Worth the Trouble (St. James #2)

by Jamie Beck

  Jackson hung his head. His jaw clenched and he rolled his shoulders twice as if seeking release of pent-up rage. When he looked up at David, the resentment in his eyes stole Cat’s breath. “Don’t pretend to care so much about me after the way you betrayed my trust.”

  “Betrayed you?” David’s brows shot straight up. “When did I ever betray you?”

  “When Mom died.” Jackson’s voice ripped from his throat. “You should’ve been here, mourning with us.” Jackson gestured to Cat then back to himself. “But you had your big career to manage and your stupid fight with Dad, so you took off for Hong Kong and barely talked to any of us for eighteen months. You still don’t trust me enough to share whatever’s going on between you and Dad, but I don’t even give a shit anymore.

  “I always looked up to you, counted on you, even tried to compete with you. I thought we shared a special bond. But you left when I needed you most. You completely shut me out, so don’t pretend to be on my side now.”

  Cat glanced at Vivi, who’d smothered a gasp with her hand. David’s mouth had fallen open. His eyes reflected deep shock and remorse. Cat held her breath, wondering if David would finally tell them about that disagreement.

  “Jackson, I’ve apologized for how I handled that time in our lives. My reasons had nothing to do with you or my career.” David glanced at Vivi and shook his head in warning, which meant she knew the truth. Who knew Vivi had been keeping so many secrets this past year? David’s voice dragged Cat’s attention back to the present. “It may not seem like it, but I was acting in everyone’s best interest. I made a promise to keep that issue between Dad and me, and I won’t break the promise. I’m sorry I can’t explain better, and I’m very sorry you felt abandoned. It never occurred to me that you or Cat needed me. You both had Dad, you had each other, and you had Alison at the time.”

  “Alison? Ha!” Darkness flashed through Jackson’s eyes at the mention of his ex. “Another traitor.”

  “What did she do?” Cat asked, surprised by Jackson’s venomous tone.

  “She . . .” He closed his eyes, shuddering at a memory, and snarled, “She stole something irreplaceable. I don’t want to hear her name again. Not ever.”

  “I never liked her.” Vivi’s gentle voice entered the fray.

  Jackson snapped his head toward Vivi.

  “She was selfish.” Vivi rose from the sofa and slowly approached Jackson. “I never said anything because I thought you loved her. Tell me what she stole.”

  Cat held her breath, unsure of what would happen next. Jackson stood still, shaking his head as if at war with himself, unable to resist the onslaught of Vivi’s odd combination of empathy and vulnerability.

  A fresh wave of tears filled Vivi’s eyes as she reached out to hold his arm. “Jackson, please. I love you like the brother I lost when I was six. You watched me struggle through all these years with my dad’s drinking. Don’t make me suffer through losing you to the bottle, too. Stop being defensive. Be objective. Hank’s hurt, your business is at risk, and we’re all concerned. Something has to change.”

  Undaunted by the typical St. James reserve, Vivi wrapped her arms around Jackson’s motionless body. Her face pinched as if she were debating with herself, then she closed her eyes and softly stated, “I’m pregnant, Jackson. I want this baby to know and love you like I do. Don’t make me afraid to let you be part of our child’s life. Please. Let us help.”

  Cat stopped breathing. She glanced at David and mouthed, “Pregnant?” He nodded, looking torn about how the news came out, then redirected his attention back to Jackson and Vivi.

  Stunned, Cat swallowed a bitter mix of joy and jealousy, which burned going down, like too-hot coffee.

  Obviously the announcement hadn’t been planned. Vivi acted on emotion and instinct, and from the change in Jackson’s posture, she’d been effective. But still, she’d totally blindsided Cat, whom Vivi had to know would be especially sensitive to pregnancy news.

  Later. Cat shook her head and refocused on the scene unfolding in the kitchen.

  Tears welled in Jackson’s eyes. He pulled back and looked at her stomach, his voice choked. “You’re pregnant, V?”

  She nodded and sniffled. Jackson glanced at David. “How long have you known?”

  “Just found out two days ago.” David remained leaning against the door, watching Vivi worm her way beneath Jackson’s defenses.

  Jackson’s face crumpled. He glanced at Cat.

  The full weight of his empathy settled on her shoulders. But something else flickered in his eyes, too. Something painful.

  When he finally spoke, his words were barely audible. “I’d already be a dad if Alison hadn’t aborted our child. But she didn’t love me. She didn’t want to marry me. And she didn’t want to be a mother.”

  Cat and David gasped, but Vivi cried, “Oh, Jackson,” then hugged him tight.

  “How come you never told me, especially after everything I recently shared with you?” Cat demanded, misdirecting her anger toward Alison at her brother. “Obviously this happened well over a year ago.”

  Like her, Jackson had parenthood snatched away, although he still had the ability to start a family. Still, how awful for him to have had Alison terminate the pregnancy on her own, as if his feelings meant nothing. It struck her as unfair that one potential parent had all the say over something so irreversible.

  “It’s why we broke up.” His hand raced through his hair. “The baby would’ve been born last December. He or she would be crawling by now, maybe getting ready to walk.” He shook his head. “That whole first year after Mom died sucked. I missed her,” Jackson glanced at David, “and you. When Alison first told me about the pregnancy, I was happy for the first time in fifteen months. It seemed like a sign that things would be okay. It wouldn’t have replaced Mom, but I’d have had a wife and baby. Then Alison decided to terminate the pregnancy. She wouldn’t even consider having the baby and letting me raise it on my own, even though I begged.” As if talking to himself, he whispered, “I would’ve been a good dad.”

  Cat watched Vivi stroking Jackson’s hair and envied her fearlessness—her knowing what to do and say—in the face of emotional upheaval. Vivi forced Jackson to meet her gaze.

  “Yes, you would have. You will, some day. In the meantime, I need you to be an uncle.” Vivi squeezed him again. “I knew something was wrong last summer. I even questioned you on the deck at Block Island, remember?” When Jackson prepared to defend himself, Vivi covered his mouth with her hand. “There’s no shame in hurting when people let you down. And there’s no shame in admitting to mistakes.

  “Look at me! My mom’s and brother’s deaths drove my dad to drink, and look at how long I blamed myself for that accident and all the consequences. I kept my mistake bottled up and let it affect most of my life. I know all about needing to escape, Jackson. But you’ve got to find a healthier way. Please, before you get hurt, or hurt someone else . . . even some jerk like Doug what’s-his-face.”

  Whether in true accord or merely from emotional exhaustion, Jackson nodded. He glanced at Vivi’s flat stomach again.

  “I’m gonna be an uncle to a pip-squeak with a big appetite.” He flashed a crooked grin. “That was a helluva way to make the announcement, Vivi. I never figured you one for emotional blackmail.”

  “Hormones.” She smiled, easing the tension still vibrating in the room.

  Jackson rubbed the back of his neck before glancing at David. “I’m not an alcoholic. Maybe I’ve fallen into some bad habits, but I don’t need to drink. It just helps me relax.”

  Before David responded, Vivi jumped in again. “You should talk to someone about all the betrayal you’ve been feeling, and maybe take on fewer projects to reduce stress.” Vivi turned toward David. “And you two need to sit down and build a bridge over the gap that still exists.”

  “If I promise to think about counseling, can we end the inquisition tonight?” Jackson turned back to David. “I’m talked out.”
<
br />   “Give us your word you’ll seriously consider it?” David asked. “And you’ll stop drinking until you sort things out.”

  “Fine.”

  David pushed off the door and hugged Jackson. “I love you, brother.”

  “Congratulations on the baby.” Jackson slapped David on the back.

  Cat rose from her chair somewhat dazed, as if she’d just watched the saddest movie. But this was real, and it affected all the people she most loved—including Hank. In that instant, she craved a connection to them, to anything.

  Against her natural instincts, she crossed the room to join the group hug. Having the arms of those closest to her wrapped around her relieved a bit of the loneliness she’d felt all week. And to think this group would soon include a baby.

  Cat would be an aunt. One who would spoil the child and then hand it over to the parents to discipline. She peered at Vivi. “I hope it’s a girl so I can teach her everything I know.”

  “That’ll be fun to watch,” Jackson teased. “But I’m pulling for a boy who’ll be a charming lady-killer like his uncle.”

  “Well, I’m just praying for a healthy baby,” Vivi said, rubbing her tummy. “By the way, I’m starving. Can we order dinner now?”

  Cat excused herself while the others debated the takeout order. She shut herself in the bathroom, needing a private moment to digest the news.

  Like a storm-swollen river, life kept moving at a quick pace regardless of her setbacks. Lately she could barely keep her head above the water. A fresh wave of pain for her own losses, for the babies she’d never bear, and for the love she’d left behind, deluged her.

  Unlike Jackson, she couldn’t blame someone else for her situation. This intervention may have been intended for Jackson, but seeing how his denial had screwed up his life made her realize how she’d been destroying her own.

  Maybe Vivi and Esther were right. Maybe the time had come to tap into the courage to be honest. And maybe, by doing so, she’d finally prove to herself she was worthy of love.

  She was wiping a stray tear from her eye when she heard a quiet rap at the door.

  “Cat?” Vivi asked.

  Cat opened the door to find Vivi looking chagrined. “I’m so sorry about the way I blurted out my news. David and I had planned to talk to you first, but I just reacted to Jackson’s belligerence. It popped out before I even thought about how it would affect you. The last thing I wanted, though, was to hurt you.”

  Cat swallowed the lump in her throat. “I know, Vivi. I understand. It may not look like it right now, but I really am thrilled for you and David. Don’t let my issues steal one second of your joy. And you did get Jackson to calm down and listen. Honestly, I’m still reeling from his bombshell, too.”

  “All three of you take after your dad—closing up like you can shut off your feelings. But feelings always find their way out. You all make it so much harder by retreating.” Vivi exhaled before she hugged Cat. “I won’t press tonight, or even tomorrow. But soon you and I need to talk about whatever has happened with Hank.”

  “Talking won’t help,” Cat rubbed her forehead before continuing, “But maybe Jackson can. Do you think he’d come home with me before he returns to Connecticut tonight?”

  “Why? Are you worried that Justin’s lurking around?”

  “No. I just need him to do me a favor.” Cat sighed. “Make a delivery, actually.”

  Vivi cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “If you think you’re leaving this bathroom without letting me in on your plan, think again.”

  Mom,

  I guess you know all about David and Vivi, and Jackson. Without you to confide in, we’ve all been walking around hiding our secrets and pain.

  I know you wouldn’t want that for us, so I’m taking the risk of exposing myself to rejection. The only thing more terrifying than losing every scrap of pride I’ve ever had is the thought of losing my last chance with Hank.

  I hope this choice I’ve made is brave enough to earn a happy ending.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Hank was sitting at his kitchen table toying with a cold cup of coffee when Jenny entered the room.

  “Going for a run.” She pulled her hair into a high ponytail. “Need anything before I take off?”

  Hank shook his head and waved her off. Staring at the dormant video monitor lying in its cradle, he let the eerie silence settle in his bones. Nothing stirred in the house now that he’d been sidelined and his mother spent her days and nights in the nursing facility where she’d remain until he regained full use of his hand. If he regained full use of it.

  Besides, his mom’s condition deteriorated a little more each week. Odds were pretty good she might never return home, despite his best intentions.

  The freedom he’d dreamed of for years—the choice to stay inside, go for a walk, or do anything else he wanted, whenever he wanted—held no relief. He’d been gutted to a hollow shell, fumbling around, unable to move forward.

  No Cat, no work, no mother to care for. Nothing.

  He absentmindedly tapped the splint against the table a few times. The damn contraption made him think of his mother again. What a pair they’d make if she were here with him, sitting and staring into space together.

  Of course, at least he understood the circumstances of his life and situation. He couldn’t say the same for his mom. Every morning he wondered whether she awakened in terror, in an unfamiliar bedroom, surrounded by unfamiliar faces and sounds. Imagining her tears and confusion crushed him.

  He stood up, placed the coffee cup in the sink, and leaned against the counter.

  Through the window, he saw Jackson’s truck pulling into his driveway. Hell. He’d been avoiding talking to him for the past few days, and didn’t feel much like dealing with him now. But Hank learned long ago how to accept the inevitable.

  He opened the door before Jackson knocked.

  “Hey,” Jackson said. Hank noticed Jackson’s clean-shaven face. For the first time in months, he looked like himself. “Can I come in?”

  Hank gestured with his head then closed the door behind Jackson. “Grab a seat.”

  “Where’s Jenny?” Jackson glanced around for signs of life.

  “Out for a run.” Hank collapsed into the recliner. “We’ll be visiting our mom later today.”

  “Hank, I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted to keep her here.” Jackson squeezed the thick manila envelope he’d been carrying. “What’s the doctor say about your wrist?”

  “Meg got me in to see a big shot at Yale who used some new kind of pins set inside the bone. It’s supposed to shorten the recuperation period and improve my chances for a full recovery. I really hope it works. In any case, I’m not to use it much for the next eight-to-ten weeks. Hurts like a son of a bitch, though.”

  “It’s my fault.” Jackson plopped onto the sofa and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees after setting the envelope on the table. “I’m sorry for how I acted, and for the way I’ve been treating you and the crew the past several months.”

  “I appreciate the apology, but I’ve got bigger things on my mind right now, like filing for disability, and praying therapy gives me back my hand.”

  “Shit, Hank. My fuckup really screwed you over, and I want to make it right.” Jackson scrubbed his hand over his forehead. “I know you’ve spoken with David.”

  Hank nodded and frowned.

  “So you know Doug’s suing me for assault?”

  “Yes,” Hank replied. “I’m not surprised, given the way Doug felt about you. Man, I wish you’d have kept a lid on your temper.”

  “I know. He provoked me, though. It’s not like I hit him. I just grabbed his shirt. He shoved me . . .” Jackson stopped and waved his hand. “Sorry, I know I still should’ve walked away. Now I’ll be paying for it by racking up attorney’s fees.”

  “I think your bigger problem will be keeping the projects on schedule with another man down.”

  “Well, that’s part of t
he reason I’m here.” Jackson inhaled through his nose and nervously tugged on his earlobe.

  Stunned, Hank held up his lame arm. “You don’t expect me to work now, do you?”

  “Not as a carpenter, no. But I have a proposition for you.”

  The last St. James proposition I accepted broke my heart, Hank thought warily. “This oughta be interesting.”

  “I guess you haven’t spoken with Cat about Vivi’s birthday party.” Jackson grimaced. “My family basically turned dinner into an intervention.”

  “No kidding?” Hank rubbed his good hand across his left cheek. “Sorry I missed it. Did anyone get through to you?”

  “Vivi and her crocodile tears,” Jackson said. “She’s pregnant, by the way.”

  “Really?” A stab of envy punctured the happiness he felt for her and David. “So you’ll be an uncle soon.”

  “Yes, which is one reason why I need to get my shit together.” Jackson stood and started pacing. “I’m not an alcoholic, but I’ll admit to drinking to reduce stress and tune out. Guess I can’t honestly say it hasn’t affected my judgment at times, and my relationships. So, I’m going to make some changes.”

  Hank didn’t think Jackson fully comprehended the extent of his problem, but at least he was taking a step in the right direction.

  “I’m glad, Jackson. I’m sorry it took all this to get your attention, but better late than never.” He leaned forward. “Still, what’s that have to do with me?”

  “Well, I could really use your help.”

  “How so?” Hank frowned.

  “I want to get out of town for six or eight weeks. Go someplace where I can get some help, clear my head, and work through the things that pushed me off balance. You know our projects and the business basics, and the crew respects and trusts you, so I thought you could take my place while we both recover. I’ll pay you my salary, give you a bonus to help offset the cost of your mom’s new accommodations, and I’ll get the bookkeeper to come in more often to help with the paperwork.”