by Kim Cano
More silence followed that evening. Jess let it go, choosing to play cards by herself.
“What if something happened to you?” Abigail eventually blurted out.
Crap, Jess thought. She was going full circle, back to the beginning.
“It didn’t.”
“Yeah. But what if it did?”
Jess climbed down and took Abigail’s hand in hers. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to me. My job is to protect you. How can I do that if I’m hurt?”
Abigail shook her head, which confused Jess. “Your job isn’t to protect me,” she said. “Your job is to take care of yourself so you get out of here someday in one piece.”
That wasn’t what Jess wanted to hear. Even a casual mention of Jess’ eventual release aggravated her.
“I told you I don’t want to talk about that,” Jess said firmly.
She started kissing Abigail in a more forceful manner than usual and began tugging at her top. Abigail responded with high-pitched panting, and Jess took this as her cue to throw her down onto the bed and put an end to the matter.
*****
After finishing up for the day and clocking out, Lakeisha said goodbye to her co-workers. She’d gone past her due date, and the doctor had scheduled a time to induce labor the next morning.
“Remember: epidural,” Megan said. “Don’t be a hero.”
Lakeisha laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ve got it covered.”
“We’ll stop by later tomorrow to see how everything went,” Laura said with a hopeful look on her face. “It will be fine. You’ll see.”
“I hope so,” she said, then nodded and began to walk away.
“Lakeisha,” Megan called out, causing her to turn back. “Good luck!”
When Megan and Laura stopped by the following night, Lakeisha was embarrassed about her appearance. Her hair wasn’t done, and she had no makeup on. She knew she looked awful, like she’d done battle with fire-breathing dragons.
“It’s a boy,” she said, sounding excited and haggard at the same time. “We named him Tony, after my grandfather.”
“Congratulations!” they said in unison. Megan handed her a small plush ivory-colored bear.
Lakeisha took it. “Thanks.” She looked at Laura and smiled. “You did tell me things would be fine.”
“I did. And you had both of us praying for you.”
Lakeisha nodded. “I’m sure that helped.”
Megan glanced around the room. “So where’s the baby?” she asked.
“Nurses’ area right now. They’re bringing him back in a few, if you want to wait.”
No sooner than Lakeisha uttered those words, the nurse came in with Tony in her arms, and the women lit up and began making cooing sounds.
After they left, Lakeisha closed her eyes and smiled.
She had never been happier in her life.
Chapter 29
Abigail’s parents had missed a few weeks of visitation in a row. They’d taken a trip to Thailand for their anniversary, something they’d always planned to do. Her mom wanted to soak in the sun on the beach, just like she’d seen in the Leonardo DiCaprio movie, and her dad wanted to visit the temples and historic sites. They had written saying they were home, that they’d had a blast, and would be coming this weekend.
“Hey!” Abigail shrieked, waving at them as she entered the visitation area. Realizing she was being too loud, she looked over at the guard and silently mouthed “Sorry.”
Abigail’s parents waved back and came toward her. They both gave her a hug.
“Hey, honey,” her mom said. “We missed you.”
“I missed you guys too. You look great. You both got a lot of sun.”
“It was impossible not to. We wore sunblock, but look at us. We’re positively bronzed.”
Abigail giggled. “So tell me about your trip,” she said as they sat down.
Her mom began talking, and Abigail zoned out. The sound of her voice was so relaxing. It soothed her spirit. Then she heard the word hospital.
“Hold on. Repeat that last part,” Abigail said.
“Which part?”
“What you said about the hospital.”
“Oh, that,” she said. “Your dad met a fellow doctor at the resort. He was there visiting a relative from out of town. Anyway, they got to chatting over drinks, and he invited us to take a tour of the hospital. It was unbelievable. State of the art.”
Abigail glanced at her dad. “You should get a job there.”
“Funny you should mention that,” he said. “I was offered one, but I turned it down.”
He didn’t have to tell her why. She knew.
“You should try it for a year or six months. It would be a lot of fun. An adventure.”
“We wouldn’t want to leave you, honey,” her mom said.
And there it was. Out in the open.
“I’ll still be here when you get back. Don’t worry about me. I’ve got friends and a job in the garden. You could write, and we’d be in touch just like always.”
Abigail could tell what she said fell on deaf ears. They both had that glazed-over look she knew all too well. They had already made their decision.
They weren’t going anywhere.
*****
The time had come for Debbie to leave prison. They’d spent five years together. Kristen was overjoyed for her, but she’d be deeply missed. The two of them had stayed up late the night before and re-lived all the funny stories they’d experienced together, laughing until they almost peed their pants.
Kristen sat in her bunk and watched Debbie organize her small pile of possessions. This was how it always was, she thought. People came into her life, then left, each one of them significant in some way.
It was just so hard to say goodbye.
Kristen tried to fight the tears that filled her eyes, but couldn’t. She wiped them away and sniffed. “Look at me. I’m a blubbering mess!”
Debbie smiled, and in a reassuring voice said, “That’s okay, sweetie. I’d expect nothing less. I’m going to miss you too.” She came over and wrapped her arms around Kristen and hugged her tight.
“I want you to stay positive. Think only good thoughts, and whenever you find yourself dwelling on a bad one… stop. Do it for me, okay?”
Kristen nodded and wiped her eyes. “I will. Enjoy your new job at the restaurant. I’ll make sure to visualize a Jimmy Stewart look-a-like stopping in for a meal and asking to meet the chef.”
Debbie grinned. “Atta girl. Now you’re thinking.”
“Don’t forget to write,” Kristen added, embarrassed the second she said it. Of course Debbie would write.
“I’d never forget to keep in touch. You can count on me.”
The guard arrived to take Debbie, and the two hugged one last time. Then Debbie gathered her things and left. Kristen pressed her face against the vertical bars so she could see her walk away.
And then she was gone.
Within a short time, Kristen had a bunch of gossip to share with Debbie. She’d written her a letter with all the latest but couldn’t send it until Debbie wrote her first with the return address. When weeks passed without a single word from her, Kristen began to feel a bit disappointed. Then she decided Debbie must just be really busy. There was a big world on the outside, filled with plenty of things to do. She’d promised to write, so Kristen continued to wait patiently.
When weeks turned into months, and there was still no word from Debbie, she found it disconcerting. It seemed so out of character for her. It didn’t make any sense. Lupe had kept in touch, which she hadn’t expected. And Debbie, well, she had the feeling they would be friends for life.
Kristen concluded that she wasn’t upset, though. She could understand someone wanting to just forget their time in prison. Especially if the new life they were living was busy and full of adventure. Debbie had been a positive force in her life, like a breath of fresh air, and she hoped whatever became of her, wherever she was, it was someplace good.
*****
Megan and Lakeisha had signed up for a gym membership together at a health club near work. Lakeisha wanted to burn the baby fat off, and Megan, already in fabulous shape, just went along to keep her company and decompress.
Huffing and puffing on the elliptical, Lakeisha asked Megan, “So how’s married life treating you? Everything good?”
Megan smiled, working at a faster pace and breathing easily. “Yep. The man is always busy, never a pain in the butt.”
Lakeisha laughed.
“You two thinking of having kids?”
Megan crinkled her nose. “I don’t know. I think I’d like to, but if I did I’d want to stay home with them.”
Lakeisha looked surprised.
“So you might be leaving us one day then.”
“I don’t know. Don’t think so. I’m not fond of the idea of walking out on my patients.”
Megan realized she sounded ambivalent, but that didn’t bother her. She was still young and had plenty of time to make up her mind.
After their workout, Lakeisha asked, “And how are our slew of crazies? Getting better?”
Only she could get away with calling the women crazy. Megan would’ve corrected anyone else. “Oh, you know. Some improve, or at least I think they do. They have less violations in their files so at least they fight less.”
“I gotta hand it to you, Meg. You’ve got to be a special person to do the kind of work you do.”
Megan grinned at the compliment. “Not special, my dear. Nosy! I find there’s nothing more fascinating than human behavior.”
It was true. She often felt like a cryptographer trying to solve mysteries of the mind, unlocking her patients’ secrets bit by bit, week by week.
Then there were patients like Abigail who wouldn’t let her in at all. Megan found cases like hers the most interesting, mainly because she hadn’t found a single key. That made her even more eager to try.
Human nature, she mused, while running a brush through her hair.
Her favorite.
Chapter 30
Not hearing from Debbie had Kristen feeling down, but soon enough the focus shifted to more important things. The birth of her grandchild. Olivia had been keeping her abreast of all the details, and so far things were going smoothly. She wished more than anything she could be there, but as the years passed, she’d gotten better at not beating herself up over things. It was best to think of the future.
Warden Laura hadn’t transferred anyone new to Kristen’s cell since Debbie left. And with her newfound alone time, she stepped up her mantra, repeating it under her breath many times per day instead of just before bedtime. If anyone had heard her doing it, they’d think she was nuts. And maybe she was.
It wasn’t like there was much else to do. When she was on the outside, she always raced against time, trying to complete everything on her “to do” list. She always went to bed tired but had trouble sleeping unless she’d had a few drinks. The stress of stealing was suffocating her. And the more she took the more she had to knock back each night to fall asleep.
Olivia said Jeremy had originally put what they hadn’t sold off in the estate sale into a storage locker. But as the years passed, they questioned paying a monthly fee to store clothing that would only go out of style by the time Kristen got out. In the end, they’d whittled her belongings down to important keepsakes, diminishing any evidence of items purchased through theft. What remained was small enough to put in a hallway closet.
When Kristen first heard the news, she was distraught. All she could think of was losing her things. But after counseling and the passage of time, and people coming and going in her life, she no longer cared. It was almost freeing to know it was all gone. Only what was important survived.
Kristen’s birthday came and she was excited to receive cards from Olivia and one from each of her sons. She missed Debbie though. She had always gone out of her way to make her birthday special. Having access to the kitchen brought its own privileges, one of them being that she could sneak food back to their cell. Debbie used to sing Happy Birthday to her too, which was kind of goofy, but Kristen liked it. It reminded her of childhood, only better.
Sighing, Kristen hoped once again that Debbie was doing well. Then she delved into the newest book Olivia had sent and spent the rest of the afternoon reading.
*****
Jess’ mom seemed especially cheerful this visit and wore a near constant smile as she talked. “I’ve had your room repainted and bought all new bedding. I think you’re going to like it. The look is eco-modern. Not too girly, because I know you don’t care for that. Think Zen.”
Her mom’s voice sounded like it came from a faraway place. “Cool,” was all she could bring herself to say.
Never in her wildest dreams did Jess think she’d not want to leave prison. Before meeting Abigail, all she could do was count down the days. Now the thought of going home felt like the most depressing thing in the world. She tried not to think of it, but each day the impending doom got closer. She wished she could make it stop.
“Or I could go with another look if you prefer,” her mom said.
“No, Mom. The Zen thing is good. Let’s stick with that.”
Her mom smiled, but Jess couldn’t find it in her heart to smile back.
Frowning, Jess’ mom said, “Honey, I know you’re happy with your friend here, but you’re going to have to let that go.”
Jess grew tense. “I don’t want to talk about that. Okay?”
“We don’t have to talk about it. I’m just saying—”
“Christ, Mom! I said I don’t want to talk about it!”
Jess’ mom looked down and folded her hands in her lap.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Jess said. She wished she could reach out and take hold of her mom’s hand, but it was against the rules. There could only be physical contact in the beginning and at the end of visitation.
Jess’ mom’s chin started to quiver. She looked like she was about to cry.
“I love the eco-modern thing. It sounds great,” Jess said, trying to backpedal.
But it was too late. A stray tear had already escaped.
“Shit, Mom. I’m sorry. Aw… now you’re… shit.”
“I’m all right,” she nodded. She looked across the table into her daughter’s eyes. “I’m just worried about you.”
*****
At dinnertime Jess could sense Abigail studying her. They knew each other so well it was easy to tell when something was wrong.
After washing down a mouthful of mixed veggies with a glass of water, Abigail asked, “Is everything okay? You seem agitated.”
Jess felt like she was about to spontaneously combust. “I’m fine,” she answered in a clipped fashion.
“What is it? Bad news from home?”
Jess took a larger than usual bite of her dinner roll. It was either fill her face with food or let out a desperate scream. She was thankful Abigail didn’t try to pry the issue out of her. She just wanted to be left alone with her thoughts.
Back in their cell, Jess grew moodier. She’d gone from feeling infuriated to down in the dumps, and sat on the ground sulking. Abigail stood and looked in both directions, checking that the guards were gone after evening count, then began slowly running her fingers through her long red hair while provocatively swaying her hips from side to side.
Jess looked up, transfixed. She loved watching Abigail dance. Usually it was ballet, but every once in a while she’d treat Jess to an erotic show. She was really getting into it, with eyes closed, mouth half open, her body undulating like she had been hypnotized by a snake charmer.
Tears welled in Jess’ eyes as she watched Abigail. She was the most beautiful creature that ever walked the Earth. Her personal goddess. And she was going to lose her.
Jess couldn’t hold it together and began sobbing. The sound stopped Abigail in her tracks, and her eyes flitted open.
Kneeling, Abigail t
ook Jess’ hand. “Baby, what’s the matter?”
Jess couldn’t speak. She just kept crying. Abigail sat by and watched, looking helpless and confused. Jess felt bad she had ruined the moment but couldn’t help herself.
Eventually her sobs slowed to whimpers, and she wiped her face with the back of her arm. She inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. She beamed at Abigail. “You’re amazing. Do you know that?”
Abigail looked perplexed. “I don’t understand. Why are you crying?”
Jess fixed her with a tender gaze and said, “Because I love you. And when you do something incredible, like dance that way for me, I feel so lucky.” She paused, then added, “And because I don’t want to leave you, Ab. You’re everything to me.”
“I love you too,” Abigail cooed. “And where you claim to feel lucky, I find I’m bewildered, wondering how I could possibly deserve a wonderful person like you.”
Jess could hardly believe the words that were coming out of Abigail’s mouth. She started to speak, but Abigail put a finger over her lips, shushing her.
“Let me finish before I can’t get it out, okay?”
Jess nodded, and Abigail sat back down.
“Because of my feelings for you, and because I know how truly special you are, I’m happy you’re being released soon.”
Jess blurted out, “What do you mean you’re happy! How can you say that?”
Abigail frowned. “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. Let me try to explain.” She paused, looked Jess directly in the eyes and said, “I’m sad, of course, because I don’t want to be without you, but the reality is we can’t have a future together. You’re going to be free, and I’m not. It’s just not meant to be.”
Jess began sobbing again.
“I want to see you leave here and be happy,” she continued. “I want to see you start a new life and share that love with someone else someday.”
Jess had no desire to share a life with anyone else. She couldn’t picture it and was becoming increasingly upset.