Trashy

by Cambria Hebert

  I muttered exactly what kind of asshole I thought he was. Roxie laughed, her head tipping back with the force of her giggle.

  She had a handprint around her throat.

  My vision dimmed and went dark around the edges. Her cheeks might be red from the lack of A/C, but the redness around her jaw and the markings on her throat were not because she was hot.

  “Sweetheart.” My voice was heavy. I didn’t know how to feel such strong emotions simultaneously.

  Rage and regret threatened to choke me.

  Her eyes flashed, and I knew she realized what I’d seen. Quickly, she ducked her head and let her hair fall around her neck and over her shoulders.

  Even so, what I’d seen could not be unseen.

  “We’re leaving,” I said, motioning for her to move toward my bike.

  “I’m here to work.”

  “We need to talk.”

  “No, we don’t,” she said. I saw the panic sweep into her eyes.

  “What are you so afraid of?” I whispered. Why won’t you talk to me?

  Her shoulders slumped. The stubbornness she always carried wasn’t there. “Right now?” she whispered. “Everything.”

  I wanted to grab her and yank her to me. I was afraid to. I was afraid she would flinch away or that I would scare her.

  Fuck. That.

  I wasn’t going to let that fuckwad influence the way I treated Roxie. I wouldn’t give him any power over me at all. He already had too much. If Roxie didn’t want me to hold her, she could tell me herself.

  I reached for her, gently tugging her wrist. “Come here.”

  She melted against me. It wasn’t the first time I’d had Roxie in my arms, but she felt smaller than ever. I had to stomp down on the rage inside me because she didn’t need that kind of emotion. She needed something else, something better.

  Something I was pretty sure not many people had given her before.

  I tucked her against me, fitting her head just beneath my chin. The way she curled into my chest, like she couldn’t get close enough, made my heart trip. Roxie pulled her arms so they were under her, against my chest, and gripped the front of my dress shirt.

  I rubbed up and down her back and didn’t say a thing. I just held her close, feeling like a fish out of water. I didn’t know how to act in a situation like this. I’d never had any experience with a man who fucking beat a woman.

  I wanted to kill him.

  Honest to God. If he were standing here right now, I would’ve fucking killed him.

  Men—no—people in general who took advantage of someone smaller, someone more vulnerable, were scum.

  But how could I do that without hurting her worse?

  A couple people on their way into the bar gave us sideways stares as they walked past. I gave ‘em the eye, daring them to say a word. They didn’t, having gotten the message.

  “Sweetheart,” I murmured, tightening my hold. “Let’s go talk.”

  She made a sound like she didn’t want to move, like it was early morning and someone was trying to get her out of bed.

  I smiled. Guess that meant she thought I was comfortable.

  “We can’t stand outside all night,” I said, amused and feeling pretty damn smug.

  She stiffened and then snatched herself away from me in two seconds flat. The way her eyes darted around with fear and the way the blood leeched from her skin had my jaws clenching again.

  Was she afraid someone might see us?

  That he might see us?

  I took her hand, ignoring the way it stayed stiff and towed her toward the entrance to the club. Ty opened the door and seemed a little surprised to see us both there.

  I put Roxie right beside him. “Watch her, Ty,” I ordered.

  I didn’t bother to see if this pissed her off, because frankly, I didn’t care. I stalked into the bar and pinned Cam with a stare. Harlow was standing nearby, giving him an order of drinks. Both of them looked up.

  “Cam, you’re in charge.”

  Cam just nodded. Harlow’s eyes got wide.

  “You help him,” I told her.

  “Roxie?” She started forward.

  I held up my hand. “I got this.”

  She started to protest, but Cam called her name and her steps faltered.

  “I’ll handle things here,” Cam said.

  I trusted him. I knew the Mad Hatter would be fine tonight. For once in my life, I really didn’t care. I wasn’t worried about my business; I was worried about Roxie.

  It was a little startling to realize I’d never put any of my four wives above this place. Maybe that’s why I was divorced.

  Nah. They were just bitches.

  Roxie was still right next to Ty when I walked out. “Thanks, Ty.”

  “See ya later, boss!” he called after us as I led Roxie toward my bike.

  “My bike or your car?” I asked.

  “Oh, I have a choice?” she snapped.

  I pinned her with a stare. “I told you, you always have a choice with me.”

  Her lower lip wobbled.

  I groaned. “Rox, you wanna come with me?”

  I wanted this to clearly be her choice.

  She nodded.

  I straddled my bike and reached for her. She started to climb on behind me, but I made a noise and stopped her. “Uh-uh. Up here.”

  I patted the seat in front of me and scooted back to make a spot for her between my thighs.

  “I can’t drive that thing,” she said.

  “I’ll drive.”

  “You can drive with me sitting there?”

  I gave her a look. She sighed and climbed on, fitting between my thighs perfectly. Once she was settled, I scooted closer so my chest was pressed along her back. Our legs were forced together, and I reached around her to grab the handlebars.

  I didn’t want her behind me. I didn’t want her to feel exposed or somehow vulnerable. This way she could feel more protected and I could feel her in my arms.

  “You ready?” I asked low right beside her ear.

  She nodded and curled her hands around my knees.

  The bike roared to life beneath us, and I steered it away from the Mad Hatter and in the direction of my place.

  It was the first time I’d ever driven a bike with someone practically in my lap. The feel of her relaxing against me and the sensation of her silky curls flying out and wrapping around my arms made me want to do it more often. With her. Only with her.

  I lived in a condo on the beach. It cost too much money, but I didn’t care. I liked getting up and running right on the sand. I liked the view from the window, and I liked the gated security that came with the building. After I opened the Mad Hatter II and got it rolling, my next business purchase was going to be a complex like this. The guy who owned this place had to be making bank for what he charged for rent. I wanted in on the action.

  The guard was surprised when I pulled up with Roxie on the front of my bike. To his credit, he didn’t say anything, just pressed the button and waved me through. I saw Roxie glancing at the gate as we drove past it, and I hoped it made her feel safe and not trapped.

  The spot right beside my car, a two-seater BMW, was open, so I parked and cut the engine. Roxie didn’t move. I could feel her hesitation.

  “You know I just wanna talk,” I said.

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  “Please don’t be afraid of me.” I breathed the words into her ear.

  She shivered lightly, and I wrapped an arm around her waist.

  “It isn’t you I’m afraid of,” she said. “It’s the way you’re going to look at me when I tell you what you want to know.”

  I reached up and slid all the hair over the back of her shoulder, tucking it out of the way and revealing the side of her cheek. I nuzzled the soft skin on her face, pressing lingering kisses to her cheekbone.

  “Give me a little more credit than that, sweetheart.”

  She turned her face into my kiss. I wrapped my other arm
around her, and she tilted her face upward so I could reach her lips.

  I kissed her slow and light. The way our lips brushed together like two feathers floating from the sky had my loins tightening. I pulled back slightly and kissed the corner of her mouth, letting my tongue dart out to tease the fullness of her lips, and she sighed.

  I forced myself off the bike and led the way up the stairs to my condo.

  As we walked, I steeled myself for what she was about to say, because I knew whatever it was, I wasn’t going to like it.

  19

  Roxie

  The view out his windows beckoned me. He had an almost panoramic view of the ocean. The sun was sinking and appeared as a great orange ball floating across the edge of the water. The sky was streaked with peach hues, and the white moving caps of the surf seemed to float on forever.

  The sand was inviting, making my toes squirm in my heels, wanting to get out to play, to sink down into the gritty sun-warmed grains.

  I couldn’t imagine waking up to this every day. I’d never want to leave.

  “Like it?” Adam asked, coming up beside me to stare out across the view.

  “It’s gorgeous,” I said, but even the breathtaking views couldn’t keep my eyes from looking at him.

  “I run down there every single morning,” he rasped, his voice rough like the crashing waves.

  “I’m going to have to start running too, since I’m not going to be dancing every night.”

  “You’re perfect the way you are, Rox,” Adam said, turning his head and looking at me.

  We got lost in the moment, the two of us. We stood there in the sinking sunlight of early evening staring at each other, studying every last nuance of each other’s face. It was quiet here, but a comfortable sort of quiet. The kind that sometimes seemed elusive.

  The moment broke when Adam’s eyes darkened and he brushed his knuckles over my jaw and trailed them down to my neck. The flesh was still sore. I prayed it didn’t leave marks, but I was terribly afraid they were already starting to form. In fact, I knew they were, because Adam’s eyes tightened when he looked in that direction.

  “I don’t play games,” Adam said as he drew his hand back. “I don’t like them.”

  I looked back out at the ocean as he spoke.

  “You and I have been dancing around each other for years, Rox. I think we both knew this was inevitable.”

  “What?” I turned my head to stare at him once more.

  “That you and I… we’re going to happen.”

  Yeah, I did know. For a long time, I thought Adam was only a fantasy, someone who would slip through my fingers, but I was wrong.

  “I want you, Roxie,” he said clear as day. “I’ve wanted you a long time. It never felt like the right time,” he said, and I nodded because he was right. “I’m tired of waiting for the right time. Tell me you want me.”

  “I want you,” I echoed. I wanted him so badly that sometimes it hurt.

  Adam reached for me, but I evaded him, pacing across the dark wood floors. “But I’m not good for you,” I said. “I’ve got a lot of baggage, Adam, and I’m very afraid some of it may never go away.”

  “I’ve got plenty of baggage of my own,” he said with a sardonic grin.

  Yes, but even his four ex-wives combined couldn’t match the shit storm that was Craig.

  “You don’t understand,” I told him, sorrow creeping into my tone. “Being with me isn’t safe for you.”

  “I think I can handle ya,” he said, amused.

  But it wasn’t funny. Nothing about this was. My chest ached so badly I thought it might split in two. How had my life come to this?

  “Roxie?” Adam said, finally realizing I was being all too real.

  I turned back to him. He’d come closer. He was right beside me, staring into me with his chocolate eyes.

  “He threatened you, Adam.” My voice cracked. “He saw us together. He’s so angry and…” My voice cracked again and I drew in a shaky breath.

  He draped his arm across my shoulders and steered me to a giant, sleek-looking sofa in the center of the room. It was grounded by a gray-and-white striped carpet and glass coffee table.

  “Why don’t you start from the beginning?” Adam said, pulling me down beside him.

  I faltered. Did I really want to show him all my skeletons? Did I really want him to know just how pathetic I really was?

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “The more you tell me, the more I can help.”

  Help.

  I never thought I needed help before. I was used to being on my own, dealing with this alone. Maybe that’s why everything seemed so damn hard. Maybe I needed help. Maybe I needed Adam.

  “I met Craig when I was seventeen.” I began. “I grew up in a town I only wanted to leave. Getting out was my only plan.”

  He nodded, encouraging me to go on.

  “And then I met Craig.”

  I felt the change come over him, but he held it back so I wouldn’t stop. I paused because I felt like just barging in with the story about Craig didn’t really tell the full story. Because really, this was about me. For Adam to understand how I ended up in this position, he needed to know me.

  “When I was in high school, I wasn’t datable,” I told him.

  He gave me a look that would make lemons rot, and I smiled. I loved that he rejected that idea so readily. It’s like he could never think of me as anything but datable.

  I smiled and turned, settling my side against the back of the couch and facing Adam. “I really wasn’t. No one ever asked me out. I was the friend, the buddy, the cute one. I never went to a school dance because no one ever asked me, and I was too insecure to go by myself. I thought it would make me look pathetic.”

  “What the hell was wrong with the boys in that town? Were they blind?” Adam asked.

  I laughed. “To me? Yes. At least when my best friend was standing there. She was blond and beautiful, the kind of girl that drew all the eyes in a room.”

  “I wouldn’t have noticed her,” he said softly. “I would have been too busy looking at you.”

  I leaned my head against the cushion and smiled. “Anyway, I told myself I didn’t want a boyfriend anyway, that I wanted out of the town more. I never partied. I never drank or smoked. I got really good grades, and I had a good reputation.”

  “Ahh, a good girl.” He smirked.

  I poked him in the ribs. “See, you wouldn’t have been interested. Something tells me in high school, you were nothing but trouble.”

  “Damn straight.” He grinned. “But I’d have still noticed you.”

  “I met Craig one night while we were out bowling,” I said, forging ahead. I really didn’t want to get too caught up in Adam’s pretty words because he might change his tune later. “He was with a group of guys in the lane next to us. I was always the best bowler, and he didn’t want to lose to a girl.” I couldn’t help but smile when I thought about it because it had been a fun night. A fun night I wish never happened.

  “We actually had this intense competition going on. He got mad when I was beating him. He rolled his ball so fast down his lane that it bounced over into my lane and gave me a strike.” I grinned.

  Adam smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. I understood. He knew what was coming. At least some of it.

  “Anyway,” I said. “After that night, we all started hanging as a group. There wasn’t much to do in town so a lot of weekends we would get together at someone’s house and watch movies and eat pizza. My best friend had a pool table and a big basement with couches and a TV, so we hung out there a lot. It was always my job to go rent the movies. I have no idea why.” I laughed. “I pick the worst movies. They’re always so lame.” I stuck my tongue out and Adam laughed.

  “They would make fun of me for it but still send me the next week. Maybe they secretly wanted to see what horrible thing I’d bring home next.”

  I realized something as I talked… I realized these memories were atta
ched to Craig, to the feelings I had for him, the feelings that always pulled me back in. But these memories… they weren’t even about him. They were about good times I’d spent with my friends, and he just happened to be there.

  The thought was a little sobering.

  “Rox?” Adam said, reaching over and taking my hand, threading our fingers together and resting them between us on the couch.

  “So one night Craig wanted to ride with me to the video store. I was secretly thrilled. He—” I glanced up at Adam, not sure if I could really be honest.

  “You can say anything, sweetheart,” he whispered.

  “He always looked at me like I was the only girl in the room. Like he noticed I was more than friendship material, you know?”

  He nodded.

  “For a girl who’d never really gotten any attention from guys before, being singled out like that really meant something to me.”

  “So he went with you,” Adam said.

  I nodded. “He went every time after that. We’d sing along to the blaring music, roll the windows down even in the winter, and wear hoodies to stay warm. Sometimes we’d eat Fritos out of a giant bag. We were friends… but there was more between us, you know? We had this chemistry. It was almost like we were magnets always being pulled together, even in a room full of people.”

  “Sounds intense,” he rumbled, stroking his thumb over the back of my hand.

  “Yeah,” I said, thinking about it. “It was. It was fun and light… but underneath it all, it was very intense. Sometimes even our friends would comment on the chemistry that seemed to pulse between us. Looking back, I see how dangerous that was… how much power it gave him over me. I wasn’t prepared for that at seventeen. It was way too much too fast.”

  “You loved him.”

  I nodded, looking away. “I loved him a lot. More than I ever realized you could love someone.”

  This heaviness descended upon my chest. It sat just below my ribs like a carnivorous pit in my stomach. Loving someone so much like that… it was consuming. I used to lie in bed at night and worry about what would happen if it ever went away, how I would live without that kind of connection with someone.

  My fears turned into my nightmare in so many ways.