All the Light There Is: The Healing Edge - Book Three

by Anise Eden

  “I know I must look scary,” he said, “but I’d like it if you looked me in the eyes, even just for a few seconds.”

  Immediately, my eyes locked onto his. “You could never look scary,” I insisted. “You just look…rugged.”

  He chuckled, and the sound lit my heart up like a supernova. “Rugged?”

  “Yeah, like a rugged outdoorsman who had a disagreement with a tree trunk, and then a grizzly bear.”

  “And I won? I guess I’m pretty impressive.”

  I swallowed down a sudden urge to sob. I didn’t know what I would have done had he not won.

  Even in his weakened condition, Ben managed to sound stern. “You know, at some point, we’re going to have to talk about what you were doing out there in the woods, instead of staying at the lodge. I’m willing to bet Pete didn’t approve that idea.”

  “At some point,” I said, trying to sound equally stern as I changed the subject. “Right now, though, I want to know why you didn’t use our distress code.”

  “What?”

  “At no point during this ordeal did you say, ‘Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.’”

  His shoulders shook as he laughed, then coughed. “The situation was never that dire. I knew help was on the way.”

  “How did you know? I didn’t know!”

  “I’ll tell you the whole story later, I promise. But the basic reason is that Pete’s never let me down.” Reaching over, he touched the tip of his finger to my forehead right between my eyebrows. “And I have you, now, so I knew I couldn’t let myself down, either.” He trailed his finger down my nose to my lips. Then, softly, he began to trace the outline of my mouth.

  A blush started in my cheeks and raced all the way down to my toes. “Cut that out,” I whispered, gently removing his finger.

  “What?”

  “Making me want to kiss you. I have a feeling Nurse Killjoy would object.”

  “Mmm. Now I can’t think of anything else.”

  I untucked my hand from beneath my head and ran it carefully over the outer edges of his hair—the wavy part on top that never stayed quite where he put it. “I love you,” I whispered. “Please don’t ever let anything bad happen to you ever again. I mean it.”

  Ben reached over and touched my cheek. “I’m sorry, Cate.”

  I shook my head. “That’s not what I meant—it’s not your fault. I’m the one who should apologize. If it weren’t for me, you would never—”

  “Stop,” he gruffed. “The only people at fault are the people currently under arrest. End of discussion. What I meant was, I’m sorry that you had to go through this—all of it—and that you had to spend even a minute worrying about me. I don’t like that. I want to be the one worrying about you.”

  I turned my head and kissed his fingertip, which appeared uninjured. Then I looked him in the eyes again. “Too late. I think I’m going to worry about you forever, now.”

  Gold flecks glimmered in his eyes for the first time that evening. “I know it feels that way, but your anxiety will fade, I promise. And when we get back to our normal lives, I’m going to do my best to make sure you never have to worry about me, or anything else, ever again. I’ll even wear a GPS tracker if you want me to.”

  Smirking, I said, “You’d only do that as a way of talking me into wearing one too.”

  “That sounds fair.” The eyebrow that wasn’t swollen up like a golf ball arched upward. “Wait a minute, did you say you thought you were going to worry about me…forever?”

  “After what happened tonight? Yes, probably.”

  “Hmm.” He took his finger back and used it to stroke my cheek. “You do realize that would require spending the rest of your life with me.”

  The gold in his eyes was sparkling and jumping, so I knew he was only being half-serious, not trying to pressure me. What unsettled me was the absolute calm I felt when he said those words. Nothing inside of me tensed up from anxiety, or shouted in objection, or felt even the slightest bit uncomfortable. Rather, the deep sense of rightness I felt lying there next to him in the hospital bed grew stronger, infused with joy. I already knew that my heart called out to his, and his to mine, every moment of every day. The portal that connected us was strong and primal. I didn’t want to do anything except be with him, just like that, lying in bed, talking. We could have been floating in space for all I cared. Being there with Ben felt like home. In just a short time, he had become the best part of my life—and the best thing I’d ever known.

  I wished my mother were there, so I could tell her everything I was feeling, explain all that was happening, and ask her—is this love? Is this what people feel when they decide to commit to one another? How do you know?

  I felt her voice resonate through my chest: Yes, Cate. This is love. This is what you’re supposed to say “yes” to.

  I didn’t know if it was really her voice, or if my heart was making itself sound like her so I would listen to it. But as always, my anxiety also had to have its say. Could I believe what my heart was telling me, or was it playing a trick on me? Would I dive in and get used to a life of magic with Ben, only to have it all snatched away?

  Again, I felt my mother’s voice in my heart. It’s real, Cate. It’s not a trick. And it would be absurd to give up something this precious just because you’re afraid of losing it.

  I had to admit, she—or I—had a point. I felt like I was swirling down the inside of a happiness funnel, traveling ever closer to the hole at the bottom—the wonderful point of no return. I wasn’t ready to go there yet, but I didn’t see any point in keeping Ben in the dark about what was I was feeling, especially when he had consistently displayed so much openness and emotional courage. I knew he was patient; I knew he would wait for me as long as it took. But I didn’t want to make him wait any longer.

  I willed the portal between us to open, bathing in the love that flowed freely from him to me—always strong, always true. “If I tell you something,” I whispered, “will you promise not to tell anyone?”

  “Of course,” he whispered back.

  “I love the idea of spending the rest of my life with you.”

  His hand froze where it had been stroking my cheek. “You do?”

  Trying not to panic at what I’d just said, I played with his hair some more. “Yes.”

  “What does that mean?”

  A smile stretched all the way across my face. I should have known that he’d want more. He always wanted more.

  Sounding suspicious, he asked, “What are you smiling at?”

  That was it; the time had arrived to get down to brass tacks. I cleared my throat and said firmly, “Okay, look. This should go without saying, but just in case, I do not want to have a double wedding with Kai and Pete. I want that to be their day, and besides, New Year’s is way too soon. Simone would kill me, and Ardis would have a heart attack.”

  Keeping his eyes locked on mine, Ben nodded. “Fair enough.”

  “And I don’t want to get publicly engaged until well after their wedding, like February or March. Kai is so happy; I want him to enjoy the spotlight for a while without having to worry about being happy for anyone else. You know how he is; he goes all in on everything. I think it would be overwhelming for him, and he has enough on his mind, especially with Pete…”

  Ben nodded, saving me from having to say anything about Pete’s injury. “Got it.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re being extremely agreeable all of a sudden.”

  “I’ll agree to anything you want—as long as you agree to marry me, which it sounds like you might be on the verge of doing.”

  My god, he’s right, I thought, swallowing hard. “It does sound that way, doesn’t it?”

  The passion pouring from his eyes tripled in strength, so powerful that it knocked the breath out of me.

  “I’m in love with you, Cate,” he said, softly but with great intensity. “That will never change. Forgive me; it’s been a rough day, so I’m not much
for speeches right now. But I hope I don’t have to say much. Hopefully, you already know. You’re my life now, so my life is yours to make or destroy. Either way, I’m yours, and I’ll wait as long it takes to hear you say that you’re mine forever, too.”

  He coughed again, and I could see how much that short speech had taken out of him. My heart did an Olympic flying leap, trying to jump out of my chest and join his. And in that moment, I knew—I was his. I’d fallen headlong into love with Ben, and it was a love that would never go away. I knew it as surely as I knew that we were lying together there in the bed. There was no point keeping the truth from him anymore—or from myself.

  I rested my hand gently on the uninjured side of his head, the only part of him that I could be certain I wouldn’t hurt, and tried my best to let my heart speak through my eyes as I said, “I am.”

  Hope flashed across his bruised and broken face, and I could see that he hadn’t actually been expecting an answer right away. “You’re what?”

  I turned and kissed his finger, then once again joined my gaze with his. “I am yours forever.”

  Ben’s eyes fell closed, as though he’d been forcing them open all evening, and he could finally let them rest. His whole body seemed to relax, and his hand flattened against my cheek. “That’s all I needed to hear. That’s all I ever need to hear, for the rest of our lives.”

  “Good,” I whispered, stroking his hair again, marveling at how peaceful I felt in spite of having said and done something so momentous. “Then I’ll just keep telling you over and over.”

  “I won’t try to stop you.” His attempt to smile cracked my heart in two. “I hate to say this, but I seem to be falling asleep whether I want to or not.”

  “Please sleep,” I whispered, my whole body swimming in warmth. “Nothing would make me happier. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

  • • •

  ParaTrain Internship, Day Eleven

  Ben slept so soundly that I couldn’t stop checking to make sure that he was breathing. It was such a relief to see him resting peacefully after all he’d been through, even though I knew it was probably only thanks to the medications he’d been given. He barely stirred the few times the nurses came in to check his vitals and adjust his IV.

  I had stayed on the bed until he’d fallen asleep, then moved to the recliner to give him more room. In the morning, Ben looked both worse and better. His bruises were getting darker, and he seemed more stiff and pained when he moved. But he was awake and alert, his mood was clearly brighter, and he seemed back to himself in every way but physically. The doctor stopped by early to examine him, and said that Ben looked as she had expected. She also said that although they wanted to run a few more tests, he didn’t appear to have any internal bleeding, and she agreed with Pete’s assessment that Ben hadn’t suffered a concussion from the paintball. If all went well, she told us, Ben could probably leave that afternoon.

  Soon after, the nurses brought Ben his breakfast. As he took the lid off of the tray, the look on his face told me the hospital food wasn’t exactly stimulating his appetite. I decided to slip down to the cafeteria for fresh coffee and egg sandwiches. Thankfully, they proved more tempting, and I was happy to discover that Ben was still comfortable eating in front of me. I’d been a little worried that the trauma of the night before would have reactivated his phobia.

  Once we finished eating and were relaxing with our coffee, I couldn’t help asking a question that had been nagging at me. “Last night you said you’d tell me how you knew that help was on the way.”

  He managed a teasing half-smile. “No rest for the weary, huh?”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, immediately regretting bringing it up. “I was just so scared for you, and I wondered why you didn’t seem scared. Or were you scared, and you were just hiding it? But we can talk about it later.”

  “No, I’m the one who’s sorry,” he said, pushing the rolling tray away from his bed and scooting over to make room for me. “You’re so resilient that sometimes I forget you’re not used to this kind of thing. Of course you were scared; you must have been terrified. Forgive me, Cate. Come over and sit.”

  I sat and let him pull me down onto the bed until I was molded next to him again. This time his arm was wrapped around my waist, holding me. “The first thing you should know is that you were safe at all times,” he said. “That night after he invited us to the lodge, I made a phone call to Skeet and explained that you were very precious to me, so while we were at Mercier, I would hold him and our other hosts personally responsible for your safety. I reiterated this after he invited us to dinner on the yacht. Skeet reassured me that he understood.”

  “Understood what, exactly?”

  “That his safety and that of the other owners were directly tied to yours.”

  “You said that to him?”

  “I didn’t have to. He knows that whatever happens to me, Yankee Company will always have your back. We not only watch out for each other, but also for one another’s loved ones—even those of us who aren’t active duty anymore.”

  “Wow,” I said, duly humbled. “That’s reassuring, believe me—but it didn’t stop you from getting kidnapped. I knew Lonzie and Clayton and the other waterman were keeping an eye out for us on our trip to the yacht. Why did they let you get taken?”

  “Eve’s vision tipped us off that I might find myself in a hairy situation. We figured that if Mercier planned to grab me, and I went along with it, there was a chance we could get the information we needed to take them down. So we told everyone that if anyone tried to separate us, they shouldn’t interfere, just let me go and stay with you, to make sure you got back safely.”

  “But… How could you…? That doesn’t…” I sputtered, trying to contain my fury. I tried to prop myself up on my elbow, but Ben’s arm around my waist wouldn’t budge. “That is not okay! You getting kidnapped—that’s the part I was worried about! How could you be sure that we’d find you before—” I blinked back tears— “before they made you disappear?”

  Ben cupped my cheek, staring at me intently. “That was never going to happen, Cate.”

  “But how did you know?” I pleaded. “Because I didn’t know!”

  He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. Then he began stroking my hair, no doubt trying to relax me. “Pete and I had put a few key people on alert—Max, Yankee Company, the FBI.”

  I gaped at him. “And you didn’t think to mention that to me?”

  “I didn’t want to worry you.”

  “But you told Eve that when she saw you on the ground, bleeding, it was just her memories of the paintball incident intruding on her vision!”

  “I didn’t want to worry her, either.”

  “Okay.” I took a deep breath, gathering my patience. “I understand not wanting to worry Eve, but you said we were going to tell each other things from now on, remember? No more secrets?”

  “I didn’t know for sure what Eve’s vision meant,” he said. “I just had my suspicions, so we took some precautions. What I did know for sure was that you had a demanding role to play on the yacht, and I didn’t want you to be distracted, worrying about things that might never even happen. Besides, I knew that if things went sideways, you could always check on me through the portal and put your mind at ease. As it turns out, my kidnapping was the break we needed. We’ve got everything we need now to hang these guys.”

  It was clear that Ben believed his rationale was sound. It was also clear that at some point in the future, we were going to have a serious conversation about what the term “keeping secrets” meant—not to mention the term “double standard.”

  “Okay, yes,” I conceded. “If I had thought that you were going to be in danger, I would definitely have had trouble play-acting at dinner. But we also could have just not gone to dinner! We could have just gone home, and none of this would have happened, and you wouldn’t be in the hospital right now!”

  At that, the tears I’d been holding back beg
an to flow freely. Ben pressed my head against his shoulder and kept stroking my hair. “It’s all right, Cate,” he soothed. “Everything’s okay now. It’s over, we’re all safe, and the mission was a success. And if Eve’s vision was right, what we did was of crucial importance, with much broader consequences than we had imagined. If Mercier had been allowed to continue accumulating power and influence, with murderous men running the organization, there’s no telling how much harm they could have done.”

  My body shuddered. “I can’t believe—oh god. They were killing sensitives, Ben. Hunting them down and killing them in cold blood.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you think—do you think we actually did it?” I whispered. “Cut the head off the snake, stopped the rising darkness? Do you think it’s over?”

  “I’m sure of it,” he said. “And we couldn’t have done it without you—any of it. You were amazing, Cate—so brave and quick off the mark. And you fought like a true warrior. You should feel incredibly proud.”

  My trust in Ben had grown to the point that I just opened up and let his words flow through me, let him soothe me without fighting it. Slowly, my tears ebbed and finally stopped. Ben loaned me his hospital blanket to dry my face, then I tucked my head into his shoulder again. We fell into a peaceful silence, cradled together in the knowledge that we had accomplished something meaningful, and that now we could rest.

  I did allow a small bit of pride to break through all of my other emotions. After all, Ben, a Marine, had said I’d fought like a true warrior. I was a little surprised that he was praising me for fighting, instead of going on about how I shouldn’t have put myself in danger by attacking Harris. Maybe he was learning to trust my judgment. I smiled into his shoulder. “Who told you about my warrior moves?”

  “Max did. He heard about it from Lonzie.”

  “Lonzie?” I frowned, sifting through my memories of the night. “But Lonzie wasn’t there.”

  “He was. Lonzie was one of the men who rescued you from the speedboat, remember? He told me how fearless you were with Phil—and that you scratched him up pretty good, too.”