by Bell, Adora
With sweaty fingers, Sara fumbled for her lap belt, the pervading sense of anxiety still causing her heart to beat too fast.
"Hey there, are you OK?"
Sara whipped round, and saw that the handsome guy in the next seat had lowered the divider between them. She hadn't realized you could lock them shut. She blinked stupidly at him, still half asleep, her mouth incapable of forming words.
"Sorry didn't mean to intrude...just, you were making some pretty strange noises."
Sara flushed, hoping it hadn't been too obvious what she was dreaming about. What if the rest of the plane had heard? It didn't bear thinking about
"Oh no, was I? I'm sorry, I must have been dreaming. I hope I didn't disturb you."
"Not at all," he replied, flashing a killer smile. There was a hint of the South in his accent, and his voice had a honeyed softness to it that perfectly complimented his chiseled good looks. Wow, Sara thought, he must have to beat women off with a stick
"I was just trying to decide what to order for lunch," he continued, "or is it dinner? Maybe tomorrow's breakfast for all I know, I get confused with all these changing time zones."
Sara smiled, feeling the overwhelming sadness of her dream start to fade away.
"You look like you need a drink," the handsome stranger said, signalling to the stewardess as he spoke. She looked up pointedly at the fasten seat belt sign, but just at that moment it switched off
"Perfect timing," he said with a grin, "a glass of champagne for the lovely lady, and I'll have a red wine. And the steak, please." He turned back to Sara. "Steak seems a fairly safe bet, whatever meal this turns out to be. Although if it is breakfast, the wine might be a problem. Just don't tell my therapist."
He scooped the champagne flute off the proffered tray and handed it to Sara, before clinking his glass against hers.
"Lovely to meet you, Miss..."
"Sara. Sara Lansbury."
"Chris Gray," he said, offering his hand. Sara couldn't help smiling as she shook it.
"Yes, I know. I've thought about changing it ever since those darn books came out. But it's Christopher, for starters, and I'm only a millionaire. Not hit my first billion quite yet."
Sara couldn't be sure if he was joking or not, and she didn't like to ask.
"I am excellent in the sack though," he added, with a wink. Sara almost choked on her champagne."So, Sara, are you a member of the mile high club?” This guy wasn't pulling any punches. Unsure how to respond, Sara merely stared, which he apparently took as a cue to continue talking.
“There's no greater thrill, you know...sneaking into the bathroom, the fear of being caught. You could even do it in one of these compartments I bet...one of the little perks of travelling First. There's quite a scene, you know. Lots of regular business travellers who like to mix things up. Certainly makes long haul more interesting, if you know what I mean.” He leaned towards her, and Sara caught a whiff of the alcohol on his breath. “Why don't you and I, uh, get to know each other a little better?” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I'll meet you in the right hand bathroom in ten. I'll go first, make it less obvious.”
“I have a boyfriend.” Sara said curtly. Even if that was only true in her dreams.
“This Jack guy? You certainly sounded pretty mad at him just now.”
Sara blushed again. She couldn't believe she'd been talking in her sleep, it was just so embarrassing.
“Don't worry sweetheart, he'll never find out. What happens up here, stays up here, you know?” He winked at her as he slid out of his seat, and Sara suppressed a shudder. She waved down an approaching stewardess.
“Excuse me?”
“Yes madam?”
“Um, how do you lock these dividers? I was thinking of taking a nap.”
“Just push the button to raise the partition, then when it's fully closed, slide it forward to lock. Would you like anything else, a blanket perhaps?”
“That would be lovely. Thank you.”
Securely enclosed in her compartment, safe from even the most handsome of creeps, Sara snuggled down under the soft blanket. Still four hours to their destination. She sighed with frustration. As comfortable as First Class was, she just wanted to be in Paris already. Just wanted to see Jack, and make sure he was okay. Between the desperation in his voice and the chilling images of her dream, she was increasingly anxious to be with him. Her intuition told her he really needed somebody, and she was happy to be there.
Despite her best efforts, and a glass of wine, sleep refused to come. A young flight attendant came round with a tray of coffee, and Sara gratefully accepted a cup, along with a copy of the paper. She flicked through idly as she sipped her drink, barely taking in any of the words. As her eyes scanned the pictures, she stopped. There was Jack, staring out at her from the fourth page. It was no surprise to see him in the papers, but the headline was like a punch in the gut. “STAR'S DRUG SHAME – Compass singer's dealing past exposed.” No, Sara thought immediately, surely not. There had to be some sort of mistake. She knew Jack, he wasn't capable of something like this. Desperate to disprove the headline, she devoured the rest of the article.
“Shocking photos have revealed the dark past of Compass star Jack Carter. The photographs, provided by an anonymous source, were taken at notorious druggie hangout Delano's, which shut down following a police raid in 2009. Some of the images were too shocking to publish, but in the picture above Carter can clearly be seen handing drug paraphernalia to a young girl, who experts say appears to be underage. In others, Carter himself also appears intoxicated, although not as intensely as his younger companions. The anonymous source reported that Carter was a regular visitor to Delano's, and had a group of regular 'customers' who he provided with substances including heroin and methamphetamine. While a police spokesman declined to comment on the quality of the evidence against Carter, he did reveal that ' authorities take such accusations extremely seriously, especially when they involve someone who is a role model to many vulnerable young people.' Carter's team have refused to speak to the press, leading some to speculate that they are unable to refute these allegations.”
Sara flung the paper back onto the table. She felt sick. The girl in the picture looked younger than Sara's own teenage sister, but she was dressed more like a hooker in hot pants and a tube top. There was a vacant smile on her face as she accepted the pipe from Jack. In another, he was passing her a small plastic bag filled with suspicious white powder. Sara remembered the Delano's raid. The owners had created a drug den, where junkies lingered and dealers paid off the management. It was only when a sixteen year old girl had almost died of an overdose that the authorities had been able to move in. A lot of people had gone to jail, she remembered. Did Jack belong with them? She couldn't believe it. He was too kind. He cared to much. Yet the camera never lies...Why hadn't he told her what was going on? Had he hoped somehow that she wouldn't find out? Part of Sara wished she could turn the plane around. Though she was sure the accusations were false, she felt like Jack had lied to her. Dragged her all the way to France on false pretences. She didn't know what she was going to say to him. She felt tears sting her eyes, and wiped them away on her sleeve. Pull yourself together, she told herself silently. If this was how she was feeling, she could only imagine how Jack felt.
***
The rain hadn't stopped. Jack listened to it's constant patter on the window, willing it to soothe him to sleep. All he wanted now was to slide into unconsciousness, and forget about everything for a little while. At times like this, he could almost understand...but no, drugs were never the answer, even when alcohol failed to numb the pain. Both only made things worse in the long run, and the sensible part of him knew that. He just hoped that part could hang on long enough to get through this. He'd turned the television on in the hope it would distract him from him own thoughts, but nothing seemed to work. He saw Laura everywhere, and the powerful guilt mingled with his desperate sense of loss. Maybe Jared was right. Maybe he should ju
st come clean, let the world know what their hero was really like. Just a jerk who lets everyone down. Especially the person who needed him the most. Jack's Dad had been a real piece of work, drunk from morning till night, with zero interest in providing for his wife and kids. Late at night, Jack would hear his mother crying after he'd slapped her around again. Tears sprang to Jack's eyes as he remembered his poor mother, whose only crime was to marry the wrong man, covering her bruises with long sleeves and turtle necks. Trying to keep them fed and clothed with what little money she earned at her supermarket job. Bill Carter had finally made himself scarce when Jack was eighteen, and they hadn't heard from him since. But the cancer that would kill her was already growing inside his mother, who didn't trust doctors, and died in his arms only days after he dragged her to the hospital. Then it was just Jack and Laura. His beautiful little sister was all he had left in the world. And I let her down, Jack thought to himself, letting the tears flow freely down his cheeks. He flung the remote at the TV, only his poor aim saving the screen from cracking. He couldn't stay cooped up in that goddamn hotel room any longer. He opened his door just a crack, scanning the hallway for Jared, reporters, or just nosey hotel staff. The corridor was empty. Without stopping to grab a jacket, Jack slipped out of the room and made a dash for the back stairs.
***
Sara's first view of Paris was not quite how she had imagined it. The buildings were blurry shapes through the grubby windows of the airport taxi. It was starting to grow dark, and the rain pelted mercilessly against the window. The taxi (or was it the driver?) smelled strongly of cigarette smoke. They crawled along through the traffic, every move punctuated by beeping horns, and the occasional angry gesture from passing cyclists. Sara gripped the edge of her seat, trying to contain her impatience. All she wanted was to see Jack and get to the bottom of everything, but she was trapped on this interminable journey. At last, she spotted the bright facade of the hotel in the distance; they were only two blocks away, but the city was gridlocked. She could easily spend another twenty minutes in the cab.
"Forget it," Sara cried, exasperated, "I'll just walk. How much do I owe you?" The cab driver responded with a barrage of thickly accented French. Sara had no idea what he was trying to tell her, but he sounded annoyed. She wished she was better at languages.
"How much? I'll pay you...um, combien? Euros?"
With a scowl, the driver pointed at the meter, conveniently tucked away just out of her line of sight. With a sigh, Sara pulled out her envelope of hastily purchased travel money, and added on a generous tip. She thrust the notes at the driver, who merely nodded, and hauled herself and her small suitcase out onto the sidewalk. Within a few steps she was already soaking wet, water running down the back of her neck and sending shivers down her spine. Tired and worried, Sara felt like crying. But she steeled herself and marched down the street, weaving her way through the sea of umbrellas.
The receptionist wrinkled her nose as a wet, bedraggled heap emerged from the revolving doors, almost tripping over it's own suitcase. Sara slunk towards the desk, leaving brown marks on the impeccable tiles. She blushed as she pushed her hair away from her face and attempted a smile.
"Bonjour."
"Bonsoir, Mademoiselle."
"Umm...anglais, s'il vous plait?"
"Certainly, how may I help you?" Sara pulled a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket and scanned the text.
"Um, I need to find room 320?" The receptionist eyed her suspiciously. Well, Sara thought to herself, I guess I do look quite like a crazed fan. Or maybe an axe murderer. There were a few tense moments while the young woman tapped away at her computer.
"Your name, please, Mademoiselle?"
It was as if Sara had whispered the secret code word. Suddenly the receptionist was all smiles. Before she knew it, an attractive young man had taken hold of her suitcase and was ushering her towards the elevator. Sara felt her heart lurch in her chest as the doors slid open on the correct floor. This was not the first time she had visited Jack's hotel room, but previously she had been full of excitement. Now she was all nerves, a vague sense of foreboding pulling at her insides. She almost expected the corridor to be the same one as her dream; she was a little relieved when they stepped out and the carpet was a different colour.
The bell boy knocked loudly, and they both waited. Sara hoped he didn't notice her breathing a little heavily. There was no answer, and he gave another loud rap. Still nothing. With a shrug, the bell boy slid his own key into the lock and the door swung open. The inside was dark until he flicked the light switch with a practised hand.
"Mademoiselle." The bell boy gave a little bow and made a swift exit, leaving her all alone in the empty room
Sara slumped down on the bed. Where on earth was Jack? He knew what time her flight landed. From the rumpled bed covers and stack of empty vodka miniatures on the bed side table, she guessed he'd been holed up in here most of the day. His suitcase was still on the floor, open, clothes spilling out everywhere. Sara spotted the t-shirt he had worn the night they first met, and her heart gave a little flutter. She pulled out her phone, but his line went straight to voice mail. Damn it. Suddenly Sara realized she desperately needed to pee. The bathroom was palatial, all shiny white surfaces and gleaming gold fixtures. In the corner was the biggest shower Sara had every seen, with nozzles pointing in all directions. After hours on the plane, and a battering by the French weather, Sara felt completely gross. Surely Jack wouldn't mind if she freshened up a bit while she waited? After finally mastering the control panel, Sara gladly stripped off her clothes and flung them in a pile on the tiles. The sensation of the hot water hitting her skin was incredible, and at last she felt herself relax a little. Grabbing a bottle of divine smelling body wash, she gently soaped her entire body. Jack would be back soon, she reasoned. Maybe they would take a shower together, or a nice long bath in the huge tub on the opposite wall. She could make him feel better, she was sure of it, and before long the press would realize they had made a mistake, and this whole stupid story would be old news. Maybe Jack would take a bit of time off, come back to the states. Maybe they would finally get to have that dinner. Running her hands over her full breasts, following the smooth curve of her hips, Sara imagined Jack's hands on her body. All the stress, all the fear, would just melt away the moment he touched her, she was sure of it. A sound from outside snapped her out of her reverie. Her eyes flew open, and she reached over to switch off the spray. Yes, that was the door opening. Jack was back! Hurriedly, Sara squeezed the water out of her hair and grabbed the first towel to hand, not caring that it barely covered her butt. She wished she'd had time to dress and apply makeup, but a look in the mirror told her she would do. She hurried into the bedroom.
"Ja- ...oh."
Michael stood sheepishly by the door, key card still in his hand.
"Sorry, I didn't realize...I just came to see if Jack was back. Jared's going crazy, we're supposed to leave for the venue in half and hour. Have you, um, have you seen him?"
"No, the bellboy let me in," Sara stuttered, trying to tug her towel into a more decent position. "Why do you have a key?" The question was out of her mouth before she had time to think the accusation through.
"We keep spares," Michael said curtly, narrowing his eyes at her. "Do I know you from somewhere? I feel like we've met, sorry if I've forgotten."
"I don't think so," Sara said coldly. She couldn't get the image of him pulling at Erica's clothes out of her head. Once, she thought ruefully, she would have been asking for Micheal’s autograph. Now she wanted to slap the sleazebag in the face.
"I guess not. I wouldn't forget a face like that in a hurry." Michael winked at her, casting a lingering glance at her bare, wet legs. She glared at him in return.
"So you've no idea where Jack is?" Michael asked again, and Sara shook her head. "Probably gone on one of his walks. Sometimes he disappears for hours. I figured he was in the bars, but he says he just walks for miles. Thinking, he says, god knows
what about. I can't believe he's being such a selfish bastard."
"Have you seen what people are saying? Wouldn't you be upset?"
"I'd get over it. The papers write all sorts of crap. No use crying and running away, for Pete's sake. We're a band. It's not all about him."
"Maybe he could do with your support right now." Sara's tone was icy. Michael just rolled his eyes.
"Looks like he's got his own personal cheerleader already. Good luck with that one. If you do see him, tell him not to bother showing up to the venue tonight. We can do it without him. It's not like I don't know the words."
Michael slammed the door, leaving Sara almost quaking with rage.
***
Jack breathed out into the cold air and watched his breath disperse. Around him, the city continued to hum with activity, but he was closed off from it all in a shroud of silence. The bench was cold and damp; he could feel the moisture seeping through the seat of his pants. He took a swig from his hip flask, and felt the burn of the alcohol warm his insides. Jack turned his cell phone over in his hands, willing the battery to come back to life. Sara should be in the city by now, maybe even at the hotel. He'd made sure earlier in the day that the staff would look after her. He should find a telephone booth - assuming those still existed- and call. He should walk back to the main street and hail a taxi. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to move. It was a mistake, calling her, he knew that now. Though every fibre of his being longed to see her, the truth was they barely knew each other. One mad night of passion, a few emails and text messages...that barely counted. She would have seen the papers by now, and she would think exactly what the rest of the world thought; that he was scum. He couldn't expect anything else. The thought of seeing her face to face, trying to explain the whole mess, the thought of Sara rejecting him...it was all too much. He just couldn't. Jack sat paralysed, consumed by his own misery, no idea where to go or who he could turn to. Years ago, in what felt like another life, it would have been Laura. Holding his hand, trying to make him laugh. No matter what happened, Laura could always get a smile out of him. She had looked at her big brother like he was a hero, the guy who could do no wrong. Right up until the end, she had believed in him. For a moment, Jack could almost imagine her sitting beside him, ten years old, her strawberry-blonde pigtails sticking out at funny angles, a grin on her face that revealed her crooked front tooth. This would always be the image he kept of his sister, pretty and innocent. Not what came later. He couldn't bear to think of that. Jack stared up at the orange glow of the street light as it filtered through the trees, willing away the tears that threatened to blur his vision. He willed himself to get up, to head back to the hotel. But he wasn't ready, not yet. He would just sit for a little longer.