“Neutral ground?” She questions.
“Let’s stop tiptoeing around this, why did you change from being our contact?”
“Mixing business and pleasure,” she says simply.
“What of it?” I ask.
“Now, we don’t need to worry about that. I made it so that if we wanted to proceed that business wouldn’t be an obstacle.”
My hands run through my hair and I groan while leaning my head back.
“Bev.” I say through clenched teeth staring at the ceiling.
“What? It was an obstacle and I took initiative to get around it. It’s not like I would be able to ask you to quit the bar, you seem to love it. Switching contacts was easy and it made more sense. I’m not mixing business with pleasure, as well Jimmy, my replacement isn’t related by any means to Noah or me,” she says.
“I believe that decisions that would involve me, should be discussed with me, wouldn’t you agree? The business factor isn’t the only reason,” I look her in her eyes and see the determination on her features.
She’s quiet, thinking over my question.
“I should have, but I jumped into forging a solution to the problem,” she shrugs.
“Who said it was a problem?”
“I don’t see any reasoning as to why we can’t just try this thing between us. We had a great time together in Hollybrooke, why not give this a chance?”
“Bev. It’s true, we had a great time, but I never insinuated that there may be something more,” I say quietly.
“So, I was just a good time to you? An easy lay?” her voice cracks.
“Not at all, I wouldn’t even dare think that shit,” I defend quickly. “There’s shit about me that you don’t know, how would you even know that you want to be with me?”
“Well, you’re taking that decision away from me, without even letting me make my own thoughts on the subject,” she says dejectedly.
“Listen, I think that we’re both going about this wrong. I’ve got demons in my past, and that hinders me from relationships.”
“What are these demons?” she asks.
“Is it important?” I ask her.
“Yes, it may help me understand why you are so adamant on not wanting to continue what we started,” she says, obviously trying to hide her hurt, but some of it seeps through.
“Fuck. It’s been a while since I’ve had to say any of this shit out loud,” I sit back in the booth and take a deep breath.
“Well, I can promise this, whatever it is, I won’t judge you,”
“Let’s get out of here,” I stand up and offer her my hand.
When she places her small hand in mine, she squeezes and smiles before she starts walking toward the front door of the diner.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
I drove us to my house.
After opening the door, I motioned for Bev to go inside. I went directly to the fridge, retrieved two beers, then led her to the living room.
We angle our bodies to face one another and I take a few long pulls from my bottleneck before starting with my story.
“So, Richard, the guy that we had dinner with at the Expo, he’s my old business partner. You see, I didn’t always work in a bar in Mercy. I opened one of the trendiest restaurants in Hollybrooke. We had two Michelin stars and were featured on a handful of television shows. I studied culinary straight out of high school, traveled the world and learned from the best. I had a traveling partner along for the ride as well, my high school sweetheart, who I ended up marrying when I was twenty-three. We had an amazing life, but she wanted more, and I was willing to give everything to her, but she wanted it in the prime years of our restaurant. I had asked her to wait a few years, and she did. It was seven years, seven years that I made her wait and when it came down to it, we weren’t getting pregnant. We tried and tried and when it came time to figure out why the natural method wasn’t happening, it came to head that I was unable to have children. I wasn’t producing enough viable sperm to create a child. And so, when presented other options, ones that I was willing to shell out whatever it took, nothing worked for that year of trying and when it came down to it, the whole process began to tear us apart. She blamed me for wasting her prime years and left me.” I take in a deep breath and look at Bev, who has tears in her eyes.
“What happened? Where is she now?” she asks.
“She’s remarried, living in the city, and has two children now,” I reply.
“Wow. I’m sorry, but you know that it’s not your fault, right?” she says while placing her hand on my knee.
“I was selfish. I wanted to have success and I didn’t grant Syd what she ultimately wanted and that was a family.”
“You wanted success to care for your family,” she says.
“I wanted success and the notoriety, I didn’t even think about what she wanted. I told her basically that my dreams came first, and that makes me someone who doesn’t deserve to have nice things.”
“Do you really believe that?” Bev asks.
“I do, and that’s why we cannot be anything more, we had a wonderful weekend, but you deserve someone better. Someone that won’t hesitate to put what you want first. History has a way of repeating itself, and I would rather not incur any more hurt on anyone else’s life.”
“I think that everyone deserves a second chance. Look at your ex, she ultimately got what she wanted. She got her second chance, who is to say that you don’t deserve happiness to?”
“I haven’t done anything to deserve it,” I reply grimly.
“How long has it been since you’ve been divorced?” she asks.
“Five years,” I reply on auto-pilot.
“That’s five years that you have been torturing yourself, how much longer do you plan to do that?”
I shrug, not having a definitive answer.
“Did you know that you were unable to have children?”
I shake my head.
“It wasn’t intentional that you held off on having children, you didn’t know that was a potential issue. There are so many people who decide on a career and then children. You shouldn’t fault yourself for that. You were young and dumb. But you tried, and that’s what matters in the end,” she takes a deep breath, “what happened to the restaurant?” she asks after a few moments of silence.
“I sold my half to Richard and tried to give money to my ex, Sydney. She wanted nothing to do with that as she felt that the money was what robbed us of having a future. So, I put the money in an account, moved out of the city to here and bought this house. The rest is history.”
“Listen, Percy, I get why you are apprehensive about beginning anything with anyone, but I mean it when I say this: you’ve tortured yourself enough. Don’t deny yourself happiness if it comes along. I’m sorry if I jumped to conclusions, or made you feel like I was making decisions on your behalf. I’m not going to lie, and I think you already know this, but I like you. I have enjoyed the time that we’ve spent together. But I will respect your decisions.” She stands up and smooths out her jeans.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“I’m going to walk to the bar, maybe have a drink and then head home.”
“You’re not walking,” I say standing up and striding to her.
“Perce, you just laid your heart out on the table. I’m a big girl and can walk the three blocks to The Neighborhood. Thank you for opening up to me, explaining things and for trusting me with that,” she lays her hand on my cheek, her thumb caressing my cheekbone. “Be good to yourself, will ya?” she leans in, gently places a kiss on my lips, pulls back with a smile and walks out my front door.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
After confessing all my secrets to Bev, I feel like a weight was lifted off of me. I’m not healed by any means, but I do feel like a part of me has a little bit of closure. What I wasn’t expecting was waking up the next morning and driving out to Hollybrooke.
I pull up to the curb of a two story townhome and turn off t
he ignition. I look to the clock on the dash and it’s ten in the morning, so I’m not feeling completely bad for showing up here unannounced. I walk up the short driveway, stand in front of the door and ring the bell. I hear the sound of someone running to the door and then promptly a bang, then a thud. There is laughter, crying and then murmurs on the other side of the closed door while I stand there teetering from heel to toe with my hands in my front pockets.
The crying stops, and the door swings open.
In front of me is a toddler boy, clinging to her leg and there’s a younger child, another boy in her arms. His chin and shirt drenched with drool. I smile, look down and give the toddler at her feet an awkward wave. My eyes move from him, to the shocked expression of the woman, his mother in front of me.
She looks just as beautiful as she did the day that I married her, time has been good to her and motherhood looks even better. She looks a little tired, but I can just imagine that the little ones in the house that are the cause. She looks shocked to see me at first, but then quickly her expression warms, she takes a breath, and she smiles.
“Hey, Syd.”
“Percy,” she says quietly.
“I’m sorry for just showing up, but I just, I wanted to talk to you,” I say apologetically.
“Um, yeah. Okay, sure. Come in, come in. Please excuse the mess, I wasn’t expecting any company and my cleaning lady doesn’t come until tomorrow,” she stutters.
“I won’t judge, I promise,” I crisscross against my chest.
She leads me down the front hallway, past a room that looks like no one ever sits in it, past a kitchen with top of the line appliances, and into a living room that looks lived in. It’s got toys strewn all over the floor, the television is on with a kids cartoon, and laundry is piled on the window seat. Sydney grabs toys that are on top of the recliner and motions for me to take a seat. She puts the toys in front of the boy and he begins playing happily on the floor with his brother.
She sits down and takes a deep breath.
“What can I do for you, Percy?” She asks.
“I wanted to come and apologize,” I state.
“I think we are past that. Life has moved on. But why now? We’ve already done this,” she asks then sighs.
“I met someone, and she put a few things into perspective for me.”
“You’ve met someone? You come here to tell me that? I don’t see how that would matter, you know that I’m married to Tim now and —”
“No, I’m not coming here to rub it in your face. But to say that I discounted the way everything happened. I didn’t know that I couldn’t have children, I think ultimately, what I wanted was security and that’s why I was persistent with the restaurant stuff. And for that I’m sorry, I didn’t think about what was important and that was you. You stuck it out with me while I reached for my dreams and you put yours on the back burner. But I want you to know, I didn’t know and I’m truly sorry.”
She takes in a deep breath, releases it, then pulls in another. She’s twisting one of the stuffed animals in her lap and staring at her son who is playing around on the floor with a wooden car.
“I loved you with my whole being. I was willing to follow you around the world, I mean, I did follow you and those were some great years. But when you hit pause on starting a family, I began to resent you. I know that it’s not entirely fair of me, but I did. I knew your dreams and I’m so glad that you and Richard achieved so much, but it was at the expense of our marriage. So, it started then. I was being selfish and wanted something of my own too, and I thought that a child would make up for all the long hours you put in away from me. But you not being able to have children was the icing on the cake, when all the IVF failed, I was already checked out. But Percy, you did give me an amazing life. You did treat me with respect, love and gave me everything else that I could have asked for. But that’s all in the past. I’ve moved on, and I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t think I really ever did.”
“There were a lot of words of hate,” I shook my head, not entirely believing her.
“Percy, I was upset and angry. At you, at myself, at the situation. But I didn’t hate you, and I don’t hate you now.”
“Do you mean that?” I ask.
“I’m sorry that you have thought that, I mean I can understand why you did. My parting words weren’t kind to you,” she releases the toy in her lap. “Tell me about this girl?”
“She is unexpected,” I say on an exhale.
“Yeah, how so?”
“I’ve only told one other person about my past, about us. And then her.”
“Why’s that?” Sydney asks.
“She is asking for more than I can give her. When I sat her down last night to explain why, she didn’t try to change me, she listened, emphasized and then left.”
“Percy, can I ask you a question?” she asks.
I nod and ready myself for anything.
“Have you dated anyone since we split?”
“No, I haven’t thought that I’ve been deserving of a relationship.”
“Percy Wilkins. You are a good man. You deserve happiness just as much as the next person, why are you punishing yourself?”
“I was selfish. I can’t promise that I won’t be selfish with someone else.”
“I was selfish too. Not every relationship has children, hell some couples never have them. But I wanted them, and I couldn’t see past the fact that you couldn’t, to look at other options or to stay with you.”
“Mama!” The little one wails, throwing his head back and clutching onto his hand. Sydney scampers off of the couch and onto the floor. She talks quietly to her son, inspects his hand and kisses it. He calms down and resumes back to playing as if he was never hurt.
“Motherhood looks good on ya, Syd.”
She offers me a smile as she stands.
“Thank you, Percy. I’m sorry that we didn’t work out, I truly am. And I hope that you can find it within to forgive yourself. Stop punishing yourself, give this woman a chance and find happiness.”
“Thanks, Syd,” I stand, and she walks to me with her arms out. We embrace, and the bridge of my nose begins to hurt. I hold back the tears that are fighting to break through as we pull back from one another. “You’re happy, right?” I ask.
“I am,” she smiles with tears in her eyes just the same.
“Good. That’s all I could ever ask for.”
I walk down the hallway, past the kitchen, past the immaculate untouched room to the front door.
“I’m sorry for stopping by unannounced but thank you sincerely for talking with me and not turning me away.”
“I’d never turn you away. Take care of yourself, please?”
“I will. I’m happy for you,” I offer to her.
She leans in and kisses my cheek.
“Go on now, get out of here and go get your girl,” she places her hands on her hips and smiles.
I walk out of her house, with the intentions to do just that.
Chapter Sixty
I can’t immediately go to Bev. I need to come up with a plan first, and I need to also be at the bar to work my shift. On the way back from seeing Sydney, I took the forty-five-minute drive to think about the last five years of my life. I wasn’t prepared to have Sydney say what she did, and I honestly didn’t expect the conversation to go so well. I expected her to have the hatred still burning in her and to not be given a chance to say a word.
She invited me into her world for just a short while and I saw her thriving. I am happy that I saw that and grateful for that small glimpse. She conveyed that she held no hatred towards me and wished for me to find happiness.
Can I do that?
I’m not entirely sure that I can in an instant, but I’m willing to work toward it.
But I’m drawing up a blank when it comes to having a plan.
“Hey Percy, whatcha cooking’ good lookin’?” Deb bounces into the kitchen with the click clack of her cowboy boots and her blon
de hair in pigtail braids.
I turn and smile at her. “Hey Deb,” I say, turning back around to check on the meatloaf in front of me as I dress it before sticking it back in the oven.
“Did you go fishin’ this morning? I couldn’t find you when I went to your place this morning to see if you could help me with something and you weren’t there.”
“Oh, yeah? Sorry, No, I had business in the city. What did you need?” I turn asking her.
“I think I had a leak under my sink, but I bothered my dad, and he came over before my shift to fix it.”
“Sorry,” I reply.
“It’s okay,” she turns around and starts to walk out of the kitchen.
“Hey Deb, can I ask your advice?” I ask before she’s out of ear shot. She turns around with a wide smile on her face and one hand on her hip.
“I’m liking the way that this sounds,” she walks closer.
“I’ve got a situation, involving a woman and I need your help with cultivating a plan to win her back.”
“Win her back, what did you do to drive her away?”
“I didn’t do anything, she is just no longer pursuing me out of respect.”
“Respect for what?”
“It’s not important, what do I need to woo her?” I ask impatiently.
“Well, she likes you, right?”
“Yes,” I reply nodding my head.
“Well, you’ve got that part out of the way.”
“What part?”
“The wooing, if she likes you, I suspect that there won’t need to be much wooing, you just need to make a grand gesture, a statement.”
“Ah, okay. A grand gesture. How grand are we talking here, you know me, I kind of keep to myself.”
“Exactly, you have to show her that you’re willing to do anything to prove that you want to be with her. Go out of your way, make it memorable and don’t shy away from the unconventional,” Deb nods in excitement.
“Make it memorable, got it.” I nod.
The Neighborhood Series (The Neighborhoood) Page 22