touches are not intimate, the voices will not flare to life." And she clasped my hands to demonstrate. "See? Still quiet."

  "I can touch Omie?"

  "That's not a good idea," Malora said. "You won't be satisfied with simple touches. You do not want to try to be intimate with her, Beria. Trust me. Nori and I tried once. It was bad."

  I nodded.

  "You will notice Nori and I never wrestle, either," Malora said, "and the warriors don't tend to wrestle with each other nearly as much as the companions do. It's a little too much."

  I nodded.

  "We're going to get some breakfast now. Maya will sit between us and keep the voice away."

  "I need to serve my warrior," I said.

  "Honey," Malora said, looking at my kindly. "Not anymore. You are a warrior now."

  "But-"

  "The other companions are seeing to Omie," Malora said. "Maya will take care of both of us for now."

  "My sister doesn't serve me," I said.

  But Maya stepped up behind me and put her hands on my neck. "Don't get too used to it, Sister," she said. "For now, let me take care of you."

  "Okay," I said dully.

  They bundled me up. Most of the year, we ate outside under a canopy, but there was a small room near the kitchen we used in the winter. It was cozy, especially when the entire village was there, but it was far too cold outside.

  When I arrived, it was full. Omie was there, looking as miserable as I felt, and our eyes locked. I began moving towards her, but Malora and Maya pulled me away. Omie dropped her hands and looked into her lap.

  "There is room here," Rora said. "Come sit here, Beria." She gave Nori a big shove to the left. "Narsana, you're done. Make a plate for Beria."

  I didn't argue but let Maya steer me into position on Rora's right. She immediately set a bare hand on my neck, and when I looked over, she was holding hands with Nori. Malora sat down, leaving room between her and me. Narsana asked what I wanted.

  "Come with me, Narsana," Maya said. "You can help me prepare a tray for Beria." She drew the girl away.

  I looked around. Ralla, Ping, Karena, Balorie and Gweneth were missing, but everyone else was there. "Our patrol?" I asked.

  "Covered," Malora said.

  "My duties?"

  "Covered. You have new duties now."

  "I don't know what they are."

  "Yes, you do," Malora said.

  Just then, Narsana returned. She reached past me to set a plate down in front of me, then Maya added a mug and silverware.

  Normally our breakfasts are cold, but Serra had cooked. There was bacon and flapjacks and a slice of venison.

  "I'm not hungry," I said.

  "Eat a piece of bacon," Malora said. So I picked one up and nibbled at it.

  Malora was wise. Once the bacon hit my stomach, I was suddenly voracious. I ate like a pig for several minutes, barely noticing when Maya sat down. She and Malora ate more reasonably, but I felt her hand resting casually on my neck, and Rora's was on the other side.

  I hadn't really paid attention to that before, but I realized for Maya it was automatic. If she was anywhere near one of our warriors, her hands found bare skin to touch. I thought about it and realized sometimes she would go through rather comical gyrations to touch as many of them as she could, even to the point of kicking off a pair of boots. I'd seen her at our bonfires, lounging in Malora's arms and thrusting her feet into Chalena's lap, or Nori's, demanding a foot massage. She had always gotten one, too.

  I glanced over at her. My sister smiled.

  "You're a far better companion than I was," I said.

  "And I'll never be a warrior," she replied. "But in your defense, I arrived when I was twenty-two, and you have barely turned twenty-two. Older and wiser and all that. Still hungry?"

  She gestured with her nose to my plate. It was empty.

  "Yes."

  "Narsana!" she yelled. "Beria needs more bacon."

  Narsana appeared, reaching between Maya and me, taking my plate.

  "More everything, if Serra has it," I said.

  "Serra has it indeed," I heard Serra say from behind me. She stepped up behind me and gave me a hug, her fingers finding what bare skin there was to find.

  "I-" I looked over at Malora. "I didn't do this." I clasped Serra's hands for a moment. "Oh god, I didn't do this for all of you."

  "You probably couldn't have," Malora said. "If we had needed you to, you know Maya would have talked to you."

  "You are destined for other things," Nori said from beyond Rora.

  Serra slipped away. "Come on, Narsana. We'll get Beria well fed, and I think No
ri wants another piece of venison besides."

  "Serra, a moment first," Malora said. She stood up. "I prefer doing this around a bonfire, but I don't think anyone wants to sit outside for it. We have a new warrior. I know it doesn't seem like cause for congratulations, but still I offer my congratulations, Beria."

  The Amazons cheered briefly.

  "We have a new warrior," Malora said. "And she is in need. And we have a somewhat older warrior." She gestured towards Omie. "And she is also in need. Who will ease the souls of our sisters?"

  "I will ease my sister's soul!" Maya said firmly. "Both my sisters." She looked at Omie. "I will always be here for you, Omie. You are one of my dearest friends, and I love you."

  "Thank you, Maya," Omie said. "For now, Beria needs you more."

  "Nevertheless," Maya said, "there is plenty of Maya to go around. I haven't had a foot massage in weeks."

  There were chuckles at that.

  "I will ease my sisters' souls," Rora said.

  "Thank you, Rora," I said.

  One by one, every companion said, "I will ease my sisters' souls," some looking at me, some looking at Omie. We thanked them all.

  Malora gave a speech, not too different from the things she had said to me last night. Then she said, "Beria, of course you know the new hut next to ours is for you, but you may stay with Maya and me for as long as you need."

  "What are my duties?"

  "I have asked Rora to handle the duty roster," Maya said. "She will do so under my supervision at the beginning, but I do not anticipate her needing much guidance."

  "I can still do it."

  "I know," Maya said, "But it is a duty for a companion to handle. It is not right for you to order the companions of the other warriors."

  "Oh. You're right. I'm sorry."

  "Don't be sorry," Vorine said. "You'll have plenty to do."

  "Before they left on patrol," Malora said, "I had Balorie put Maya and me back on patrol rotation, beginning in a week. You will be on the same rotation as us."

  "But-" Maya didn't want Malora doing patrols anymore, nor did Malora want Maya anywhere near a demon.

  "But nothing," Malora said. "You will now train with the warriors, but you did that already. But now the tournaments grow difficult for you again, as you are not competing against the companions."

  I nodded understanding.

  "Until you have a companion and have trained her to your satisfaction, you are responsible for your own weapons and mending," Malora pointed out. "Although your sister may offer to do your mending for you."

  "Why would you do that, Maya?"

  "Why do you think Nori gives me deer skins?" Maya asked.

  "And Nori's companion is a fine carpenter," Rora said, "but a pitiful seamstress, so I hope Nori will continue to give Maya deer skins." There were chuckles around the room.

  "She will not," Maya said. "I will happily continue to do Nori's mending, but Nori has a companion and a companion's daughter to clothe, and she will need every deer hide she can obtain, and then some." She turned to Malora. "In the spring, as soon as we can travel, I am going to go browbeat a few of the western tanneries. They under-tithe."

  There were more chuckles.

  "My warrior has been teaching me to hunt," Rora said. "And to snare rabbits."

  "Your warrior failed to teach me to hunt," Maya replied, "but she was an excellent teacher in setting snares."

  "And so, there will still be hides to share," Rora said. "And rabbit skins."

  Maya nodded to her.

  "If you two are finished?" Malora said with a chuckle. "Beria, it may not have sunk in, but you are now a warrior, which means you answer to your queen, your village chief, and your training instructor. And, I will point out, no one else."

  That hadn't occurred to me.

  "Beria, you know you'll always answer to me," Maya said. "Little sister."

  "She can't give me duties anymore!" I said.

  Malora chuckled. "You will find that Maya is not shy ordering the warriors around when necessary. They frequently accept her orders out of respect for her, not out of obligation."

  "I may go hunting if and when I please."

  "Yes," said Nori, "although if you neglect training too often, you and I will be talking, and if that does not solve the problem, then you and Malora will be talking."

  I hadn't really thought about all of this.

  "What else?" I asked.

  "You will have a companion, as soon as I can arrange one," Maya said. "If it weren't the dead of winter, we'd already be leaving to get one for you."

  "And you will be responsible for her," Omie said from the other end of the room, "as I was responsible for you."

  "How did you know what to do, Omie? I was such a handful."

  "You weren't so bad," she replied. "And when I didn't know what to do, I asked someone else. For a while, I asked Benala. And Maya, of course. You will find all the warriors will have suggestions for you. Beria, you may always come to me, and I hope you will do so. We cannot be lovers anymore." Her voice broke. "But I love you with my entire heart, and that will never, ever change."

  "Malora says-" and my voice broke. "Malora says we shouldn't wrestle."

  "We can," she said, "if there are companions nearby afterwards."

  I glanced to Malora. "The voices will come back faster with Omie than with anyone else," Malora said. "But if they are well stilled, you'll be fine."

  "I would miss our wrestling," I told Omie. I started to cry. "Who will you hold at night?"

  "Oh honey," she said. Next to me, Maya laid her head on my shoulder.

  "This part is always hard," Malora said gently. "Your sisters will see to Omie's needs, and to yours, Beria. We will not allow either of you to be alone."

  * * * *

  The next few weeks were difficult. Four times I found myself stepping into Omie's hut, following the only path I'd known for the last eight years. No one saw me the first time, but Omie was in her hut the second time. She looked up when I entered, and I stopped, staring at her.

  "Beria?" she asked, rising to her feet.

  "I-" I started to sob. "I'm sorry!" I turned and fled, Omie rushing after me. I ended up bursting in on Malora and Nori, holding a conference in Malora's hut. I stood there in front of them, sobbing my eyes out until Maya appeared at my side.

  "Oh honey," she said. "That happens, too. Years of habits are hard to break." She looked at Malora. "Wrong hut."

  "I must have done that a half dozen times the first few months," Nori said gently, "and I still do sometimes. Omie understands."

  "Big strong Amazon warrior," I said, "sobbing."

  "Shhh," said Maya. "We all cry sometimes."

  "Does it get better?" I asked. Malora and Nori both closed the distance and said gently, "Yes, honey."

  I did it a few more times, but it wasn't as bad, and the fourth time, Omie and I looked at each other and laughed a little.

  "Are they taking care of you?" I asked her.

  "Yes, honey," she said. "I miss you at night, and I always will, but I'm fine."

  "Do you have to sleep alone?"

  "No. The other warriors have been inviting me over for now. I'll try a night alone soon, but I don't know how well I'll do."

  "I'm sorry, Omie."

  "Oh honey," she said, "this is part of being an Amazon. We knew it would come some day. I wish that weren't true, but you're too good a warrior to remain a companion forever."

  "I wanted more time."

  "So did I, but I don't think we ever would have decided we'd had enough time."

  I took a breath. "Is someone sharpening your sword?"

  "Yes," she said with a smile. "I haven't forgotten how. Who taught you, after all?"

  "And mending?"

  "I haven't had any yet. Honey, I'm fine. I miss you, but I'm fine. Okay?"

  I nodded. "I miss you, too." We stared at each other for a minute. "Do you think I should try sleeping alone, too?"

  "When you're re
ady," she said. "It gets easier with a few more voices. You wouldn't remember, but before you came home with me, I couldn't go an entire night alone. I became a warrior first, so I spent nights with Vorine. But once she became a warrior, it was your sister who helped me. Queen Malora was very patient."

  "Maybe I'll try tonight," I said.

  "You know they won't rush you."

  "I know, but my big sister shouldn't have to babysit me anymore. I'm twenty-two."

  "It's not baby-sitting. It's no different than what you did for me for all these years. Beria, thank you so much for all those years. I couldn't have been happier."

  "Me, either. But this sucks, Omie!"

  "I know it does," she said.

  I backed out of her hut; it was no longer mine, after all.

  I walked to my hut. Some of my things were there, but I hadn't spent any time in it yet. I stood in the middle. It was cold. There was a stove, but I hadn't used it. But I had a bed and blankets. I didn't even know who had set everything up.

  But I looked around. It was my hut. Mine.

  It was strange. While it had been "our" hut, it had always been Omie's hut. Omie's bed. Omie's companion. But now I was my own. For the first time in my life, I was entirely my own person.

  And I didn't know what to do about it.

  Later, I told Maya I was going to try sleeping alone.

  "Let's talk about it," she said. She found Malora, and the three of us retired to their hut. "Beria intends to try to sleep alone tonight."

  "I have to start sometime," I said.

  "Beria," Malora said, "you are right. But I'm going to tell you something. You probably won't make an entire night. Not right away. Some new warriors do, but many do not. And sleep is important. You won't be strong if you do not get enough sleep. So you could make another bed here, and if the voices start, it would be very easy to reach out for Maya to quiet them."

  "Are you ordering me to do that?"

  "No, honey," she said. "I am offering options. And I am trying to prevent a problem I've seen by warning you about it. Sometimes when a warrior can't make it through the night, she decides she never will, and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think you should sleep here for now. You are welcome here with us for as long as you need, either in this bed, or in a bed next to this one. But if you want to sleep in your own hut, that's okay. And when the voice begins to pester you, then we are only one hut away, and I want you to come running over and climb in with us."