The Drifting

by L. Filloon

  I stumble along behind Tharin seeing in stunned disbelief a clearing made of crystal and gold. Along the edges near the trees are gardenias in full bloom. They’re about the only green plants here – everything else is crystal and gold. That is until I see an area where a ten-foot waterfall cascades down glistening rocks with large ferns among different shades of foliage at the farthest point of the clearing. At the end of the fall, the water hits a rocky ledge, running into a pond so clear that I can see the bottom. It took my breath away…that is until I see Tharin in front of me pulling his soiled jersey over his head. If the water took my breath away, the site of the elf I’m to marry stopped my breathing altogether.

  I stand still watching how the muscles of his shoulders and back ripple with every move he makes. He turns slightly sideways and I get a glimpse of his abs tightening as he moves and his chest is muscular and broad. The black panther tattoo seems puckered along the edges as if it was burned and scarred onto his skin. The cat dances as Tharin continues to undress. At the top of his wrist, there’s a hollow spot as if something is missing – the Malainisi stone. He bends to pull off one of his boots – first one, then the other, his socks immediately follow. All my focus is suddenly on his feet. When he straightens and begins to take off his pants I shake myself out of my self-hypnosis and step forward, reaching out to him, “Tharin!”

  Instantly, Tharin is in a low crouch looking about him. I slap my mouth with both hands as I see him for the first time for what he really is – a man. Elf. Man. Oh crap, I don’t know. All I know is that the definition of a real male species is crouched in a fighting stance before me and my stomach is doing flips just looking at him.

  Once he realizes there is no immediate danger, he straightens slowly and my knees do that I’ma-gonna-buckle-and-fall-over-now thing. There he is, standing before me and he’s beautiful…everything I would imagine he’d look like undressed.

  He gives me a puzzled look, “What is it, Lily? Are you all right?”

  When I don’t answer right away, he moves toward me and suddenly I want to bolt. He continues to approach me with that puzzled look still on his face. When he reaches me, he takes hold of my shoulders peering at me carefully. “Hey, you okay?”

  “Um, yeah…I just…I was just…surprised at this…place,” I lie stepping out of his hold. I wave around me, looking at gold trees, gold grass, gold rocks; I look at anything but his very hard and golden chest. Turning to him, I lower my head, finger at my lips as if I’m thinking only to stare at his bare feet again. Slender with long toes, and if there is such a thing as feet with muscles, his feet have them. Oh, God…look away, look away…it only reminds me he’s standing in front of me with only his pants on, which he was about to remove.

  “You…we created this place. Don’t you remember?”

  “Um…yeah, no…I think so,” I stammer, keeping my eyes on his feet. There’s a moment of silence in which I’m trying to figure out what else to say or do.

  “Lily,” he calls quietly and a vibrant thrill dances through my entire body.

  “Hmmm?” I answer still looking at his bare feet.

  “Look at me,” he softly commands, and my stomach takes that elevator that always seems to go to the top floor and then drop, speeding out of control.

  “Uh-uh,” I answer shaking my head, taking a step back. I continue to stare at his feet, but they remain where they are. Suddenly, the reality of my situation with Tharin hits me full force. This is who I will be married to. I’m going to be married to him. We’re going to be married…man and wife…I mean elf and wife.

  And then reality steps in again. Where does Kalis fit? I can’t stop seeing them together in an embrace, him holding her against him on horseback. I feel the panic rise and I take another step back.

  When his feet move toward me, I’m startled and look up at him quickly. He gives me a worried look, but there is also a glint in his eyes that makes my heart skip a beat. I feel myself tremble as he steps closer to me, almost, but not quite touching. Now that I’m staring, I can’t take my eyes off him.

  He leans sideways capturing my eyes with his own, pinning me to the spot with just his gaze. He leans in and lightly kisses me – so gentle, so sweet. I feel high and I know that the sensation I felt when we past the mountains in Utah was only a taste of what true flight really is. From somewhere deep inside, I remember I had just thrown up on Tharin and I instantly become conscious of my breath. I reach up to cover my mouth and discover that he had taken off my coat and is now working at removing my jersey.

  Hit with the realization of what’s happening and how easily he was doing it, I slap at his hands stepping back. He holds on to my jersey, “No, Lily. You’re going into the water…with me.”

  I pull at his hands, “No, Tharin, I’m not. I’ll take a bath inside the thela, but thanks anyway.”

  He gives me a look, letting me know that’s not going to happen before picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder. “Damn it, Tharin, put me down!” He suddenly comes to a stop and I lift myself up twisting to see what’s happening. The two women stand before us, blocking our way.

  Tharin adjusts his hold on me, dropping me from his shoulder to cradle me in his arms, my own arms automatically going around his neck. No one says a word as I look at the women curiously. Tharin obviously seems to know them as he says with quiet authority, “Move.”

  The tallest of the women shakes her head, “I’m sorry, our prince, but we can’t allow you to take the princess against her will. If you could just be a little more patient until after the wedding, I’m sure she wouldn’t resist you as much.”

  I look up at Tharin, his face hard and unhappy. I’m starting to get it now. This is Tharin’s realm, his world. He was raised by his father with one thing in mind…to prepare him for when he becomes king. Since he’s known me, all I’ve done is challenge him…and now the women I come in contact with seem to challenge him on my behalf – Cessa, Sema and now these two.

  I turn back to the one who spoke and I can’t help but notice the appreciative look she gives him as her eyes roam along his shoulder, chest, all the way down to his bare feet. What the hell? Those are my feet. The shorter one seems to have the same idea as she casually checks him out appreciatively. That’s more than enough. Is this what I’ll have to deal with every time another woman looks at Tharin? I reach up and place my hand along his cheek forcing him to look at me. “Please put me down.”

  He gives me an arched look, “Why?”

  “Because I don’t like the way they’re looking at my feet.” Tharin quickly turns to look at my booted feet, and then turns back giving me a confused look. I glance over at the women and they give me lopsided grins, obviously catching my meaning. I can’t help but grin back at them. Tharin puts me down and I stand with my back toward him trying to straighten my clothes when he pulls me back against him by the waist, startling me. I wasn’t expecting him to do that and causing me to lose my train of thought.

  With his arms still around me, I reach out my hand to the women to shake theirs, “I’m Lily, and um…thank you,” not sure what to say. They each take my hand by my fingertips and turn it as if they would kiss it on the knuckles, but instead they bow before me.

  The one who spoke makes the introductions, “I am Milina, and this is my sister, Glynnis.” The two give me a curtsy and continue to stand before us now smiling. As they step back, I turn slightly to Tharin whispering, “Let me go.”

  He lowers his head to whisper in my ear using my response from earlier, “Uh-uh.”

  Frustrated and bit fed up, I turn to Milina. “I’m sorry, Milina, but can you guys give us a moment?”

  “Of course, my princess,” she answers, but they stay where they are, not moving. Glynnis steps forward and gives me a canister made of wood. I stare at it for a second, not sure what she wants me to do with it. “It’s water, my princess,” she offers with a smile. It’s then I taste the bile. I take the canister and I rinse and spit. Tharin chuckles and
usually I’d be embarrassed, but not today. I rinse once more before finally taking a drink. I didn’t realize how thirsty I was and the water tastes so good. I hadn’t had any breakfast, and I’m suddenly starving.

  “Do you have any food?” I ask as my stomach growls.

  “There is fruit in the thela, Princess. Would you like us to bring it to you?” asks Glynnis.

  I hand the canister back to her. “Yes –,” I answer when Tharin’s arm tightens. “Um…Milina…could you give us a private moment, please?” I ask as his hold becomes tighter.

  “Of course, Princess. How much privacy would you like?” she asks with a smile.

  I sigh, trying to keep my patience, “Just some privacy.” I look over at the thela and indicate with a nod of my chin, “Over there, please.”

  The sisters curtsy low and then move toward the thela, but not before giving Tharin a warning look. Again, I hear him chuckle at their challenge.

  Once they’re far enough away I try to twist out of Tharin’s hold only to have him laugh at me. “If you want me to let you go, Lily, why don’t you show me what you’ve learned from Ziri?”

  It’s a challenge, of course, and I lean away trying to look up at him. “Not that that’s the only thing you learned –” I didn’t let him finish. I threw a left punch across the shoulder he was leaning over, hitting him on the mouth. As his head flies back, I slip my left foot behind his ankle pulling my leg through at the same time pushing with my shoulder into him. I land on top of him as he hits the ground with a grunt. I push myself off to roll away, but I forgot about his speed. He catches me, pulling me back to him and rolls the opposite direction taking me with him until he’s on top of me. Damn it. Tomorrow was the day Kulzo was going to teach me how to get out of a pin.

  I look up at Tharin as he continues to laugh at me and I struggle even more to get out from under him. It’s useless, he has me by a hundred or more pounds and by the way he’s got me pinned, he obviously has more experience. I stop struggling and glare up at him, “I can’t breathe!”

  He shifts his weight, saying, “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to do?” he asks mockingly with that damn smirk on his face. I remain still, not saying a word, and I avert my eyes to look just past his shoulders at the sky, and I wonder for the first time…when did it stop raining? He places his hand on the side of my head forcing me to look at him. “What, no more fighting? I wonder…” he says looking off as if in deep thought.

  “What?” I ask still trying to catch my breath.

  “Have you always resisted a bath?”

  I can feel myself turning red. Granted we did have a hard practice this morning, but nothing different from any other day. There’s the getting sick part, but it was mostly on him, not me. Suddenly, and for no reason, I become conscious about how I smell. Sema gave me something that looked like a bar of soap but told me it was deodorant…so it can’t be that. Still, it takes an effort not to try and sniff at my underarm.

  He places his elbow next to me, resting his head on his fist. He continues to look down at me with a crooked smile. I have to look away, but once again he forces my head back to look at him. This time when I look up at him, his eyes are serious.

  “Why haven’t you come to me in the drifting state, Lily?” His voice has an edge to it, but there’s also sadness there that surprises me. I remain quiet and I close my eyes because looking at him and having him close is painful.

  “I didn’t think you wanted me to,” I reply with a small shrug.

  He leans his head away from his hand looking at me startled. “Why would you think that?”

  Without thinking, I reach up and remove a gold blade of grass from his shoulder. I look at it with wonder, feeling the gold strip between my fingers as I try to get my thoughts together.

  “Talk to me, Lily.”

  I keep my eyes on the blade of grass, “Kalis.”

  “What about her?” he asks looking at me carefully.

  I look up to meet his gaze. “I don’t have any business coming to you in any form, Tharin. You belong with her and I won’t come between the two of you.”

  Tharin shakes his head, “Okay, enough of this. I don’t love Kalis.” My breathing stops mid-breath. “I mean, I do love her…but I’m not in love with her.” I let out a slow breath, trying to act as if his words didn’t affect me. “I’m in love with you, Lily, and if you just stop trying to fight this…us…you’ll see that you’re in love with me, too.”

  I don’t know how to feel or what to say. He’s in love with me? I close my eyes, confused…but what of Kalis? I look at him trying to keep my feelings in check and not get pissed off. “But I saw you with Kalis on the path after the fight. I saw you hold her and kiss her. Then when you rode away I saw how you held her close to you. You can’t tell me after all that that you don’t love her.”

  “It wasn’t real, Lily. I mean, yes, there were feelings there, but not what you think. You have to remember that everyone has to believe you’re dead.”

  “So Kalis thinks I’m dead?” He nods. “But that would mean…Tharin, are you using her?”

  A painful look crosses his face, “I have to, Lily. That’s the emotion you witnessed…that I would have to use a friend in that way.”

  “No, you’re using someone who loves you. It’s worse…don’t you understand that?’

  “Kalis is a warrior, she will understand. I’m not a beast, Lily. She’s a friend and when all this is over, I will sit down and talk to her about it. And I hope you will understand I do care for her…but I’m not in love with her.”

  Again I nod, still unsure and feeling awful for Kalis. I think of all the nights I lost sleep thinking of Tharin with her. I don’t think he gets it, and I feel for both of them when the time comes when he does finally talk with her.

  “So, she and everyone there think I’m dead?”

  He sighs heavily, “Yes. Everyone does except for Tolan, Mellis, Ka, my father and me.”

  I look at him puzzled, “And Julia.”

  He turns away to lay on his back with one arm behind his head the other covering his eyes. I lean forward to look at his covered face, “And Julia, right?”

  He sits up, his back toward me. I grab his shoulder trying to get him to look at me. “Tharin, Julia knows I’m alive, right?”

  When he doesn’t answer I sit back stunned. Oh my God…Julia thinks I’m dead. I can’t even imagine what she must’ve gone through, what she’s going through now. Images of my friend after learning of her mother’s disappearance flood my mind. I close my eyes and rub the bridge of my nose, trying to keep them at bay. Oh God, Julia. I get up and walk away putting distance between Tharin and me. I just can’t believe this and my anger is quick to rise as I turn on him only to find him standing right behind me. “How could you do this?” I practically scream at him, my fists at my sides.

  “Lily, we had to make sure whoever this Eathos is, is convinced you’re dead. If not, there would still be others hunting you. We can’t let them know until the Seating. Even then you’ll still be in danger because he needs you.”

  I push past him. I walk toward the pond, watching the waterfall, trying to calm down. I’m so mad my anger causes me to shake and I wrap my arms around myself. What do I say to that? Save my life at my friend’s expense?

  Tharin comes up behind me, not touching me. “I’m sorry.”

  I shake my head, refusing to look at him, my anger still evident. I see movement to the side of us and Milina comes into view, letting me know she’s there if I need her. Without turning around, I say, “You don’t understand, Tharin. You don’t know what Julia went through when she lost her mom. It almost killed her.”

  Tharin finally takes me by the shoulder, turning me to him. He lifts my chin with a finger, “I’m sorry. I truly am, and I promise I’ll make it up to her…and Tolan.”

  “Tolan?”

  “I asked him to not to tell her the truth.”

  I push away from him, “You what? Geezus, Tha
rin, Tolan is the first guy she’s ever trusted. And you told him to keep something like this from her? Have you lost your damn mind?”

  Tharin throws up his hands, then combs his hair angrily with one and places the other on his hip. Great. That’s all I need is to be reminded that he’s half-naked. I turn from him, breathing deeply and setting my thoughts back on Julia. My poor friend…what she must be going through. I turn back to Tharin, determined on my next move, “I want to see her. Take me to her now.” He folds his arms, straightening and I recognize the look on his face. “I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer, Tharin. I want to see Julia. She must be a wreck…she needs me.”

  “No, Lily, she’s fine.”

  “What do mean ‘she’s fine’?”

  “Didn’t Alorn or Ziri tell you Julia’s in training? She took the news hard, trust me, but she seems to be dealing with it through her days practicing. And I have to tell you, she’s amazing at her training.”

  “I don’t believe you,” I say stubbornly, not believing Julia would get over me dying so quickly. I had forgotten that Ziri and Alorn told me about her training, but they didn’t mention anything about her not knowing I was still alive. Maybe they didn’t know Julia doesn’t.

  “It’s true. She’s quickly learned our style, our moves and has become a favorite among the others, including Kalis.”

  It seems as if the air has been sucked out of the clearing. I take a step closer to him so I don’t misunderstand his meaning. Quietly I ask, “What did you say?”

  “What? That she’s a favorite?”

  “No. The part about she’s also Kalis’ favorite?”

  Finally realizing what he’d said, he shrugs his shoulders at me, arms still folded. “Kalis is captain of the guards and responsible for the training and other duties. She helped Julia with her training and getting acclimated with being part of the clan. She’s also someone I thought Julia could, you know…talk to.”