That Was Then (Always Faithful Book 1)

by Leah Atwood

  She’d picked the perfect place for them to go.

  He hadn’t been there in years but had thought about it many times over the years when he stared into the night sky. “There’s a blanket in the back we can sit on.”

  The drive took close to thirty minutes, during which they hummed to songs on an FM station, and Meg gave him updates on all the friends they’d had in high school. Many he’d connected with on social media, but Meg offered a personal glimpse into their lives.

  He didn’t know Blake Anderson had also joined the Corps, stationed at Cherry Point, not far from New River. Lesley Adams had moved to New York City and had earned roles in several Broadway plays. Then there were the Damien Greens and the Rosalyn Pascals who’d stayed local and made their marks on the world by working blue collar jobs and raising a family.

  A fifty by twenty square foot plot of gravel cordoned off a parking area outside of Misty Meadows. Split logs provided a guide for where a vehicle should stop. To his surprise, there weren’t any other vehicles. It was a rare occasion to have the meadows to oneself, but the late hour on a non-holiday Sunday likely played into that.

  During the daytime hours, the spot was a favorite for picnics and outings. Beyond the grove of trees and meadows was a natural spring with the best water he’d ever tasted. As children, his parents had brought him and his siblings for many a Sunday afternoon. He’d helped Corie catch butterflies in her net as she toddled around, then played Frisbee with Noah until the sun set and their parents packed up.

  Nights at the meadows were even better. A wide-open sky against the backdrop of nothing but nature offered spectacular views of the stars and a romantic setting the Eiffel Tower had nothing on. He’d brought Meg here on many dates, had shared countless hopes and dreams with her while connecting the stars with their joined hands.

  He stole a glimpse of her hands folded in her lap. “Ready?”

  “Yes.” She shoved her purse under the seat. “This place has such a calming effect.”

  “It does.” He got out and opened the rear liftgate to grab the blanket. Dropped his keys in his pocket and strode to where Meg waited at the opening of the primitive wood fence.

  “Did you know there was a legal battle to charge an entry fee a few years back?” An irritated scowl reflected her thoughts on the matter.

  “Are you serious?”

  She nodded. “The state passed a measure to charge two dollars a person, but the family who donated the land intervened. Come to find out, there was a clause hidden in the contract which stated the government could not charge money for the land use without having paid money to the family. It was their way of ensuring the public could enjoy the land for years to come.”

  “Ingenious.” He moved the blanket to one arm and offered her his free hand.

  Her fingers wove into his. “I wouldn’t mind paying, though. It’s so beautiful here.”

  They crossed through a narrow line of trees and came to the meadows. If the sun were still up, he’d be able to see the violets and buttercups dotting the lush green grass. In a month, lightning bugs would chase the sky, playing their summer games.

  “Care for any special spot?”

  She pointed to the middle. “Right in the center.”

  When they reached the point, he reluctantly freed her hand and spread the blanket over the dewy grass. On some nights, when the conditions were just right, a mist would hover several inches above the ground, creating an ethereal illusion. Tonight was not such a night—but it still felt more than a little magical to him.

  Meg sat first, pulled her knees to her chest, and hugged her legs. “This is my quiet place. On my days off, I’ll bring a blanket, my Bible, and a notebook. There’s no greater setting to immerse in His word than in His creation.”

  He lowered himself to the ground and sat close to her. “Faith seems so easy, out here surrounded by stillness.”

  “It’s not at other times?” Her carefully crafted question opened an opportunity.

  To take it would mean laying his heart bare. Was he ready? “Have you ever had thoughts you knew were irrational, but you couldn’t stop them?”

  “Like what?”

  “Believing in God, but not sure He listens. Guilt for something you could or couldn’t have prevented. The list goes on.” He leaned back, balanced his upper body on his elbows.

  “I think there will be times in our life we struggle in our relationship with Christ—I wouldn’t say that’s irrational, but a chance to grow in Him.” She paused, tilted her head as though carefully considering her next words. “I can’t imagine what you went through on your deployment, and I won’t insult you by trying to understand, but that’s what it relates back to, isn’t it?”

  “When you witness that sort of depravity, fight on the first lines against it, and have a best friend die in your arms as a result, it’s hard to accept the reality of a God who would allow that.”

  “It doesn’t always make sense. I’ll grant you that. Life is hard, but it was never promised to be easy. A lot of it is due to evil’s grip on the world, but some of it’s just life.”

  All things he’d been told before. “But how’s that supposed to make it better?”

  “I’m not sure it does, but when I start to question, I remember that verse, in John I think, where He says ‘I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’” She changed her position so that she faced him. “It’s no surprise to Him that we’ll have troubles and doubt, but He wants us to have peace. He gives us the promise of victory. But we can’t have that peace until we choose to believe Him and His word.”

  He let out a dry laugh. “Corie said something very similar this morning.”

  “She’s a smart girl.”

  “If I could let go of the guilt, maybe it would be different.”

  Her hand reached for his arm. “Have you talked about it with anyone? I’m not asking you to share with me, but you should find a person you trust to confide in.”

  He licked his lips. He was ready to tell her, but scared. Scared she could think less of him. “The day of the crash, we all loaded into the helicopter. While waiting for the all clear, Mike sat between me and our friend Evan, but Evan and I got wrapped up talking about something. Mike switched sports with me so we wouldn’t be talking over him, and that’s where he stayed until we crashed.”

  Meg curled her hand over his arm, silently prodding him to continue if he desired.

  “Who knew a seemingly small action would have dire consequences? I’ll never know if changing seats would have made a life or death difference, but I can’t stop blaming myself.” His fist coiled into a tight ball. “Do you know what ticks me off? For the life of me, I can’t remember what Evan and I were talking about.”

  He pounded his fist on the blanket, feeling the earth move under him. “Mike could still be alive today if I hadn’t been so determined to finish talking to Evan.”

  Meg didn’t reply with words. She leaned over and took him into her arms, much like he’d done that night at the ballpark. One of those times words were not sufficient, where a touch said more than a string of finely crafted replies.

  He indulged in her embrace, found comfort he couldn’t find with Jared or Evan or anyone else. Only Meg. Everyone needed a safe place to fall. She was his.

  Always had been. Always would be.

  The realization shocked him, but instead of running in fear, he wrapped his arms around her and returned the healing hold.

  “Choose peace,” she whispered in his ear. “Take your guilt—misplaced or not—your doubts, your questions, your anger, and give them to Him. You weren’t meant to carry them alone.”

  ***

  She felt the Holy Spirit’s presence, felt the power of Him, and she prayed hard.

  Prayed for release and peace.

  A renewal of faith.

  For Wyatt.

  Her arms remained around him
—and his, her.

  She felt the warring of his body, mind, and soul in the tenseness of his body.

  “Be with him, Lord. Speak to him, and open his eyes to Truth. Heal him from the affliction of guilt, and free his mind from the torment of what he’s seen.”

  Again and again, she whispered her prayer.

  The reason she’d asked him home became clear.

  He needed her as much as she needed him.

  Maybe not forever, maybe not past tomorrow. But right here, right now, they needed each other.

  More importantly, they needed God and His restoring power.

  His muscles relaxed. His warm breath caressed her cheek. He leaned back and tipped a finger under her chin.

  She thought he’d kiss her.

  He didn’t.

  A slow smile stretched his lips. “It is well.”

  “You chose peace?”

  “I choose God, and all that He gives.”

  Her heart leaped. Those words were better than a hundred kisses.

  Chapter Ten

  Meg’s dad let the screen door slam shut behind him and set a peace lily along the edge of the living room wall. “That’s the last of the flowers.”

  She eyed the rows of flowers filling the room. Even after giving many away, two dozen arrangements remained. Not only had friends and family shown their love and respect for Mama by sending flowers, but they'd also given to cancer research in Mama’s name. The bank had called and left a message with the total. Meg’s jaw dropped when she heard that donations had neared a five-digit mark.

  “If you girls want to take any home, feel free to.” Dad waved a hand over the arrangements. “I’d hate for them to be wasted, since I have a black thumb.”

  Kelly laughed. “Do you remember the time Mom went to visit Aunt Molly in Michigan for a week, and she left you in charge of her orchid?”

  “I didn’t know it was possible to overwater a plant.” Dad’s lips tugged to a clipped smile. “I felt so bad, I bought her two new flowers to make up for that one.”

  Meg slid an arm around his shoulders. “She knew you tried.”

  “Beth was the most understanding person I ever had the privilege of knowing.” He sighed and slipped away from her. “Have a seat. There’s something I want to give each of you.”

  She and Kelly exchanged a speculative glance. Neither of them knew what their dad had planned, but sat on the sofa and waited.

  Minutes later, he came back downstairs with two books in hand. “Your mom was saving these for when you had children of your own, but I’d think she’d like for you to have them now.”

  Dad handed Kelly’s to her first, and then Meg accepted hers.

  “Holy Bible” stared back in her in gold foil print. She ran a hand over the tan leather cover and traced her name on the bottom, embossed to match the title. “Meghan Beth Bailey.”

  From the corner of her eye, she saw Kelly’s matched, but had “Kelly Anne Bailey” on the bottom instead.

  When Dad spoke again, he choked on his words. “She’s had these since you were each a baby. Over the years, she’s made notes in them to help you in life, to understand the connection to God in all that you do.”

  Hot, salty tears burned her eyelids. In her hands, she held a final gift from her mother. One so extravagantly thoughtful, she’d cherish it forever, and one day, Lord willing, she’d pass it to her daughter.

  She thumbed through, briefly noting that nearly every page had at least one ink mark on it. She flipped to the front cover and read the inscription.

  “Dear Meghan,

  Exactly one week ago, I held you in my arms for the first time after nine months of praying for a healthy baby. There are no words to describe the joy of being a mom. Picture a perfect spring day with the sun brightly shining and the grass pillowing your feet. Imagine opening the gift you’ve hoped and waited for and discovering exactly what you’d always wanted. Create your perfect meal complete with ice cream (you are my daughter after all), and savor every morsel. Combine all of these pleasures together, and multiply them by a trillion, and you’ll still not reach the joy of motherhood.

  I have hopes and dreams for you, my sweet Meg. You are much too young to understand now, but I pray that one day, you’ll have some of your own. Above all, I want you to know you’re a daughter of the King. This world will get you down at times, despite your best efforts, but in those times, reach into His word and know your worth in Him.

  As much as Daddy and I love you, God loves you infinitely more. Hold this truth close as you navigate the life of a godly woman and raise your children.

  I love you,

  Mama.”

  She closed the Bible so as to not mar any of the precious words with her tears. “Thank you for giving it to us now.”

  “Yes, thank you.” Kelly cradled the Bible close to her chest. Her eyes also overflowed.

  Dad swallowed. “She spent countless hours writing in them. She loved you both with all she had in her.”

  The doorbell rang, and he left the room to answer.

  Kelly reached for a tissue on the end table. “Did you know about these?”

  “No.” A distant memory surfaced. “I remember walking into her room one afternoon, and she hurried to slide a book in her nightstand. I wonder if it was one of these.”

  “Possibly.”

  She heard the voices of her relatives in the foyer. “How long are you staying tonight?”

  “I’m leaving soon.” Kelly frowned. “Tomorrow’s back to work for me.”

  “You can’t take off one more day?”

  Shaking her head, Kelly let more tears trickle down her face. “I’m out of days off, and my boss let me know I need to get back.”

  “What a jerk.”

  “It’s okay.” After setting aside her Bible, Kelly blew her nose. “I was fortunate to spend Mom’s last weeks by her side instead of working, and my boss did give me bereavement pay which I’m not supposed to receive. He’s tough and demanding, but fair.”

  “That was nice.” She swallowed humble pie for wrongly assuming the worst. Regardless, she was grateful her boss offered her all the time she needed to come back to work. She planned to return Wednesday but wanted tomorrow off to gather her thoughts.

  Kelly sniffed and gave a fake smile. “Besides, going to work will help me get my mind off missing Mama. I’m going to go home, make a cup of Chamomile tea, and start reading this.”

  “I think I’ll do the same.” Still holding her Bible, she stood.

  “I’ll walk out with you.” Kelly grabbed her special gift and rose to her feet.

  They hugged, then walked to the foyer where Dad talked with the relatives.

  She tapped him on his shoulder. “We’re heading out.”

  Dad kissed her head. “Thank you for everything today. I couldn’t have made it through all of this without both of you at my side. I love you girls.”

  “Love you, too. I’ll stop by tomorrow.” She pecked his cheek and turned to her third cousin “When are you leaving, Sharon?”

  “Around noon tomorrow, right, Bill?” Sharon glanced at her husband who nodded.

  “I’ll come by before then, to say bye. It was nice visiting with all of you.” She hugged her cousins and her great aunt and uncle who were also there.

  Kelly circled the small group, embracing each of them. “I’ll be at work tomorrow, so I’ll say my goodbyes now. Have a safe trip home.”

  They left the house and paused by Kelly’s car.

  Meg saw Kelly’s lip start to tremble. “Will you be okay alone tonight?”

  “It’s silly. I did fine the last few nights, but tonight feels final.”

  “Want me to stay over?”

  Kelly’s head shook. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “But I will. We can have a sister sleepover like old times.” The truth was, she didn’t want to go home alone.

  Wyatt had tentatively offered to stay for a few hours, but it was already late, and last nig
ht, they’d stayed at Misty Meadows until the sun rose. They’d talked for hours, sharing details of their lives since the divorce. There was plenty more they had to talk about, and she would have welcomed his company, but she’d seen the shadows under his eyes.

  No reason existed to doubt the sincerity of his renewed faith declared last night, but the funeral had been difficult for him. To expect less of him would be to consider him inhuman. He’d faithfully stayed by her side at all the right times, but his eyes reflected the inward battle he fought.

  Tomorrow was another day. Maybe their time tomorrow could be filled with happiness and focused on their futures—individually—instead of looking behind. For her own sanity, she needed to move on and find a new normal that didn’t include Mama.

  Her chest hurt at the mere thought, but with the help of God, family, and friends, she would succeed.

  “You don’t mind?” Kelly’s lashes fluttered to bat away tears.

  “Why would I? I’d planned to be here with Dad until Sharon and them showed up.” She tossed a conspiring wink Kelly’s way. “Spending the night at your house sounds much more exciting.”

  “I can’t stay up too late.” A protest rang in her statement—Kelly couldn’t stand the thought of inconveniencing anyone.

  Fortunately, Meg had learned to read between the lines as they got older. “We don’t have to.”

  “I’d like you to, if you’re sure.”

  “Positive.” Her keys jingled in her purse as she dug to find them. She laid hands on them, withdrew them from the bag. “I’ll even make oatmeal pancakes in the morning.”

  “How can I say no to that?”

  “I’ll meet you there after I run to my house and pick up a few things.” She went to her car which was parked behind Kelly’s.

  When she arrived at her house, she saw a small bouquet sitting by her door. She hurried to park and rushed to the door. Violets and buttercups filled a miniature vase with a handwritten note folded underneath.

  She lifted it up and read. “Thought you could use a little extra sunshine tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow. Thinking of you, Wyatt.”

  Holding the note against her chest, she inhaled the flowers, instantly transported to their time last night at Misty Meadows. Small gestures were Wyatt’s specialty. He’d always known the exact way to pick up her spirits.