A Time for Hope

by T Gephart

  “You ready to start fighting back?” He put out his hand and waited for me take it.

  I grabbed onto his hand and pulled my body off of the mat. “Yes Sir,” I shouted as I jumped to my feet.

  “Good, ’cause I knew you had it in you Stone, and nothing pisses me off more than being wrong. Now get your ass back over there with the rest of the group. I think I need to see some push-ups.”

  I trotted back to where I had been standing. The spot I had previously occupied between Taylah and Sydney had remained empty and despite my telling the Gunny to go fuck himself no one dared to look at me.

  “Everyone hit the deck. I want fifty push-ups and you better make them count ‘cause the Corps still need their fifty.” Gunny Ortiz bellowed. I guessed I was going to have to get used to his yelling ‘cause if I hadn’t heard him speak softly while I’d been lying on the floor I’d be convinced he didn’t know how to speak in another volume.

  “Yes sir.” The crowd collectively responded as they dropped to the floor and assumed push up position.

  “Let’s count them out – One!” Gunny Ortiz clapped his hands as he set our rhythm. “Two! All the way down and up. Three!”

  “You OK?” Taylah whispered.

  “Yeah, I think I am.” I nodded and for the first time in a long while I actually knew I was going to be OK.

  Chapter 16

  The Long Goodbye

  THE NEXT few weeks saw me make amazing strides. While I didn’t totally abandon traditional therapy, what I learned about myself under Manny’s guidance was nothing short of amazing.

  I had stopped seeing myself as a victim and had embraced the scars of my past. I accepted that there was nothing I could do to change what had happened to me, the pain, the betrayal, the loss, it would always be there. It was what I did going forward that would count. I used it all, every emotion that stirred within me and I fought back. Mostly, I was kinder to myself and recognised that I had harboured feelings of self-loathing and these had no place in my new and improved incarnation. I forgave myself. I forgave every bad decision I felt I had ever made, I forgave myself for any regret I may have had and I forgave the times I felt I’d wasted in darkness. I welcomed a new dawn, one where I had evolved. I was stronger, smart and thanks to the Corps a hell of a lot fitter. I truly believed that I could take whatever life had to dish out.

  The sale on our newly acquired Penthouse had been finalised and we had picked up our keys earlier that afternoon. It seemed that a quickie divorce translates to a quickie property transfer. Our new home was unfortunately going to remain unoccupied while we were on tour, but with the detailed redecoration plans Taylah had scheduled, our absences would certainly work in our favour.

  Matt had returned from Texas after his much needed Lexi-enforced vacation time. He was still mending his broken heart, but as always, his positivity refused to allow him to wallow for too long. Anna had tried to contact him a few times, but he politely declined to accept her call, feeling it was easier just to move on.

  Taylah kept an eye on him for me—and I mean literally. Her favourite pastime was watching him, especially while he worked out—so I knew at least he wasn’t sitting at home alone.

  It was quiet in the apartment while I completed my last minute mental checklist. Early morning flights were always challenging, but taking one where we’d be gone for nine months was more than just a bit stressful. Alex, unfazed by the pressure of the tour, had gone on a run. Playing live is what he most enjoyed about being in the band. He was excited and ready for the months of performing ahead. He loved the stage, and the stage loved him. I, however, was battling my inner OCD while I rechecked I’d packed my passport for the twentieth time, with a phone pressed to my ear.

  “So, tomorrow’s the big day,” Sydney announced matter-of-factly. I could hear her disappointment. Unfortunately it would be her who stayed back in New York while we jetted off on tour with the band. Her exclusion hadn’t been intentional, but it had been agreed that Anna would remain at home base and now that Sydney had filled Anna’s role, it was a foregone conclusion.

  “Yep, all packed up and ready to go.” I responded rather unconvincingly. Where the fuck had I put my spare iPhone charger?

  “While you are off gallivanting over the lands, think of me—chained my desk, slaving away.” Sydney sighed dramatically. She was forgetting to mention that while Matt and I would be pulling fifteen-hour days she would only be dealing with local press coverage and would wrap up her day around three in the afternoon and that would be including an hour-long lunch break.

  “A hardship, I know.” I rummaged manically through the drawers in my bedside table. Seriously, where did I put that fucker? I needed to find my international adapter as well.

  “If you’re looking for your sanity I don’t think you will find it in there.” Alex strode in, shirtless and covered in sweat. The ear buds from his iPod were still draped around his neck and he gave me a smile I would have walked through fire for.

  “Hey baby.” He kissed me, pressing his glistening torso against me, and I felt the dampness of his chest seep through the thin t-shirt I was wearing.

  “Hey,” I completely forgot I still had the phone in my hand as I returned his kiss.

  “If you two are about to get busy the least you can do is say goodbye.” Sydney didn’t attempt to hide the smile in her voice.

  “Hi Sydney.” Alex laughed into the receiver as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kicked off his runners.

  My phone beeped demanding attention for an apparent incoming call.

  “Listen Syd, I’ve got a call on the other line. I’ll chat to you later. Call me later if you need me, if not see you in a few months.” I knew she would not need me and the only calls I would be getting from her would be social ones, but I wanted to reassure her that while she’d been left behind she would not be forgotten.

  “All good here. Chat later.” She said her goodbye and I flicked over to the other line.

  “Lexi Reed.” It was my usual greeting and so deeply ingrained that I forgot the call had gone in on our private phone line.

  “Lexi.” I could hear from the warble in her voice, Hannah had obviously been crying.

  “Han, what’s wrong?” I reluctantly peeled Alex’s arms from my waist as I sat down on our bed. Sharing my concern, Alex stopped his amorous advances and joined me on our bed. Hannah—other than while pregnant—was not one for emotional exaggeration so whatever it was that had upset her, you could bank on it being a valid concern.

  “It’s Noah, Lexi. My poor little man is so sick. He’s been battling this cold for a few days, and I’d taken him to the pediatrician, but they told me he was fine. I was trying to not be a neurotic mother, but then earlier today he started running a fever.” She took a quick breath before continuing. “He’s never had one before so of course I raced him to the emergency room. You can’t mess around with fevers.” Her voice faltered as she took another pause.

  “And my poor little Noah has an ear infection. He’s so sick Lex. I feel terrible. How could I have missed it?”

  “Hannah, do you need us to come over? Have they prescribed him antibiotics?” Not knowing what actual assistance I could offer.

  “No, thanks Lexi, but that isn’t necessary. James is here and my folks. They gave him meds, and he seems to be sleeping right now, but there is no way we can get on a plane tomorrow. Lexi, I’m going to have to miss the flight. Noah is just way too sick to fly.” She was torn, overwrought with worry for Noah and facing the reality that she was going to be facing her son’s first real illness without her husband by her side.

  “Han, it’s fine. You can rejoin the tour when he gets better. It will be no big deal. Are you sure you don’t want me to come over?” I wanted to do something tangible to console her. This was such a shitty situation.

  “No, no. I’m just disappointed. I’m sorry. I know I’m overreacting. I’m just worried about Noah and was really looking forward to leaving with you guys.”
I could hear the disappointment in her voice.

  “Well what about if I stayed here for a week or so, until Noah got better and then we fly out together?” It was the only thing I could think of that would make the situation any more bearable for her. I was sure that the prospect of having to take a long haul flight with a baby by herself was also weighing heavily on her mind.

  Alex gripped my hand and squeezed, his lips gently pressed against my forehead knowing that while I posed my proposition to Hannah as a hypothetical, I would not be boarding a plane with him tomorrow. While our separation would be painful, there was no way I could leave Hannah and Noah behind.

  “No, that’s silly. I couldn’t ask you to do that. There’s no reason for you to stay.” Hannah half-heartedly attempted to change my mind.

  “What’s a week or two? In that time little Noah will be better, and we get on the plane and head to where they are in the schedule. Easy. Matt will be with them and he can handle the tour on his own ‘til I get there. Plus, it will give me time to get things sorted with the new apartment.” My mind had been made up, and I would not be easily swayed. Given the level of love and support I had received in recent times it was the very least I could do. This was my family and after all these years, I finally understood what that meant.

  “Lexi, I know how much you want to be with Alex. You don’t have to stay here on account of me.” Her voice wavered again as she fought back tears.

  “I’m not staying here on the account of you. I’m staying because I want to. Alex and I will survive a couple of weeks separation. Besides I will get plenty of uninterrupted Noah time cause I won’t have to share him with his Uncle Alex or his dad.” I reached for Alex, gently pulling his face into my hands. I need for him to look at me, to know why I had to stay. I would hate every minute of our separation, but this was the right thing to do. He silently nodded, acknowledging our wordless exchange.

  “Are you sure Lexi, really, really sure?” It was the first time during the conversation she had sounded hopeful.

  “Yes, the matter is settled. I’ll call the airline and rearrange our flights. Once we get the all clear from the pediatrician we’ll join up with the guys, wherever they are.”

  “Thanks Lexi.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

  “Don’t thank me, it’s no big deal. Now go spend some quality time with your family before you have to send your husband out to the adoring hordes.” I was about to take my own advice as I knew the night would not be long enough. I leaned against Alex’s chest craving the closeness that by morning would be gone.

  “Bye Lex, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Bye Hannah. If you need anything just call me.” I ended the call and put down my iPhone.

  “So I guess I’m flying solo tomorrow.” Alex brushed the hair from my neck, his fingers lightly grazing my skin.

  “Alex, Noah’s sick. I can’t leave. It will be at most a couple of weeks.” The reassurance was unnecessary. He understood why I had to stay.

  “I know baby. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss you.” He shifted from behind me, his large frame making the mattress ripple as he moved.

  “Think of how fantastic it will be when you finally do see me.” I raked my hands through his mess of blond hair, smiling at him seductively.

  “Hmmm, I’ll have to start planning from now.” He kneeled at the base of the mattress, his hands leisurely teasing my toes.

  “You know, I’ve always been more of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl.” Not that I didn’t enjoy a little planned interlude, but I much preferred a heated being-thrown-up-against-a-wall, frenzied encounter. Luckily for me, he frequently provided me with both.

  “That you are.” He grabbed my feet and pulled me down the bed.

  “What are you doing?” I squealed as he scrambled to stand while keeping my body pinned.

  “Improvising.” His mouth twisted into his delicious half grin.

  He planted his feet on the floor before scooping me up and flung me over his shoulder.

  “Alex, what the fuck?” I laughed as I came face to face with his arse, not that I was complaining about the view. His arm was wrapped around my legs to keep me securely in place. ,

  “Well sure, that will come later, but not before I get you wet.” He carried me while I hung upside down out of our bedroom and into our adjoining ensuite.

  “Get naked, that will get me wet.” I pulled at his running shorts with my hands, assuming I could assist in facilitating my request.

  “Oh I plan on getting you very wet.” He reached into the shower stall and turned on the tap. The spray from the showerhead ricocheted off the glass walls and hit my body.

  He stepped into the stall with me still over his shoulder. The water seeped into my clothes, saturating me instantly.

  “Alex,” I shivered as the coldness hit my skin. “It’s freezing!”

  He unwrapped his arm from around my legs and slid me slowly down his torso. I felt every inch of his toned muscle as I travelled down his body. I lifted my head as he pressed my back against the tiled wall.

  “Still cold?” He mumbled in my ear as he kissed my neck. I shook my head. I no longer cared about anything other than his mouth on me.

  His fingers played at the hem of my t-shirt. He tore at the wet fabric that was pasted against my skin, lifting it over my head and letting it drop to a pile on the floor. He lowered his head and took my mouth, owning it with the power of his kiss. I closed my eyes as it intensified. I felt him claw at my bra, ripping it from my body. He was desperate and I loved it. I pushed against him, slamming his body against the opposite wall. I fumbled with the button on my waterlogged jeans, needing to rid my body of their heaviness. He smiled approvingly as I stripped away the denim to reveal a pair of white cotton panties.

  “So demure for such a dirty girl.” He gently flicked the waistband.

  “I had already packed all the racy ones.” I moved my hand down his chest and palmed his cock. “Besides I won’t be wearing them for long.”

  “No, you won’t,” he growled as he pressed his naked chest against mine. His lips found mine again as his tongue invaded my mouth.

  The water trickled down our skin as he captured my hand from the front of his pants and held it above my head. I whimpered a protest, wanting to feel his thick throbbing length and before I was able to use my other hand, he repeated the action hindering my means of stroking him. With both my hands firmly locked above my head he grinded against me, the thin material of his running shorts doing little to disguise the hardness of his erection. I struggled against his weight, needing to touch him.

  “I want to touch you,” I demanded as I writhed frustrated against the cold tiled wall.

  “So touch me,” he teased as he licked my neck.

  “Let go of my wrists,” I demanded as I pushed against the hand that kept mine firmly in place.

  “You’ll have to think of using something else,” he smirked unwilling to relinquish control of my hands.

  Smirking and refusing to admit defeat I leaned up against him and teased him with my firm nipples. I inched closer and pressed the swells of my breast up against his toned chest before sliding down his body. While he refused to release my hands he allowed me enough slack to travel southward. I pushed the limits of my constraint as I glided down the tiled shower wall, further and further until I ended up on my knees.

  “Resourceful.” He tilted his head to watch me as the water snaked down his body.

  I leaned forward and licked the base of his abs, flicking the tip of my tongue near his belly button before continuing the journey down again. He shivered as I angled my teeth at the waistband of his running shorts and bit them, pulling them down his legs slowly.

  “Fuck.” He closed his eyes and groaned as his shorts pooled at his feet.

  I leaned forward again, this time licking through the cotton of his trunks. The material had become transparent in the water and I was able to see and lick every contour of his
hardness.

  With his eyes still shut, he groaned again as I continued to gently nibble through the cotton at his shaft. I repeated my earlier trick and took the waistband of his trunks between my teeth and pulled them down. The wet cotton protested against my hampered movements but with my insistent tugging they gave way and slid down his legs.

  His eyes opened and he watched me lap lovingly at his cock, working my way to the tip where I swirled my tongue around the head.

  “Mmm.” He watched as I slowly took him into my mouth, allowing his length to slide down my throat.

  “Holy shit Lex,” he gasped, as despite having my hands pinned above my head I continued to move my mouth up and down his shaft, harder and faster with each pass.

  “Ahhh.” He pulled himself from my mouth abruptly. “My turn.”

  He released my hands and my arms dropped to my sides and he sunk to his knees in front of me.

  “I need to make this count.” He leaned up against me and breathed on my neck. “So in the next few weeks, when you are laying in bed without me, you remember how hard you came.”

  His finger trailed down my chest and stop just before the peak of my nipple. “I want to feel you explode around me, I want to watch you pant and writhe beneath me and know it’s because of me.”

  “You talk a good game Stone, you planning on delivering?” I brushed my breast up against him, repeating an earlier move I knew drove him crazy.

  “Such a smart fucking mouth.” He teased down my bottom lip with his thumb.

  “You didn’t seem to mind my smart mouth while you were fucking it just before.” I let his thumb slide into my mouth and I sucked it.

  “Fuck Lexi,” he groaned as his eyes darkened. “You are driving me crazy.”

  “Just giving you something to think about in those few weeks away from me.” My lips hovered over his mouth.

  His hands pulled at my hair and brought me closer, kissing me passionately. He proved he was done with friendly banter as his hands roamed restlessly down my body.