Lollipop

by David Fletcher

  This would not pick up any local life-signs because there weren't any. But it would pick up Cristalina - and where she was. And again this was just what they'd planned - and was a further reason for their landing where they had done: where there were no Earthlings. So everything was going really smoothly.

  Then there was a bit of a bump.

  Renton and Boz had discovered that Madeleine had gone with Cristalina. They didn't know why, but they knew how: under the cover of all that night stuff. And this was definitely not planned. And Renton couldn't decide whether to be furious or horrified.

  And then there was another bump.

  Bessie left in pursuit of Cristalina - and Madeleine - but not only with all her bruisers, but with the Master as well. And they should have expected this, but they hadn't. And it was so obvious: take all your resources - to where they might be needed - but take the Master too, to ensure perfect behaviour back on the ship. It was no more than she'd done before. And it had worked. And it would work again. The Lagooners wouldn't make a move. Not until they had their Master back.

  So Renton was now no longer pretty happy. In fact, for the first time on this trip, he wished he'd have been one of its normal passengers, one of its countless seekers after sex. For they had none of the problems that now beset him. Indeed, they had no real problems at all. They didn't even know that the ship had landed. As far as they were concerned, they were still in deep space. There were no outside windows in this vessel and its landing had been no more than a slight jolt. So they were oblivious of everything - and still engrossed in all their distractions. And if only Renton were as well…

  But he wasn't. And it was now time to do something about those two bumps. It was time to leave the ship with Boz and track down some broads. They had to. It might be the only way they could get Madeleine back. And maybe the only way they'd get the Master back too.

  So they took a last fix on the life-signs, took a maser each from the arms store, and were just about to leave…

  And that's when there was the third bump.

  It was Orphenia. She didn't want to stop them leaving. But she did want to stop them leaving on foot. And the reason she wanted them to do this, made bump number three the biggest of the lot.

  And that's why Renton was now quite sure that anything and everything could go wrong.

  58.

  Earth had a moon. And as luck would have it, it was full. This was jolly good news. It meant there was no need for torches; Madeleine and Cristalina could conduct their night-time perambulations by moonlight alone. And this meant discreetly. From a distance they were invisible, just two tiny dots on a landscape - and lost in that landscape. Whoever chose to pursue them would have to wait until daylight to spot them.

  And this suited Madeleine fine. For it gave them time. Time to get clear of the Lollipop, and time to savour…

  Yes, here she was, a pioneer, a visitor to the cradle world, to the world where it had all begun. Where mankind had set off for his conquest of the cosmos. And just look at it! Just look at it!

  It was superb. It was a silver masterpiece, a shimmering expanse of rolling meadow as far as the eye could see, a vista of gleaming grey grassland rising and falling like the waves of some frozen ocean. It was incredible - and utterly stunning.

  Heck, the grass even felt good. It was soft, really soft. It was almost as though it wasn't there. Surely, if there was ever a Garden of Eden, thought Mad, then this is what they'd have had for the lawn… It was so gentle and so silky. And this Earth place… well, it had so much of it!

  This was indisputable. Certainly, on this patch of the planet, the paradise prairie was the predominant feature. Indeed it was the only feature. But there again Madeleine was not surprised. Boz's plan had required that the Lollipop be plopped down onto an uninhabited part of this world, and this was definitely that. There was simply no sign of human habitation anywhere. Nor indeed of human interference, none of the usual marks: fences, roads, pylons. Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.

  But this didn't matter. For however far away the nearest Earthlings were, Madeleine knew that within a very short time of their using the radio, their hosts would arrive. Heck, if they had the technology to build the Lollipop, they'd certainly have the technology to turn up quickly. They were bound to.

  And the radio would be used as night turned to day. By then, all of them, the pursuers and the pursued alike, would be a long way from the ship - and effectively marooned. Retreating to the vessel would not be an option - and Bessie would be trapped. Furthermore Madeleine and Cristalina could use the light of the early morning to keep an eye out for the hounds - and if necessary they could hide - long enough anyway to allow the Earthlings to arrive and assist them. And then that would be that. Bessie Broperhoperen would be well and truly nabbed.

  Well, that was the plan…

  59.

  …this is what happened.

  As the sky lightened in the… well, in whatever direction the sky first lightens in this world, Madeleine made a start.

  The radio they'd brought with them needed a little preparation. It had a prodigious transmitter - to enable them to be heard over thousands of square miles - and it had to be set up. It had to be fiddled with and twiddled with, and only then would it do its job - only then would it allow them to rouse the Earthlings of this world.

  And so she fiddled and then she twiddled - and finally it was ready. And contact was initiated!

  To begin with she thought it was broken. But she checked it several times and she was certain it wasn't. And she was using it correctly. She had to be. It was a standard SLN model - albeit a super-powerful one - and she'd used this type a thousand times before. And there just wasn't a chance that she'd got it wrong. So she kept on trying. She kept on trying for almost an hour. And all the time she got nothing. She'd been inviting a response - first of all from the representatives of “authority” on this planet, and then from anyone at all on this planet, anyone at all who might have tuned in. But zero. Not a peep. Not a whisper. Not so much as an abusive caller. But why? Why were they choosing to snub her? Why on Earth were they spurning her calls?

  Well, she had no idea. And neither did Cristalina. Although Cristalina did have an observation to make. But not about the radio. No, it was about her duties as a lookout. And her observation was that for both of them, the immediate lookout was a very poor one, if not a totally desperate one. Because there in the distance, just visible in the early morning light, were Bessie and her bouncers - with what looked to be the Master. And they were heading straight their way.

  Madeleine's stomach turned to ice. This wasn't what she'd planned. And the Master there as well!

  And then it got worse. Bessie's pack had seen them. They were running. They were charging towards them. In less than a minute they'd be on them. They needed to get away. Make a break for it. Forget the radio and just run like the wind.

  And then she saw Cristalina. She had frozen. She had gone rigid with fright. This wasn't what she'd planned either.

  She slapped her. Hard across the face. But nothing. Not even a flicker. And now the hounds were only seconds away. So she had no choice. She had to leave not only her radio but her companion as well. And within an instant she had. She was running as fast as she could away from her pursuers - and deeper into the sea of grass…

  She had a good pair of legs and a whole pile of motivation. And this was just as well. Because Bessie's girls clearly had no plans to give up. And Madeleine needed to run fast and to keep running fast just to outpace them. But she couldn't shake them off…

  She was already tiring. Then she saw it: a rise in the carpet of grass, an uphill bit that masked the landscape beyond. And it might be a forest landscape. Or a landscape of swampland and bush. Or any sort of landscape other than this endless prairie where there was nowhere to hide. So she had to go for it. She didn't relish the thought of running uphill, but if it meant she might find somewhere where she could conceal herself, then she had to give i
t a try.

  It was bloody hard work. But eventually she reached the top off the rise and she was standing at its summit. And there in front of her was just more grassland stretching into the distance. Oh, and there at her feet, was the edge of a cliff. This wasn't a hill she'd climbed; it was an escarpment. And at its top was a two hundred foot drop to the grass field below. She was trapped. And those busty hounds were now only yards away. She was completely buggered.

  So, in due course was Bessie. Madeleine had been restrained by the chasing band of beefy beauties, and then they'd all waited at the top of the escarpment for the half hour or so it had taken for Bessie to drag her oversize carcass to the same spot. And by this time, she was completely knackered and well out of puff. In fact, for a fleeting moment, Madeleine thought that a coronary might be her salvation. That Bessie's heart might just decide that enough was enough, and that being entombed in a pneumatic sarcophagus had now lost its sparkle. But no such luck. Maybe it was just indecisive. But whatever the reason, it went on pumping, and Bessie began to recover…

  However, Madeleine was still puzzled. Why had she struggled up this slope when it would have been far, far easier to have had her quarry delivered to her where she was? After all, it was now very clear that the chasing group had been in contact with her. And that contact could have been used to tell her they were returning with their prize - rather than telling her were they were - so that she could come to them. And then it occurred to her. It was when she spotted her still traumatized companion peering over the edge of the cliff. (For Cristalina had been brought along too. As had the Master.) It was the cliff, and its height above the ground below. This was a dangerous place, a threatening place, just the sort of place to inject a little pressure into any planned interrogation. Yes, Madeleine and her lovely companion were in the ideal place to learn how to bungee jump without a rope. And probably very soon. And quite likely the only way to prevent their doing this was to talk. They might have to tell Bessie all they knew.

  Well that was fine - other than one minor problem, one minor glitch: they had nothing at all they could tell. It wasn't info that Bessie was after, it was expo: the exposure on film of her deeds. And when she had that, then her business would be over. And so too would Madeleine and Cristalina - over that bloody cliff. This escarpment location wasn't to provide some pressure; it was to provide some pretence, the pretence of an accident. Two outworlders coming to grief on a new world - by tripping over an awkward piece of its geography. Such a shame - but quite credible and easily credible enough to convince those Earthling authorities. If, that is, they ever turned up.

  'Shoot,' thought Madeleine, 'I'm going to be killed. I'm going to be disposed of. Me and the ambitious Miss Cristalina here. We've both of us had it, and there's nothing we can do about it.'

  …and at this point, Bessie said her first words. She now had just enough breath.

  'You, you…' she said, breathing heavily, 'you bitch you, you stupid great bitch you. You're in so much fuckin' trouble, you and Miss Cristalina here. You're both of you in deep spraint territory. And I mean…' and here she had to stop to catch her breath '…I mean, there's no way out. Do you understand? No way out at all.'

  This greeting did nothing to dispel Madeleine's fears. Nor did Bessie's first request.

  'Well, I know you've got the soddin' film,' she managed between a couple more gasps. 'Cristalina told me. So come on, you effin' bitch, before we go any further. Hand the thing over. Now. Come on. Let's be havin' it. Now!'

  Madeleine just stared. She was trying to think of what to do - and what might happen if she did hand over the film - and what might happen if she didn't. Where did the bungee jump fit into that decision? Was it in any way an option? Did it depend in any way on what she did? Or was it just a standard fitting, an unavoidable aspect of their situation? And the more she thought about it, the more she thought it was: a racing cert, a positive inevitability. Things were not looking good.

  'I said now, you bitch,' screamed Bessie, 'or else you've had it. You and this soddin' goonie here. So now. Come on. Now. And I won't ask again.'

  She didn't. But not for the reason one might have expected. Instead it was because of the intervention of one of her bruisers, a young lady by the name of Calli. And it was the intervention of a terrified child.

  'Oh mummy,' she said suddenly, 'look, they're all over the place. They're everywhere! They're everywhere!'

  And as she delivered this item of news, she was frantically scanning the ground.

  'What?' snapped Bessie. 'What the fuck are you on about?'

  'Them. It's them,' babbled the terrified Calli. 'They're everywhere. They're everywhere. Can't you see them?' And then she pointed. 'Look, there's one on your leg.'

  Madeleine looked at Bessie's legs. And sure enough, there on the right one was something just below her knee - and it was climbing upwards. It was a cockroach, a big reddish-brown cockroach, almost two inches long. And there was another one - on Bessie's boot. And Christ, there was one here as well - on her own bloody boot. And as she looked closer she could see that Calli was right. They were everywhere. The ground was crawling with them. Only, of course, they weren't crawling. They were scurrying. They were scurrying in that way that only cockroaches can scurry. And it wasn't very nice.

  Suddenly Bessie became busy, busy with fending them off. And all the girls became busy too. And very soon they were all hopping and slapping for all they were worth, all of them clearly intent on maintaining a roach-free existence for as long as they could - and at the expense of their current official duties. They'd become distracted, very distracted. And now Madeleine had a chance…

  It wasn't much of one. They were all still armed. And getting away unnoticed would be just about impossible. So could she do it? Could she really use this roach-fest as her means of escape? Or could she use it simply to bring forward her extinction… courtesy of a maser? And that didn't appear too attractive. But there again neither did the grass…

  Strange really. But it's quite amazing how something quite incidental can capture your attention even in times of intense stress, when you would think that all your mental focus would be otherwise engaged. But it can happen. And it was happening now - to Madeleine. Because as she'd been weighing up her chances of getting away, she'd had her eyes on the roaches. And it was as she was watching their scurrying in the grass, that she noticed the grass itself. And noticed it properly for the first time.

  During the night, she'd seen only its beauty. Then it had been a fabulous silvery lawn, a living carpet of enchantment spread out before her. But now… Well now, close up, and for the first time in full daylight, it didn't look quite so good. In fact, it didn't look quite so good at all. There was something wrong with it. It wasn't quite a normal grass colour. It was just a little bit too… well, too green. And each blade… well, it was as though each was a clone of its neighbour. There was absolutely no variation. Every blade was the same height, the same girth and the same shape. It looked more manufactured than anything natural. And that softness… It now made Madeleine feel revolted - as though she'd been touched by something loathsome, something plainly unwholesome. And then she knew. Then she knew what this “paradise” was really all about, what Earth was really all about. But even when you know, you want to be sure…

  So she turned to the Master - all thoughts of escaping now drained from her mind - and she asked him the question, the question that would give her the sureness she sought.

  'It's like this all over, isn't it?' she said. 'The whole surface of the Earth, it's covered in it. And there's nothing else, is there? No other sort of vegetation at all?'

  The Master nodded. 'Yes,' he said slowly. 'You're right. This is all there is. And it's everywhere.'

  'And the cockroaches?' asked Madeleine. 'Are they everywhere too?'

  'Yes,' he replied. 'They're diurnal cockroaches. They emerge from the ground in the morning - just as you've observed.'

  'What was that you said?' screamed a
new voice. 'That it's like this everywhere?'

  It was, of course, Bessie. And she'd somehow tuned into the Master's explanation. She was still hopping and slapping, but this wasn't about to stop her intervening. And already she had a new question.

  'You tellin' me this whole fuckin' place is screwed up?' she shouted at the Master. 'Is that what you're sayin'? I mean, like it's one big fuckin' prairie, and it's all covered in shit-fuckin' roaches?'

  'Well, yes…' began the Master.

  'And what about the people?' interrupted Bessie. 'You know, the locals. What the hell do they do about it? They can't just sit around. Shit, they can't even just stand around!'

  'There are no locals,' said the Master slowly. 'Nobody lives on this world. It's just this grass and the cockroaches and…'

  'What!' screeched Bessie at the top of her voice. 'You mean there aren't any Earthlings? There's nobody here at all? I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. And anyway… I mean, if there's only roaches here, what the fuck do they live on? They're not payin' much attention to the grass. And they're not cannibals, are they? They don't eat each other?'

  At this point Bessie nearly fell over. Her hopping had become more erratic as she spoke, and she'd almost lost her balance. However the prospect of falling into a bed of two-inch long cockroaches inspired her into a balletic correction and she managed to stay upright.

  'And come to think of it, what eats the cockroaches? Yeah, what about that? Who eats the fuckin' roaches?'

  'They do,' said the Master. 'And when they die the roaches feed on them.'

  As he said this he was pointing to the swathe of green at the base of the escarpment behind them. And on this green, five or six hundred yards from where they stood, there was now also brown, a brown stain, a large almost circular brown stain. And the stain was moving; it was moving up the escarpment towards them. Quickly - very quickly indeed.