Crimson Guard

by Rebecca Challoner

  "Fine," Rema uttered before tucking into her food again, detaching me from her scrutiny.

  "Yeah, fine," I replied, tucking into the food given to me. Averil struck up a conversation that broke the awkwardness of the moment, but I couldn't find it in myself to engage as much as I had with Wymar. Rema's warning was plain enough. I don't trust you and you're not welcome.

  I understood it. I was new, she didn't know me. I would have been the same. But what she didn't realise is that I didn't want or need her approval. I was here for one thing. Revenge on Tawney's killers.

  We engaged in light conversation after that and I quickly made a swift exit, feeling uncomfortable. As soon as I left the hall, I almost ran straight into Axel, his expression brightening to one of slight amusement as he caught me from falling over as I rebounded off his chest.

  "Wow, where's the fire?"

  I frowned at him in confusion, "Fire?"

  He gave a small laugh, "Don't worry. Just something my parents used to say when I was in a rush."

  I was shocked that he easily brought up his parents. Even though around a week had passed since Tawney's death, I couldn't bear to speak his name out loud without feeling like a giant ball was stuck in my throat.

  This must have been written all over my face as Axel murmured to me, "It does get easier. It never goes away, but one day you will realise you can breathe without feeling that crushing weight is there on your chest."

  I blinked away tears and hesitantly reached out a hand to squeeze his arm in thanks, "Thank you for being supportive."

  "No problem. As someone who has been through it, I'm always here if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to."

  He smiled at me with sympathy and I gave him a small depressed one back. As he made a move to walk away I reached out, "Axel..."

  He turned back, waiting for me to continue. I took a moment to gather my wits to ask, "Did you...Did you ever feel any resentment towards your family? Even after..." I couldn't bring myself to say anything after that but his expression flashed in understanding.

  He looked around and I remembered we were in the hallway where everyone could see us. I fought a blush of embarrassment for talking about this all somewhere so open when he grasped my hand again, "Come. Let's find somewhere a little more private to talk about this."

  He led me up the stairs, along the corridor until we reached an intricately carved door. Pushing it open, he pulled me into a large room, lines with hundreds of rows of books of all sizes, neatly stacked onto hand-carved bookshelves that were built into the walls. In the center of the room stood a huge stone fireplace, which softly flickered, illuminating the room that wasn't lit with the twilight. Before the fireplace, two comfortable looking chairs faced the warm fire. Thankfully the room was empty as Axel motioned me to a homey chair.

  Whilst I settled into the seat Axel walked over to the mantel and poured a drink from the decanter hidden within the corner into two sparkling glasses. Returning to pass me one, he sat in the opposite chair.

  "I have a feeling you're going to need some liquid courage for this conversation." He remarked, "Talking about these things, they never come easy."

  I took a sip of the spirit, whiskey making a small burn on its way down. I saw Axel's expectant expression and realised he was expecting me to choke on the liquor. "Sorry to shock you but I partook in spirits before. Usually after a successful job." I gave him a grim smile, memories of sitting in companionable silence with Tawney after a heist.

  "To answer your question before, yes. Yes, sometimes I felt resentment towards my family who was killed." He took a sip of his drink, turning to look into the fire, "Sometimes I still do. At first, it was over the fact that they had sent me to the palace. I thought maybe if I was still at my home , I could have saved them. In all likelihood, I would have been killed along with them, but sometimes I wonder what if...and I resent them a little for not allowing me that option."

  Silence rang out after his confession, giving me the opportunity to talk...If I wanted to. I sat staring into the fire before plucking the courage to finally say, "Nearly every time I think of Tawney now, it's with both sorrow, pain...and resentment that he hid my parentage from me."

  My eyes filled as the words left my throat, "I can't stop thinking...Why didn't he tell me? I would have been ecstatic to know he was my real grandfather. Were my parents so bad that he couldn't tell me about them? I just..." I took a shuddering breath, "His death has left me so many questions that only he could have answered. Paired with the fact I've lost my only family, whether he was related or not..."

  I let the words trail off as tears rolled down my cheeks.

  "You're justified in your feelings Fawn. I know I would definitely feel the same." He compassionately replied, rolling the liquid in the glass as he hesitantly said, "But perhaps Tawney had a valid reason not to tell you."

  "Like what?" I whispered, dearly hoping that was true. I wanted Tawney to have a legitimate cause not to tell me, to give him a pass on the deception he may have known the whole time I knew him.

  "Well, you both hadn't seen your real face before that moment. Maybe he didn't want to get your hopes up." He offered, running a hand through his hair as though he was grasping at straws.

  "Maybe..." I sighed, not really believing it.

  "Sadly I don't have the answers for you." He apologetically replied before quieting for a moment. He took a minute before offering, "But I can try and help you get the answers you're looking for."

  I looked at him, watching the orange and gold light from the fire simmer over his features, highlighting his high cheekbones and striking eyes, "What do you mean?"

  He gave me a soft smile, eyes caressing my own face as he supplied, "I can try and help you trace your family tree. Now you know Tawney was your grandfather, we should be able to discover who your parents were."

  A large lump stuck in my throat at the offer, and I gratefully choked out, "Thank you."

  He gave me a deep smile, white teeth glistening, "You're welcome."

  "Not just for this," I held his gaze, letting him see how thankful I was for his support, "but for telling me of your own past too. Thank you...for being a friend."

  "I'll always be your friend Fawn. Whenever you need me." He solemnly replied, warming me inside.

  Maybe, maybe being a member of the Crimson Guard won't be so bad after all.

  Chapter 15

  The day after I swiftly made my way down to the training grounds, bracing myself for another day of physical exhaustion. After I left the library, I near fell into my bed and drifted into a black void of slumber. For once I didn't have to lay awake at night wondering if there was anything else I could have done to save Tawney. Nor did I lay awake with the realisation that I was now alone in this world, that the only other being that gave me a reason to live was no longer here.

  If the cure to escaping these sad realities was training until I could no longer stand, then I would happily embrace it. But when I approached the training area, I found not Thorlan, but Volorn and Axel standing in the center of the field, whirling their swords in complex paths that sliced through the air.

  I was transfixed, watching the morning light stream between the tall buildings to hit the fighting couple. They looked otherworldly, Volorn's high cheekbones and sandy blond hair gleamed in the sun, making it look like it was weaved with gold. In contrast, Axel's midnight waves seemed to look almost an inky blue, emphasizing the beauty of his ocean blue eyes and squareness of his jaw.

  They presented a vision of masculine strength and I was spellbound in its image. It seemed almost cruel that such perfection lived in this world when our realm was so dark. The ugliness of war and battle seemed to stain so much in our lives, but yet here stood these two icons of stability and resistance, willing to light a path within that gloom.

  "Amazing, aren't they?"

  I dragged my gaze away to see Zan standing at my shoulder, also transfixed by the sight. She stood tall beside me, al
most towering over me and her worn leather armor made her seem larger, more imposing. Her chocolate brown hair was scraped back into a long braid, making her sharp cheekbones and arched brow almost more striking in the morning light. She looked like a warrior, ready to face anything and I felt a tug of envy at the imposing image she also created.

  I glanced down at myself, taking in my new gleaming leathers and my awkward stance and let out a little sigh, Why do all of them seem so strong and otherworldly?

  My eyes gravitate back to the men, watching them dodge and weave away from the other's blade-like an intricate dance that I didn't know the steps to, "They are very skilled."

  Zan snorted, "Yeah, that's what I meant."

  I fought a blush that crawled up my cheeks, "Well, they are an impressive sight too."

  Each moved with a speed and grace that I didn't know was possible and I felt myself thinking, Is this what I missed out on by avoiding the Cerulean Test?

  Zan let out a bark of laughter, her smile wide on her face before clapping me on the shoulder, "That they are. It must be in the genes."

  I bit back my shock, "They are related? I never would have guessed."

  I tried to study the moving figures further for any similarities but they moved in a blur so fast I couldn't keep up.

  She shrugged, "Most people wouldn't. But then that's not my story to tell."

  She piqued my curiosity and I filed that bit of information away to investigate more some other time. With the past that Axel shared with me last night, I had assumed all of his relatives were murdered.

  Zan took a deep breath, reaching her arms to the sky in a slow stretch. The faint sound of joints popping sounded between us before she issued, "Come on then, let's get the day started."

  We made our way over to the men, who slowly relaxed their stances before turning at our approach. They greeted us with smiles, not a bead of sweat of either of them, even after their morning spar.

  "Good morning," Axel and Volorn spoke at the same time, causing my lips to curl in a small smile.

  "And what a fine morning it has been so far," Zan retorted as she darted me a small looked out of the corner of her eye, her eyes gleaming. I felt my cheeks flush again but I fought not to show a response at her poking retort.

  Axel and Volorn exchanged a questioning look but I ignored them as I brightly asked, "So what is on the agenda for today?"

  After watching them spar, I felt like a ball of unconstrained energy and I barely stopped myself from bouncing on my feet.

  "Today I'll be training you. Axel and Zan will be going to run drills with the Cerulean units," Volorn replied.

  "You train other units in the army?" I was shocked. I knew that as a General he would have many responsibilities, but to train multiple units as well as their own, to execute missions and attend royal functions? It seemed like a huge workload.

  "We're the best of the best, who better to train the others?" Axel retorted, slightly tilting his head to the side as though it was an obvious answer and I guess it made sense.

  "How do all of you find time to train all of the others as well as be in your own unit for your special missions? It seems like so much." I couldn't help myself from asking the question flying out before I could think.

  They all looked at each other, seeming surprised at the query. As though they never occurred to them that it was a large workload.

  "We all take turns so it's not too bad. The Crimson Guard has nine guards, ten now if we include you. It makes things easier to rotate between the units on base." Zan supplied, shrugging her shoulders as though it was no big deal.

  "How about you?" I turned to Volorn, "As a General how do you have time to train units, a new recruit, your own unit as well as attend special meetings, conduct missions, etc. It seems like too much for one man." Trying to get my head around everything he does.

  Volorn smiled that reached his eyes, making them shine at me, "Thanks for the concern. But I manage just fine. I have a great unit who helps out a lot."

  Zan raised an eyebrow, "You're asking a lot of questions. Surely you know the drill? It's been taught to us since we were first educated about our powers in Cerulean Training.

  I shut my mouth, only just realising I was asking so many questions and shrugged my shoulders, "Well you all may have been taught that but I was never taken into Cerulean Training."

  Zan's eyebrows rose in surprise, "But everyone is taken into training."

  "Not me."

  I gave a look to Axel and Volorn, knowing they knew this information and unsure why Zan wasn't told.

  "Which is why Fawn needs a lot more training before we send her on a mission." Volorn interrupted, sharing a look with Axel before continuing, "With that in mind, let's get to work. Fawn, follow me."

  I shared a look of confusion with Zan before trailing away to follow Volorn. He led me towards a small corner of the training yard and curiosity had me asking, "Why don't you want anyone knowing I escaped the test and training?"

  Volorn stopped walking and turned to study me. I gazed back at him, growing tenser by the second.

  Was he ashamed of me? Was I considered dirty for not getting formal training? Based on Rema's reaction to my being here...

  Thoughts rushed through my mind I felt my jaw getting tighter and tighter in anger.

  He continued to watch me before uttering, "I can see you're getting angry. Why?"

  "It's obvious you're ashamed of me for some reason." I replied in clipped tones, "Is it because I have no formal training? Or maybe it's because I'm a dirty orphan who used to live off the streets. Or perhaps my bloodline isn't pure enough for you. Well, I don't need you pal. I'm here for one reason, and one reason only-"

  "Fawn." The way he said my name stopped me in the middle of my rant, penetrating through the haze of my self-righteous anger.

  Once he saw he had my full attention he continued, "Many people want to be a part of the Crimson Guard. It is a great honor as well as establishes your rank as a fierce and skilled warrior."

  He stopped, making sure I understood what I meant to be a member of the guard, "Now imagine you have trained years, practically since you discovered you had any powers at all. It's taken you a lot of hours, a lot of pain and training to get to the point where you're either accepted or declined. Now imagine an untrained and unknown person is just accepted into the Guard that you have spent the majority of your life training to be a part of. Accepted even though they haven't put in the time and effort and quite frankly, that person didn't even want to have the position you trained so hard for. Tell me how pissed would you be?"

  I opened my mouth but found myself unable to reply.

  "That is why we haven't told anyone. Luckily enough, Zan doesn't care about that kind of thing. But many others would. And until you prove yourself worthy of being a part of the Crimson Guard, I'm afraid all those people would be out to get you."

  The angry part of my mind wanted to challenge them all, to rage and say 'I can take them all on, just watch me'. But the smart part of me held my tongue.

  I cleared my throat, "I understand."

  Volorn nodded before leading me to a quiet corner of the courtyard. A large oak tree softly swayed in the wind, its branches grazing against the brick of the Guard's tower. It created a calming area in contrast to the brutality of the fighting in the training arena.

  Curious I asked, "So what are we doing today? Another round of tap? Am I going to learn how to use a sword? Or how to utilise my powers in battle?"

  Volorn flicked up an eyebrow before replying, "I am going to teach you how to breathe."

  "Breathe?" I asked skeptically, feeling my face go slack in surprise.

  "Breathe," he calmly stated.

  "For the first hours of my training with you, you want me to breathe?" I repeated incredulously.

  "Was my order unclear?" His arms crossed his large chest and he eyed me stoically as I tried to grasp what he was saying to me.

  "But I'm breathing now!" I ex
claimed, flabbergasted by his instructions, "Not to brag or anything but I've been breathing since birth. I would even say I'm a pro at it."

  My joke fell flat as a shadow crossed his features, displeasure colouring his reply, "Then clearly you don't need my help. You must be an advanced fighter already and I'm just wasting my time."

  He turned and started strolling away as I stared stunned at his back, "Wait!"

  I darted up to him as he continued walking away, "Wait! I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

  Volorn stopped and looked at me, his lips pressed together annoyance.

  I quickly collected myself, "I'm sorry, it was just a shock. I just don't understand how breathing will help me in battle."

  Volorn's jaw tightened in aggravation, "You don't need to understand. You need to follow orders. You need to trust that what I am teaching you is vital and will help you. Not question me. I am your General. You are my soldier. You follow my orders."