by Kasie West
“You like it?” I’d been nervous but his reaction made me happy.
“You should write songs for the rest of your life.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me softly. “You are seriously amazing.”
I shrugged. “Sometimes.”
He smiled at the paper, then stood. “So good.” He headed for the door but looked back when I didn’t move. “You coming?”
“I’ll be out in a sec.”
He nodded and then was gone.
I slumped back onto the couch, my hands running back and forth over the cushions on either side of me. The feel of the material under my fingertips brought back the memories of all the nights I’d spent in here, my voice going hoarse. It was over. This impractical journey was over. This was a good thing, I told my stinging eyes. Maybe the uncertainty I’d been feeling all summer about myself and my future could go away as well.
The next day I stood by the pay phone, staring at the handle, my quarters gripped in my fist. For someone who had yet to actually talk to anyone on the pay phone, I felt like I had spent too much time in this spot.
My plan when coming here was to call Shay, invite her to the festival. That had been in the back of my mind since the day before. I needed some closure and I was sure she did too. Whether that was forgiving her or moving on without her, I wanted to give us both that answer before the end of summer.
I took a breath in through my nose and as I exhaled, the phone rang. My first instinct was to pick it up, but I hesitated. I looked to my left, toward the closest cabins, and it rang again. Most employees were on their shift; that’s where Brooks was. It was just after ten in the morning. So when it rang a third time, I picked it up.
“Hello,” I said.
“Hi, can I speak with Brooks?” It was a woman on the other end, her voice confident and to the point.
“Um, he’s not close by. Can I take a message and have him call you back when I see him?”
“Sure, this is his mom, Teresa. Will you let him know I called?”
“Is everything okay?” I said without thinking.
“Who is this?” she asked.
“I’m sorry, this is Avery, his…” Had he told his mother about me? I guessed the only people he’d told were his friends here at camp. He’d said he and his mom weren’t exactly on the best terms. “Friend.”
Maricela appeared around the building and she pointed at herself and mouthed, “Is it for me?”
I shook my head. “Brooks. His mom.”
“Hi, Teresa!” Maricela yelled out. “Ask her if she’s going to the festival!” Did that mean Brooks had told his mom about the festival? Last I’d heard, he thought she’d be too busy to come.
“Who is that?” Teresa asked.
“Maricela. Here, she wants to talk to you.”
I handed the phone over.
“Hi!” Maricela said into the phone like they were old friends, which didn’t surprise me. Maricela made friends fast and easily. “No, the festival. It’s Saturday in Roseville…Yes, you should come…Oh, he probably just didn’t want to inconvenience you.”
So Brooks hadn’t told her and now Maricela was extending an invite? I wondered how he’d feel about that.
“Yes, I’ll tell him you called. Tell Finn I say hey…Okay, bye.”
She hung up and then turned toward me. “Hi!”
“You know Brooks’s mom?”
“Not really, but between last summer and this one, I’ve answered at least a half dozen phone calls from her or his brother.”
“Finn.”
“Right.”
“What did she say about coming to the festival?” I asked.
“She said that punk didn’t invite her. Good thing I did.”
I held up my hands. “And you make sure he knows I had nothing to do with that.”
“Chicken,” she said.
“I already told you once this summer that I definitely am.”
“You are not.”
An uneasiness settled into my stomach and I wanted it to go away. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” Maricela asked. “A little context, please.”
“That Ian was back. When I saw you last night?”
“I thought you knew! I thought that’s why you were going to band practice.”
I felt myself nodding or at least attempting to.
“You didn’t know…”
This time I definitely shook my head.
“Come here. Let’s talk.” She pulled me to her cabin and inside, where she shut the door.
I sat on the pile of clothes on the extra bed, not bothering to move them.
“So Brooks didn’t tell you about Ian?” She sat on the bed opposite me.
“He couldn’t. I was grounded. He thought I wasn’t going to be able to sing.”
“But you got permission?”
“Yes.”
“But…?” She circled her hand in the air, encouraging me to continue.
“But Ian is back.”
“Wait, Ian’s still singing even though you got permission?”
“It’s their band, not mine,” I said.
“What?” Her voice rose an octave. “That’s dumb! You secured the spot at the festival, not Ian.”
“I mean, technically. But I only sang because Ian was gone. And now he’s back…It’s better this way.”
“How so?”
“I’m not good at stuff like that.”
“Stuff like what?” she asked.
I shrugged one shoulder. “Singing onstage.”
She narrowed her eyes. “And yet obviously you are since…you know…you made the festival.”
“This is their thing,” I said. “I can’t take it from them.”
“Huh,” Maricela said.
“What?”
She held up both her hands. “Nothing. This isn’t my life. It’s yours. I’m going to trust your decision.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Now, tell me everything that’s been going on with you the last week.”
“How is band practice going?” I was sitting on the floor in Brooks’s cabin after lunch a couple days later. It was his day off, so I felt like I wasn’t breaking any rules. Plus, I’d brought my homework. I hadn’t worked on it all summer and I was way behind. “You guys going to be ready in three days?”
He was reading over my government assignment. He looked up with my question. “I’d forgotten how much we all fight, but yes, we’ll be ready.”
“The pros of a two-person band,” I said.
He bit his lip, the worry line between his brows back.
Why had I said that? “Sorry, I just meant that fewer people equals less fighting.”
“It really does.” He handed me the paper. “I think it’s just asking you to draw out the government branches in an actual tree form.”
“Like literally draw a tree?”
“It seems like it.”
“I did that in elementary school,” I said. “I guess I should’ve saved my work.”
He smiled. Brooks was a little different in his room, more relaxed. His shoes were off, his hair was ruffled, and he was smiling so much easier. I liked seeing him this way.
While I began drawing a tree on a paper, he picked up his guitar, sat down on his bed, and began to play.
“Have I mentioned that you’re an amazing guitar player?” I said.
“I’m showing off for you,” he said. “So you’ll think I’m cool.” He was teasing me for how I’d called him cool the other day outside my cabin.
“Be careful or I’ll take it back,” I said.
He smirked, put his guitar off to the side, and crawled to where I sat.
I help up my hand with a laugh. “Don’t, I’m trying to work.”
“Don’t what?” He rounded my outstretched hand and kissed my neck.
“Homework. Homework needs to get done.”
“I thought this was your vacation. Homework shouldn’t exist on vacation. Only summer. That means sun and water and relaxing.”
“This isn’t sun or water or relaxing,” I said as he continued to kiss my neck and cheek.
“What?” Faking shock, he hopped to his feet and scooped me up in one swift motion. “This isn’t relaxing?”
I let out a scream.
He laughed as he carried me to his bed, where he dropped me onto the mattress. “How about that? Is that more relaxing?”
I smiled up at him and grabbed the front of his T-shirt, pulling him down into a kiss. “Much, much more relaxing.” I cuddled up against his side as he joined me on the tiny bed.
“I agree.” He ran a light finger down my arm, causing the hairs to stand on end.
“Brooks?”
“Yes?” His blue eyes focused on mine.
“Will you sing the song we wrote? I never got to hear the melody of it.”
“What?”
“The second festival song. The love song. I want to hear it.”
He smirked. “You’ve heard me sing. It’s not pretty. Maybe you should sing it for me.”
“I don’t know it. That’s my point.”
He sat up and retrieved his guitar from where he had propped it against the wall. I sat up as well, crossing my legs.
He finger-picked a melody.
“That’s pretty,” I said.
“Yeah? Do you like this chord progression better?” He played one while softly singing along. “Or this one?” He switched it up to a slightly different sound.
“I like the first one,” I said.
“Yeah, me too.” He paused in his playing. “Do you remember the words?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then sing with me. My voice isn’t strong enough to carry it alone.”
I nodded and we sang the words he had written. Words I was pretty sure were about this summer and our journey, at least that’s what my verse was about. Singing in front of him was so much easier now. I hadn’t realized how much until that moment.
He stopped playing before I got to the second verse.
“Did I get the words wrong?” I asked.
“I forgot how much I love your voice.”
My breath caught in my chest. “You’re sweet.”
“Yes, I am.” He stretched over his guitar and kissed my cheek.
“Hey, I forgot to ask you if everything was okay at home. What did your mom need?”
“My mom?”
“Did Maricela give you the message?”
He tilted his head as if listening and then jumped up. “Someone is coming.”
“Is that a problem?” There was no way it was Janelle. Would D barge into his cabin? She was the only other one I wouldn’t want seeing us alone right now. But he seemed nervous, so I slid off the bed and started to gather my homework.
“Leave it,” he said, looking around the room.
I was looking, too, because there was really no place to hide. There was a knock at his door, followed by the rattling of the handle. I practically dove under his bed, then rolled once, ending up on my back. He stacked my homework, shoved it in my backpack, and pushed it under the bed with me just as the door creaked open.
Kai’s loud voice filled the room. “Hey, I thought you were coming to town with us to eat.”
I let out a breath of relief and started to roll back out but stopped when Brooks said, “No, just wanted to look at the notes you guys gave me for the song.”
“You’re not mad that I don’t want to do the mushy love one, right? It’s not our style at all.”
They weren’t singing the love song? Why had Brooks pretended they were a minute ago? A pang of disappointment that surprised me radiated through my chest.
“It’s fine,” Brooks said. “We’re a band. You all outvoted me.”
He was mad; I could hear it in his voice.
“Great. You are mad,” Kai said.
“Yes, I am.” That was all he said. He didn’t expand.
“What’s that all about anyway? The band breaks up for a couple weeks and suddenly you’re writing love songs?”
My eyes were staring through the bed’s wooden slats, at the underside of the water-stained mattress above me. And that’s when I saw something else up there too. Sitting between two of those boards in an intricate web was a big, fat, black spider. I took a sharp breath.
“Is this about that Avery girl?” Kai finished.
“That Avery girl?” Brooks asked in an annoyed voice. “You mean the one you’ve known all summer and who got us into the festival?”
Please, spider, don’t move.
“Whatever, Brooks,” Kai said. “Are you in love with her or something? Are you guys together now?”
“No, of course not.”
I flinched and my movement or the breath I let out with it made the spider’s web shake. Its legs twitched. I bit back a scream.
“Good,” Kai said. “Because I haven’t forgotten the huge lecture you gave me at the beginning of the summer about getting involved with Lauren. I wouldn’t want you to lose your job over a summer fling with a guest. I know how much you need this place.”
I was trying to process what was being said while a spider was seconds away from descending on my face.
“Did you just come here to harass me, Kai, or did you need something?” Brooks snapped.
“Thought you might want to hang but I guess not.” There were footsteps and then a slamming door.
I slid out from under the bed as fast as humanly possible and then shook my whole body while simultaneously wiping it and saying, “Spider, spider, spider,” over and over.
Brooks took me by the shoulders and studied my front, then circled to my back. “You’re clear,” he said.
I shook out my hair, just in case. “There’s a massive spider under there. You might want to kill it later.”
“Noted.”
I dragged my backpack out and gave it a thorough inspection as well before putting it on my back.
“Are you leaving?”
I was halfway to the door. “Yes.”
“Avery, wait. Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad.” I was beyond mad.
“Yes, you are. Let me explain.”
I turned to face him, arms crossed.
His eyes twinkled. “So that’s what your angry face looks like.”
“Just talk, Brooks.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Where do I start?”
“You’re not singing the song? Why did you pretend like you were? You told me you loved the song.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you. I wanted to sing it. I think the song is amazing. And the band liked it too; they just didn’t think it fit our vibe.”
“Wish I would’ve known that before I wasted hours on it.”
“I’m a jerk. I’m sorry, you have every right to be mad. But the song is great. Maybe we can record it together.”
Why did that offer feel like it was made out of pity? I didn’t need his pity. He was supposed to be my boyfriend. “Why doesn’t Kai know about us?” I felt so stupid. Like, once again, I had let a ball hit me in the head. I was obviously way more invested in this relationship than he was. It felt like Trent and Shay all over again.
“I know, that sounds bad, doesn’t it?” he said. “But you remember when I talked to him about Lauren….I was super harsh with him. Told him if I found out he was with her, I’d turn him in myself. So I didn’t think I could then tell him that I was breaking the same rule I’d told him not to break. I doubt he would’ve reported me to Janelle, but he can’t
keep his mouth shut. He would’ve spread it all around employee village and she would’ve found out.”
I wanted to believe his explanation so bad, but that would make me naïve all over again. “But what about Mari?”
“What about Mari?”
“They like each other and he seemed to be able to keep that a secret from the wider employee population.”
Brooks clenched his teeth. So he knew that secret too. He was just hoping I didn’t. “I promised I wouldn’t tell.”
“And you couldn’t swear him to the same secrecy?”
“I should’ve, you’re right. I’ve done this all wrong.”
“Have you? Maybe you’ve done it just right. Sneak me around all summer while you decide if I’m worth the trouble. So what did you decide? That there is no future for us? What was it you said a minute ago? Summer is only for sun and water and relaxing? I’m sure this is starting to feel like none of those,” I said.
“You’re twisting my words, Avery.”
“You didn’t answer the question. Was Kai right? Am I just some summer fling?” I was walking toward the door again.
“That’s not why you’re leaving. You’re leaving because you’re scared. You’re scared that if you let me in, if you really trust me, you’re going to get hurt. You always run away when you’re scared.”
“I didn’t run away from trying out for the festival, did I?”
He smiled. “That’s because you had me.” He reached out like he was going to give me a hug.
I pushed his arm away. “Screw you, Brooks.” With those words, words I’d never said before to anyone in my life, I stormed out the door.
Maybe my parents were right—I wasn’t acting like myself. What had gotten into me? I didn’t like feeling this way at all. This fire that was burning in my chest, I wanted to throw a blanket over it and smother it out. I had run nearly all the way back to our cabin from Brooks’s. And when I got there, Mom and Dad were leaving.
“Where are you guys going?” I asked.
“Just on a walk,” Dad said. “We were told there’s a trail that leads to a lookout. Do you want to join us?”
“Yes, I do.” I wanted to do anything to get my mind off the fight I’d just had with Brooks. Had I broken up with him? I wasn’t sure we could come back from what just happened. Did I want to? I deposited my backpack just inside the door and we headed off through the dusty trails of camp until we came to a dirt path just before the lake.