Lose Control (Firebacks Book 3)

by Linda Verji

  Tasha gave her a weird look, but didn’t say anything.

  ***

  Eli noticed there was something off about Chryssa the moment he saw her at the hospital.

  He was on-call so when word reached the surgical unit that Dr. Ford was in labor, he heard it and as soon as he had time he made his way to maternity. As much as he wanted to see Zain, he also needed to see Chryssa. Yesterday he’d called her the whole day but she kept sending him to voicemail. Had he done something wrong? He needed to know and she couldn’t ignore him face to face.

  The instant he stepped out of the elevator he saw her.

  Everyone else was gathered next to the reception desk with Lucky at the center of attention. Chryssa, however, was standing alone by the windows, her arms wrapped around her waist, staring outside. He made his way towards her.

  “Chrys,” he called. Hearing his voice, she turned. Her eyes were tinged with red like someone who either hadn’t slept or had been crying. He softened his voice. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” She came towards him and he opened his arms to embrace her. He was surprised when she stood on tiptoes then kissed him. Chryssa never made the first move when they were with the others. It was always him kissing her.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked.

  “Why does everyone keep asking me that?” she complained as she kept her arms around his waist. “Can’t I just be happy to see you?”

  “I guess.”

  “I’ve missed you.”

  He wanted to ask her why she’d ignored him yesterday, but this wasn’t the place so he answered, “I’ve missed you too.”

  “I have an idea,” she said rising on tiptoes to kiss him again. “Let’s go dancing tonight. Aaron told me about this new place that has just opened up. It’s called Intox.”

  He was momentarily taken aback because he’d expected to find her holding Zain’s hands not planning a night out in the town. Keeping his tone mild, he said, “I doubt Zain will be out of labor by then.”

  “So?”

  “So?” This time he couldn’t hide the confusion. She was being so cavalier about Zain being in labor when she was the one who’d been going on and on about how he needed to pick a good present for her goddaughter and his brother. “Don’t you want to see the babies?”

  “Not really,” she dismissed, “If they wanted to be seen, they would already be here. Come on we can leave right now while everyone isn’t looking. I’ll even let you get me drunk.”

  He’d never seen her acting like this. Sure sometimes she acted crazy, but he could always figure out the reason to her madness. Today however he was stumped. The Chryssa he knew was loyal to a fault when it came to her friends and family so she wouldn’t make a suggestion like that one. And she certainly did not drink.

  What the hell is going on? He asked, “Chryssa what’s wrong?”

  “You know what? Fine if you don’t want to go,” she declared. “I’ll find someone else who’ll take me.”

  He grabbed her arm when she started to walk off, “Baby, talk to me.”

  “Eli, man, you need to tell Zain to stop fucking around and let me get in there. I want to be with her,” Lucky interrupted their conversation, a panicked note in his voice. Eli took time out of his conversation with Chryssa to talk Lucky down and sort out the issue.

  By the time he got some breathing space, Chryssa was no where to be seen.

  CHAPTER 21

  Fuck them all!

  Chryssa was so tired of the ‘Zain this. Zain that.’ The woman was having a fucking baby not saving the world. The moment she saw Chryssa was happy, she swooped in and pretended she was in labor. Did she really think Chryssa hadn’t seen the way she always looked at Eli? Just because Eli had hit on her before, she thought that she could now strut around pretending to be queen of the universe. And Eli! Running to her like an obedient school boy!

  Fuck them! They could go ahead and be stupid with each other. She didn’t need them. She didn’t need him. She could have any man she wanted. In fact she was going to prove that tonight. The men at Club Intox were going to be a very happy lot tonight.

  Chryssa pressed her key into the lock, before she pushed the door to her apartment open. The moment she entered the house she could smell it; the smell of prison. It was really hard to describe it – a cross between thievery, sweaty men and despair – but Chryssa just knew that was how it smelt.

  Carter who was seated on the terrace with his back to the door turned when Chryssa slammed the front door shut. In long strides she made her way towards him, forcefully pushing the glass doors open she asked, “Where are they?”

  “Where are who?”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know who I’m talking about,” she snarled before turning back to the house. She did a quick scan of the living room before walking towards the guest room where Carter slept. There was no one there, but just to be sure Chryssa checked under the bed then in the closet. Maybe they were in her room.

  They weren’t.

  Carter was standing in the hallway, worry clouding his eyes, when she came out of her room. She stood at her door saying, “I know you brought them here.”

  “Brought who?”

  “Them. Your prison friends.” Chryssa waved her arm in irritation. “I can smell them.”

  “Honey, there’s no one here but you and me.” It was the first time in twenty years her father had ever called her anything but her name, but Chryssa was too busy searching the house to care. The kitchen was empty too. Frustrated at not finding anyone she went back to Carter’s room.

  “I told you I didn’t want anyone in my house, but you don’t listen.” She huffed as she pulled his bag from the closet. Breathlessly she started to stuff his meager possessions into it as she continued speaking, “You’re a selfish man who doesn’t listen to anyone but the devil inside him. You know what you are? Evil. Demonic. Possessed. The devil is in you…”

  Her words were directed at him, but she seemed to be speaking more to herself as she rambled on and on about how evil he was. Carter watched her silently as she packed up his things. When she was done, she grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the front door.

  Opening it she threw the bag out into the hallway. “Get the fuck out and don’t ever come back.”

  The moment he stepped out, she slammed the door in his face and snapped the locks back in place.

  With Carter gone, Chryssa started preparing for her night out in town. It took her almost three hours to get ready because she wanted to look her absolute best. The red dress she’d picked barely touched the top of her thighs. It hugged her every curve like a second skin. Paired with a pair of six inch silver stilettos it was guaranteed to bring the men to her in droves.

  She’d just started on her makeup when she heard buzzing coming from the door. Screwing her face, she decided to ignore it. It was probably Carter ready to beg for her to let him back in. If he knew he didn’t have a place to stay, he shouldn’t have tested her by bringing his friends to her house.

  Whoever was at the door didn’t go away. They kept pressing and pressing at the buzzer until irritated, Chryssa threw the tube of lipstick she had in her hands on the bed and marched towards the door. She unsnapped the locks angrily before jerking the door open.

  “Michael?” She could feel her heart drop to her stomach as she looked her brother standing at her door. He was supposed to be in LA playing in some game. Not here! He didn’t even have a bag on him, like he’d just rushed here.

  Who’d called him?

  “It’s okay,” he said as he enveloped her in a hug. “It’s going to be okay.”

  CHAPTER 22

  “I am not getting on that thing.” Chryssa apprehensively eyed the midnight black creature being held back by two ranch hands inside the coral. A cloud of dust rose as the animal danced on its feet, tossing its head to and fro, its mane flying in the air with the effort.

  “It’s just a horse,” Mickey said, trying to sound brave but Chryssa knew h
e was shaking in his new fire engine red boots. Along with the other guests who were lined along the white post fence, they watched the cowboys try to rein in the horse. The demon rose on its hind legs neighing madly.

  “Easy Thunder.” One of the ranch hands soothed as he patted the horse’s silky back repeatedly.

  “Oh God! It’s called Thunder.” Chryssa ducked behind Mickey when Thunder took a step towards them. “What the hell did you get me into?”

  Following her break, Mickey had packed her a bag before driving her to the institution. Dr. Stiles was there to receive them. She’d had to stay for forty eight hours so they could get her mood under control. However, when he tried to give her mood-relaxers, she had had to tell him there was a chance she was pregnant.

  The test had been positive.

  She was pregnant.

  The hormones in addition to her suddenly stopping her medication had accelerated her condition. In response to her new condition, Dr. Stiles had changed her medication. He needed someone who could spot the symptoms from a mile away to watch her just to make sure there were no adverse effects. So Mickey was it. Again!

  After her release from hospital, Mickey had brought her here as a surprise.

  “The brochure said they were a leisure resort,” he defended himself taking a hasty step back when Thunder rose on his hind legs again, until he and Chryssa were shoulder to shoulder again. “How was I supposed to know they were breeding wild animals?”

  “It’s called Rancho Cavalo, you idiot,” Chryssa snapped.

  Rancho Cavalo was set in its own little cozy corner of Oregon surrounded by lawns of green and clean country air. There were cabins all around along with a great house that had held cowboy themed shops and restaurant. Yesterday they’d slept in late in the cabin they were sharing and woken up just in time for the barbecue of wild venison. Later they had taken a lesson in line dancing.

  Chryssa couldn’t count the number of times she had to sit down from laughing too much as she watched Mickey move around like a drunk hobo. The soothing environment along with a return to medication had helped her calm down quite a bit. She was enjoying herself until today when they had been introduced to demon eyes over there.

  Mickey whispered conspiratorially through the side of his mouth, “Maybe if we sneak off they won’t see us.”

  “There’s my two favorite guests.” They both jumped when someone slapped their hands on each of their shoulders hard. Turning abruptly they came face to face with their host cowboy, Hank. Hank asked, “Are you ready for today’s exploration?”

  “On that thing?” Chryssa asked eyeing Thunder.

  “No. No. Thunder there’s just being broken in.” Hank chuckled as he patted – or rather slapped-their shoulders again. He pointed towards the far end of the coral where two other horses were grazing. “Y’all will be riding Snowflakes and Peaches right there.”

  Both horses were brown but one of them had white spots running along its head. Chryssa assumed that was Snowflakes. Pretty - but she was still a horse. She announced, “I’m not going out today.”

  “You’ve got to come,” Hank insisted. “This is part of the cowboy experience.”

  Yeah! If the cowboy experience involved dying a horrible death under a horse’s hooves. This is how black people got killed – by allowing themselves to get roped into white folk’s crazy shit.

  “I wish I could….” Chryssa tried to adopt a sad expression, but failing miserably. She clutched onto her stomach. “…but I have woman issues.”

  “No she doesn’t. She’s a transvestite.” Mickey kept his face straight as he demolished Chryssa’s excuse quickly. He quirked an eyebrow at Hank as he added, “Pre-op.”

  Hank’s eyes immediately flew to Chryssa’s crotch.

  “Like hell you’re leaving me to die here alone.” Mickey ducked out of the way of Chryssa’s swinging arm. “If we’re going down, we’re going down together.”

  “I hate you,” Chryssa muttered eyeing the log cabin behind them longingly. “I hope Peaches stomps your ass to the ground.”

  “You must be out your fucking mind if you think I’m riding a horse called Peaches.”

  The ride was actually not as bad as she thought it would be. It helped that, like her name, Snowflakes was a mild little thing and didn’t give Chryssa an ounce of trouble. She ambled quietly in line with the other horses as they made their way through the ranch, climbed a few hills, saw the water-hole, the pond. She didn’t even fuss when they went to see the rowdy cattle drive so that they could learn how to rope.

  Peaches, on the other hand, was determined to test Mickey’s limits. She threw him not once, not twice but thrice. Hank said that’d never happened before. Swearing that that horse was racist and his sister was going to sue the hooves off of it, Mickey picked himself up as the other guests looked on with amusement. By the time they got back to the ranch, he was sharing a horse with Hank as Peaches pranced along happily beside them.

  “What are we going to call her?” Mickey asked as they sat around the campfire that Hank and the other cowboys had set up for the night.

  “What if she’s a boy?” Chryssa countered. “Also, we are not calling her anything. Like I’d let you name any child of mine.”

  “I’ve always liked the name Laquanda.” Mickey said with a straight face. “…or maybe Vonquisha.”

  “Laq…” Chryssa couldn’t even finish the sentence. She burst into a throaty chuckle attracting the attention of the guests closest to them. She may be ghetto, but she wasn’t that ghetto. Her baby was going to be named like the queen she was. Her baby. Chryssa’s chuckles died down into pensive silence. Breaking it she said, “Besides I don’t even know if I’m keeping the baby.”

  Chryssa wasn’t sure she wanted to pass down her damaged genes or make any child have to deal with having a bipolar parent. The problem was that she was already developing an attachment to the baby growing inside her. She didn’t want to lose it.

  But what options did she have?

  There was every chance of her meds having an adverse effect on the baby. The other option, not taking her meds, was completely out of the question. She was a crazy woman, living alone. Who knew what she could decide to do in the middle of the night?

  Logic said she should get an abortion.

  But logic wasn’t her heart. Just the thought of lying on that table and letting someone cut out her baby gave Chryssa nightmares that she wasn’t sure she could outlive.

  There were just no good choices for her.

  “Are you going to tell Eli?” Mickey asked, leaning back into the lawn chair.

  “I don’t know.” Chryssa threw a stick into the fire. It immediately burst into flames and the fire crackled sending warning sparks up into the air. I don’t know if I’m going to tell him he’s having a baby by a crazy woman. No man would want a baby with her. Eli would just pressure her to get an abortion.

  Changing the topic of conversation, she asked, “You still haven’t told me who called you.”

  “Zain.” The name was almost drowned out as one of the cowboys started strumming on his guitar but Chryssa heard it. Mickey added, “She called me in the morning just as you guys started looking at houses so I ditched the game and came.”

  “How did she know?” she asked because she was sure Mickey would never tell.

  “I don’t know.” Mickey shrugged. “You know she’s a doctor though, right? That’s probably how she knew something was wrong.”

  Chryssa silently agreed with him.

  Anyone with eyes would’ve known she wasn’t okay. She’d walked out on Zain when she was giving birth. She’d kicked out her own father from the house. She could remember all their concerned expressions, Eli, Tasha, Zain, her father, as if it was a movie playing in her mind in full Technicolor.

  How much had they figured out? Would it change their relationship? Would she come home to find her friends distancing themselves from her? Or would they still be clueless? So many questions that needed to
be answered. So many questions she didn’t want answered.

  The smooth tones of the cowboy singing Already There as he strummed on the guitar filled the air. The fire crackled lighting on the faces of the guests around the fire enthralled by the music. Faces relaxed as their troubles floated away into the warm night air. Chryssa had to wonder, was there any chance she could stay here forever?

  ***

  “You got nothing to be worried about,” Lucky said as he bit into the double cheese burger. “If there’s anyone who can take care of herself, it’s your wifey.”

  “Yeah!” Eli picked at the fries he had ordered thirty minutes ago, but still wasn’t even quarter way through. All around them, voices hummed as visitors and doctors sat on tables scattered across the hospital’s restaurant eating.

  “Pining around ain’t gonna bring her faster from Oregon.” Lucky side-eyed him as he paused in his eating. His tone took on a more consoling tenor as he added, “She’s with Mickey. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her.”

  Dabbing a fry distractedly into the puddle of ketchup on the side of his plate, Eli said, “She just left without even a word.”

  “This is Chryssa. She’s always doing her own thing,” Lucky said as he used a napkin to wipe a blob of mayo that had fallen on his shirt. “Shit! I’d be more worried if she let you know where she was going.”

  Lucky was right, Chryssa was by nature unpredictable, but not this much. Her erratic behavior had awakened all of Eli’s alarms – doctor and personal. He probably would’ve let it go if it wasn’t that during labor Zain had kept asking if Chryssa was okay.

  After Tasha had congratulated him on getting engaged, his worry had gone on over-drive. That was something Chryssa, the serial commitment phobe, would never say. Her fast exit to Oregon with her brother had only set his worries on edge and his mind spinning.

  Now he was looking at the obvious lack of sleep, the wild happiness, the rapid change in mood, the lies, her fear of relationships and her keeping mum about her history in a whole different light.