Lose Control (Firebacks Book 3)

by Linda Verji

  He watched her as she walked off towards the kitchen with her head bent. Fifteen minutes later, she still hadn’t come back to the living room and he went in search of her. She was standing by the kitchen sink staring out the window. He thought she hadn’t heard him come in till she said, “What are you doing here Eli?”

  For a while he was stumped because he hadn’t expected for them to get into it this fast. The Chryssa he knew was an excellent talk-avoider. A lot had changed in the last week. “We need to talk.”

  “What’s there to talk about?” she said turning to face him with her back to the counter-top. “We agreed it was over.”

  “We didn’t agree on anything. You just said it, slapped me, then walked away.” He leaned against the wall his gaze on her as he asked, “Not even an apology Chryssa?”

  “I was just…” Her gaze focused on the spot where she’d slapped him. There was regret written over her face. Her grip on the edge of the counter tightened as she rushed to explain, “There was just a lot going on. I’ve been trying to sort some things out at work. You know this case with Kian…”

  She let the words trail off into silence.

  Not willing to let her off easy, he asked, “Is it me?”

  “Huh?” she asked confusion in her voice.

  “You don’t want to date me,” he said. “Is it something I’ve done? Are you afraid I’ll hold you back from your career?”

  “I know you won’t.”

  The conviction in her voice was a small consolation for Eli but it was not enough. “Was it my father? I know he can look a bit intimidating but he’s really -”

  “It’s not your father,” she interrupted.

  “Then what is it?” He couldn’t hide his frustration because she wasn’t even throwing him a bone. He couldn’t fix what was wrong if he didn’t know what it was.

  “No it’s not you.” Taking a deep breath she said, “I’m sorry about how I did it. I shouldn’t have run. I shouldn’t have hit you and I’m really sorry about that. However, it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t be in a relationship with you Eli. I can’t be in a relationship with any man.”

  There was so much sadness in her voice that he found himself instinctively moving closer to her as he asked, “Why?”

  “No stay there. Whenever you get close to me I get confused.” Chryssa raised a palm as if to stop him. To Eli the fact that he scrambled her brain just by being so close to her was a good thing so he kept coming closer.

  Tension swirling in thick waves between them, she shifted to the side of the counter. He followed her until he had her bracketed between him and the counter with no place to move. He repeated, “Why?”

  She jumped slightly when he placed his hands round her waist. She planted her palm on his chest to push him away but Eli stayed put. Her eyes were screaming irritation as she said, “I’m just not a relationship kind of woman, Eli.”

  “Every woman’s a relationship kind of woman.”

  “I’m not every woman.”

  “I know,” he whispered. “Believe me, I know.”

  She wasn’t every woman. She was unique enough to keep him eager to find out more, unpredictable enough to keep him on his toes and she was all his.

  Knowing he was risking getting slapped again but not caring Eli dipped in. She kept her eyes open as he lowered his head, but didn’t push him away or slap him. She was still as he kissed the tip of her nose, then both side of her lips. Her eyelids drooped as he sucked on her lower lip, her mouth parting a little. Taking it as an invitation he flicked his tongue against the seam of her lips before letting his mouth firm up on hers.

  Finally her eyes closed as she accepted his kiss. Except for the lips in sync with his, she didn’t move. One hand remained gripping the counter tightly while the other palm pressed against his chest in his baby blue shirt, neither in welcoming nor in resistance. But the fact that she had accepted his kiss was more than enough for Eli and he cupped a palm over her cheek. He kept his other hand on her lower back holding her close to him as they kissed.

  Minutes, maybe hours later he finally ended the kiss with soft pecks before lifting his head. She had her eyes closed tightly like she didn’t want the kiss to end either. Her plump limps were swollen from his kiss and begging for more from him. Eli wanted more too. He started to lower his arms so that he could carry her to the bedroom and finish what he had started. But she stopped him with fingers digging into his arm.

  “No.” Her eyes were open again. The sadness was there, but this time there was also determination, “I can’t.”

  He wanted to howl in frustration. If there was ever mixed messages this was it. How could she kiss him like that then in the next breath say she couldn’t be in a relationship with him? Everything about them screamed even match. From their taste in leisure activities, how they both valued their friends, the bedroom…they were just a relationship in waiting.

  He opened his mouth to protest but she was first to speak, “I’m sorry I just can’t.”

  This time, when she pushed him away, Eli let her leave. Head bent, back to the counter, he stayed in the kitchen taking the time to tap down on both his frustration and arousal. He didn’t believe that ‘not a relationship kind of woman’ crap for a minute. Why didn’t Chryssa trust him enough to tell him what was wrong so they could fix it?

  The moment the thought hit him, it felt like lightning had just struck.

  That was it. She didn’t trust him.

  He’d been doing this all wrong. Theirs was no typical relationship. Instead of starting with dates and building an emotional connection, they’d jumped straight into bed. And that was what was wrong with them. He hadn’t given her time to realize and trust that he wanted her for so much more than just her skill in the bedroom. He needed to get her to trust him not just with her body but also with her heart. He had to let her come to him on her own.

  He found her seated on the couch in the living room with the TV on. Either she knew a lot of Chinese or she just wanted to distract herself because the movie didn’t even have subtitles. She tensed when Eli sat next to her, but didn’t look at him. However, when he shifted closer to her on the seat, she moved saying, “Don’t.”

  “It’s okay,” he said. “I understand you don’t want to be in a relationship with me.”

  Her head snapped so fast towards him, he swore he had her neck crack. There was surprise in her voice as she asked, “You understand?”

  “Yeah!” he confirmed. “And that’s okay too.”

  “It is?”

  Was that a hint of disappointment in her voice? Eli almost smiled but instead kept his expression mild as he answered, “It is. You and I don’t have to be in a relationship to be friends.”

  “Friends?”

  “Is there an echo in this room?” Eli teased. The scowl on Chryssa’s face however said she was in no mood to be teased. “I enjoy your company and I know you like mine too…” when she opened her mouth to protest, he lifted a finger to stop her as he continued, “…don’t even pretend you don’t. Just because we are not having sex any more doesn’t mean we have to let that go.”

  By this time she was relaxed on the seat her arms crossed over her chest. He waited for her to talk but she just kept staring at him. He asked, “Well don’t you have something to say?”

  “Oh so now I’m allowed to talk?” She cut her eyes at him. ”Nobody lifts a finger to stop Chryssa Williams from talking.”

  The sass was back in her voice and the tension between them was almost gone. This time Eli let the amusement leak into his voice as he said, “That’s how I feel whenever you interrupt me.”

  “I never interrupt…” She started to protest but paused when he arched his eyebrow. Instead she said, “I don’t think I can be your friend-”

  He cut in, “C’mon we’re both grown enough to handle-”

  “-cause you’re an asshole.” Chryssa finished her sentence. “And I don’t think I like you very much.”

 
“I am not an asshole,” Eli protested.

  “Yes you are.” Chryssa pouted. “You just knocked my forehead and didn’t even ask if I hurt myself.”

  Honestly he’d been too grateful just to be in her house to think about it. But it couldn’t have been that bad if she hadn’t said anything up to now. Adopting a teasing tone, he said, “Aw, did baby hurt herself? Let Dr. Stone look at it.”

  He started to shift closer to her, but she stood up abruptly. She wagged her finger at him, “If you come close to me I swear I’ll cut off your balls.”

  “Typical. Going for the family jewels first.” He clucked disapprovingly. Adopting a fake therapist tone of voice he said, “Tell me Chryssa is your hatred of men something we need to discuss.”

  “I’m going to get that knife,” she said but Eli could hear the amusement in her voice.

  When she turned as if to go to the kitchen, he stood up wrapping his arms around her, her back to his chest as he said, “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re just afraid of losing your precious cargo.” She turned her head to look at him. There was laughter dancing in her hazel eyes as she added, “And you know I’ll do it.”

  “Both true.” He chuckled

  “Say you’re an asshole and I’ll reconsider.”

  “I’m an asshole.” He wanted so badly to kiss her then. She was just in the right position for it. Her body pressed against his, her head turned slightly towards him and her lips just a little bit parted. But Eli knew if he did it they would be right back at ground zero. He let her go and sat back down, “So friends?”

  She was quiet for a while before she nodded curtly. “Friends.”

  Resisting the urge to let out a breath of relief, he said, “So friend, what’s this movie we’re watching?”

  “I have no idea.” The sofa dipped as she sat beside him propping her feet on the coffee table, “But I know someone’s about to get their ass kicked in five minutes.”

  The scene playing on the screen right now was that of a couple sedately walking in a park carrying a picnic basket. There were no signs of thugs or ass-kickings of any sort. Eli turned to Chryssa, “How would you know that?”

  Her voice had a ‘duh’ note to it as she said, “It’s a Chinese movie.”

  “That’s a racist assumption.”

  Chryssa smiled, “Okay. Mr. Politically Correct, put your money where your mouth is.”

  “I knew you’d find a way to get money from me…” Before Eli finished the sentence, she had cuffed him in the back of head.

  This was going to be more painful than he thought.

  It would involve a lot of kid-gloving, struggling to not blurt out his feelings until he was sure he had her completely hooked and trying to keep from dragging her off into his bed until she begged for it herself.

  It was going to be painful!

  So why was there a predatory gleam in his eyes as he watched her go back to watching the movie? He could feel anticipation crawling through his veins in acknowledgement that the hunt had just begun. Chryssa had no idea but everything she had taught him would now be used against her.

  Just friends? Yeah right!

  CHAPTER 18

  “All in.” Chryssa pushed all her chips to the middle of the reed table. The glass table-top reflected the black, green and red circular chips Eli had brought with him just for today. The couple was seated on her terrace high above the city. Beyond them, mid-morning New York with all its fine architecture and skyscrapers littered the skyline. Below them cars zoomed by as the residents went about their weekend errands.

  “You got nothing,” Eli insisted peering at her suspiciously over his own set of cards. “You’re doing that scrunching up thing you do with your nose again. You know what that tells me?”

  “That you’re a creepy guy that likes staring at me?” she asked innocently as she sat back on her chair.

  In deference to the easy Saturday morning she was barefoot in grey short shorts and a pink t-shirt with the words {STIMULUS PACKAGE} splashed in shimmering grey across her breasts. When she’d opened the door to Eli a few hours ago, he’d almost swallowed his tongue as his eyes immediately zeroed in on her breasts. Though they had decided to friend-zone each other, it still felt good to know she could still ‘stimulate’ him with her ‘package’.

  This being ‘just friends’ thing was actually working out better than she ’ d expected. All conversation about relationships had completely stopped and the air of camaraderie she had when she was with him had returned. She got to hang with Eli without the pressure of having to commit to him. She could laugh at the stories he told her about his family and commiserate with him over his work without having to wonder if she was crossing some line. She could just be with Eli.

  The only problem was that ‘just friends’ also meant no sex.

  She was starving. Times like now especially it was hard to remind herself why they weren’t having sex anymore. Like her Eli had dressed down in n a green t-shirt, white cargo shorts and ankle-socks , but had since removed his shirt to enjoy the sun. Every time another ray of sunlight licked at the tanned skin on his muscular chest, it was a struggle not to haul ass across the table and jump his bones.

  For the last couple of days ago her libido had been at an all time high. Her breasts were extra sensitive, her body aware of every glance of his body against hers even when he just passed by and her dreams filled with erotic tangling of limbs. At first she’d thought it was ovulation , but when her periods hadn’t come, which wasn’t strange considering her meds messed with her cycle a lot, she’d put it down to mere horniness.

  Suffice to say, Mr. Rabbit had enough action these days.

  “No.” Eli shook his head as he explained what he meant, “That tells me that you’re bluffing.”

  “No. I’m not,” she denied vehemently while turning her cards towards him so he could see what her hand was. “See.”

  “Chryssa, you’re not supposed to show me your cards,” he yelled.

  “Then why did you tell me I was bluffing if you didn’t want to see my cards.” Chryssa rolled her neck.

  He slapped his forehead. “You are so going to lose all my money.”

  “Well you shouldn’t have gotten me into the game,” she said setting her cards on the table face up just to irritate him more.

  “You told me you knew how to play and if I didn’t get you into the game you were going to burn my car,” he protested slapping his own cards on the table in frustration.

  The ‘game’ was a first Wednesday night of the month thing Lucky and some of his friends had. Eli and Kian had now been invited to the next game. Because everyone on the table was successful in their own right, the stakes were pretty high. This month the buy in was three grand.

  When Chryssa had found out about it, she’d insisted on getting in. Lucky had of course had refused because as he put it ‘ain’t nobody handing their money to your crazy-ass money hungry woman’. Eventually he’d surrendered on condition on that Eli pay double the pay in. What had cinched her place, however, was Eli’s reminder that his ‘crazy-ass woman’ wasn’t beyond retaliating by bringing their wives into it.

  The things he did for this ungrateful woman.

  “You shouldn’t listen to me Eli.” Chryssa chuckled. “I say a lot of things I don’t mean.”

  “Now you tell me,” he groaned as he sat back on his seat.

  “Don’t worry. It’s just six grand,” she said struggling to inject consolation into her voice instead of amusement as his mouth opened in shock at the ‘just six grand’. It was fun to see Eli being the frustrated one for once. He was always so put together while she was the drama queen. “Maybe if you…”

  Her words were interrupted by the door buzzing.

  “Go get the door,” she said.

  Eli shook his head irritation gleaming in his eyes. “It’s your house.”

  “You’ve become very rude. You need to stop hanging out with me,” she said playfully chucking him under the chi
n as she stood up. He swatted her ass in punishment and she laughed. The heat of his gaze on her back followed her to the door. The moment she opened it, her face broke into a grin.

  “Mickey!” she exclaimed, throwing the door wide open. “You weren’t supposed to be here until till tonight.”

  “I took an early flight.” Mickey explained with a lopsided grin on his face. One hand clutching onto the strap of the navy duffel bag on his shoulder, he asked, “Missed me?”

  “Nope.” She pouted.

  “Liar.” He laughed pulling her in for a bear hug. He lifted her off her feet carrying her into the house as he kicked the door closed with his foot. Midway into the house however he stopped moving and his body tensed. When he spoke again the laughter was gone from his voice, in its place seriousness. “What are you doing here?”

  “Visiting with your sister,”

  “Let me down.” Chryssa tapped on Mickey’s arm. As soon as he let her slide down to her feet she turned slightly towards Eli, her arm still around Mickey’s waist. She said, “Eli, you remember my brother, Mickey. Mickey this is…”

  “No, I remember him.” Mickey crossed his arms over his chest and drew closer to Chryssa protectively. “This is the joker who blames you for his shitty marriage.”

  “We’re friends now.”

  Mickey didn’t drop the protective stance. His eyes ran down Eli’s body giving him a once-over and stopping at his naked chest, “Friends? Then why does he look so comfortable.”

  “Yes. Friends. And he can get as comfortable as he wants. It’s my house.” Chryssa smacked his arm. “Now stop looking like you want to bite someone’s head off and say hi.”

  “Hi,” he repeated obediently , but there was not even the slightest hint of welcome in his tone.

  “Come one let’s take your bag to the room.” Chryssa tried to pull him towards the room so she could diffuse the tension.

  “Give me a minute to talk to your boy here.” Mickey shrugged the bag off his shoulder then hanging it on Chryssa shoulder.