The Voyage: A Historical Novel set during the Holocaust, inspired by real events

by Roberta Kagan

  It seemed as if the night might never end, but as the clock ticked toward one o’clock, the party began to break up. Anna and Wera thanked Bette for having them, and then they both wrapped themselves in their winter clothes and began their walk to the subway. Anna had never taken the train this late at night. A bitter cold wind brushed across their faces as they walked the empty street.

  “Got any spare change?” A bum in ragged clothes hardly enough to protect him from the cold asked.

  “Come on, Anna.” Wera grabbed Anna’s arm. They tried to walk faster, but the sidewalk was slippery with ice.

  “Can’t you find it in your cold heart to help a guy who’s down on his luck?” The bum came chasing after them.

  Anna felt her heart pounding. She thought about the time she was robbed when she’d ended up in the hospital.

  “Leave us alone,” Anna said, trying to sound firm and unafraid.

  “Heartless bitch.” The bum was so close that Anna could smell the alcohol on his breath.

  “Hey, what the hell is going on here?” Benny said as he came walking up with Alice.

  “Nothing. We’re fine,” Anna said.

  “Come on, leave the girls alone. You’re scaring them,” Benny said to the bum. He took a quarter out of his pocket and handed it to the man. “Now get outta here.”

  “Thank you,” Anna said.

  “He’s just a drunk, looking for money for liquor. Probably pretty harmless. Why don’t I take you ladies home in a taxi? It would ease my mind to know that you got home safely,” Benny said.

  Anna looked at Wera. She saw the relief on her face and felt the same gush of relief. “That would be wonderful,” Anna said. “Thank you.”

  Benny flagged a cab and opened the door. The three women piled in and Benny got into the front. He strategically gave the driver Alice’s address first.

  “Benny, didn’t you want to come over tonight?” Alice said. “Why don’t we drop them off first?”

  “I’m kinda tired, Alice. Maybe another time. Besides you live the closest. It would be easiest to drop you off first.”

  Alice didn’t say another word, but the tension grew thicker ever minute as the cab made its way to Alice’s flat.

  “Goodnight, “Anna and Wera said as Alice got out of the taxi. Benny got out and opened her door, then walked her up the walkway. Then he turned and got back into the cab. Anna saw Alice huff, then go inside as the cab eased away from the curb and back onto the street.

  “Don’t wait for me,” Benny said to the driver as the three got out in front of Wera and Anna’s building.

  “It’s not necessary for you to walk us inside,” Wera said. “We are fine from here.”

  Anna’s heart was on fire. She was confused, angry, but fatally attracted to Benny.

  “I insist,” he said. “It will ease my mind to know you are safe.”

  Even with that black eye, he was handsome, rugged, and unafraid. Anna wanted to run away, and at the same time, she yearned to fall into his arms, to collapse and feel his kisses all over her. What am I thinking?

  Benny paid the driver and walked the two women up to the door of their building.

  “Goodnight,” Anna said as she fumbled with the keys. “Thank you for taking us home.”

  “Anna…” Benny’s deep voice cracked with emotion.

  “Yes?”

  “Please?”

  She cocked her head.

  “Can I speak to you alone for just a minute?”

  “Oh yes, of course, “Wera said, and she turned to Anna. “I’ll go upstairs. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Anna nodded. She watched Wera disappear into the building.

  “I know what you said. I know that you want me to go away, to leave you alone. And I tried. I really tried. Hell, I even went so far as to start seeing Alice, but Anna...I’m crazy about you. I think I might even be in love with you. I can’t think of anything else.”

  She felt the same way, but she couldn’t tell him. She had to think of Alex.

  His eyes were so naked, that she knew he had told her the truth.

  “Please, Anna. Don’t send me away again. I know that you feel the same way about me…”

  “I don’t. I love my husband.”

  Anna turned to open the door. Benny stopped her. He turned her around to look at him. His desire for her was like a magnet, pulling at her body and her heart. He took her into his arms. She struggled but only for a second. Anna felt wonderfully weak in his arms. Here was a man she could lean on. The warm strength of his touch, filled with yearning and she grew limp in his arms. It felt like dream, a fantasy, as he leaned down and their lips met for the first time.

  Chapter

  Three Christmases and three summers passed as the war continued to escalate and the death toll continued to rise.

  The friendship between Alex and Nelly grew stronger, and because of Nelly, Alex found some acceptance from the other men in his platoon. There were still those who called him the dirty Jew, but there were others who had begun to look past his ethnic background and befriended him as a fellow soldier.

  Sometimes Alex would lie in bed at night and find it hard to remember Anna’s face. He would picture her, but as time went by the picture began to fade. He still wrote, but less frequently. And she still answered, but less frequently.

  As Alex and Nelly came to know each other better, he learned more about her son. The boy was born with a clubfoot, which caused him to walk with a severe limp. With just Nelly and her mother to support the child, there had been limited funds for medical treatment. Nelly had never told anyone except Alex how guilty this made her feel.

  “Perhaps a really good doctor could have done something to make it easier for him to walk. The other children laugh at him and it just breaks my heart,” Nelly told Alex.

  “I don’t know if anything would help. But then again, who knows what a good doctor could do? What I do believe is that you’ve tried to do everything in your power to give the boy a good life; haven’t you?”

  “Yes, I’ve tried.”

  “Well then, you’ve done your best. Just give the boy your love, Nelly. That’s the finest gift anyone can ever receive.”

  At Nelly’s request, Alex wrote children’s stories for her son, which she tucked inside the care packages that she packed for him. Her mother read the stories aloud to the boy at night, and wrote to tell Nelly how much the child enjoyed them.

  “You’re a talented writer,” Nelly told Alex.

  “I don’t know. I’ve often wondered if I really have talent or if I just think I do. I suppose for me, writing is my voice. Do you know what I mean?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “I’ve always had difficulty relating to other people. I’ve always felt like an outsider, except with you and Anna. You two are the only people I’ve ever been able to truly be myself with.”

  “I’m glad that I can be here for you.”

  “I’m glad too.” Alex smiled at her. It was getting dark. Nelly usually left the men’s barracks earlier, but on this night, she’d stayed late.

  “Will you walk me home?”

  “Of course,” Alex smiled at her. “I’d be happy to.”

  It was a cold night in late January of 1944. Nelly had forgotten her gloves. As they walked, she tucked her hand into Alex’s pocket and folded her fingers into his waiting hand. As soon as he felt her presence, a shot of electrical energy ran through him.

  “Do you think I’m pretty?” Nelly asked.

  “Beautiful,” Alex answered. “Why would you ask such a question?”

  “I’ve always wanted to know. I’ve always been afraid that I wasn’t attractive enough, and that’s why my son’s father ran away from me.”

  “My guess is he was probably afraid of taking on the responsibilities of a family. It can be scary for a man. You must realize that the man is the one who must earn enough money to take care of his wife and children. It’s a big responsibility.”

  “
But you married Anna. Would you have married her if she were pregnant?”

  “Yes, I would have.”

  “I wish I had a man who loved me, really loved me, a man like you,” Nelly said and she squeezed his hand.

  “Look, there’s a shooting star…” Alex said.

  “I see; it’s beautiful. Make a wish.”

  They had arrived at her room.

  “Goodnight,” she said, squeezing his hand but not letting it go.

  Alex looked down at her blonde hair glowing in the starlight. She looked up at him.

  “Well, goodnight,” he said.

  “Alex?”

  “Yes…”

  “Would you like to come in and stay the night? My roommate is on leave. She won’t be back until tomorrow. I have the room all to myself...” Nelly said.

  Alex looked into her eyes. They shined like candle flames in the moonlight. It had been a long time since he held a woman in his arms, a long time since he’d felt the wonder of release…

  “Alex…” Nelly said, cocking her head and smiling just a little. Then she opened the door and beckoned to him...

  Chapter 87

  Benny took Anna on a trip up to Boston. She loved the cozy restaurants and friendly neighborhood bars. They walked hand-in-hand through Harvard square, and then toured the hallowed halls of the famous university. For three glorious days, they explored the history of America. Anna marveled to see so many of the landmarks she’d learned about when she had studied for her citizenship. Then Benny rented a car and they drove up to Maine, where they ate lobsters and spent entire days lying in bed and making love. Benny didn’t earn as good a salary as he might have as a lawyer, but his generosity toward Anna made her feel like a goddess. In turn, she sacrificed time with her friends, even Wera, and spent every free moment with him. Neither Benny nor Anna ever mentioned Alex, but for Anna he was always there, a presence in the room reminding her of her commitment. She worried about him, prayed that he hadn’t been killed, or worse, captured. Strangely as happy as she was with Benny, her heart still belonged to Alex.

  But Anna had never before felt so carefree, so adored, and she couldn’t resist being swept up in the wonder of it all. She had no doubt that whatever cards the future dealt to her, Benny would be there standing behind her, holding her up if need be. And because his fervor was so contagious, she came to believe in his causes and to admire the way he cared and worked to protect the less fortunate.

  The other salesgirls at Gimbels began to gossip. They saw Anna leave work with Benny every night, and they noticed that whenever Anna took time off work, Benny disappeared as well. She discussed the situation with Benny and asked him to try and be more discreet. He agreed to make the effort, for her sake. Personally, he said, he didn’t care what people said about him. He loved Anna and he wasn’t ashamed of his feelings. But because it mattered to her, when Benny held a union meeting, he treated Anna as if they were only working colleagues, but anyone could see the electrical current that ran between them. The way that they glanced at each other, the secret smiles they shared...

  Even though Benny made every effort to be careful and he used precautions, Anna became pregnant. She was distraught. It had been three years since she last time she had been with Alex. If she gave birth to a child, there would be no doubt that Alex was not the father.

  “I think we should see if we can find a doctor who is willing to help, or even a medical student,” Anna said as they sat on the sofa in her apartment.

  “That is far too dangerous. I refuse to put you at risk like that, Anna.”

  “But I can’t have the baby. What would people say? What about Alex? I can’t do it.”

  “You can if you divorce Alex and marry me…”

  “I thought you weren’t the type of man to ever get married.”

  “That was before I met you…” Benny said and he squeezed her hand.

  Chapter 88

  Spring came slowly to England, melting winter’s last attempt at blanketing the earth in snow. Alex had become fairly good at his job. It took some effort to learn mechanics, but he’d done well.

  After he finished working one evening he was on his way to the mess hall to meet Nelly when Sergeant Sife came walking up to him. Alex greeted his superior as was expected.

  “You know Mittleman, I don’t much care for you. And I don’t take it too kindly that you been seeing that girl, Nelly. You’re a Jew and she ain’t one. You ought to stick to your own kind.”

  Alex said nothing. He just stood listening.

  “You hear me, Private?”

  Alex nodded.

  “I can’t hear you. I said do you hear me?”

  “Yes, Sergeant.”

  “And are you gonna quit seeing that girl?”

  “No, sir, I’m not.”

  “Like I said, Mittleman, I don’t like you. And me not liking you won’t do you no good; in fact it could just turn out to be your biggest mistake. You see I got it in for you. I can’t make you leave that girl alone, but I sure can make your life a living hell. You understand me, Private?”

  “Yes sir.”

  “And you still gonna go on seeing that Nelly?”

  “Yes, sir, I am.”

  “Stupid bastard,” Sergeant Sife said, shaking his head as he walked away.

  The repercussions of that conversation were not immediate. In fact, Alex had almost come to believe that the sergeant was only bluffing. But almost a week later, he discovered what the sergeant had planned. Alex lay on his bunk when he received a message that he had new orders. Alex would be sent to join a platoon going into combat. They would be leaving for France in a few days. Alex did not have the exact location where they planned to land; none of the soldiers did, in case there were spies amongst the troops. However, he heard that the Allies had begun bombing northern France, giving Hitler the impression that they would land somewhere in the North. This led Alex to believe that the attack would take place in the South. However, he was not sure of anything. He could find himself landing in Poland for all he knew. But what he knew for sure was that he was about to see combat and he had a good chance of being killed.

  That night Alex took Nelly for a walk after dinner. There was a full moon and the night sky was almost blue in color.

  “I’ve received new orders. I am going into battle.”

  “On land?” Nelly asked.

  “Yes, I think so.”

  “Oh my God, Alex, You are a mechanic, you’re trained to fix planes. You should complain. Tell them that you would be of more use working on equipment.”

  “Who should I tell this to?”

  “Your sergeant?”

  “He’s the one who requested my transfer.”

  “Why? Why would he do that to you? You’re good at your job. You never answer him back. Why would he want to send you into such a terrible, dangerous situation? And you haven’t even been properly trained for it.”

  Alex shrugged. “I’ll be all right.”

  Nelly started crying.

  “Shhh, don’t cry. I wanted to fight Nazis. I joined the service for that very reason.”

  “Alex you could be killed.”

  “I know. But I have to do this. If I do, maybe the demons that haunt me will finally go away.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I know is you could be killed.”

  “Shhh,” he said again and she laid her head on his shoulder.

  “I will miss you. Will you write to me?” Nelly asked.

  “Of course I will. And who knows, I might be such a terrible solider that they will send me back.” Alex smiled, but he knew that he’d better be a good shot. He would need to be sharp, alert, and have plenty of mazel if he were going to survive.

  After Nelly settled down, Alex went back to his barracks. He would never have told her, except that she would have found out after he had gone, and it would have been worse for her if he’d left without saying goodbye. He wondered if he should tell Anna....

&n
bsp; Chapter 89

  June 5, 1944

  An American ship docked on an inlet

  on the South Coast of Britain

  Alex reflected on his life as he gazed up at the full moon. If the seas had been calmer and the winds less wicked, they would have landed in Normandy tonight. But the weather had forced them to stop.

  There was a good chance he would die in battle tomorrow and he was afraid, afraid of death. Would it be painful? What was waiting on the other side? Perhaps nothing. What if there was nothing after death, just silence, a ceasing of existence? The thought terrified him and he refused to believe it; he knew there was a God. Although Alex didn’t always understand God’s actions, and he’d even been angry with God and argued with him, he’d felt God’s presence so many times in his life. He was sure that it was God who’d gotten him of Dachau, although he couldn’t understand why he was chosen to live, and his loved ones to die. God’s will sometimes made no sense to him. Then, once again, he felt God’s hand again after the fire when he hadn’t known where to go or what to do to care for Anna. God had guided him, and he’d found his way. Alex began to pray, not prayers from a book, but his own words, words from his heart. Never had he felt closer to God then he did lying outside looking up at the moon and knowing that tomorrow he would be face-to-face with death. Whether death would claim him or not remained to be seen. But he could feel God beside him, and he allowed himself to put his trust in God. And as he did he felt at peace. God would guide him, and if he died, God would take his hand and all would be well.

  Dear God, please take care of Anna. If I should die, if you should choose to take me now, please help Anna to find someone who will love and take care of her. And wherever he might be, please watch over Manny. I owe him so much. He saved my life once, but more importantly, he saved my Anna.

  Alex sighed, and he thought about writing to Anna, but there was a good chance the letter would never arrive. The decision not to tell her about his being sent to combat began to worry him. If he didn’t make it, it would come as such a shock to her. But at the same time, why worry her unnecessarily? What Anna had never understood about him was that he went away from her when things became rough to protect her from the depth of his emotions. Never once had he planned to leave her, but he didn’t want to burden her. Instead he would go off and work things out on his own, then try to return with a solution. And now, again, he’d chosen not to burden her, to let fate take its course. Why have her waiting for the outcome on pins and needles? If need be, there would be time enough for crying later.