Amish Love Be Kind 3-Book Boxed Set

by Rachel Stoltzfus

  “Will they let me?”

  “Of course! You’re forgiven.”

  “After my afternoon appointments. I have three today. When do you want to come home?”

  “One more week. I want to spend time with you and see how you’re handling everything first.”

  “Gut idea.” That evening, after work, Abram cleaned up and went to the Zook’s where he visited with Hannah and Eleanor. As he held the baby and gave her a bottle, he discussed events with Big Sam and Ruth. “I’ve identified the source of my anger. It’s my uncle Zeb. He’s the one who beats my auntie. I found out the other day that Bishop Kurtz went to Ohio, where my uncle and his family live. He spoke to my uncle’s bishop and informed him of the abuse my uncle has inflicted on his family.”

  “Are you using this new knowledge to help you guard against getting violent again?”

  “Ya. It’s a daily struggle that starts over at the beginning of each day. I was telling Hannah that before my monster’s voice has a chance to speak to me, I speak to it.”

  “Hmmm! That’s interesting. What do you tell it, if you don’t mind my asking?”

  “It’s not a problem. I tell it that it’s wrong. That uncle Zeb will be stopped, hopefully sooner rather than later. I tell it that I’m getting the help I need.”

  “I understand that you’ve met with Wayne Lapp. Is that advisable?”

  “Oh, ya, very advisable. I’ve learned so much. While his experiences were much worse than mine were, they started from the same source. His daed was abusive, forcing his mamm to leave them. After she did, the abuse against him and his brothers and sisters became even worse. Over time, he developed what’s called—”

  “PTSD. Ya, I’ve heard of it. That’s what caused him to nearly kill Lizzie. I’m only grateful he got the help he needed. Was he able to help you?”

  “At first, I wasn’t sure it would help, but I’ve been able to see the similarities. And it makes it much easier for me to keep working on what causes me to beat Hannah.”

  “Daed, I’m staying for another week, just to see how Abram is handling things. He also came up with an idea. If he’s in the middle of anger and he doesn’t feel he can communicate safely with me face-to-face, he’ll slip a note under the door. Or hold it against the kitchen window, to tell me what’s going on and what he’s going to do about it.”

  “You know you’d have to have paper and pencil in the barn, ya?” Big Sam was making sure that Abram was aware of everything. “Hannah, you read one of those notes, you lock the house up, pack and get yourself and Eleanor over here immediately. I won’t have anything less.”

  “Ya, Daed, I know.”

  As they discussed precautions, nobody knew they’d have to put them into practice sooner rather than later. On a hot day three weeks later, when Abram had received an unexpected emergency appointment, he’d tried to make a side trip to the store for more raw supplies for work. When the unhelpful, teen clerk refused to go to the back to check for more supplies he needed, Abram felt his temper simmering. Reminding himself he couldn’t control the actions of others, he managed to quell the impulse to anger. “Is there someone else who can help me? I had an unexpected, emergency visit today and—”

  “Nope. Manager’s on the phone. I’m the only one on the floor.”

  Abram made a point of looking through the empty store. “And I’m the only person in here. Would it take you too long to get the iron I need?”

  “Yup. ‘Sides, my boss said to stay—”

  “Scott, what does Mr. Beiler need?”

  Abram had the satisfaction of seeing Scott jump. It bled a little of his anger off.

  “Uh, I was just tellin’ him that you were in a meeting.”

  “That doesn’t tell me...never mind. Go straighten out the stock room. Which you didn’t do yesterday as I told you to do.”

  “Yeah. Got it.”

  “Mr. Beiler, I’m really sorry. What do you need?”

  “I’m nearly out of iron and other supplies. I can get the other supplies, but I need to know if you have the iron I need to make horseshoes.”

  “Certainly! I have that. How much do you need?”

  Abram sighed, feeling the day’s efforts in his bones. “One hundred pounds. It’s going to be a busy few weeks. Denki.” While he was waiting, Abram became aware that someone was staring at him. Looking up at someone who’d just come into the store, Abram saw an Englisch man looking him up and down, with a sneer on his face.

  “You’re the Amish dude who abused his wife. How could you, being pacifist and all?”

  “I really don’t care to get into it. If you don’t mind.” Abram walked away, waiting for the manager to return with his requested iron ore.

  “No, really, I’m serious. How’d you not get banned or whatever it is? Maybe someone should beat you up so you know how it feels!”

  Abram felt real fear at that point. Looking around, he saw the manager coming back, wheeling a large cart with his iron.

  “Excuse me? Do you need anything I can sell you?” The manager was protective of Abram.

  “No, I just saw this wife-abuser through the window and came in to give him what he deserves.”

  “Please leave! I practice a policy of forgive and forget. Something I’ve learned from the Amish. This young man has been made to pay heavily for what he did and he has repented over and over.”

  “But—”

  “Go! Now!” The manager’s voice reflected the anger Abram was feeling and could not show.

  Abram quickly paid for his order and, with the manager’s assistance, lifted it into his wagon. On his way home, he became aware of the monster’s voice and of his anger rising. Shut up! It’s because of you that I went through that in the hardware store. I’m going to have to... Abram sighed. He knew he’d have to give Hannah a note. He was just too angry to speak to her safely.

  After unloading everything, he paced back and forth in the barn, trying to burn his anger off. Soon, he turned to punching the pillow. It helped only marginally. Shaking his head angrily, he scribbled a note. Going to the kitchen window he saw Hannah working on supper. Knocking lightly on the window, he put the note against the glass and watched Hannah’s beautiful face.

  “Bad experience in hardware store. Long day. I’ll be in the barn working off my anger. Give me forty-five minutes.” Hannah sighed. Looking at Abram’s stormy face, she nodded her understanding. As she turned the heat down on the stove and oven, delaying the finish times of the dishes she was making, she wondered if Abram would be able to calm down. Maybe I’d better pack some things for Eleanor and me.

  She checked the sleeping baby and hurried upstairs, throwing a few things into her duffle bag. Checking on supper periodically, she paced the kitchen, looking toward the barn for Abram. Finally, almost an hour later, she saw him coming slowly out toward the house. Gripping her hands tightly together, she looked into his eyes as he walked in.

  Abram gave Hannah a tired smile and opened his arms widely. “I’m okay. I used everything I was taught and I beat him back.”

  “The monster? Is he saying anything?”

  “Nee. He tried a few times, but I reminded him that he’s going to pay the consequences for his actions.”

  “So...we’re okay to stay at home? I packed a few things, just in case.” Hannah pointed upstairs, to where the duffle bag sat.

  “Ya, you’re safe to stay at home. I’m just tired and want to work out a realistic schedule that allows for emergencies without cutting into my earnings. Plus I want to study some more.”

  Hannah squeezed Abram’s fit torso. “Denki for telling me. Supper’s nearly ready. So, what happened?”

  “The kid at the hardware store didn’t want to help me. Then, while the manager was getting the ore I needed, some guy came in and started accusing me of being a wife-beater. The manager chased him off. Being reminded of what I already know didn’t do anything to improve my mood.”

  “You’re working on it. You’re going to hav
e setbacks. We both know that, and we’re working on making things better for all three of us.”

  That night, Abram’s monster came roaring back in his dream. Hearing his uncle Zeb’s voice telling him to beat Hannah abruptly brought him out of his sleep. Looking around and seeing Hannah’s sleeping form next to him sent him scrambling out of bed. Get downstairs now! Dressing quickly, Abram hurried out to the barn, where he prayed and struggled with his monster. Two hours later, having quelled the voice and urges to harm Hannah once again, he slumped against the barn wall. Checking within himself, he knew he’d beat the monster. This time.

  The End

  AMISH LOVE BE TRUE

  He’s beaten the monster. For now.

  As much as Abram misses having his wife at home, he is scared of losing control. He will never forgive himself if he hurts his wife again, or if his infant daughter grows up to fear him. So he does his best to keep them at arm’s length as he faces his own demons. But as Abram grows more confident in his ability to control his temper, will he and Hannah find the faith in each other to live together again as husband and wife?

  Prologue

  “Bad experience in hardware store. Long day. I’ll be in the barn working off my anger. Give me forty-five minutes.” Hannah sighed as she read the short note. Looking at Abram’s stormy face, she nodded her understanding. As she turned the heat down on the stove and oven, delaying the finish times of the dishes she was making, she wondered if Abram would be able to calm down. Maybe I’d better pack some things for Eleanor and me. She checked the sleeping baby and hurried upstairs, throwing a few things into her duffle bag. Checking on supper periodically, she paced the kitchen, looking toward the barn for Abram. Finally, almost an hour later, she saw him coming slowly out toward the house. Gripping her hands tightly together, she looked into his eyes as he walked in.

  Abram gave Hannah a tired smile and opened his arms widely. “I’m okay. I used everything I was taught and I beat him back.”

  “The monster? Is he saying anything?”

  “Nee. He tried a few times, but I reminded him that he’s going to pay the consequences for his actions.”

  “So...we’re okay to stay at home. I packed a few things, just in case.” Hannah pointed upstairs, to where the duffle bag sat.

  “Ya, you’re safe to stay at home. I’m just tired and want to work out a realistic schedule that allows for emergencies without cutting into my earnings. Plus I want to study some more.”

  Hannah squeezed Abram’s fit torso. “Denki for telling me. Supper’s nearly ready. So, what happened?”

  “The kid at the hardware store didn’t want to help me. Then, while the manager was getting the ore I needed, some guy came in and started accusing me of being a wife-beater. The manager chased him off. Being reminded of what I already know didn’t do anything to improve my mood.”

  “You’re working on it. You’re going to have setbacks. We both know that and we’re working on making things better for all three of us.”

  That night, Abram’s monster came roaring back in his dream. Hearing his Uncle Zeb’s voice telling him to beat Hannah abruptly brought him out of his sleep. Looking around and seeing Hannah’s sleeping form next to him sent him scrambling out of bed. Get downstairs now!

  Dressing quickly, Abram hurried out to the barn, where he prayed and struggled with his monster. Two hours later, having quelled the voice and urges to harm Hannah once again, he slumped against the barn wall. Checking within himself, he knew he’d beat the monster. This time.

  Chapter 1

  Abram yawned widely as he came downstairs. His eyes still felt heavy—waking up in the middle of the night to fight the abusive monster that dwelt within his psyche had kept him up when he badly needed restorative sleep.

  “Abram, you look very tired! What happened?” Hannah paused as she scrambled their eggs and stirred their oatmeal.

  Thinking for only a few seconds, Abram decided he had to be direct and honest with his wife. “I heard Uncle Zeb’s voice in my sleep, Hannah. He was telling me to beat you bad. I got out of our bedroom and into the barn, where I walked, prayed and whacked that pillow into nothing. I’m gut. For now.”

  Hannah paled. She knew how strong Abram was. As a farrier, he had to use his physical strength every day of the workweek, removing worn-down horseshoes from the horses he worked with. He also formed new horseshoes to keep his supply ready to use. “Oh! Maybe we should—”

  “Nee, Hannah. I’m going to call Joshua right after breakfast. I’m fortunate to have a cancellation with one of my customers, so I’m going to see if I can talk to Joshua then. I’m sure I’ve had a breakthrough, but for some strange reason, I still get the impulse to hit you, even though nothing is happening between us.”

  “Abram, would you do me—us—a favor? Please ask Joshua whether it’s okay for us to stay here. If he says we’re not in danger, I’m happy to stay here at home.”

  Abram sighed, a long, heavy sigh. He nodded, sipping from the hot coffee Hannah had just poured for him. “Ya, I will. But you know how lonely we get when we’re not with each other.”

  Hannah’s smile was sad as she spooned the oatmeal into bowls. Setting the saucepan into the sink, she turned her attention to the eggs and sausage. “Ya, I know. I miss you terribly. But I know we all worry about one of us being hurt.” Looking into Abram’s heavy eyes, she decided to drop the subject.

  “I will, I promise.” Abram ate his breakfast as he turned their conversation to other topics. “What kinds of plans do you have today?”

  “Cleaning, taking care of Eleanor and baking. I need to increase my output—I run out of baked items well before the end of the day.”

  “It’s gut, though. Your baking is in demand, rightfully so.” Abram stopped speaking abruptly as a yawn overtook him. “Hooie! I hope I wake up soon!”

  Hannah smiled. “Can I suggest something?”

  “Sure. What is it?”

  “If you get an appointment with Joshua today, see if Eli Yoder can drive you. That way, you can rest on the way to the clinic and home. Seriously. I’m afraid you’ll fall asleep and go off the road.”

  “I’ll think about it. I’d hate to make him commit to something that Joshua can’t accommodate. But my first appointment takes me right past his house. I’ll stop in and see what he says before I get to my customer’s house. Although, if I drink enough coffee, I’m sure I could get there and home, driving just fine.”

  Hannah tipped her head, pleading at Abram with her eyes. She didn’t want to push the issue, not as tired as Abram was right now.

  “But I will ask him. I promise.”

  Hannah washed the dishes as Abram made his phone call to Joshua. As he came back into the house, she turned to see what he’d said. “Well?”

  “Ya, he wants to see me. ‘Get here as soon as your first appointment ends. What you describe is progress, but I am concerned,’ he said. So, he’s going to hold open that spot for me. I’m off. I’m going to go talk to Eli and see if he’ll take me.”

  Hannah closed her eyes in relief. Opening them, she smiled as Abram kissed her.

  “SO, HE WANTS TO SEE me as soon as I’ve finished with the Kings’ horses. That’ll take about two hours, and then the ride into town is about thirty. If you don’t have the time...”

  “I do. Don’t worry, Abram. I’m just glad you realized you need some professional assistance at this point. I’ll take you, you rest and think. Let’s go to the barn so I can load my wagon. We can talk more.” Eli began striding toward the barn as Abram followed. “Tell me exactly what happened last night.”

  “I was asleep. ‘Beat her. Beat her bad.’ That’s what I heard, in my uncle’s voice. I woke up, completely spooked. I looked at Hannah and realized I needed to get downstairs and away from her right away. I put on my pants and shoes, and then ran into the barn. That’s when I fought my monster. Walked, hit the pillow and prayed.”

  “For how long?” Eli wasn’t sure if he should worry or be
impressed at what Abram had gone through.

  “Around two hours. Thankfully, Hannah made extra coffee for me today.”

  “That’s gut and bad. Gut, because you can stay more awake. Bad, because you’re going to feel jittery, and that may make you more likely to lose your temper. Tell Joshua that.” Eli grunted as he hefted his loaded toolbox into the wagon.

  “There’s gut and bad in everything. And everyone.”

  “Apply that to your uncle.”

  “Ach, right now, all I can see is the bad in him.” Abram shook his head. “I’d better go. I’ll meet you...where?”

  “Just inside our community. Leave your wagon at the bishop’s place. It’ll be safe there.”

  “Gut. Denki! I’ll see you in a little over two hours then!” Abram smiled, feeling better than he’d felt since waking up the night before.

  FINISHING UP AT THE Kings’ barn, Abram sighed heavily. He was only just managing to stay alert. “Dan, your horses are in excellent condition, as always. Do as you’ve been doing all along. Keep your eyes on the condition of their hooves and legs. And I’ll see you in six months, unless one or more of your horses need attention before then.”

  “That sounds gut. Denki,” said Dan King, accepting the slip of paper with his next appointment.

  “I’m off. I have an appointment and I don’t want to be late.”

  “Abram? I hope you don’t mind my saying this. But you are being very wise and brave, taking on this issue. We pray for your success.” Dan squeezed Abram’s shoulder, communicating his support.

  “Denki. I really appreciate that.” Abram reflected on the obvious concern in Dan’s voice as he drove to the bishop’s. Pulling into the yard, he saw Bishop Joseph Kurtz, striding over to his wagon. “Bishop! Is it okay if I park my wagon here? I’m meeting Eli so he can take me to see my counselor.”