A Time for Hope

by T Gephart

  A silent tear fell down my cheek as I whispered the only words I could say without falling apart. Knowing that they would be enough.

  “Alex, I need you.”

  Chapter 14

  Closing Ranks

  THE EXCITEMENT and happiness I had felt over my recent take-two wedding was marred by what I felt was a huge betrayal. Anna was my friend, and I had brought her into my new world because I felt that I could trust her. She had been around for a long time, before my new reality had evolved, so I’d assumed that she would have my back. Paired with the fact that she was in love with one of my best friends, Matt, and that I had provided an avenue for them to be together, I would have thought her loyalty was a sure thing. She worked for me and yet she still gave out personal information based on a ridiculous fallacy that her own jealous mind had created. That someone could turn on me so quickly scared the shit out of me. Had I ever known her at all? Who else was waiting in the wings to put a knife in my back? The information she had given Marcy had facilitated the planned attack. Anna hadn’t needed to provide Marcy with the exact location; it was irrelevant—my own stupidity had done that—but what she did provide was opportunity and for that I could never forgive her.

  I felt like my world had shattered. I’d lost a friend and a staff member in the space of a day, and I no longer knew who to trust. Would everyone only ever see me as an opportunistic whore? Would the next person I let into my life sell me out the next time there was a misunderstanding? When I was Lexi Reed the dollar incentive for disloyalty had been remarkably low, now that I was Lexi Stone, the sky was the limit. Who else would turn on me? Any progress I had made with Dr. Hart unraveled instantly. I trusted no one. I suspected everyone, and I put the blame of it all squarely at my own feet.

  Alex tried to talk me down from the ledge, arguing that there was no way I could have foreseen any of this. But, did I even dare trust my own judgment anymore? What the fuck was I even doing?

  With the small shred of audacity I had left, I made a list. ’Cause that’s what an adult does when the shit hits the fan, right? On one side I listed friends and on the other I listed foes with stark black line ruled down the middle. In a move, straight out of high school, I was reverting to the highest form of judgement. I needed to go back to basics to try and make sense of it in my head. Who could I trust? Really trust. The list of friends was alarmingly short, and right now all others were perceived as enemies regardless of whether it was justified or not.

  I also needed to replace Anna. Matt had been left devastated, as he had also been betrayed. He had given Anna zero reason to suspect infidelity, that she could think so little of him rocked his foundations. She hadn’t broached the subject with him, she had just kept believing he was cheating on her while dishing out snide remarks. Who even does that? She was supposed to love him. Needless to say, Matt was pretty much done with her too, though he’d been far more diplomatic than Anna deserved. He’d organized her a hotel to stay in for a few days and booked her a flight home. She had begged him to give her a second chance, but he couldn’t go there. He was hurt, but he was also proud, his integrity had been unjustly called into question, and he couldn’t be with someone who could believe he’d be so easily seduced. It was insulting to both of us really. So as he waved goodbye to her at JFK—he drove her to the airport, a concession I knew would have grated, but Matt is far too nice for his own good—he also waved goodbye to the hurt, unwilling to allow one bad experience to sully him. Unlike me, he was not vengeful. It did still leave us with a gaping hole in our staffing lineup. Did I hire an outsider? After all, a friend hadn’t worked out so well the last time.

  After some tough negotiation, Sydney agreed to come onboard temporarily. She managed to sweet talk her current employer into granting her a few months leave so she could accept a secondment role with me. She had argued the merits of the absences in classic Sydney style, pointing out the experience she would gain would be invaluable to the smaller and struggling firm. Confidentiality agreements were signed and put into place as a surety to protect everyone involved. The conflict of interest was minimal though, considering I only had the one client and her other employer was a small fish who mainly focused on gallery openings and local events.

  She also had the advantage of already knowing the account so I didn’t have to add to my growing lists of concerns by training a new staff member. She slipped back into the role effortlessly so I insisted Matt take few days to go home and see his family. While he had argued it was unnecessary, I believed the healing he would receive from his family would be far better than anything I could offer him in my current state. See I wasn’t a completely self-absorbed, cold-hearted bitch after all.

  After a tedious morning, making last minute finalisations before the commencement of the tour, Sydney stepped out of the office insisting we needed to eat. She was a stickler for meals and had a hard-nosed stance requiring proper nutrition in an effort to work effectively; my diet of Red Bull and an occasional deli sandwich did not meet her tough criteria.

  “I got you a warm chicken salad with a balsamic vinaigrette. Found this quaint little Italian place down the street.” Sydney breezed back into the office with a large brown paper bag. “Now put your shit away, clear your desk and eat.”

  “You know Syd, I’m still your boss.” I smiled weakly, still emotionally wrung out from the events of the last few days. “Is that anyway to speak to your superior?”

  “You might be the boss, but I have it on good authority my contract is rock solid. As big as your bollocks are, I doubt you’d risk the legal fall out of firing me.” She smiled as she placed the plastic bowl housing my delicious looking salad in front of me.

  Settling into the seat opposite me, she fished out plastic cutlery before lifting the lid on her plastic container to reveal the steaming fettuccini Alfredo she had chosen for herself. Resigned, I too lifted the lid on my container and bit tentatively into my lunch. Quaint Italian place or not, it was delicious.

  “So what’s on the agenda for the rest of the day then, boss?” she asked curiously as she twirled a length of pasta around her fork.

  “I’m supposed to be meeting this guy later this afternoon. I don’t know, it’s all kind of cloak and dagger bullshit, feels like it’s going to be a waste of my time.” I speared a chunk of marinated chicken with my fork and shoved it into my mouth.

  “What guy? I haven’t got anything in your planner?” She urgently reached for her Blackberry to scan the schedule for today.

  “It’s not in there. It’s a personal appointment. Some guy Chris recommended. I’m not even sure what he does, he was so fucking shady on the phone.” I continued to munch on the salad. It was tasty and satisfying, maybe regular meals were actually a good thing.

  “OK girl, spill. What’s the story and don’t give me only half-arsed convolutions. I need a proper explanation. You get bonus points for fully formed sentences as well.”

  I sighed. Knowing Syd was not easily appeased, I launched into a detailed run down of my interaction with Manny Ortiz. Through Chris’s recommendation for alternative therapy, I had finally contacted him the day after Anna’s not so peaceful exit from my life. He had been polite, but less than forthcoming on the phone as to what he actually did and what his alternative therapy entailed. He insisted instead that I join him and his class on an agreed upon date and time, and we would together make the decision about whether I would be a suitable candidate. His requirement that I be evaluated pissed me off no end. Who was he to evaluate me? Wasn’t he providing the service? Wasn’t it up to the consumer to judge whether or not they wished to purchase what was being offered? It was like walking into Jimmy Choo and being told you weren’t good enough to purchase a pair of shoes. As judgmental as sales staff can be, money is the biggest equaliser and yet Mr. Ortiz cared not what my name was or how full my coffers were. He gave little detail over the phone, but said he would be happy to speak to me again after I’d gone through his rigorous screening process. Arse
.

  “It’s not like a cult is it? I swear, if you head to the shops to buy a Nike tracksuit and some Kool-Aid, I will throttle you.” She lowered her fork in concern.

  “No Syd, it’s not a cult. D has already checked it out and said it’s some kind of intense boot camp. Super secretive though—illuminati level of ambiguity. They don’t even advertise because apparently they don’t need the clientele. How an organisation can be so choosey about whom it does business with and still survive in this economic climate is beyond me. But, I have to admit, it’s got me curious.” Secret societies and clandestine organisations had always intrigued me and this latest offering was no different. My need to know was stronger than any feelings I harboured of being insulted. Hell, if Mr. Ortiz’s business model proved profitable, I guess that afforded him the right to be arrogant.

  “So you are going by yourself? You’re right, it sounds like five different shades of shady. I don’t think you should go alone.” Her tone turned serious and while she was surprisingly liberal for a Brit, she wasn’t the type of girl who did something without a parachute.

  “Taylah is going to come with me. I’m still not sure that is such a good idea and of course D is escorting us there and back. It’s not like I’m wandering into an unknown situation with nothing but my clever wit and a smile.” I wasn’t sure Taylah would be the right choice to join me on my quest for discover. There was a definite danger she would probably go Full Metal Jacket on anyone who suggested you could purchase workout wear anywhere other than Nordstrom.

  “Can I crash the party or do you have to pledge your first born to be granted an invite? This level of intrigue beats the hell out of Downton Abby re-runs, and that’s all I had planned for my evening,” she offered, either genuinely curious as to what the deal was with this underground group or wanting to ensure I didn’t end up joining a commune full of militant polygamists.

  “I can call and ask, the worst they can say is no go. I’ll admit, it would be nice to go in there with reinforcements. I despise not knowing what is going to happen.” The fact that I was a control freak was pretty much common knowledge. I was not only going out on a limb, but going into a situation unknown which was calling for a level trust that I wasn’t sure I could give. The idea of having two people who had made it onto the friends side of my arbitrary friends/foe list would certainly make this situation easier. It would also alleviate Alex’s concerns. At first he had insisted on coming with me, but even DarNell had argued that Alex’s presence would not be helpful and gave his utmost reassurance that at no point would I ever be placed in harms way.

  So with my commitment to secure Sydney’s attendance for this evening’s expedition I decided to change the direction of the conversation. Being absorbed in my own shit-storm, I had completely forgotten to ask how Sydney’s date with Dan had gone. They had been extremely amicable on the night of our wedding celebrations so clearly he hadn’t acted like a complete jerk.

  “So,” I leaned back in my chair, unable to swallow another morsel of food, no matter how delicious. “How was your date with Dan? I’ve been meaning to ask you, but I kept getting side tracked.”

  “Oh it was fine,” she responded evasively. “You done with lunch? I’ll clear the desk so we can get back to work. I know it must be killing you to take a break.” She stood and attempted to bundle up the remnants from lunch.

  “Wait a minute.” I held my hand up in protest. “Sit down.” I gestured to her previously occupied seat. “You can’t just feed me something as banal as ‘it was fine’. This is Dan Evans were talking about. What happened?”

  She lowered herself back onto her chair, her face impassive. She was like a fucking vault. “Not much to say really. He picked me up, we went to his cousin’s wedding and that was about it. It was pleasant enough. I had a few glasses of bubbly and surprisingly he was not the least bit offensive.”

  There was something definitely suspicious about her skittish behaviour. I’ve never seen anyone so anxious to shut down a conversation so fast. It can only mean one thing. “Oh my god, Sydney. Did you sleep with him?”

  “What?” she scoffed, clearing her throat and looking horrified. “What makes you think that?”

  “Well for starters, the fact you aren’t denying it. You did sleep with him. It’s written all over your face!” Despite her feeble half-hearted attempt at denial there was no doubt that she had bedded Dan.

  “Look, I’m not judging you. You’re an adult and can sleep with whomever you please. I just hope he wasn’t a complete arsehole.” It’s not like he didn’t give me enough reasons of his own to infuriate me, but being inconsiderate to Sydney, especially when she was doing him a favour, would give me all the ammunition I needed to give him a serious beat down.

  “Actually, it was probably the best sex I’ve ever had,” she volunteered, realising the jig was up and she might as well come clean. “Who’d have thought that he’d actually have the goods to back up that over inflated ego.”

  “How the hell did he convince you? I mean, it’s Dan.” I failed to understand how someone as intelligent and sassy as Sydney would fall for Dan’s very obvious end game.

  “You know what’s funny?” she smiled. “He was charming. He was a complete gentleman and completely hilarious. We laughed the entire date. He introduced me to all his family and we danced. He’s actually a really good dancer.” She continued to explain. “So when he dropped me back at my flat I gave him a little pash, you know as a thank you for such a fun time. And well he does this amazing thing with his tongue, I really can’t describe it, but it’s all kinds of spectacular.”

  She leaned back into her chair as she stared off into the distance wistfully. “So I asked if he’d like to come up and well… yeah one thing led to another and before you know it we were both naked on the floor. We didn’t even make it to the bed Lexi. I have to say, he is certainly a talented lad.”

  “I’m not sure I want to hear this. It’s like my mind was just shoved into a Hadron Collider.” I involuntarily shivered. “But it’s Dan.” I was unable to get past the fact that the best sex Sydney had ever had was the same guy who skirt-chased anything with a vagina and a pulse.

  “Sweetie, I’m under no delusions. We had an outstanding night, and he gave me more orgasms in one session than I’ve had in six months, but he is not dating material. Guys like that don’t change and neither of us is looking for anything long-term.” She seemed very sensible in her approach. It’s easy in a post-orgasmic haze to start believing shit you know you normally wouldn’t consider, for example a relationship with Dan Evans.

  “Are you going to see him again? I mean, romantically. Obviously you working with me means you are going to see him. Is it awkward?” They hadn’t seemed weird around each other; in fact it was probably the opposite. They had both been relaxed and friendly. That should have been my tip off. Dan had obviously bewitched Syd with his talented tongue and bedroom antics.

  “Hell no. Dan was a one-time deal, I’m not going to complicate it any further by going back for seconds, no matter how delicious it was the first time.” She seemed decided that while it had been fun, she wouldn’t be partaking in the Dan ride-o-fun a second time.

  “Like I did?” I laughed remembering how my relationship had started with Alex. After realising we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other we embarked on a casual-sex-with-no-strings relationship. ‘Cause that’s the perfect solution, right? Needless to say while everything workout out for us, I certainly wasn’t the poster child for uncomplicated relationships.

  “Ha! Still, and I say this in a totally non creepy way…” she squinted hesitating before she continued. “And I’m not saying I have those feelings now, but it’s just ‘cause he looks the way he does…”

  “Sydney just say it, I’m not going to be offended.” I reassured her, knowing whatever she was probably going to say was about Alex. While I couldn’t say I was totally fine with the idea of thousands of women lusting after him, there wasn’t a lot
I could do about it; short of chaining him up to the bed, which I must say did have some merit. But in reality, he featured in a lot of other women’s bedroom fantasies. I can’t say that I blamed them, before I’d met him, he’d certainly featured in mine.

  “Well I was just going to say that if I’d ever slept with Alex, I couldn’t imagine not going back for seconds. I mean look at him. He looks like a sex god. I still don’t know how you manage to show up for work every day when you have that in bed beside you. Seriously, does he ever look bad?” She bit her lip, slightly embarrassed that she was talking about sleeping with my husband. Meh…whatcha gonna do?

  “No, not even first thing in the morning. It’s almost freaky. Even sweaty after a run! I go for a run and I look like an extra in a horror movie, all sweaty with my hair everywhere but, with Alex… he just looks, I don’t know… more manly.” It was true, it’s like he didn’t have the capacity to look bad. He was entirely too good-looking, it had overwhelmed me on more than one occasion.

  “Well like you don’t want to hear about my extra-circular sextivities with Dan, I don’t want her about how perfect your husband is now there is only one of him. I mean, that’s just not fair,” she declared dramatically. I had no doubt that she was happy that she had managed to deflect any further conversation about her and Dan. I was yet to be convinced there wasn’t more to the story, but I really didn’t want to spend any more time visualising Dan naked with Sydney.

  “Alex has a younger brother, you know. He’s super cute too. Christian is in his final year studying medicine at Cornell.” I happily steered the conversation to my wonderful brother-in-law. While we didn’t get to spend much time with him because he had thrown himself solidly into his studies, I completely adored Christian. He was everything my own brother was not; kind, helpful, loving, a decent human being… I could go on.