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The Getaway (Diary of a Wimpy Kid Book 12)

Page 4

by Jeff Kinney


  Wild Side, and kids aren’t allowed over there. So

  she showed us where our building was on the map.

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  I could tell Dad was disappointed by the changes,

  but Mom said it was BETTER this way. She said

  this was a FAMILY trip, and we didn’t need to

  be around a bunch of young couples partying,

  anyway.

  I didn’t really care WHICH side of the resort

  we were on, because it looked to me like both sides

  had the same basic stuff. What I really cared

  about was the ROOM.

  Usually when my family stays at a hotel, we all

  share a room, and I have to sleep on a cot or a

  sofa bed. So I was pretty shocked to find out we

  were in a SUITE with PLENTY of space.

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  There were two rooms in the suite. We all had to

  share one bathroom, but me and Rodrick each had

  our own BED, which was the main thing. All I

  can say is, Mom and Dad must’ve dropped a LOT

  of money on this trip.

  There was a TV in the room I was sharing with

  Rodrick, but even better than that, there was a

  ROBE in the closet.

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  I called the robe right away, but Rodrick didn’t

  even fight me for it.

  Rodrick always makes fun of me when I wear

  Mom’s robe back at home. But I think robes are

  COOL, and there are a lot of guys out there

  who would agree with me on that.

  The shower in the bathroom was HUGE, and all

  the floors and sinks and everything were made of

  marble. There was a TV above the bathtub, and

  there was even a PHONE next to the toilet.

  I figured if I could get room service delivered to

  the bathroom, I’d have everything I needed in

  one place.

  From the balcony in Mom and Dad’s room, I could

  see the pool over on the Wild Side of the resort,

  and it was really big.

  It wasn’t just some regular pool, either. It

  looked kind of like a river and had all these islands

  in the middle of it. Mom said it was one of the

  biggest “free-form” pools in the WORLD.

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  I was pretty excited about that, because I

  knew we had the same thing on OUR side of the

  resort. I wanted to go check it out, but first I

  needed to change my clothes.

  I went to open the big suitcase, but it was

  LOCKED. I asked Dad for the key, but he

  said our suitcase didn’t HAVE a lock. Dad looked

  at the tag on the suitcase, and it had someone

  ELSE’S name on it.

  It turns out we had accidentally grabbed the

  wrong suitcase from baggage claim at the airport.

  Before it was too late, Dad called the airline to

  see if they still had OUR suitcase.

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  But the people at the airline said that since no

  one had claimed our bag, it was sent back to the

  address on the luggage tag.

  It wasn’t a TOTAL disaster, though. We’d moved

  some clothes from the big suitcase to our carry-on

  bags back at the airport, so we had a few things.

  I had my bathing suit, but I didn’t have a lot

  of OTHER stuff. My flip-flops and sunglasses

  were in the big bag, along with a bunch of other

  things I had packed. Dad said they sell the

  stuff we were missing at the resort store, so we

  went down to check it out.

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  But everything in the store cost five times as

  much as it would’ve back home, and Dad said he

  wasn’t gonna pay those prices.

  Mom said we could wear the same clothes every day

  and wash them ourselves. So the only thing we

  bought in there was a bottle of sunscreen and a

  toy pail and shovel for Manny to use at the beach.

  Mom said it’s really important to wear sunscreen

  at a place like this, because it’s so close to the

  equator. But she didn’t have to convince ME. I’ve

  seen what the sun can do to your skin, and I

  don’t wanna look like a raisin when I’m older.

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  That’s the reason I spend as much time indoors

  as I can. And later on in life, all my friends are

  gonna wish THEY had, too.

  I thought the fact that we came during Christmas

  break meant we’d have the place to ourselves. But I

  guess a lot of people had the exact same idea.

  It wasn’t just the POOL that was crowded,

  though. There were people EVERYWHERE. I

  was really looking forward to relaxing in the hot

  tub until I saw it.

  We found a few lounge chairs in the shade and put

  our stuff down. You could tell it was the middle of

  winter, because just about everyone looked out of

  shape, just like me.

  Every once in a while, I think about exercising

  and getting really buff. But in the future, I’ll

  bet everyone will just be able to take a pill and

  get fit without having to exercise, anyway.

  Being in great shape will be NORMAL, and

  all the people who AREN’T fit will be the ones

  everyone’s attracted to. So if I just stick with

  my current exercise plan, I’ll be all set.

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  The pool was too crowded to go swimming, so I

  decided to just put a towel over my head and

  catch up on some sleep.

  Even though it was hot out, there was a nice

  breeze, and I started to drift off. But right

  in the middle of my nap, some guy showed up and

  ruined the whole vibe.

  This guy called himself the “Director of Fun,”

  and apparently his job was to get everybody

  MOVING.

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  Unfortunately, this guy was good at his job, and

  somehow he roped ME into one of the activities.

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  But I wished he HADN’T, because there was a

  lot more touching than I was comfortable with.

  After the conga line ended, the Director of Fun

  said the next activity was the “Treasure Dive,”

  and it was just for kids. I wasn’t interested

  in doing some stupid kiddie thing, so I sat back

  down. But when he hauled out a giant bucket of

  COINS, that got my attention.

  He told all us kids to line up at the edge of the

  pool, and then he started tossing giant handfuls

  of cash into the water. And it wasn’t a bunch of

  PENNIES, either.

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  It was dimes and quarters, and I’m pretty sure

  I saw some SILVER DOLLARS in there, too.

  By the time the bucket was empty, there must’ve

  been four hundred bucks sitting at the bottom

  of the pool. Everyone waited along the edge

  for the Director of Fun to blow his whistle.

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  When he did, it was a total free-for-all.

  I managed to get about two dollars in coins on

  my first dive, and I put them at the edge of the

  pool near my lounge chair. But some sneaky kid

  swooped in and cleaned me out.

  He wasn’t the ONLY cheater, though. Some kid

  in the pool was actually wearing PANTS, and he


  stuffed his pockets FULL of coins.

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  That gave everyone ELSE the same idea, and now

  kids were stuffing coins wherever they COULD.

  When it was all over, I think I ended up with

  about three bucks in change. After the kids cleared

  out of the pool, I figured it was a good time to

  get in the water and go for a relaxing swim.

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  I found a shady spot in the pool and leaned

  against the wall. But then I heard some rustling

  in the bushes behind me, and all of a sudden I

  was face-to-face with something that looked like

  it came straight from Jurassic Park.

  I was out of there so fast, I actually SKIPPED

  across the water.

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  I told the lifeguard there was some kind of

  DINOSAUR at the edge of the pool and he

  needed to clear everyone out of there before

  someone got HURT.

  But the lifeguard didn’t even seem fazed. He said

  the giant lizard was just an IGUANA, and they’re

  all OVER the resort. Then he said that sometimes

  the iguanas even like to go for a dip in the pool.

  Well, that changed EVERYTHING for me. My

  feeling on giant lizards is that they should be in a

  ZOO, not mingling with us human beings.

  I was DONE with the pool, so I asked Mom if

  we could get some lunch.

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  She thought that was a good idea, and we found

  a place nearby that had an outdoor patio.

  But the outdoor thing ended up being a problem.

  First of all, there weren’t just iguanas at this

  place. There were geckos, salamanders, and who-

  knows-WHAT-else peeking out of the bushes.

  It wasn’t just LIZARDS, either. There were

  SLUGS, too, and we had to keep flicking them

  off the table with our utensils.

  The waiter poured us glasses of water from a

  pitcher, but Mom told us all not to drink it.

  She said our stomachs aren’t used to the microbes

  in the water down here, so we needed to get

  BOTTLED water instead.

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  But Dad said he’d be FINE because he’s traveled

  all over the place and his stomach could handle

  ANYTHING.

  I wasn’t gonna risk it, though. I ordered a can

  of soda and poured it into a glass, and I got a

  burger and some fries, too.

  When our food came, a few birds landed in the

  trees around our table. At first I was OK with

  it, because when the birds flew in, the lizards ran

  back into the bushes.

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  Then a bird that looked like it had an injured

  leg or something started hopping around on the

  ground near our table.

  But it was all a big TRICK. The second we

  turned our heads to look at the bird on the

  ground, all the OTHER birds swooped in and

  went after our food.

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  We chased the birds off, but not before they

  got away with half our food. The only thing

  the birds DIDN’T touch was our drinks. It

  didn’t matter, though. Some slugs were helping

  themselves to my soda, but luckily I noticed

  them before I took a sip.

  I thought this place was supposed to be

  PARADISE, but so far it was a NIGHTMARE.

  All I wanted to do was go back to the room and

  STAY there, but Mom said we were just getting

  started exploring the resort. Then Dad said he

  wanted to go back to the room, too. He said he

  wasn’t feeling so hot and we could all probably use

  some rest after that flight.

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  We headed back to our building, but Dad had to

  make a pit stop at the restroom in the lobby.

  Then he had to go AGAIN in the bathroom

  next to the gym. So I guess Mom was right

  about the water.

  The rest of the day wasn’t much fun for ANY Of

  us. When we finally made it back to our suite, Dad

  shut himself in the bathroom, and Mom sent me

  down to the store to get him some medicine for

  his stomach.

  But the labels weren’t in English, so I got

  him something that either CURES diarrhea or

  CAUSES it.

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  The medicine didn’t seem to work, so we had to

  listen to Dad moaning and groaning all night.

  I put on a movie in my room to try and drown out

  the sound. But my room was open to the outside,

  so the second I turned on the TV, a bunch of

  moths flew in and swarmed the screen.

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  We had to turn off the television AND all the

  lamps in the suite so the moths would fly back

  outside. Me and Rodrick ended up spending half

  the night just sitting there in the dark.

  I was pretty tired anyway, so I figured I’d try

  to get a good night’s sleep. But as soon as I got

  into bed, the music started up on the Wild Side of

  the resort. And those guys partied all NIGHT.

  The crazy thing is, until that point I had

  forgotten that it was actually CHRISTMAS. I

  didn’t know where this vacation was headed, but it

 

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