Glacier

by Violet Blaze

“Not until you turn eighteen. You're barely seventeen. What the hell do you know about anything? Your mother's spoiled you rotten. Go home and change your outfit. I'm sick of looking at you dressed like a goddamn groupie.”

  “I'd rather eat shit and die,” she growls and Jack reaches out towards her.

  “Glacier, no!” Royal yells, but it's too late. My elbow's in Jack's throat, and his eyes are going wide as he stumbles back in shock. “SAINT!”

  I can hear my president shouting at me, trying to pull me off of Jack as I follow up with a punch to the stomach, my blood pulsing in my ears, my heart pounding my throat. I can't think straight, can't see straight. My brother falls to his ass on the pavement and I follow him down, sending my elbow back, and hitting Royal hard enough that he grunts and stumbles back.

  “Saint!”

  A sharp, shrill sound catches my attention, and then there's Serenity's hand around my arm, pulling at me, encouraging me to look at her.

  “Saint,” she repeats, more calmly this time, drawing my gaze over to her face, her blue eyes, like liquid sapphire. She doesn't have to say it again. She calls and I obey, rising to my feet and leaving her dad a bleeding mess on the ground beneath me. Did I hit him?

  I glance down at my bloodied knuckles, redness spilling across my tattoos.

  I don't remember hitting Jack.

  I look back up at Serenity, step forward, too close.

  “Saint,” she whispers, but her voice is strong as she looks me in the face, “go for a walk, okay?”

  I stare at her, not understanding what she's trying to say. A walk?

  She reaches a pale hand up to my face, her fingers sliding along my jaw; I can't seem to take my eyes off of her lips.

  “Go for a walk,” she repeats, but I can't think straight.

  “What the fuck was that?!” Royal roars from behind me, grabbing my shoulder and jerking me around.

  “Don't touch him!” Serenity shouts, stepping between me and my president before things can get violent again. “Don't touch him right now,” she warns again, her voice even and calm and low.

  “Move out of the way, Serenity,” Royal says and I feel that hot/cold mix inside of me again. “You have no idea what he's capable of.”

  “I know exactly what he's capable of,” she says, refusing to move. “Let him walk it off for a minute, okay?”

  “He's finally lost it!” Jack roars as footsteps pound down the steps of the clubhouse, more of my brothers surrounding us, caging me in.

  “Jack?” Fauna, Serenity's mother, she comes next and screams when she sees the blood on her husband's face and neck as he struggles to get to his feet. “What the hell happened out here?”

  “Come on,” Serenity says and she starts pulling me away. I let her take me, let her wrap her fingers around my bicep and hold me. “Hurry.”

  She starts to run and I follow after her. Why not?

  Behind me, I can hear the raucous I've caused, echoing, booming, chasing after me with sound. But nobody comes, not physically anyway.

  “Faster,” Serenity whispers, her blonde hair billowing out behind her as she drags me down the length of the compound, towards the sea, around the corner. We don't stop until we're standing in the trees at the edge of the lot, right up against the chain-link fence that marks the border of the Wolves' property. Outside this fence, there's nothing but more forest. And to my left, just the raging sea. “Glacier,” she says as she turns around, panting, out of breath.

  I step forward before I can stop myself, grabbing her behind the head, pulling her forward and pressing our foreheads together.

  “You play a dangerous game,” I whisper as I slide our skin together, nuzzle the side of her neck. Serenity's pulse is racing now; I can practically taste it when I run my tongue down the side of her throat. “Do you like playing with fire, Serenity?” I ask, trembling, struggling to stay on the edge, to stop myself from tumbling over.

  “No,” she says and then gasps when I grab the back of her neck with my other hand, “I like playing with ice.”

  “Jesus fuck,” I growl and then I'm kissing her again because I can't stop myself, massaging her tongue with my own, knowing I have minutes at most, seconds at worst, before my brothers come and kick my ass. I'll let them, too, because I deserve it.

  I push Serenity back a few steps, until she bumps into the rough, red surface of a sequoia, its trunk so big around, I can hardly see the edges of it in my field of vision. These ancient, ancient trees all around us, just towering, towering trees everywhere.

  I put my palms up on either side of Serenity's face and try to breathe through this moment, panting just as hard as she is, but for completely different reasons.

  “Saint,” she says and I can't take the sound of her voice. One arm drops to her waist, curving around her hot slick flesh. I lean in and press my face against that spot between her shoulder and neck, breathing in sweet, bright notes of citrus and sweat. “It's okay. It'll be okay.”

  There's so much happening inside of me right now, and I have no idea where to put it all. On this girl? She's too young for me, too gentle, too kind. I'll ruin her. I'll ruin her and I'll love doing it.

  “I'll break you.”

  “I can't be broken.”

  “I'll poison you then.”

  “I'm immune.”

  I bite her neck and she gasps, but not like it hurts, like she loves it, too.

  “Didn't I warn you just last night?”

  “Did you really think that would change anything? You were made to be mine.”

  My head snaps up and I stare into her blue eyes with my own.

  “You don't even know me,” I tell her, my voice cold but soft, like snowflakes maybe instead of ice.

  “I've known you since I was three,” she says and I hate that. But I'm not looking at a child right now, not by any stretch of the imagination. A woman's soft, curvy body presses against me, an adult's eyes look back at me from a mature face.

  “If you don't walk away right now, I'm going to fuck you again.”

  “Then fuck me,” Serenity says and bites her lower lip hard when I grab her wrists in rough fingers. I almost back away then because I know that as soon as I do this, I'll be beyond all help. “I'm not afraid of you, Saint. I trust you.”

  “Maybe I'm not Saint right now?”

  “If it's Glacier, that's okay, too. I can handle this.”

  Serenity unbuttons my jeans as my breath hisses sharply between my teeth. She unzips me and I go stone still, frozen but pliable in her hands. Just like she did that night, she somehow takes control of me and my monster at the same time.

  “I'm on the pill,” she tells me in a steady voice, our eyes still locked together, neither of us willing to look away for even a second. “And I'm clean. I've never slept with anyone else.”

  There's a question, implicit and understandable. I can't lie. I have no reason to.

  “I haven't had sex in six years.”

  “W-what?” Serenity asks, but I don't have time to answer her questions; my hands are under her skirt and there's just this thin, flimsy piece of fabric in my way. I tear it off with a rough fist and lift her up, slamming her back into the bark of the redwood tree.

  “Holy crap, Saint. Holy crap.”

  Some basic fucking instinct takes over, the need to be inside of her so overwhelming that despite the fact that I've never done it in this position before, my body finds a way. My cock slides into Serenity's warm, wet heat and she gasps, stifling her cry by shoving her face against my neck, just like she did last time. If I'd known then that I was fucking away her virginity, maybe I would've done it differently?

  No. Probably not.

  If she wanted gentle or slow or sweet, she would stop chasing after me, wouldn't she?

  “Mmmm,” I murmur, breathing against her ear, wanting to bury myself fully inside of her, let her take me over completely. She's so slick and slippery, and she's panting against me and sweating and moaning. I've never been bare inside
of a woman before, and it's delicious.

  “Oh, Saint,” she breathes, and her voice sounds like a song, encouraging me to move. My hands are on her ass, her legs around my waist. Unbridled pleasure unfurls in my brain and for a split second there, it's like the fog inside my head clears and I think as clear and sharp as I ever have before.

  No. Sharper, clearer.

  My animal and my monster tumble and fight, but I don't have to worry today. Today, the heat of the animal outweighs the ice inside my chest, and I fuck Serenity without giving into any strange urges, without squeezing too hard or grabbing too tight.

  My hips pump and my cock slides into her again and again, until I'm shuddering and collapsing us both against the tree, putting our foreheads together again as I come quick and violent and fast. With the orgasm comes a sudden wave of clarity, reminding me that I've just done something awful, something I'll have to pay for before I can puzzle this thing with Serenity out any further.

  Reluctantly, I lean back, staring into those blue eyes of hers. I haven't seen many beautiful things in my life; these eyes are among them. I kiss Serenity's trembling lips and pull away, hating the separation of our bodies, wishing there was a way we could stay joined permanently.

  As soon as I put her down, she's trying to fix her skirt, pull it down and hide the evidence of what we've done. She fixes my jeans next and then pulls away from me, leaving me with this intense longing inside that scares the hell out of me. I can't have her, but I want her. I shouldn't let myself …

  Serenity goes for the discarded panties next and then steps up to me, pausing as the sound of Royal's voice echoes in the trees. He is pissed. I'm not sure I've ever heard him so angry outside of defending his old lady.

  “I'm going to go, okay?” she tells me, looking me straight in the face, reaching up and rubbing smears of purple-red lipstick from my mouth with her hand. I let her touch me even though I hate people touching me. Can't stand it. But with her, it's completely different. “But this will be okay. It'll be okay. Just remember that. I'm going to go, but I'll be back. Don't tell my dad anything about us; I'll handle him.”

  She sounds like she's talking to … an animal.

  Good call on her part.

  “I really don't scare you, do I?”

  “Not one bit,” she tells me firmly, and then she turns and starts walking through the trees.

  Royal finds me a few minutes later, just standing there and staring after her.

  I look back at him and find his face red with blood, two sharp lines of it smeared across his lips and cheek, like maybe he shoved his arm across it to wipe it away.

  “You bloody tosser,” he says as we stare at each other.

  “Is Jack okay?” I ask mildly, not like I really care.

  “You want to tell me what the fuck you were doing?”

  I stare at Royal McBride, my president, but I can't think of a way to answer that question that makes any sense. What was I doing?

  “I would kill God to protect her,” I tell him and his nostrils flare, his breath rushes out between his lips.

  “Bleeding hell.”

  Royal runs a hand down his face and turns away, towards the sound of angry shouting. More of my brothers, looking for me, wondering if I've finally lost it, just like they all thought I might one day.

  “What do you want me to do?” I ask, and I think of Serenity, of her words. It'll be okay. Just remember that. I'm going to go, but I'll be back. Whatever my president wants me to do, I'll do it.

  “Can't very well tell Jack you shagged his seventeen year old daughter, now can we?”

  “What would you do?” I ask him, tucking my fingers into the front pockets of my jeans. “To protect Lyric?”

  “Anything,” Royal says, almost grimly, pursing his lips as he studies me, “I'd do bloody anything.”

  “Exactly.”

  Royal turns and I follow him, out of the trees and into the gray glare of an April morning.

  I call Lyric to come and pick me up because there's nobody else, and I don't have a car of my own.

  “Don't get out,” I tell her as I slip into the passenger seat of Royal's red truck. “And please, can we go quickly?”

  Lyric pauses and turns to look out the window, pausing when she sees her husband walking across the compound with Glacier. Blood smears the bottom half of Royal's face and neck, making Lyric's shoulders and arms go stiff, her fingers curl around the wheel.

  “If you drive, I'll explain,” I promise as I catch sight of my parents standing near the steps of the deck. My heart starts to thunder and race and I feel suddenly sick to my stomach. Mom glances up, towards the gate, sees the truck, sees me in it. Her eyes go wide. “Lyric, please,” I beg and the mayor snaps her attention over to me. She must sense some of the desperation in my voice, so she quickly turns the truck around and heads back out the front gate of the compound.

  I glance over my shoulder and find my dad rising to his feet in a rage. Glacier just stands there with his fingers in his front pockets and stares at him with a mild expression on his face. When my dad hauls back and hits him, I gasp and clamp my hands over my mouth, but Glacier doesn't fight back. He takes hit after hit after hit …

  I spin back around and put my hands over my face, struggling to catch my breath. I feel so disoriented right now, almost dizzy. I just need a minute to collect myself.

  “Are you okay?” she asks me after a few minutes, the truck taking the tight curves in the road with smooth ease. I realize for the first time that Lyric and Royal's dogs are in the back seat behind me, pausing as a smooth, hot tongue flicks up the side of my cheek. Glancing over my shoulder, I give a grim smile and reach up to pet the gray and black wolf dogs. Well, wolf dog is a bit of a misnomer. There's not a lot of dog in either of them.

  “I'm fine,” I promise as I scratch the wolves behind the ears and turn back around, releasing all the breath in my lungs. On either side of the car, the redwood forest stretches, big and old and dark. I let its presence comfort me as we head back into the city. I'm not sure where Lyric's taking me, but I need to … I think I need a shower. And some new underwear. I feel tender and exposed and wet, squeezing my thighs tightly together as we drive. “Where are we going?” I ask as her phone rings and she ignores it, glancing over at me from sharp green eyes, the draft from the heater ruffling her brunette bob.

  “Where do you want to go?”

  “Doesn't matter.” I pause. “Not home, though. I just … I'd like to shower and change.”

  There's a sort of strained silence in the cab for a moment and Lyric turns her attention back to the road and the passing scenery.

  “Glacier,” she says, and it's not a question. She knows anyway, about what happened between us; I told her. For whatever reason, I trust her. I know we couldn't be anymore different—she's twenty-eight, married, has a law degree, grew up in politics, became the mayor—but there's something deeper in our personalities, some inner core inside both of us that's the same.

  I think it's stubbornness and strength.

  “I … something bad happened,” I say and then cringe, feeling somehow like I should apologize for the whole incident. “My dad … he was berating me and then he reached out to take my arm. Glacier just … he snapped and attacked him.”

  Lyric's brows shoot up.

  “Royal tried to stop him and Glacier hit him, too. Thus, you know, the blood and all.”

  “Gotcha,” Lyric says, her voice strange and tinny and contemplative. “Why did Glacier feel the need to protect you from your dad?”

  I sigh and put my palms on my bare knees. My heart is still racing, and I feel … I don't know exactly what I feel right now. I just had sex for the second time ever. Against a tree. With Glacier. My hands start to shake, but not from fear or frustration or anything else … from excitement. He excites me, thrills me. And just now, he let me catch him.

  “I don't know, to be honest with you. My dad's never hit me or hurt me. He can be a real dick sometimes�
�like he was being today—but with … Glacier's a difficult man to explain.” I pause and stare at the black, shiny surface of the dashboard. “He fucked me,” I say, and I don't try to sugarcoat it. Had sex. Made love. Did it. None of that is what just happened between us. “Just now. Against a tree.”

  Lyric makes a small sound and my eyes snap over to her, testing her, trying to figure out where I stand. I could be making a huge mistake right now, condemning Glacier and me both to an eternal hell of questions and inquiries and bullshit.

  “Did you use—”

  “I'm on the pill,” I say before she can finish her question. Why is that always the first question adults ask teenagers? Did you use a condom? Maybe the technical stuff is just easier to discuss than the emotional stuff? “I had a really irregular period, so my doctor prescribed it.”

  “Oh.” Just that, a sound. I wait, watching her face as she takes a deep breath. “I don't mean to sound like a crazy old person or anything—”

  I laugh at that.

  “Aren't you like twenty-eight or something?”

  “I just turned twenty-nine,” she ventures, but still. How stupid. I smile.

  “You're going to mention STDs?” I ask and this time, she smiles a little.

  “You know the script, don't you?”

  I shrug and think about Glacier's words. I haven't had sex in six years. That can't be true, can it? What did he mean by that?

  “He's clean,” I tell her and she makes a face. “He wouldn't have fucked me like that if he wasn't clean.”

  “Serenity,” she starts, but I'm not taking any bullshit today, not from anyone, not even the mayor.

  “No, listen to me. You don't understand. Glacier is … he …” How do I explain this weird thing between us? Nobody will understand it. They'll think I'm a crazy, lovesick teenager with delusions about a man that's way too old for her. “He tried to kill my dad to protect me today. If he had a disease, he wouldn't endanger me like that.”

  “Can you at least think about getting tested—together. Both of you.”

  I sigh.

  “Sure.”

  “Thank you. Sorry, I'm just … I'm not perfect either, but I'm just trying to help you avoid my mistakes.” I pause and cock my head to the side, blonde and red hair cascading over my shoulder.