Night of Never

by Megan O'Russell

  Emanuel built a good home.

  Nola hated herself for being impressed almost as much as she hated herself for being in Nightland.

  “Make a count,” Beauford said. He’d turned to lie on his side, his brow wrinkling as he watched Nola.

  “What do you mean?” Nola asked.

  “If you can’t decide which is worse, being here or in the domes,” Beauford said. “Maybe you’re even thinking you would have been better off in the city.”

  “I wouldn’t last a night in the city,” Nola said.

  “You’ve had Graylock.” T’s gaze stayed fixed on the door.

  “Okay, a week then,” Nola said.

  “It’s bigger than you surviving, and you know it,” Beauford said. “If you want to know who the real monsters are, count bodies. How many has Nightland killed, how many have the domes killed?”

  Nola’s mind raced through blood and shattered glass. “I don’t know all the numbers.”

  “But you can guess,” Beauford said.

  “It all changed on the bridge,” Nola said. “It would have been Nightland before that.”

  “But the domes slaughtered wolves and outsiders,” Beauford said.

  “They were attacking,” Nola said.

  “The domes attacked Nightland,” T said, “and Nightland attacked the domes. And the domes decided to put down the riots and everyone in them, and the wolves decided to fight back. What they put you through on the bridge never should have happened. Outsiders locked up in cages under the domes never should have happened. Needing Vamp to survive never should have happened. Charles leaving me never should have happened. When everything is dark, a lot of never should haves happen. This is the only chance we have to survive. They’re keeping children alive here. If Nightland will protect my baby, then I don’t care who else they’ve hurt. The domes would have dumped us outside to die at best, killed us themselves if they felt like it. That decides it all for me.”

  “You’re right,” Nola whispered. “You’re absolutely right.”

  “There is no right, only the least bloody path to survival.” T leaned forward in her chair, staring at the door as though willing it to open.

  The room slipped back into silence.

  A little girl ran past their door, laughing, and a woman chased her, scolding.

  Seventy-two Domers killed when Nightland attacked.

  At least a hundred on the bridge when the domes set off the bomb.

  She didn’t know how many vampires had been killed when the domes had raided Nightland.

  Nola gasped as a sharp knock sounded on the door.

  “Come in.” T tightened her grip on Nola’s hand.

  Julian stepped into the room, his dark shining hair perfectly in place. His sword sheathed at his hip.

  “Nola.” He bowed. “It is an unexpected but truly pleasant surprise to see you again.” The words rolled perfectly out of his mouth, the inflection different from anyone else Nola had heard speak in the city or the domes.

  “I’m just as surprised as you are, Julian,” Nola said.

  “Julian?” T stood, still clutching Nola’s hand. “You’re the one who was going to find Charles.”

  “T?” Julian said.

  T nodded.

  Nola’s heart shattered at the pain that drifted through Julian’s black eyes.

  “I’m so terribly sorry,” Julian said. “I’m afraid Charles didn’t make it to our new Nightland.”

  T’s knees buckled. Nola caught her under the arms before she hit the floor.

  “What do you mean he didn’t make it?” Beauford pushed the chair behind T, helping Nola to lower her into the seat.

  “I’m not sure how much you know,” Julian said. “Charles came with us to the domes. He was an excellent fighter, one of the best we had.”

  “Then where is he?” T said.

  Nola held onto T, keeping her in the chair even as her whole body shook.

  “He was wounded in the fighting at the domes,” Julian said. “His group made it out of the glass, but the werewolves had seen the explosion. They were waiting across the bridge. They picked off the wounded before we could stop them. Charles died fighting for a better future for Nightland.”

  A wail tore from T’s throat as she crumpled in Nola’s arms.

  “I know it won’t seem like much now,” Julian said, “but Charles wanted Nightland to reach its new home to protect his child. He died ensuring your baby’s future. I know he would be happy you found your way to us.”

  Nola wasn’t sure T could understand Julian’s words through her sobs.

  “You should leave,” Beauford said.

  “Of course.” Julian bowed again. “If there’s anything I can do—”

  “We need water and food for her,” Nola said.

  “Right away.”

  Nola didn’t bother to watch the door shut behind him.

  Beauford lifted T from her chair.

  Nola pulled back the sheets on the nearest cot.

  “He’s gone,” T sobbed. “We came all this way, and he’s gone.”

  Nola pulled up the covers, tucking T in. “Shh, you’re okay. We’re safe now, and it’s going to be okay.” She curled up behind T, holding her tightly as she cried. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

  The lie soured in her mouth.

  Chapter Eight

  A day had passed. Or maybe only a few hours. It was hard to know when Nola didn’t need sleep. Not the way she used to at least.

  She made T eat and drink some water. The fruit, bread, and cheese were more than Nola had expected. The water didn’t taste of chemicals, or numb her mouth with unknown contamination. A hint of earth was the only thing that set it behind dome standards.

  She’d curled up in the same bed with T, holding her while she cried herself to sleep. Beauford snored quietly in the bed across the room. But Nola couldn’t sleep. Neither her body nor her brain were tired.

  Closing her eyes against the light coming from under the door, she tried to clear her mind. But shadows climbed into her thoughts, unwilling to let her go.

  Her mother sitting in her seed laboratory, refusing to acknowledge Nola was gone. Or maybe refusing to admit she’d had a daughter at all. Captain Ridgeway, Jeremy’s father and the head of the Outer Guard, pacing in his office, plotting a way to find his son.

  Will he be finding him to save him, or to protect the Graylock?

  Tears squeezed from Nola’s eyes.

  It wasn’t right. Jeremy shouldn’t be out here. He should be safe at home. Raina would have saved Nola.

  And I’d be a vampire. And I’d never see Jeremy again.

  Nola bit the inside of her lips, willing her tears to stay silent.

  The domes would give up on trying to find them soon, if they hadn’t already. Even Captain Ridgeway wouldn’t risk his men going out beyond the city limits to find his son.

  Her tears passed, but still Nola couldn’t find sleep.

  She’d climbed a mountain, she should be exhausted. She considered each part of her body, from her toes up, looking for pain or strength. Any sign that she had nearly died and chemicals had altered the way her body worked to save her. Everything felt the same.

  I’m never going to sleep again.

  Nola lifted her arm off of T, hating herself for her choice even as she made it.

  The cot squeaked as she stood. Nola froze, waiting for T to wake. But exhaustion and grief trapped her in sleep.

  “I’ll be back soon,” Nola whispered.

  Checking the case on her hip, Nola opened the door a crack and slipped out into the hall, closing the door behind her.

  “Nola.”

  She jumped, her heart throttling her throat. She spun to see a boy in jeans and a red shirt sitting on the floor.

  “It’s just me,” Jeremy said as Nola finally looked at his face. “Raina thought it best if I ditched the uniform.”

  “Probably.”

  “I feel naked without it.” Jeremy
stood. The foreign brightness of his shirt didn’t diminish his size, but rather made him seem bigger and younger at the same time.

  “What are you doing here?” Nola asked.

  “I knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep.” Jeremy shrugged. “And I didn’t think you’d want to lie still for very long.”

  “Do we not sleep?” Nola asked, her head spinning at the concept of never sleeping again. “Does Graylock make it so you can’t?”

  “You will sleep,” Jeremy said. “Just not as much or as often. I only do about six hours every three days.”

  “Is it awful?”

  “Not once you get used to it. Give it a couple weeks and you’ll be all right. If we can find you a watch, it’ll help. Keeps the meaning in time.”

  Nola rubbed her eyes, testing them for fatigue. “How did I never notice you not sleeping?” Nola asked. “I slept beside you in your hospital bed. Or was that a lie? Were you only faking?”

  “I would never lie to you, Nola.”

  She made a sound between a growl and a laugh.

  “I never lied,” Jeremy pressed on. “There were just some things I wasn’t allowed to tell you.”

  “Like that you were taking a drug to change the way your body works or that there was a bomb planted under the bridge?”

  “Yes.”

  Nola turned her back on him, striding down the hall toward Emanuel’s library.

  “Nola.” Jeremy’s bootfalls thumped after her. “Nola.” He took her arm.

  Nola stopped, glaring at Jeremy’s hand touching her.

  “Sorry.” He tucked his hands in his jeans pockets. “I couldn’t tell you about Graylock. The whole thing was classified, and the Council had banned normal domes citizens from knowing about it.”

  “Because sane people would know it was wrong,” Nola said.

  “But you were willing to forgive it, remember?” A line wrinkled Jeremy’s brow. “The Graylock saved me. I would have died without it.”

  Nola dragged her hand through her hair, catching her fingers on her tangled curls. “Fine, Graylock I can forgive, but using me to kill people—”

  “I never thought they’d actually take you out there,” Jeremy said, his tone shifting as his desperation grew. “If I had known my dad was going to send you out to face a pack of wolves, I would have told you to hide until it was all over. It wasn’t until I saw you by the bridge that I even knew you were there.”

  “But you knew about the bombs,” Nola said. “You knew they were going to wait until the bridge was packed and then blow it up, with both of us still on it.”

  “Yes. I knew about the bomb.”

  Nola turned away, unwilling to look at Jeremy’s face and see a murderer.

  “But I had no control over when the explosives went off.” Jeremy stepped around to stand in front of Nola again. “It shouldn’t have happened the way it did. They should have blown the bridge as soon as they could. Part of Lucifer’s group might have been killed, but it would have been worth it to block the rest of the mob, you’ve got to be able to see that.”

  Nola willed her mind back to the bridge. To Lucifer promising to kill and eat the Domers if they wouldn’t give up their food supply.

  A massacre of the people who hid in the glass castle.

  Nola nodded.

  “I don’t know why my father waited until the bridge was full,” Jeremy said. “Maybe he thought you could talk them down, or at least wanted to seem like he’d tried to end things peacefully. Maybe the explosives weren’t ready. I don’t know. It wasn’t my choice. If it had been, you would have stayed inside, and the bridge would have been blown before any Outer Guard set foot on it. I don’t know why the guards were ordered to kill you, and I don’t know what they would do to me if they found me.”

  “They’d catch you and stick you in a concrete cell or kill you on sight.” Nola wrapped her arms around her chest, trying to squeeze out the pain of thinking of Jeremy dead.

  “Nola, when you told me what you’d done to help Nightland, I forgave you.”

  Nola looked up to the light on the ceiling, willing the brightness to burn away the image of Jeremy’s pleading face.

  “I was angry, but I knew you were only trying to help people. And those people used you, and lied to you.”

  “I’ve been lied to a lot.” Nola pushed the words past the knot in her throat.

  “I was lied to, too,” Jeremy whispered. “The Outer Guard are supposed to protect the citizens of the domes and they used you. They hurt you. I didn’t think my father or any of the other guards were capable of that.”

  “So you want me to just forgive you?” Nola blinked away the spots from the light. Tears trickled down her cheeks. “To just say, ‘Oops, I watched a hundred people get blown up, but that’s okay, I still love you?’”

  “No, I don’t.” Pain echoed in Jeremy’s voice. “I want you to not hate me. I want you to be able to walk next to me without cringing at the sight of me. I need to protect you, Nola.”

  “I don’t need—”

  “Because protecting you is all I have. And whether you ever love me again or not, I will spend the rest of my life loving you.” He reached out, gently brushing the tears from Nola’s cheeks. “I have to keep you safe, because not knowing if you’re okay hurts a lot more than getting shot or stabbed, and I don’t know if I can take it.”

  “Jeremy…”

  “You don’t have to be in love with me,” Jeremy said. “But at least trust me to be your friend. I swear to you, Nola, I will never hide anything from you again, even if I think it’ll scare you. And no matter what it costs me, I promise there will be no more secrets. Just let me be near you, that’s all I need.”

  “I don’t need a bodyguard.”

  “Then let me teach you to fight,” Jeremy said. “Since I’ve promised honesty, it felt really good to see you pummeling Kieran.”

  Nola coughed a laugh.

  “But your form was bad.” Jeremy grinned. “You could have done a lot more damage if you knew what you were doing.”

  A twinkle glimmered in the corner of his eye. Like the old Jeremy, the one who had always known how to make her laugh, was waiting right below the surface.

  Either way it’ll hurt.

  “Fine,” Nola said. “You can teach me how to fight. But you don’t get to fight for me, or speak for me, or make choices for me.”

  “Deal.” Jeremy held out his hand.

  “Deal.”

  The warmth of Jeremy’s hand spread up Nola’s arm. It would be so easy to twine her fingers through his. To lean into his chest and feel safe and secure, like being so far from home didn’t matter because home had come with her.

  “It’s probably best we’re on speaking terms anyway.” She dropped Jeremy’s hand but let him keep step beside her as they continued toward the library. “I have no idea what Graylock is doing to me, we’re the only two on Graylock outside the domes’ control, and the only two Domers in Nightland.”

  “It’ll be good to have you watching my back,” Jeremy said. “I have a feeling the Vampers will be a lot friendlier to you than they will to me.”

  A smile curved Nola’s lips before she could stop it. “First rule: don’t call them Vampers. Go with vampires. It’s more likely to keep their teeth from your neck.”

  “I’m learning already.”

  The doors to Emanuel’s library were shut. Nola had never been left on her own to wander the tunnels of Nightland under the city. She’d only been alone as she fled the blood and screams of the Outer Guard’s attack on the club. She raised her hand to knock. Flakes of blood still marked her knuckles.

  She shoved the doors open. Her heart skipped a beat as she waited for someone to scream at her for barging in or to attack her for being in a forbidden place.

  But the library was empty and unguarded.

  “What are we doing here?” Jeremy asked. “Not that I’m questioning your decision.”

  “In the tunnels, Dr. Wynne’s laboratory
was right behind the library, in Emanuel’s house. We need to see Dr. Wynne, and this seems like a good place to look.”

  A painting hung over the door at the back of the room. Nola studied the picture as they neared. A girl in a garden, sitting in a sea of flowers, surrounded by trees dripping with fruit.

  Emanuel’s dream for Eden.

  Nola paused with her hand on the door. To enter the throne room was one thing, to enter a home another.

  Knock, knock, knock.

  The sound thudded through the thick door.

  The door swung open a few seconds later.

  Raina, her hair re-dyed to its scarlet and purple streaked glory, leaned against the doorjamb. “Have you come to punch Kieran some more?”

  “He would deserve it if I had,” Nola said.

  “Aren’t children adorable with their little temper tantrums?” Raina cooed.

  “We’re here to see Dr. Wynne,” Nola said. “I’m assuming his lab is back here.”

  “Keep the jewels close to the keeper.” Raina stepped out of their way. “Be gentle with the doctor.”

  “How is he?” Nola asked.

  “His eyes are turning a nice shade of black.” Raina led them down the hall, past a kitchen and four closed doors.

  “He had to take ReVamp?” Grief pressed into Nola’s lungs.

  “His genius bordering on madness had turned more to madness,” Raina said. “His memory started to slip when Kieran was almost killed by the Outer Guard who raided Nightland.”

  “And what good is he to Emanuel without his brain?” Nola said.

  “What good is he to himself if he can’t think?” Raina said. “He injected himself, no one pinned him down.”

  “At least there’s some mercy in that,” Jeremy said.

  “Oh, are we letting lover boy speak?” Raina stopped at the only metal door in the hall.

  “My name is Jeremy.”

  “So says you.” Raina tapped on the door, not waiting before she swung it open. “Company, Doctor.”

  “Company?” Dr. Wynne looked up from the papers on his desk. His hair had gone fully gray and stuck out at odd angles, as though each of his thoughts blew his hair in a new direction. His pale skin had been nearly translucent the last time Nola had seen him, but the ReVamp had thickened it, hiding the trails of blue. The drugs had begun turning his eyes black, but as they found Nola’s face, they held a sharper awareness than Nola had seen from him in a very long time.