The Christmas Pig

by J. K. Rowling

  “I was,” said Toilet Roll Angel, who had a lovely singsong voice. “He tore me to pieces. All that’s left of me Up There is a bit of wool, which you’ll find under your second-largest present, if you look.”

  “But . . . I don’t understand,” said Jack. “You’re here.”

  “The Alivened part of me, yes,” said Toilet Roll Angel. “Mum loved me so much, I’m permitted to live forever on the Island of the Beloved.”

  “But then . . .” said Jack, turning to DP as a horrible thought struck him. “Does that mean . . . ? DP, Ambition told me a lorry ran over you!”

  “I’m afraid . . . I’m afraid that’s true, Jack,” said DP quietly. “Grandpa put himself in danger Up There, trying to get me back, but a lorry came along and ran right over me. Grandpa saw me burst. All that’s left of me now in the Land of the Living are a few beans and a bit of dirty cloth.”

  “But you’re here,” said Jack. “I can touch you! I can feel you! I can smell you!”

  “Yes,” said DP, leading Jack to a striped sofa and sitting down beside him, “you made that happen, by loving me so much. This island’s a familiar place to me, you know. Things that are deeply loved drop straight down onto the Island of the Beloved whenever we’re lost. We don’t even have to pass through Mislaid! I’ve had friends here for years, because”—DP’s old button eyes twinkled—“well, you did lose me quite a lot, you know, Jack.”

  “And does the Loser never come?” asked Jack.

  “Never,” said DP. “He isn’t permitted to set foot on this island, and even if he did, he couldn’t hurt us. Our humans’ love has made us immortal.”

  “But if you were burst by the lorry, how can I take you home? CP promised I could have you back again!”

  Now DP and Toilet Roll Angel exchanged very serious looks.

  “Well . . . my brother’s right,” said DP. “You can take me back to the Land of the Living tonight, if you really want to. It’s still Christmas Eve Up There: the night for miracles and lost causes. However—”

  “CP, we did it!” cried Jack, turning to the Christmas Pig.

  But the Christmas Pig wasn’t there.

  Chapter 51

  The Truth

  CP? Christmas Pig? Where’s he gone?” said Jack, looking around the room, then jumping off the sofa and hurrying to the window. “He dropped into the sea right behind me, didn’t he? Oh no”—Jack gasped—“he didn’t drown, did he? The water’s not very deep—I thought he’d be safe!”

  Now he came to think of it, Jack hadn’t heard the splash of the Christmas Pig landing in the water behind him, he’d been far too interested in the sight of DP on the beach. Staring out of the window, he spotted something in the sky, something that looked like a gigantic bird flying away from the island, and realized it was Hope, returning to the mainland with the tapestry bundle still swinging beneath her.

  “The Christmas Pig isn’t allowed here, Jack,” said Toilet Roll Angel in his singsong voice. “This is the place for Things that are deeply loved, up in the Land of the Living.”

  “But why’s he flying away?” asked Jack, suddenly scared. “I’ve got to take him home. I promised to give him to Holly!”

  “Jack,” said DP, placing his trotter around Jack’s shoulders again, “my brother always knew he wouldn’t be able to return to the Land of the Living with you. Now that my body’s been destroyed Up There, the only way I can leave the Land of the Lost is if a toy just like me makes up the Loser’s numbers. The Christmas Pig decided to take my place. Every Thing knows that’s how it works—but I never heard of a Thing volunteering to do it.”

  “Why would he do that?” whispered Jack. “Why?”

  “He wanted to make you happy,” said DP.

  “He can’t have done,” said Jack in a very small voice. “I threw him at the wardrobe. I stamped on him. I—I tried to pull his head off.”

  “He understood why you did those things,” said DP gently. “He was a Replacement, and Replacements, once Alivened, understand all about their owner from the very start. All that I know about you, he knows, and he’s always loved you, just as much as I do.”

  “But—but why didn’t he tell me?” whispered Jack as his eyes filled with tears again. “He pretended he could come back with me! He made me promise to give him to Holly!”

  “He fibbed because he didn’t want you to feel bad about what he was going to do,” said DP. “CP’s a modest pig. He knew your heart from the beginning and he believed he could never be to you what I am. So he decided to sacrifice himself, because your happiness was more important to him than his own.”

  “He should have told me!” said Jack. There was a lump as hard as a peach stone in his throat. “I thought we’d all be able to go home together! I thought I’d still see him! What will he do, when he gets back to the mainland?”

  “Go to the Wastes,” said DP quietly. “If I’m to go free, then the Christmas Pig must replace me in the Land of the Lost. As he’s broken the law not once, but many times, any Thing that helps him now will surely be eaten. He always knew he’d have to face the Loser if he was to save me. I fear . . . I fear his time is short.”

  Jack turned back to the window, his eyes blurry with tears. Hope was now a tiny dot on the horizon.

  “He should have told me!” Jack repeated as his tears spilled onto his cheeks. “It wasn’t fair, not telling me!”

  He remembered the Loser’s searchlights sweeping across the Wastes and the dreadful story the Christmas Pig had told, of the Loser sucking out the Alivened part of a Thing.

  It’s what humans call death.

  Jack stumbled back to DP’s little striped sofa, sat down, and cried and cried. “I didn’t want this!” he sobbed. “I never wanted him caught by the Loser!”

  “I know you didn’t, Jack,” said DP, sitting down beside Jack and putting his trotters around him. The toilet roll angel sat on Jack’s other side. He couldn’t put an arm around Jack, because he didn’t have any arms, but he sighed deeply and sadly.

  Jack couldn’t stop thinking about all that he and the Christmas Pig had gone through together. He remembered how the Christmas Pig had pretended not to like him very much, and realized that CP had done it to try and stop Jack from feeling guilty at this moment; he thought of how CP had saved them from Crusher by his quick thinking; and how his little snout had sunk beneath the green water in the City of the Missed before Jack rescued him. Now he realized that what he’d tasted last night in the tapestry had been CP’s tears. While Jack had been so excited and happy about going to the Island of the Beloved, CP had been crying, because he’d known it was the last time he’d ever see Jack, and that when they reached the Island of the Beloved, they’d have to part forever.

  All along, Jack had thought that if only he found DP, he’d be happy again, but he didn’t feel happy at all. Now, when it was too late, he realized he’d come to love CP, not instead of DP, but quite separately, for his brave and good self. In that moment, Jack truly understood what it felt like to be Alivened, because he understood what he was meant to do.

  “DP . . . I’ve got to rescue CP.”

  DP smiled, which made his snout wrinkle exactly the way CP’s did. “I hoped you’d decide that, Jack. I’m glad.”

  “Will you—will you come with me?”

  “You know I can’t, Jack,” said DP quietly, putting his old gray trotter on Jack’s hand. “You can only take one of us home—but if you save CP, I’ll be safe here, forever, on this beautiful island. It’s a wonderful place and every day I think of you, and how grateful I am that you loved me.”

  Jack threw his arms around his oldest friend. He’d needed DP so much, and for such a long time, it seemed impossible that he could let him go. But then Jack thought of CP, and how much CP needed him now, so he let go of DP and said through his tears, “How will I get back to the Wastes? Hope’s gone!”


  For a moment, nobody said anything. Then Toilet Roll Angel piped up, “I think I know someone who can help. Follow me.”

  Chapter 52

  A Famous Friend

  Jack and DP followed Toilet Roll Angel out of the house facing the beach and off into the town that lay behind it. The buildings on the Island of the Beloved were all painted in ice-cream colors, the streets were very clean, and the other old toys—there didn’t seem to be any other kind of Thing here—smiled and said hello as they passed. DP seemed to have lots of friends and there weren’t any Loss Adjusters at all. They passed Christmas trees hung with shells and starfish, and shops selling buckets and spades, and a little market where you could buy beach balls and sunglasses. There was even a grooming parlor, where old toys could have splits in their fur sewn up and their eyes sewn back on, by dolls and teddies dressed as doctors.

  “Here we are,” said Toilet Roll Angel at last, pointing to a giant house made of wood, set in the very middle of town. The sign over the door said the grotto. As Jack had shrunk to the size of DP, and the door was human-sized, he had no hope of being able to reach the doorbell.

  “Who lives here?” he asked.

  “You’ll see,” said Toilet Roll Angel. “You two will have to knock. I haven’t got arms.”

  “Yes, I’m sorry about that,” said Jack. “I was only four when I made you.”

  So Jack and DP hammered on the base of the door, but only Jack’s knocks made any noise, because DP’s trotters were too soft.

  Jack could hear footsteps on the other side of the door: very loud footsteps, as though they were made by a giant. At last, the door creaked open.

  There, towering above them, stood an old man with a snowy-white beard, dressed in a white undershirt and scarlet trousers.

  “Santa?” gasped Jack. “What are you doing here?”

  “Er—” said Santa, who for a moment seemed at a loss for what to say. “Well . . . Things deserve Christmas, too, you know, so I—I keep a holiday house here. But a living boy in the Land of the Lost? I never would have believed it—in fact, I didn’t think it was possible!”

  “It’s only possible tonight,” said Jack, “if it is still Christmas Eve, Up There?”

  “Yes,” said Santa, checking his watch. “Yes, there’s still about an hour to go.”

  “Thank goodness. Then, please,” said Jack, “could you help me rescue the Christmas Pig, so I can take him home? He’s gone to the Wastes of the Unlamented, and I’ve got to save him from the Loser!”

  “Ah,” said Santa.

  He stroked his beard for a moment or two, then sighed and said, “That’s something I can’t promise, I’m afraid.”

  “Oh,” said Jack, biting his lip to stop himself crying again.

  “I’m not allowed to set foot on the mainland, you see,” explained Santa. “The Loser and I—well, it’s complicated. I give and he takes. Up There, I mostly have things my way. Here Below, he has his. I can fly you to the Wastes of the Unlamented in my sleigh, as long as I don’t land, but then I’ll have to leave you. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go home to your bed? It would be far safer and I could make that happen, easily.”

  “No,” said Jack, shaking his head. “I’ve got to save the Christmas Pig.”

  “In that case,” said Santa, “you’re a very brave boy, and I shall ready my sleigh. Wait there.”

  Santa went back inside his house and closed the door, and Jack, DP, and Toilet Roll Angel waited in the sunshine for him to reappear. There was an odd feeling between them: Jack was still fighting back tears. There was so much he wanted to say to DP, yet he couldn’t find the words.

  At last, they heard the sound of hooves and jingling, and around the corner of the wooden house came Santa, now wearing his hat, jacket, and boots, leading the eight reindeer who were pulling his sleigh, which was piled high with presents. When they saw the sleigh, not to mention Santa with his hat and boots on, the toys passing by crowded around to watch him take off, and with so many Things watching, Jack found it even harder to put into words all he wanted to say to DP.

  “Ready, Jack?” asked Santa.

  “Yes,” said Jack. “I—I just want to say goodbye.” He turned to Toilet Roll Angel. “We’ll miss you at the top of the tree.”

  “Thank you, Jack,” said the angel in his singsong voice. “I’ll miss being there.”

  Jack turned to DP. “I wish you could come home as well,” he whispered.

  For the very last time, DP put his trotters round Jack’s neck and Jack breathed in his grubby smell of hiding places, and of the warm cave under the blankets, with a trace of Mum’s perfume from when she kissed him good night.

  “Losing is part of living,” whispered DP into Jack’s ear, his snout snuffling against Jack’s hair. “But some of us live even though we’re lost. That’s what love does. I’ll always be here, on the Island of the Beloved, and when you hug the Christmas Pig, you’ll be hugging me, too, because we’re twins, Jack, and everything he feels, I feel, too.

  “But if you want to save him,” DP went on, “you must be quick. Of all the Things on the Wastes, the Loser will most want to capture the Christmas Pig, as a warning to any Replacement who tries to cheat him in the future.”

  “Goodbye, DP,” said Jack as he let go of his oldest friend.

  Jack was so small now, Santa had to lift him up onto the sleigh.

  “I’m glad I’ve seen where you live,” Jack called down to DP, wiping away his tears again. “I always knew you loved the beach!”

  “I do!” said DP, his button eyes as wet as Jack’s. “Good luck, Jack, and give my brother my love! Thank him for what he tried to do! Tell him he’s the best and bravest pig there ever was!”

  Chapter 53

  The Sleigh Ride

  As the sleigh began to move, even more toys came rushing out of their houses to watch. The reindeer broke into a gallop and the warm wind whipped through Jack’s hair. He looked back: DP and Toilet Roll Angel were growing smaller and smaller, and then, with a jingle of harness and a rush of hot air, the sleigh took off, and Jack watched the Island of the Beloved shrink below them. Soon, it was no more than a golden speck in the wide blue ocean.

  Quite apart from Santa being much bigger than he was, because Jack was still the size of a toy, he was the most famous person Jack had ever met, which made him feel quite tongue-tied. Fortunately, Santa didn’t need any encouragement to talk.

  “After I’ve dropped you off, I’ll have to go Up There and get busy delivering presents,” he said, smiling down at Jack.

  “How do you get all around the world and deliver so many toys in one night?” Jack asked. He’d often wondered this.

  “Ah,” said Santa, his eyes twinkling, “that’s a secret, I’m afraid, but it involves magic, as I expect you’ve guessed.”

  “I thought so,” said Jack, nodding.

  “You, of course, asked for a new bike,” said Santa.

  “Yes,” said Jack. “But I don’t really care about the bike, as long as I get the Christmas Pig back.”

  “Well, if you do manage to rescue him, be sure to take him for a ride,” said Santa. “He’s a pig who greatly enjoys bike rides, though he doesn’t know it yet, being so new.”

  “That makes sense,” said Jack, imagining pedaling fast down his street, with the Christmas Pig tucked down the front of his hoodie, CP’s head poking out of the top. “He’s quite a daring pig, isn’t he?”

  “Very daring,” agreed Santa, “to defy the Loser as he has.”

  “Where did the Loser come from?” asked Jack.

  “That,” said Santa, no longer smiling, “is a very good question. Nobody knows for sure. Some say he was created by people, that there is so much greed and cruelty Up There that some of it oozed down here, where it began kidnapping Things to help it make a body. Others say the Loser’s been here since the
dawn of time, a kind of monster who’s so envious of humans and all the clever things they create, he steals whatever he can. More than anything else, he craves Things that are valued and loved, like those on the Island of the Beloved, but he can’t touch them, which makes him very angry. Now, poke around in the presents at the back there, Jack, and grab yourself something warm to wear.”

  Jack felt the presents to find one that was squashy and at last unearthed a teddy wearing a sweater that fit him perfectly. He was glad of it, because a few minutes later the warm air began to turn chillier. The painted sky above them turned slowly from bright blue to gray. The sun disappeared behind clouds, and soon snow was whirling down on Jack again.

  They flew on, the reindeer’s harness jingling, the icy air numbing Jack’s face. His thoughts were full of CP, who’d surely have reached the Wastes of the Unlamented by now. He’d be wandering there, missing Jack, loving Jack, but believing that Jack had already returned to the Land of the Living, too happy with DP to care what had become of his Replacement.

  Chapter 54

  Return to the Wastes

  At last, when the sky had turned from gray to black, and the snow was falling so thickly that it coated Santa’s beard and Jack’s eyelashes, they spotted the lights of the City of the Missed. They flew over the golden roof of Power’s palace, the canals reflecting Santa’s sleigh and the flying reindeer, and soon they were soaring over the wide, dark Wastes.

  Santa now hung a golden lantern on a hook, to shed some light on the ground below. Jack looked around, hoping to see the Christmas Pig. The shadow of the sleigh rippled over the snowy, stony ground, but there was no sign of any Thing until they glimpsed a small red spot of wandering light.

  “Bad habits,” Jack told Santa, pointing to the little group of roaming body parts, which still included a mouth smoking a cigarette. “They aren’t very nice . . . I think the Loser’s caught a few of them,” added Jack, turning back to look at the Bad Habits as the sleigh flew on. “There were more when we met them before.”