Lose Control (Firebacks Book 3)

by Linda Verji

  Why would Randall be investigating Chryssa? Aaron knew he shouldn’t look but he couldn’t resist. After taking one last look at the door, he turned the page.

  CHAPTER 35

  Everyone was pretending to be painting, but in truth they were all watching Dr. Lionel speak to the female orderly in hushed tones. By his wild gestures and facial expression, it was obvious he wasn’t happy with the conversation. His agitation was of course more interesting to the twelve patients in his ‘Paint Your Feelings’ class than their assignment.

  August House was filled with stony-faced orderlies and doctors who were in constant control of their emotions unlike the patients. A break in the pattern was a source of both curiosity and amusement.

  “What do you think they’re talking about?” Marie whispered beside Chryssa as she peered at the two conversationalists over her own painting easel. On her roll of paper she’d painted what looked like an empty crib but it could have been a coffin.

  Chryssa shrugged.

  Marie didn’t seem the type to be inside here. She was an about twenty something pretty brunette with a bubbly personality and even prettier laugh. However, if the fact that she was here for having stolen someone’s baby after giving up her own for adoption was any indication, appearances were deceptive.

  Neil, a burly middle aged man, who sat on Chryssa’s other side mimicked the orderly’s apologetic expression. Adopting a high pitched female-like voice he mimed, “Dr. Lionel, I didn’t mean to say you weren’t hot.”

  Neil was just coming down from a manic episode so he was still hyperactive. His painting was nothing but splashes of color flying in all directions with no particular order to them.

  Getting into the game Marie lowered the register of her voice as she mimed Dr. Lionel who was pointing to himself, “I will always be handsome.” Dr. Lionel pointed at the orderly as he shook his head. Marie mimed, “You. Not so much. And you need to stop hitting on me. You know I can’t be seen with someone who’s not as hot as me.”

  They all started laughing. Even Chryssa, who hadn’t cracked a smile since she’d walked in three days ago, managed a slight tilt of the lips. Her painting was an apt description of how she felt. Empty. Blank.

  She wasn’t having hallucinations anymore and her mood had somewhat stabilized, but the lingering feeling of disappointment remained. She still couldn’t believe what she’d almost done.

  Marie and Neil’s chuckles drew Dr. Lionel’s attention. His head snapped towards them, eyes narrowed. All three bent their head pretending to be concentrating on their paintings.

  “Chryssa,” he called out. She lifted her head, her eyes meeting his. He gestured, “Come out into the hallway for a minute.”

  She could feel the curious eyes of her classmates follow her as she hopped off her sketching stool then walked to the door. Dr. Lionel was waiting outside with the orderly standing some distance away. “Go with Danielle. You’ve got a visitor.”

  “I thought I wasn’t allowed to have visitors,” Chryssa said.

  Anyone on suicide watch wasn’t allowed to have outside contact for a while for fear that exposure to their real life problems would worsen her condition. Chryssa actually liked the isolation. It kept her from having to face the disappointed or even worse pitying expressions.

  Dr. Lionel shrugged, “This one was very insistent.”

  Silently she followed the orderly. Their rubber soles barely squeaked as they walked the hallways towards the visitor’s lounge. Almost like a prison, they weren’t allowed to wear shoes with laces. Chryssa had paired her white rubbers with grey sweat pants, a matching hoodie and white t-shirt underneath.

  The moment she stepped into the room, her gaze zeroed in him. He was standing by the great windows with his back to her, hands stuck in the pockets of his beige khaki pants as he stared outside. She would know those broad shoulders underneath the baby blue shirt anywhere.

  Eli.

  Her first instinct was anxiety and a need to flee. She hadn’t seen him since he’d reluctantly let her go right at this spot three days ago as she was led away by Dr. Stiles. She wanted to run because she had no idea what he felt about her now and what he’d do. The last time he’d ran. What would he do now?

  Consoling herself that the fact that he was here in the first place was a good sign, she steeled her nerves then walked towards him. Her movements were silent, but it was almost like he could sense her because he turned just as she reached him. She bent her head afraid to see the disappointment in his eyes at what she’d tried to do to herself and their baby.

  When he pulled her into his arms she went in willing burying her head in his chest and winding her arms around his waist. The scent of his cologne assailed her senses; familiar and comforting. His hands ran up and down her back as if he was soothing her while at the same time reminding himself of her form.

  “I miss you so much, baby,” he whispered against her hair. Chryssa didn’t reply only shuffling closer and fitting her curves closer to him masculine length. All the anxiety flew replaced by the relief of just being with him again. For a moment they just stood there holding each other and lost to the world swirling around them. They only came to when someone opened the front door. Reluctantly she pulled away from him.

  “How did you get in-”She started to say as she lifted her head but her words trailed off into a gasp, “What happened to you?”

  Eli had a black eye the size of an egg. With him being so light skinned, the purple coloring around his swollen left eye looked so much worse.

  “Michael.” He winced when she touched the bottom of his eye.

  “Why would he hit you?” she asked concerned as she stroked his chin. She knew Mickey was in town, but she wasn’t allowed to see him until tomorrow when her curfew was officially over.

  “I deserved it,” he said simply. Kissing the inside of her palm, he changed the subject, “You wanna take a walk with me?”

  “Okay.” Hand in hand, they left the large building that housed the administration block and the classes. August House was made up of several building scattered around the large estate and surrounded by an evergreen lawn that stretched far beyond up to a high white wall with barbed wire at the top. The guards weren’t visible but Chryssa knew they were there.

  Chryssa and Eli stopped at a bench underneath some distance away from a group of patients who seemed to be role-playing. When she went to sit down, Eli pulled her into his lap instead.

  “So how much of an asshole were you that they had to let you in?” She asked once she was settled on his lap, her head buried in the crook of his shoulder.

  “Being a top neurosurgeon has its perks.” Eli chuckled as he kissed her forehead. “Threats were made.”

  “If the cook spits on my food because of you, I’m coming for you.” She threatened. They didn’t talk about the suicide. In fact she couldn’t remember half of what they talked about the whole hour he was with her. All she remembered was the feeling of being with him and just talking. She felt protected. She felt secure. She felt loved.

  The words came before she could stop them, “Eli?”

  “Yeah.” He sounded distracted, his concentration on the hand he was rubbing on her tummy.

  “I love you.”

  “I know.”

  She smacked his chest hard, “You’re supposed to say you love me too, fool.”

  His rumbling laughter vibrated against her shoulder as she sulked. He tilted her chin till they were eye to eye. A small smile still played on the side of his mouth, but the seriousness in his eyes belied it. Dipping his head, he pressed his firm lips against hers before pulling back just a bit to say, “I love you too.”

  His words stayed with her even after he left. Being with Eli had done much more for her than the sessions with Dr. Stiles had done for the last three days. She felt almost alive. Their parting was reluctant, but despite Eli’s clout the institution still had rules. With one last kiss he told her he’d be back tomorrow at regular visiting hours.


  She was just passing the orderly’s station when Danielle, the orderly, called out to her, “Chryssa?”

  “Yeah.” She made her way to their desk.

  “Someone called Aaron has been trying to see you since yesterday,” Danielle said.

  “He has?” Chryssa was surprised. Aaron knew he wasn’t allowed to come here. Whatever he had to say must’ve been really important.

  “He has.” Danielle nodded as she bent low, coming up with a white envelope in her hand. “Made a whole fuss when we wouldn’t let him in but he didn’t have your boyfriend’s clout. He came back this morning and left a package for you.”

  Puzzled Chryssa opened the envelope. Inside it was an A4 sized picture of Michael Jackson and nothing else. What. This is what Aaron had been in such a snit about? Sure she loved Michael but damn! She considered dumping the picture in the bin but after second thoughts decided why not keep it. It reminded her of the day she had made Eli dress up like him anyway.

  She left the picture on her bedside table before joining her group for their nature walk. The day was almost a replica of the other days. At lunch time she was monitored to make sure she ate. Skipping meals meant extra days so despite her lack of appetite Chryssa forced herself to eat something

  At weigh in she discovered she added another pound. In the afternoon they watched a movie, The Hangover, which got a smile from her today unlike yesterday’s, Bridesmaid’s, which she’d slept through. Since she and Neil weren’t allowed visitors they played cards in the common room after the movie.

  After dinner Chryssa went to take a nap. Because she was pregnant, the orderlies were more understanding of her need to sleep than they were with other depressed patients. When she woke up it was to the shadowy darkness of the room. She turned on the bed restlessly only to come face to face with a strange blue glow on her bedside table. For a moment she thought she was hallucinating. Oh God, isn’t it over?

  She closed her eyes then blinked them open again. Still blue. She wanted to run out of the room. No. No more. Deciding that this time she was going to confront her fear, she sat up on the bed staring at the beside table.

  The picture Aaron had sent her was glowing.

  Tentatively Chryssa picked it. It didn’t turn into some kind of bat. Michael Jackson didn’t suddenly come alive, but it still glowed. Getting braver by the second because the picture wasn’t doing anything stranger, she looked at it more closely. She noticed that the blue light was actually words, but she couldn’t read it. Realizing that she was trying to read backwards, Chryssa turned the picture.

  Now it was all clear.

  Chrys,

  They wouldn’t let me see you and I was afraid someone would read this before it got to you so I used an invisible ink pen (you can tell me how smart I am when you get back to work).

  Hanna and the doctor are working together.

  I came across some info in my father’s files about your Doctor (Dad will probably kill me for reading them but who cares…he’s a douche anyway). The Doc’s real name is Jacques something and he’s got a hinky past. I’m talking hinky. (I wanna tell you all of it but this paper is too small – thinking of starting a protest. Think they’d listen to me?)

  Anyway Hanna knows (Bitch!).

  I don’t know if they had anything to do with you being there, but I think she’s blackmailing him or something cause she managed to get pictures of you in there and someone to confirm that it isn’t the first time to the senior partners. They’ve given her the partnership, but no one has said anything about you yet, though she wants you out. Keeping an ear on the ground for you though.

  Get well soon. Very very soon.

  You owe me. ($35.99 for the pen and a pay raise :D)

  Aaron.

  Chryssa read the note twice, blinked, then read it a third time. Dr. Stiles and Hanna. Dr. Stiles and Hanna. She was still staring in almost shock at the photo when someone knocked on her door. She shoved it under her pillow quickly just as the door opened and light from the hallway shone into the room.

  “Chryssa?” Danielle asked as her head peeked in. “You awake?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Med time.”

  “Coming.” Chryssa nodded as she unobtrusively fingered the sharp edges of the glossy paper. Once Danielle left, Chryssa removed the picture from below the pillow, read it once again before tearing it into little pieces then burying it under the rest of the trash in the bin. She couldn’t risk it being found or Dr. Stiles being told of what she knew.

  Plotting her next actions, she walked towards the common room where patients were already starting to line up. Chryssa barely noticed someone bump her in their rush to get to the front of the life. Her head was whirring with too many questions. What if the conspiracy was far deeper than just Hanna and Dr. Stiles?

  ***

  Eli had been in his own state of depression since Chryssa’s commitment. Seeing her had been the wake-up call he needed. Holding her was like getting back the piece of him that he’d almost lost. Hearing her actually saying that she loved him was enough to kick him out of the dejection.

  In two days, they were letting her go.

  Maybe he would take her to Hawaii, he thought as he wolfed down his breakfast. No. She deserved better. He’d take her to Rio de Janeiro. She’d love Jardim Bortanico. And he couldn’t wait to see her smile again without that sad glint in her eyes.

  He exited his house a couple of minutes later. He was just opening his car door when a lime green Beetle pulled up behind his Discovery and Aaron exited it.

  “Hi! Aaron,” Eli greeted, a note of recognition in his voice. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’ve been trying to get you since yesterday, but they said you left the hospital early. So I had to track down your address,” Aaron said. “Can I speak to you?”

  Eli wanted to ask him how he’d found his address but he was more curious as to why Chryssa’s assistant might be looking for him this early in the morning. Glancing at his watch, he said, “I’ve got a couple of minutes. Why don’t you come in?”

  By the time Aaron left his house, Eli was fuming.

  He’d never felt this kind of anger in his life. It wasn’t the steam-in-the ears kind of anger. It was anger you felt rather than saw. It felt like his whole body, including his voice-box, was locked up in tension. For a man who had always prided himself in his self-control it was an alien feeling and so much more intense.

  His movements as he strode to his car were controlled, but tight. His driving fevered. By the time he got to August House it was just hitting eight a.m. His response to the guard at the institution’s gate’s inquiry about his purpose here was a curt, “I’m here to see Dr. Stiles.”

  The orderly at the reception’s relief was noticeable when Eli told him that this time he was here for Dr. Stiles and not Chryssa. “He’s just about to leave for his practice but if you walk fast you can catch him before he leaves. Third door to the left.” The orderly pointed out the way.

  Eli maintained an impenetrable façade as he followed the orderly’s direction to the door marked Martin Stiles, M.D. He didn’t even bother even knocking before pushing it open.

  Dr. Stiles never even knew what hit him. One minute he was bent over his last night’s logs trying to figure out if there’d been anything strange in Chryssa’s behavior to indicate the turn of event, and the next he was crashing to the floor still on his chair in a flurry of limbs.

  The first kick caught him right in the spine, the next in the back of the neck. Yelping he curled into fetal positions as fists and kicks met his unprepared body. He didn’t even know who was hitting him just that whoever it was knew just what points to hit for maximum pain.

  Just when he thought it would never end he was unceremoniously lifted by the collar of his jacket and pinned to the wall. And there he came face to face with his attacker.

  “I swear…I swear I didn’t want to do it,” he whined, stammering out responses to questions he hadn’t even asked.
The look on Eli Stone’s face was enough to make a grown man piss his pants. Desperation and fear mingled in Stiles voice as rattled out, “Hanna was going to tell the police and get me arrested. I did it for my family. She forced me to change her pills. I just wanted Chryssa in the hospital for a few days. I didn’t think she was going to try and-”

  He was flipped onto the desk so fast he barely had time to react. All he felt was pain as his back met the hard word as the contents of his desk crashed to the floor. He didn’t even have time to protect his face before a fist smashed into his jaw.

  The sickening crack was lost in his screams of pain.

  By the time people outside and in adjacent offices heard the commotion coming from Dr. Stiles’ office and rushed to it, Martin née Jacques was unconscious and bleeding on the floor while a heavily breathing Eli stood over him. It was hard to tell the difference between Eli and a patient because the furious eyes he turned to them looked just as mad as any they had seen. But they all recognized him from yesterday as Chryssa’s neurosurgeon boyfriend.

  He growled, “Where’s Chryssa?”

  Nobody answered, he took a step forward. Somebody said, “She wasn’t in her room this morning.”

  Eli shook his head to clear his head because what they were saying did not make sense at all. He asked, “What?”

  The helpful person announced again, “She’s missing.”

  CHAPTER 36

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  Ignoring the knocking, Chryssa shifted on the comfortable bed sticking her head into the pillow. She wrinkled her nose when a faintly musty scent assailed her senses and she turned her head away. There was more persistent knocking then a woman yelled out, “One hour to checkout.”

  Sleepiness and confusion clouded her thoughts as she opened her eyes. For a minute Chryssa thought she was still at the institution until she took a look around. Instead of the clinically white walls she expected, she was confronted with the ugliest wallpaper she’d ever seen. The once white wallpaper now gone brown, had flowers of various shades splotched all over it. Just looking at the rainbow of colors gathered on that wall made her feel dizzy. Instead of two three by six beds, one for her and one for her roommate Marie, the room had only one bed in it; the queen size bed that she was currently occupying.