Breathe Again: A Love Story

by Joelle Duff

  Jackson just sighed. “She was here to tell me I got a part I’ve been wanting. It’s kind of big news, and I was hoping you’d be in a better mood when I came in here to tell you.” I could tell he was disappointed by the look on his face, and I instantly felt terrible.

  “Oh Jackson,” I said, wrapping my arms around his arms and burying my face in his chest. “That’s great! I’m really happy for you. Just ignore me and my grumpiness, we should get out and celebrate.”

  “Thanks,” he murmured into my hair. “I actually didn’t want to tell you about it at all, not until I knew. I didn’t want to jinx it.”

  I pulled away from his chest so I could look him in the eye. “What do you mean? Jackson, what role is it?” I asked nervously.

  Jackson grinned this time, and I could tell how happy he was before he even told me. “I think you’ve heard it. State of Beauty? I got it.”

  I ran the name over in my head, and immediately my jaw almost hit the floor. Judging by the smug look on his face, Jackson was pleased by my reaction, I knew. I was speechless, literally. There were a thousand things I wanted to say, questions I wanted to ask, but I just flung myself at him, threw my arms around him and hugged him.

  “State of Beauty,” I squeaked out, my voice high from excitement. “You got it? You mean, you’re playing Eli Christiansen? THE Eli Christiansen?” I watched him with wide eyes as he nodded, and I practically screamed. I’d never fangirled in front of Jackson before, but then again he’d never gotten to play one of the hottest guys in contemporary fiction before. Everyone had read State of Beauty. My mother had read it, Darcy had read it, even Josephine read it, and had admitted that Eli Christiansen was sexy as hell.

  Holy shit. My boyfriend was about to become every girl’s wet dream. Even more than he was now.

  Chapter 25

  In about ten seconds flat, my concern for whatever the tabloids were writing about me had almost vanished. I had to admit, as happy as I was that Jackson had gotten a role he really wanted, I was secretly dying that he was playing my number one literary crush. Girls, and women, had written poetry about Eli Christiansen. There were entire websites dedicated to speculation about State of Beauty and who would play the main characters in the movie.

  I was immediately turned on by the news. Hell, any woman would have been turned on by having Eli Christiansen standing in front of them, especially when they were wearing nothing but a towel and he was just in a pair of sweatpants with no shirt on.

  I flung myself back at him, and latched my mouth onto his. I didn’t even notice as my towel dropped to the floor, and Jackson groaned into my mouth. I literally scrambled up his body, wrapping my legs around his waist so he had to hold onto my ass to keep me from falling. So much for my inhibitions; they’d officially disappeared, along with my apathy regarding Jackson’s celebrity status.

  Jackson stumbled toward the counter, his mouth still firmly on mine as he thrust his tongue inside. I sucked on it willingly, letting my fingernails rake up over his back and across his neck. It was a move that drove him absolutely crazy. While I normally did it intentionally, knowing exactly what it did to him while I did, this was pure primal, instinctual. If I had a clear head, I would almost feel guilty about what I was doing. That is, using Jackson’s body for my own personal Eli Christiansen fantasies, but my mind wasn’t working that way.

  Instead, I just squeezed my legs harder around Jackson’s waist, pulling him even closer to me. He sat me down on the counter, continuing to fuck my mouth with his tongue, and I loved every second of it. I groaned when he pulled away, just a fraction of an inch, so he could look into my eyes.

  “I love you Mellie Rose,” he said. His voice was coarse with passion, but there was still a tenderness there. I knew that no matter how rough we were, how hard we went at it, he would always be gentle with me.

  “I love you too Jackson,” I said, looking in his eyes. His lips, which were raw and swollen from kissing me, turned up in a half smile. I leaned in, so that my mouth grazed his ear. “Now fuck me.”

  I didn’t have to pull away this time to know that his eyes were wild with lust. I could tell by the way that he tore his sweatpants off, and by the frenzied way he thrust into me, without warning. I cried out, and dug my fingernails into his shoulder blades, which just made him pump into me even harder.

  It didn’t take long for both of us to cry out in release; morning sex was supposed to be sweet and lazy, but this was anything but. I collapsed into Jackson’s arm, which wrapped themselves around my naked back instinctively. I rested my head onto his shoulder, both of us covered in sweat. I would need to take another shower, and the thought made me giggle.

  Jackson pulled away, looking me in the eye strangely. “What?”

  “I think I’m going to need another shower,” I said in between giggles.

  Jackson smiled darkly, and moved back in close to my face. “I think we can arrange that.”

  We went at it again in the shower, and finally came out of the bathroom a full hour later. It was almost noon by this point, and I was thankful we didn’t actually have anything planned for the day. We were both putting on our clothes when my phone buzzed from the bedside table, where I’d put it on top of the papers Teresa brought over earlier.

  “Who’s that?” Jackson asked as he pulled on a faded pair of grey jeans.

  I was still standing there in just my bra and underwear, but I barely noticed. So much had changed since Jackson had gotten a hold of me, it was crazy to think about. I glanced down at the phone, and saw a text from Lucy.

  Let’s do something today. I know Jackson has the day off. Dinner? Shopping? Both?

  “It’s Lucy,” I said, picking up the phone. “She wants to do dinner tonight.”

  “Sure,” Jackson said, looking at me from across the room. “Unless there’s something else you wanted to do?”

  I just shrugged, and texted Lucy back. “No, that sounds like fun. We didn’t get to see much of her last night anyway. She wants to go shopping or something too, but I’ll tell her no.”

  “Why not?” Jackson asked, his head crooked to one side. It still amazed me that he could go from sexy as hell to downright adorable in a matter of just a few minutes.

  “I mean…” I started, but realized that I didn’t actually have a good reason. Jackson just raised his eyebrow. “Well, I thought we were going to do something today.”

  “You just said that we didn’t have anything else you wanted to do today.”

  “Yeah, but…” I said, but Jackson interrupted me.

  “You should go out with her Mellie. She really likes you, and I think she could use a girlfriend.”

  I nodded, thinking for a second. He was right, of course. “Do you think I’m the right type of girlfriend for her though?”

  “What do you mean?” Jackson said. He’d pulled a t-shirt over his head, which I was slightly disappointed about. I was still standing there in my underwear, so I started making my way to the closet to grab one of the dresses I’d brought with me.

  “I mean, I adore Lucy. I’ve only spent a little bit of time with her, and I think she’s a sweetheart. I think there’s something there though that she needs that I can’t provide. A family; a mom.”

  Jackson thought for a second, and nodded his head. “I think you’re right. She does need her mom, but hers doesn’t care much. I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to stay away from Lucy, I really wouldn’t. I just think you’d be good for her.”

  I didn’t say anything for a moment, just grabbed the ivory sweater dress I had hanging in Jackson’s closet. I pulled it on, along with a pair of grey leggings and black boots.

  “I think I could be good for her either. I just get nervous that I don’t know what I’m doing either. This girl has some issues, and so do I. I can’t expect to be everything for her, and neither can you.”

  “You’re right,” Jackson said, sitting down on the bed and watching me as I stood in front of the mirror, fixing my hair into
a messy bun on the top of my head. “But I don’t think she expects you to be everything for her. Just someone.”

  I looked at him through the reflection, much like I did the night before. He was right; I knew that. She was only a few years younger than me, but she didn’t really have anyone in her life to teach her how to be an adult. She’d grown up so fast, and I was at least relatively normal. Well, normal compared to Jackson and Jude, at least.

  “Alright,” I said, picking up my phone so that I could text Lucy back to let her know that I would meet her a little early so we could do some shopping. “I’ll go with her, but Lord knows I can’t afford anything right now. She’ll probably want to go to Rodeo Drive or something, which is going to be even more painful.”

  Jackson laughed, and got up from the bed so he could hold me from behind. “Just say the word Mellie,” he whispered into my ear, “and I would give you the world. Or my Amex, at least. You know that.”

  I scowled at him through the mirror, and he just smiled.

  Chapter 26

  I was slightly mortified when I realized that Jackson really did slip his credit card into my purse on my way out of the apartment. Lucy and I were spending a few hours on Third Street in Santa Monica before meeting Jackson for dinner. It wasn’t Beverly Hills, but the stores were still out of my budget. I ran my fingers over the black American Express card in my bag, wondering if I could splurge on just one little thing, but immediately pulled my hand out. I’d already used Jackson’s celebrity for sex today; I couldn’t use his money too.

  Jackson had also insisted that we bring one of his bodyguards with us. Lucy had her own; she called him Claude, though I’m pretty sure he introduced himself to me as Michael when they’d come to pick me up at Jackson’s apartment. I recognized the bodyguard that Jackson sent with me; he’d come with us the few times we actually left my loft or his apartment, which had been rare up to this point. The world already knew about Jackson and I, so it couldn’t hurt if were actually seen in public now.

  “So, what do you think of Jude?” Lucy asked me as we sifted through the racks at Nordstrom. She was on the hunt for the perfect gold glitter skirt, which I found a bit random. Not to mention, she could probably just call up Marc Jacobs directly and have one sent straight to her doorstep, but apparently she liked the hunt.

  “I’m not really sure Lucy,” I said, only halfheartedly paying attention to what I was looking at on the racks. It wasn’t like I was going to buy anything anyway. “I only met him for a few minutes last night, but he seemed nice enough.”

  “Well, you’ll get to talk to him more tonight. He’s meeting us for dinner.”

  I stopped what I was going, and turned to stare at her. “Jude is coming to dinner too?” I asked, suddenly nervous.

  Lucy frowned. “Yeah, is that a problem or something?”

  I shook my head. “No, I guess not. I just don’t think Jackson likes him very much.”

  “I don’t know why not,” Lucy huffed. “He’s a great guy. Jackson is just too…smug.”

  I choked back a laugh. “Smug? Is that what you really think Lucy?”

  She pulled out a black sequined skirt from the rack, and held it at arms length. “Well, yeah. He doesn’t like any of the guys that I date. Thinks I’m too good for them or something. I’m pretty sure he even gave the last guy I was seeing a black eye, though neither will confirm or deny.”

  Though I couldn’t admit that it surprised me, I was still slightly taken aback that she thought Jackson beat up her last boyfriend. “He’s not smug Lucy. He loves you. He’s protective, and he does think you are too good for anyone.” Lucy just shrugged. “He thinks of you as family, as someone he needs to protect. Believe me, he’s not smug. He’s just acting like your big brother.”

  Lucy put the skirt back quickly, and turned her back to me to start rifling through another rack. I tried not to let it get to me, figured she was just being a moody girl, but then I caught her face in one of the mirrors up against the wall. There were tears in her eyes, though I could tell she was trying to keep them from falling. It was a look I knew all too well.

  A few months ago, I would have turned my back on Lucy too. I didn’t even know how to deal with my own emotions, let alone someone else’s. The thought of having to comfort someone while they cried would have sent me into a near panic attack, but all I wanted now was to give Lucy a hug. Which was exactly what I did.

  She tensed up at first when I came up from behind her to wrap my arms around her, but eventually I felt her soften under my grip and turn toward me. She let a tear slip, and I moved my hand up so I could brush it away from her cheek.

  “I know it’s scary Lucy. I don’t have many people in this world that care about me either. But I promise you that you have Jackson, and now you have me too. We just don’t want to see you hurt.”

  She nodded, and took a deep breath, though she didn’t try to move from my hug. “I know,” was all she said. We stood there for a few more minutes before I finally pulled away so we could finish shopping.

  Lucy eventually did find the perfect gold skirt, and actually convinced me to buy a stunning black leather jacket that I’d fallen in love with. Well, convinced me in the sense that she threatened to buy it for me if I didn’t just use Jackson’s credit card. As guilty as I felt about it, I knew he wouldn’t mind.

  We were late to dinner, arriving almost fifteen minutes after Jackson and Jude got there. As soon as we walked in, I knew that Jackson was annoyed at both of us for not telling him Jude was going to be there. Jude, on the other hand, looked to be the embodiment of ease, drinking a beer and cheering along with the rest of the restaurant at one of the football game on TV.

  “Hey baby,” I said, coming up and giving Jackson a kiss on the cheek. I heard Lucy gag from behind us, right before she shoved past me to give Jackson a hug. Before she even said hello to Jude. I wasn’t quite sure that I liked this routine we had going.

  I took my seat next to Jackson. “Hello Jude,” I said, smiling in his direction. He waved back at me, though his focus was still on one of the big screen televisions behind me.

  “He’s said about three words to me the entire time we’ve been here,” Jackson whispered in my ear.

  I just shrugged, and stole the beer in front of him to take a drink. Lucy took her seat next to Jude, finally saying hello to him too. When she said it, however, he actually drew his attention away from the TV so he could give her a quick peck on the cheek.

  The waitress came by to get Lucy and my drink order, before heading back behind the bar. The restaurant was somewhat full, but it was dark enough inside that we weren’t too conspicuous. I was still slightly nervous at the thought of having three well-known celebrities at one table. Thankfully, both Claude and Peter, my bodyguard for the night, were positioned near us to block most of those in the restaurant from seeing us. I also noticed that Jackson had another bodyguard stationed near the entrance. There were a few guys sitting at a nearby table that I figured must have been there for Jude, since they were just drinking water and barely talking to each other.

  “Did you get anything?” Jackson asked me once the waitress returned with my glass of wine and Lucy’s margarita. She was already sipping from it, not seeming to mind that Jude’s attention was already back on the football game.

  “Um, yeah,” I said, taking a small sip from my wine. “I got a jacket…”

  Jackson smiled at me, and placed a kiss in my hair. “Good. I’m glad.”

  “I can take it back though, you know, if it’s too expensive. Lucy basically forced me to get it, but it’s okay if you want me to take it back.”

  “Oh please,” Lucy said. “It’s a gorgeous jacket, and it makes you look like a badass. Plus, I have a feeling that Jackson can afford it,” she said, raising her eyebrow in our direction.

  I looked down at the napkin in my lap, annoyed that she would say anything.

  “She’s right,” Jackson said. “I can afford it. And I gave you my card fo
r a reason.” I just harrumphed, and took another sip from my wine.

  The waitress came back to the table to take our entrée orders. The menu was different; interesting, and I found myself debating between a few different items. While I was looking over the menu, a younger girl began making her way to our table as well, and I watched as Claude and Peter blocked her. I wasn’t sure who she wanted to see, but I did know that she was visibly upset when they refused to move so she could get close to us.

  The rest of the table seemed oblivious to the younger girl’s presence, who must have been no older than thirteen or fourteen. They just kept ordering, and talked amongst one another. I, on the other hand, was the closest to her, and could actually hear her conversation with Claude and Peter.

  “Please,” she said, her voice wavering. “I really, really loved Jackson’s last movie. I’m pretty sure I’m his biggest fan. Can I just get one picture. Just one?” I turned in her direction, and gave her a small smile. She didn’t really seem to notice me; her eyes were directly on Jackson.

  I nudged Jackson next to me. “I think that girl wants to meet you,” I said quietly so that only he could hear. He glanced up to see her standing a few feet away from us, still pleading with Claude and Peter.

  He paused for only a moment, before standing up and excusing himself from the table. Claude and Peter moved once they saw him approach, and the girl’s eyes widened.

  They were talking so low that I couldn’t really hear him, but I did hear her laugh at something he said. He motioned for Peter to take their picture, which made her smile even bigger, if that were possible. After they were done, he signaled to me, and I got up from my own seat. The girl’s face went from pure bliss to absolute annoyance in a matter of only a few seconds, though I wasn’t sure if Jackson noticed just yet. I kept the smile on my face, taking a few more nervous steps in their direction.

  “Mellie, this is Grace. She said that she’s excited to see my new movie,” Jackson said, smiling in my direction. Though he was leaning down slightly to get on her level, I didn’t need to. We were the same height, which made me a little uneasy, especially since her face was downright disgusted at the sight of me. As soon as Jackson turned back to his newest friend, I knew he realized it too. “We should probably get back to dinner,” he said quickly. I knew he was trying to get me out of her sudden aura of distaste, but it was too late.