Book Lover, The

by McFadden, Maryann

  She took a deep breath. “Enough to marry me?”

  “Is this a joke?”

  “I’ve never been more serious in my life,” she said. “The reason it’s all a moot point is because I am free now, legally and emotionally. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  He closed his eyes and sat there for a long moment without saying anything. She couldn’t even move. Then he took her hand, pulling her up and onto his lap, wrapping her in his arms and holding so tightly she could feel his heart, pounding as hard as her own.

  “You should know what you’re getting into,” he whispered in her ear. “It’s not pretty sometimes.”

  “I know,” she said, because she’d done weeks of research, finding out everything she could about what her future with a paraplegic man would entail. “I know exactly what I’m getting into.”

  He squeezed her so hard, she squealed. “Is that a yes?”

  “That’s a yes,” he said.

  Pulling back from him, she looked into those light blue eyes she loved. “Good, because we’re going to have a baby.”

  His mouth opened, but no words came out.

  “I’m pregnant. But I didn’t want that to influence your decision. I want you to marry me because you want to. Not because you have to, although that doesn’t really happen anymore, does it?”

  “Shut up, Lucy,” he whispered, then kissed her long and hard.

  She pulled away again. “There’s something else I need to tell you. That I probably wouldn’t have before but…I can’t be afraid of the truth anymore. And this is the truth, Colin. I slept with David when I went back for the divorce. It was nothing more than a goodbye, something that happened in the heat of so much emotion. But I knew in an instant it was wrong, and I felt as if I’d betrayed you.”

  He said nothing at first, and she waited.

  “How do you know it’s not his child?”

  She got up from his lap, then knelt again so they were at eye level. “I did think it was his at first, because I wasn’t sure it was even possible with…your injuries. David came up and we went to the cemetery for our son’s anniversary and when we left, we sat in my car and I told him that he was going to be a father again. He looked at me, not shocked, as I’d expected, but bewildered. What he told me next shocked me—that after Ben died, he’d had a vasectomy, because he was unwilling to take a chance on another pregnancy, no matter how unlikely it was. As horrible as that felt, I insisted that a vasectomy could fail, I’d read about it. But no, with further embarrassment he told me he was going to start dating, and he’d gotten tested recently, just to be sure.”

  Still Colin said nothing, just staring at her.

  “I sat in my car reeling, as it slowly dawned on me that this baby is yours, Colin. Which is truly a miracle. I came to the store today straight from the airport. My divorce was finalized yesterday.”

  He let out a long sigh. “Thank you for telling me all that. I know you didn’t have to.”

  “Yes, I did. I’ll never be anything but up front with you, I promise.”

  He pulled her onto his lap again, his eyes never leaving hers. “Where do you want to live?”

  “With you, at the lake, of course.”

  “It’s not exactly the lap of luxury.”

  “It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. And so are you.”

  He sat there and put a palm on her abdomen, looking at her in wonder. “In my wildest dreams I never thought something like this could happen.”

  “Me either.” She buried her face in his neck as he held her, breathing him in.

  Suddenly there was a commotion at the front of the store. She stood up and followed Colin there to find that the NPR crew was back and Megan was talking animatedly to a woman with a microphone.

  “Would you mind if I interviewed you for a few moments?” the woman, who Megan introduced as Lauren, asked Lucy then. She looked at Colin and he nodded, wheeling himself to the side.

  “No, not at all,” she said, “as long as we can have everyone’s attention.”

  But Ruth was already there, apparently waiting for her and Colin to emerge from the back. Within seconds the rest of them gathered around and she saw Thomas take Ruth’s hand.

  “I’m talking now to Lucinda Barrett, the author of A Quiet Wanting, a self-published novel that’s become The Book Lover’s top selling paperback this year,” Lauren began. “Were you surprised, Lucinda, when they told you how well your book was doing?”

  “Yes… and no,” she said, not nervous but trembling with excitement because it seemed she’d been waiting her whole life for this moment. “I mean, I believed in the book enough to publish it myself when I got nothing but rejections. But the extent to which Ruth and her staff here got behind my novel was amazing to me, and touching. It gave me the courage to reach out to other booksellers and really build an audience, which was my goal.”

  “So what’s next for you?”

  “Well, I’m actually here to collect my books. I won’t be selling my self-published novel here anymore. Or in any other stores for that matter.”

  She saw the frown on Ruth’s face just as Lauren asked, “You’re not giving up then, are you?”

  “Oh no, quite the opposite. I’ve got a major book deal now with a top New York publisher. A Quiet Wanting is going to be published in hardcover next summer. And the novel I’m nearly finished with, Confessions of a Poet, will be published the following summer.”

  She couldn’t help laughing as she watched Ruth’s hands covering her mouth, shaking her head as if she couldn’t believe it.

  “You know, all along I wanted validation from the publishing industry, that my book was good enough. But I really had it all along, thanks to Ruth, and everyone here at The Book Lover.”

  “After a harrowing year and nearly closing shop, I’d call this a perfect ending for The Book Lover’s 150th Anniversary,” Lauren concluded, then switched off her microphone and turned to thank Lucy, but she was already running over to Ruth.

  “I couldn’t have done it without you,” she whispered, pulling her into a tight hug. “You’ve been like a mother to me.”

  And now she really would be.

  “There’s just one more thing,” Megan announced loudly, and they all turned to her in surprise. “As you all know, Ruth’s essay won the Independent Booksellers contest for ‘Why I’m a Bookseller.’ I asked Lauren if I could read it now to close her program, because I think that’ll be the perfect ending.”

  Lauren held up the microphone as Megan opened a folded sheet of paper. Lucy saw Thomas put his arm around Ruth and pull her close. Colin wheeled himself beside her, pulling her onto his lap. The store grew quiet and Megan began to read:

  “I am a bookseller because it’s everything I ever wanted to be. I wanted to be a social worker, so I take extra time helping those who are hurting to find an answer to their problems. I wanted to be a teacher, so I show children how to get excited about books. I wanted to be a writer, so I write reviews of books in the local papers.

  I wanted to be an actress, so I give book talks and record radio commercials that let me reveal that hidden part of me. I wanted to be a community builder, so I take an active part in Downtown Revitalization. I wanted to be a preacher, so I choose uplifting books to feature in my advertising. I wanted to be a mother, so I keep in close touch with my grown children and grandchildren and call on their talents, when I need help in the store.

  I am a bookseller because I love books, and love, and so I get to be a matchmaker and help orchestrate a proposal in my own store.”

  At that Megan paused and everyone gave a small round of applause to Larry and Angela, whose proposal Lucy had just missed. Then Megan continued:

  “I am a bookseller because I love helping people find what they need in books, from what to do with their lives, to how to solve a problem, to simply learning how to relax, and breathe.

  I am a bookseller-it’s everything I ever wanted to be.”

 
They all turned to give Ruth a round of applause and a moment later were stunned to see her turn to Thomas and give him a long, tender kiss on the lips.

  “Way to go, Mom,” Jenny hooted.

  “Way to go, Ruth,” they all echoed.

  EPILOGUE

  SHE REMEMBERED LONG AGO WHEN SHE’D FIRST come to the lake and had no idea how her life would change, wondering what it would look like during winter. Its beauty exceeded her expectations.

  On this cold January morning Lucy waited on the dock for them to arrive, breathing in the clean, frigid air. Part of the lake was frozen, its surface a dark shiny mirror, the shore scrimmed with a lacy edge of white crystal. The trees and mountains were brown and barren but you could see clear through the island now to the far shore. When she hiked, it was easier to spot deer and birds, although many had migrated south long ago. But robins and blue jays, a few cardinals and goldfinches still came to the feeders.

  She heard the sound of cars then and turned toward the driveway to see Colin’s Jeep, followed by three vans. She waited while they got out, as nearly half a dozen men and two women maneuvered themselves into wheelchairs and made their way across the frozen ground. Then she began walking toward them.

  The decision of where to release the eagle had become an easy one. They needed a place where many wheelchairs would be able to maneuver without hazard. The Delaware Water Gap was a thought, of course, since that was where Kit was found. But in the end it would have been too difficult. And then Lucy asked Colin why they couldn’t simply release the eagle right here? Their cove wasn’t frozen thanks to a spring, and the water was deep, so a good source of fish if Kit decided to stay a while. There was no snow or bad weather in the coming week, another requirement. And freeing him in the early morning would give him all day to get his bearings before night set in.

  So here they were, within flying distance of where Kit most likely nested and hopefully would return. Lucy hoped that if there was a mate, she was still waiting for him.

  Randy and another man emerged from the van and pulled on the leather gloves, then walked to the back of the van. A moment later Randy began slowly walking toward them as he carried Kit, looking huge as he perched on one gloved arm. The eagle was still tethered to the glove with a leather strap, his yellow eyes searching as his head bobbed from side to side, a clear sign of nervousness, having no idea where he was headed. Lucy felt her heart soar at what was about to happen.

  When she first came back to Colin in November and he told her that Kit might be released, she was stunned. On that final visit of hers, Susan was certain he would remain a display bird, that he would still have a purpose in helping them to educate the public. But his wing continued to improve while she was away, and Kit proved to be a fighter. He began to fly short distances, and then the length of the flight cage, 65 feet, with no difficulties. And so after careful consideration, the decision had been changed.

  “Do you ever get attached to a bird?” she’d asked Susan when she found out. “I mean, after taking care of it.”

  “People who come here to work or volunteer sometimes want to have more of an emotional connection, but it’ll never be like with a dog or cat,” Susan had explained to her. “These are wild creatures, and even after being here for years, the birds still think of us as predators.”

  “I just feel such a bond with him,” she’d said, watching him in the flight cage.

  “Well, you and Colin are very responsible for saving his life, so that’s understandable. But let me put it this way. Our personal affection or connection with a bird is one thing, that’s a human response they can’t reciprocate. For us, letting a bird go is the payoff. It’s what we’re here for. To respect, and celebrate, their wildness.”

  The Raptor Center’s hope was always, when possible, to release a bird back out into the wild.

  Now as they all waited, Lucy knew that for Colin, and these men and women, Kit symbolized their own second chance at life. At the educational program he’d given to this same group at the center yesterday, Colin had stressed just that thing.

  “A raptor is defined by being a hunter, yet these birds will never hunt again,” he’d said, after Lady and Scarlett were brought in, one after the other, to prove his point. “But they have another purpose now, something just as important that will define them.”

  As powerful as that had been for these soldiers, she knew that today’s conclusion to the program would be even sweeter.

  They all watched as the eagle was carried toward the edge of the clearing, near the water. Randy unhooked the tether. Lucy held her breath, glanced quickly and saw that each soldier was riveted to the eagle. Within seconds Kit’s wings opened, fluttering several times as he hovered tentatively, just inches above the gloved arm. A moment later she heard hushed gasps as his wings stretched their full length and he caught the air, lifting higher and higher then soaring over them as he flew above the lake, with such grace, as if he’d done this very thing just yesterday. It had taken months for him to be rehabilitated and now, within short minutes, he skimmed treetops, circled once above the water, then turned toward the far ridge of hills, toward the Water Gap, until he disappeared.

  It was only then that the men and women in wheelchairs turned to each other and began slapping high-fives. When they quieted down, she could see how pleased Colin was with his first veterans program, and knew he’d be doing more. Then he gave a few final words.

  “Each of us here has a different purpose now,” he said. “Find yours. Free yourself, just as this eagle has, from whatever it is that’s holding you back. And believe that anything you aspire to is possible. That’s what will define you now, and that’s an order, soldiers.”

  His words were followed by a series of “Yes, Sir’s” and salutes.

  A moment later they were pushing toward the cars. Lucy stood there watching them, thinking about Colin’s words. Knowing how true it was in her own life. Just a year and a half ago, her rejected manuscript had sat in a closet, all but forgotten. This coming June, a month after their baby was due, A Quiet Wanting would be published in hardcover and distributed all over the country. At that very moment it was being translated into Italian, Spanish, and French.

  If you believed hard enough and refused to give up, dreams really could come true. Her book was proof of that.

  So was their baby.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  WHEN I WAS A SELF-PUBLISHED AUTHOR, before my first novel, The Richest Season, was published by Hyperion Books, I learned all aspects of the bookselling world. I was already familiar with the writing side of it. I began to speak about my experiences at book clubs and events, discovering that most readers have no idea of the mysterious, often perilous, journey a novel takes from the moment it begins in a writer’s mind to when it eventually ends up in their hands.

  Ironically, this book and I were also on a perilous journey, and it nearly didn’t see print. Because it is such an honest look at the publishing world, most editors were uncomfortable with it. I was asked to “tone it down,” but decided eventually that I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to tell the very real story of what it’s like to be a writer and a bookseller in today’s world.

  There are so many I need to thank who helped in making this a successful journey, after all:

  All the booksellers who shared their stories with me, especially Harvey Finkel and Rob Dougherty. Also, Beth Carpenter, Tom Warner, Cathy Blanco, Ann Carlson, Susan Hinkle, and many more! A very special thank you to Betsy Rider of Otto’s Bookstore, who shared her life, her home, and so much more that influenced this story. You are an amazing woman!

  The United States Army, for help with uniforms, rankings, and general background. Lauren Butcher, Education Director at The Raptor Trust in Basking Ridge, New Jersey, for educating me further on the world of birds, especially bald eagles. If there are any errors in these storylines, they are mine alone.

  Rory A. Cooper, PhD, U.S. Army Veteran, and Bill Hannigan, U.S. Army Veteran, for shar
ing their stories, and the life of a paraplegic, with such grace and honesty. I am forever indebted and inspired by you both. Donations to the Disabled American Veterans can be made at www.dav.org.

  Susan Zuniga for help in researching Warwick. Any inaccuracies in portraying the Village of Warwick are for fictional purposes alone. And to the people of Upper Greenwood Lake, I’ve taken considerable liberties in altering your neighborhood for my story. I hope you don’t mind.

  A special thanks to Larry and Deb Portzline, for sharing the story of their proposal and allowing me to tweak it for this book.

  My writer friends, Jenny Milchman, Judy Walters and Karyne Corum, who read countless drafts and provided me with an amazing support system any author would envy. Joshua Frank for his generous time and advice on all aspects of publishing. And Natalie Bejarano for helping to bring Three Women Press to life!

  Peter Ryan for once again allowing me to borrow from his incredible life for one of my characters.

  Alan Donaghey, extraordinary artist and generous friend, for designing my cover and my new website. Amy Neeley, for taking the gorgeous photos that became the cover.

  To my friends and family who rallied behind me, and prayed for me and this book: Robin Abourizk, Lucy Heller, Vicki Malanga, Jennifer Kreh, Sue Burrows, Vicki Rossi, Helene and Tom Timbrook, Debora Messina, Lynn Vergano, Johnny Rout, Janet Bejarano, and Liz Cornett. Most especially my sister, Jacky Abromitis, and her partner, Kathy Ulisse, for going above and beyond in helping me with EVERYTHING!

  To my parents, Jack and Angie Abromitis, my biggest fans, my best supporters, and my safe harbor still. Everyone should be so blessed.

  To my incredible children Patrick and Marisa, who continue to inspire me to be all that I can be. And my beautiful little granddaughters, Alice, Lily, Julia and Phoebe, all book lovers already!

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