by Kim Cano
Wiping her eyes, Abigail said, “That’s when I realized I’d killed them both. The two people I loved more than anyone in the world. After that, I went numb. I remember hearing the police sirens, first in the distance and then getting louder. Two officers were cuffing me and talking, reading me my rights. I saw the ambulance arrive and watched from the back of the police car as they loaded my son onto a stretcher, his body covered with a white sheet. The last thing I saw was Steve. He glared at me right before we pulled away. The look in his eyes was pure hate.”
Abigail looked up. She wore the expression of a dazed trauma patient. Jess was crying now. She couldn’t help it.
“There was a funeral, of course. And I was in jail and wasn’t allowed to go. My poor parents,” Abigail said, shaking her head. “They were horrified and confused. But they jumped right in and hired an attorney. He didn’t have much of a chance since I confessed to everything. His task basically boiled down to getting me life in prison versus the death penalty. So in the end, I guess he did what he was hired to do.”
“And here I am,” Abigail mocked. “I’m alive. Not that I deserve to be.” She started laughing.
“You want to know the ridiculous part?” she asked. “Somehow I’d gotten the crazy idea that if things were like they were before, when Devin wasn’t around, without the constant pressure and insanity, that I could turn back time. I thought Steve would stop seeing his old flame, and he’d love me the way he used to. I thought I could have the life I dreamed of having in my childhood. You know the one. The happy marriage. The house with the white picket fence. Every girl’s dream.”
Jess listened to everything Abigail said, and then watched as she closed her eyes, exhausted from telling the tale. If Jess had the chance, she would give Abigail the life she dreamed of. She’d make it her mission to make every one of those dreams come true. Nothing would make her happier.
Jess grew excited, thinking about how she could do just that, then ran headlong into the realization it was all in vain. Abigail was serving a life sentence. She’d never be able to fulfill Abigail’s wish. There was no point in even thinking about it. Frustrated, Jess ran her hands though her hair. “I love you,” she said.
Looking tired beyond belief, Abigail opened her eyes and managed a small smile. “I love you too, Jess.”
They didn’t make love that night. And they didn’t talk about the past. They just lay next to each other on the lower bunk, with Jess’ arms wrapped around Abigail, providing comfort.
They had each other. And that was enough.
Chapter 27
Kristen gazed at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her blonde hair was gray in the front and on the sides. The wrinkles around her mouth and eyes had deepened. She’d accepted it though. She’d even stopped obsessing over what Jeremy’s girlfriend, Cindy, might look like. The divorce papers never came, so there was no reason to stay in a constant state of panic. It wasn’t healthy.
Besides, it was Christmas. And although her parents never showed because they’d been too busy at Disney World, then got side-tracked sight-seeing in South Beach, she had a lot to be thankful for. There was breath in her lungs, all her limbs were still attached, and she had a future. Each year that passed, it came closer, and she’d been blessed with decent cellmates so far. There was much to be happy about.
A very pregnant Lakeisha had baked an assortment of cookies and brought them in to be served with the holiday movie. This year they were showing the classic It’s a Wonderful Life.
While Debbie and Kristen waited for the movie to start, Debbie said, “I used to watch this every year. I had a thing for Jimmy Stewart.”
Kristen cracked up. “Really?”
“Yep. He’s so sweet. I think of him as tall, dark, and sincere. I’m gonna find one like him when I get out.”
Smiling, Kristen said, “I have no doubt you will.”
“All right, ladies. Let’s keep it down,” one of the guards said. “The movie is about to start, and everyone wants to hear.”
Kristen looked at Debbie and grinned.
As Kristen watched the film, she recalled that she too had seen it almost every year when she was free, but this time it seemed different. Certain scenes had new meaning for her. They jumped to the forefront. She’d heard it was similar with books. You could read one at age nineteen, read it again at thirty, and again at fifty, and your experience would be different each time. That made a lot of sense, she thought, as she took a bite of a chocolate chip cookie.
When Kristen got back to her cell, she lined up her Christmas cards on her section of the shelf. There was one from Olivia and Bob with their cat Cocoa dressed up in a Santa hat. There was one from her son Ryan and his wife, Valerie. Lupe had stayed in touch too, sending a card that included a photo of the whole family. A great looking bunch, Kristen thought.
And this year she’d gotten one from Toby. The mystery woman on his arm at the wedding had been his new girlfriend, Erica. With his passion for music and the amount of time he devoted to it, Kristen had worried he might never find a girlfriend. But alas hormones won out, and the young lady was both smart and beautiful, having moved from Russia to the United States with her family after graduating high school.
Olivia had filled her in on Erica in a previous letter. She was highly-educated and spoke three languages fluently. She also put a high priority on getting a college education, which according to Olivia had motivated Toby. He hadn’t been sure if he wanted to go to college, but she’d convinced him no matter what he did he couldn’t go wrong with a business degree, even for a career in music.
Kristen was glad things were looking up for both her sons. She wished they’d come back and visit because she missed them so much. She decided to be patient. That was all she could really do.
“Who did you get the card from?” Kristen asked Debbie.
“The man who’s giving me the job at the restaurant. That was nice, don’t you think?”
Kristen picked it up and read it. Happy Holidays, it said. We look forward to having you back on the team.
“That was very thoughtful,” Kristen agreed, sounding a bit glum. She set the card down and faced Debbie. “I almost forgot. You’ll be leaving us soon.”
The mixed message was obvious in Kristen’s tone. She was both thrilled for her and sad to be losing her. They’d become good friends.
“True,” Debbie said. “But you’re invited to feast on one of my multi-course creations just as soon as you get out.”
“You’ll save me a seat?” Kristen asked.
“There will always be a table for you,” Debbie said, then reached out and gave Kristen a big hug. “Merry Christmas, sweetie.”
Kristen hugged her tight, imagining what it would have been like to have a mother like Debbie. “Merry Christmas,” she said back.
*****
“Do you remember The Donna Reed Show?” Abigail asked Jess once they’d come back from the movie.
“No. I don’t think so.”
“It was before our time, a TV series in the late fifties, early sixties. My parents and I used to watch old episodes on cable. Anyway, seeing her in the movie got me thinking of the show. They were basically the ideal American family. Husband was a doctor, and he and his wife got along great, and the children behaved. When I was growing up, my parents’ friends compared our family to them.”
Jess pulled the blanket down on her bunk. “I could see that.”
Abigail took off her shoes and started to change into her pajamas. “Could you imagine what people think of us now?”
Jess shrugged. “Real life isn’t like TV. People know that.”
“I guess,” Abigail said. She was quiet for a while, reflecting on her childhood, thinking hers had been very much like the show.
“Did I ever tell you my dad wanted to try the whole Doctors Without Borders thing?” Abigail asked.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a medical program to help people in less developed coun
tries.”
“Oh, now I know what it is,” Jess said. “I saw a movie like that.”
Abigail lay in her bunk and thought about her dad. He was a good person. Always had been. And like her, he had unfulfilled dreams.
“I wish he’d go do it,” she said.
Jess seemed to have lost track of the conversation. “Do what?” she asked.
“Take a job in another country, like he’s always wanted.”
“He’s not going to do that, Ab. He’d miss you too much.”
Abigail considered what she’d said. She was probably right, and she hated that she might be what’s holding him back. It made her sad, and she let out a deep sigh.
Jess hopped down off her bunk and took a seat on the edge of Abigail’s. “Are we going to dwell on negative stuff tonight? On Christmas?” she asked, with a pleading look.
“I’m ruining your holiday. I’m sorry.”
Jess reached out and took Abigail’s hand. “You could never ruin my holiday. Being with you is all I want.” Then she leaned in and kissed her.
*****
On the first day back at work after New Year’s, Lakeisha sat at her desk and found it difficult to get comfortable. Her abdomen was so large, it kept getting in the way. She’d been through this before and didn’t mind though. She just hoped to give birth to a healthy child this time. And even though she suffered from wicked hormone swings, Lakeisha made a point of being kind to her co-workers. Their lives already stunk enough because of where they all worked. They didn’t need any of her crap.
“So when are you going to find out the sex of the baby?” Laura asked.
“We’re going the same route as before. We want to be surprised. Only this time, I’ve decided to do the epidural. Like Megan said, God gave us the technology to feel less pain. Amen to that.”
Laura smiled. “I’m praying everything goes smooth. You sure you couldn’t use any extra help around here?”
Lakeisha shook her head. “Nope. I’ve got it under control.” She had a feeling Laura would offer again, and if so, she planned to decline. She didn’t like to appear weak.
“If you say so,” Laura said, heading for the door.
Finding just the right angle to sit in her chair, Lakeisha got started with incoming mail. The holidays always brought plenty of unauthorized material. Boyfriends tended to get tipsy and thought it wise to include photos of their private parts. If she had a dollar for every picture of a penis she’d seen through the years, she could afford a Coach handbag, she mused.
Toward the bottom of the pile, she saw an envelope for Kristen from her son Ryan. Her interest piqued, Lakeisha opened it, performed her obligatory contraband check and began reading.
Mom,
I hope you got our Christmas card and had a happy new year. We thought of you while listening to the countdown.
I have great news. Valerie’s pregnant. You’re going to be a grandmother!
Love,
Ryan
If Lakeisha wasn’t expecting herself, she would’ve jumped for joy. This was wonderful, and because she was so excited, she decided to break with protocol and do a special delivery for just this piece of mail. She’d have to expend precious energy reserves, but it was worth it.
Kristen was in her cell reading the latest book Olivia had sent. She looked up when she noticed her.
“Special delivery,” Lakeisha said.
The look on Kristen’s face brightened. She put her book down and walked to the cell door, one eyebrow raised.
“You’re gonna like this one,” Lakeisha assured her, then handed her the envelope.
Kristen took it and sat down. Debbie stood nearby, waiting to hear. Lakeisha lingered in the doorway, something she’d never done but couldn’t help herself as this was too good to miss.
After ripping open the letter and reading it, Kristen shouted, “I’m going to be a grandma!”
Kristen’s eyes were wide with delight, and she jumped up and down. Debbie high-fived her, equally thrilled.
Lakeisha made eye contact with Kristen. “Congratulations,” she said.
The happiness that lit up Kristen’s face made the trip worth it, and as she walked back down the hall listening to the jubilant commotion, Lakeisha smiled.
Her work here was done.
Chapter 28
Winter was still pretty hot in Florida, but for the natives, whose blood had thinned, some days seemed downright chilly. An afternoon in the mid-sixties felt like a deep freeze. Today was one of those days, sunny, but breezy and mild.
Abigail rubbed her upper arms to get warm. “It’s so cold,” she complained to Kristen as she gathered her gardening tools. Her position as Kristen’s assistant had become permanent, with a new, more muscular girl taking over the wheelbarrow and heavy lifting.
“I like it when it’s cooler like this. It’s the only break we get from the constant heat and humidity,” Kristen said.
Working side by side, the two women had gotten to know each other better, but it was still on a superficial level. Abigail didn’t dare discuss her intimate relationship with Jess or tell Kristen about her crime. And thankfully, she hadn’t asked. Kristen never mentioned why she was in prison, either. All she had told Abigail was she had an estranged husband and two grown boys. Abigail thought she’d heard someone say she was in for white-collar crime.
“Hey. I’ve got some amazing news since I saw you last,” Kristen said.
“Yeah. What’s that?” Abigail asked. It was noteworthy when someone mentioned something positive.
Kristen stopped digging. “I’m going to be a grandma,” she proudly announced. “My oldest son, Ryan, and his wife are having a baby.”
“How exciting!” Abigail said. Abigail swallowed hard, feeling her old pain for just a moment. But her joy was sincere. She really did love children.
Kristen continued as she sprinkled seeds into the just-dug furrows. “It is. And even though I won’t be there when the baby is born, I still get to be a part of its life later on, when it’s a toddler.”
It was nice to see a woman get a second chance. But of course, not everyone did.
“How about you? Do you have children?” Kristen asked.
Abigail’s breath caught. She couldn’t think up a quick enough response. There was an eerie silence.
“I had a son,” was all Abigail said while averting her gaze.
No doubt Kristen noticed the past tense and that she didn’t elaborate on what happened to him. Kristen rose, looking more than a little uncomfortable. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go rinse off my hands and grab more seeds.”
As she headed to the storage shed, Abigail wondered if Kristen had figured it out. She was in for life after all. That was common knowledge. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. Abigail would never tell her, but if she had surmised, she hoped Kristen didn’t think she was a psycho like Tanya.
Then again, maybe she was. How else could a mother convince herself it was in the best interest of society to kill her own kid?
*****
Jess’ mom had taught her daughter to smother her enemies with kindness. It was great in theory but didn’t always work in real life, like when that enemy was sleeping with your girlfriend. But also when someone was just being downright mean.
Shanice had grown more obnoxious by the day. It took every ounce of patience Jess had to put up with her, and no amount of Bible-thumping could make her love the woman as her fellow man. Shanice had recently gotten into the annoying habit of quoting Bible passages to prove she was superior.
Jess pretended the comments didn’t bother her and focused on the basketball game. She couldn’t stomach Shanice, but had continued observing her on the court and learned some of her moves.
Jess concentrated then made a shot, releasing the ball at just the right arc before Shanice knocked her to the ground. The sound of the ball sliding through the net only pissed Shanice off more. Jess just smirked.
“What you s
miling about? Your girlfriend’s pussy?” Shanice taunted.
Jess got back up and grinned. “Maybe. Or your momma’s.”
Shanice charged her. “What’d you say, bitch?”
The first punch missed Jess’ jaw as she ducked. She heard Abigail scream in the background and remembered her promise that she wouldn’t get into trouble, then jumped back, just missing the second.
Two guards came running and pulled Shanice off Jess. As they hauled her away, Jess couldn’t resist getting in the last word. “Thou shall not kill. Bible basics, asshole.”
Looking infuriated, Shanice struggled against the officers and got clubbed in the process.
Jess laughed. She couldn’t stand the prejudiced witch.
Abigail jogged over with a look of concern on her face. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “What was that all about?” she demanded.
“The usual. Dumb skank doesn’t practice what she preaches.”
“And what about our agreement? You gave me your word,” Abigail said.
Jess felt like she was being scolded. “I didn’t break it. I didn’t hit back.”
Abigail gave her a cynical look. “She attacked you for no reason.”
“I might’ve said something, but it was in response to her talking shit first,” Jess said. She could tell Abigail was pissed.
Abigail shook her head and let out an exasperated sigh. Then it was time to go back in.
During dinner, Abigail was quiet and seemed to chew her food more than usual. And as Jess slurped at her pea soup, she felt Abigail’s eyes bore into her.
“Sorry,” Jess said. “I forgot you hate that.”
Abigail was on edge again. Anxious. She’d been doing so much better lately, hardly ever having a flare up, but stressful situations seemed to aggravate her.
“You still mad at me?” Jess asked.
“No,” Abigail said. “I’m just thinking.”
Jess wasn’t sure that was a good thing. She turned back to her soup. If Abigail wanted to tell her what was troubling her, she could.