by Lexi Blake
“Neil,” Lee shouted in that alpha voice of his. “Give her to me and I’ll take her.”
I tensed, ready to be shifted to my head guard’s arms because Neil always obeyed Lee when he used that alpha tone. Neil wasn’t an alpha. He followed the strongest leader in the group and that was Lee.
“No,” Neil said, walking away.
“She’s my responsibility,” Lee insisted.
Neil whirled around. “And she’s my friend. Sometimes she’s been the only friend I had in the whole world. I won’t give her up when she needs me. You think I’m not strong enough, well, let me tell you, I’ll always find the strength for her. If you want her you’ll have to fight me so just follow me and try to keep up, Lee.”
Lee sighed and his shoulders slumped forward in defeat. I could see every one of his thirty-five years on his face in that moment. “Go on, then, but be careful. I’ll stay behind with Zack and try to figure out what happened. I’ll be at the palace as soon as I can.”
“I will bring the healer,” Declan promised.
Neil nodded and then we were out in the sunshine of the afternoon. It was bright and sunny and that seemed to me the biggest insult of all. I looked over Neil’s shoulders and saw the trail of blood we were leaving. My heart seized because that was my baby boy’s life I was leaving in a thin stream on the ground. That was all of his tomorrows. I would never know him. I wouldn’t hold him and think about how much he looked like his father. I wouldn’t watch him take his first steps. I wouldn’t worry about his first day of school or tease him about his first date. He wouldn’t have any of those things, and I clutched Neil and cried for this small thing that would never be.
This is what the bean si had wailed about—my child, not my husband.
I had done everything wrong. I had never seen the danger coming. I finally understood the prophecy. So much had been lost and I mourned. I mourned for both my children. My boy and a girl I hadn’t realized was mine.
“Hold on, Zoey,” Neil said as he started to run.
I held on to his strong shoulders. He wasn’t that much bigger than me but he didn’t falter. I held on to him because it would kill him to fail.
I had already failed, so it didn’t much matter to me.
* * * *
I woke up a long while later in the bed I shared with Dev and Daniel in the palace. Neil slept beside me and when I looked up, I knew it was night. The room was lit only by small candles, and the gloom seemed oppressive to me. I wanted to sink back into oblivion.
It was mostly over by the time the healer made it to the palace. Sarah had done everything she could to make me comfortable, but she confirmed that there was nothing that could be done to save my son and that was the way I thought of him now. Before he’d been just a worry and then something I might be able to get excited about in the distant future.
Now that he was gone, he was my son and I would never know him.
I’d been given several different solutions to drink and if Neil hadn’t been around, I would have just downed whatever was given to me. Neil had made sure Sarah watched the healer like a hawk. Neil had insisted on sniffing or tasting everything given to me. I didn’t care. I took something that was supposed to help complete the miscarriage, something for the pain and, worst of all, something to clear the curse because that was what had taken my child’s burgeoning life.
Through the haze of everything that had happened that afternoon, I understood what Sarah had explained to me. The tea I’d drunk contained a series of herbs that, when combined with the hex bag she found sewn into my clothes, formed a black magic curse. This particular curse purged a vessel of any magic. It could be used to render a magical sword mundane or kill a witch. In my case, my son was magical and it caused my body, which was not magical, to purge itself. It was a nasty spell, and whoever had used it on me had known exactly what they were doing.
Everyone who had been in Ross’s tavern was being held for questioning by the royal guard. The man who had tried to clear away the spiked teacup was being held in the dungeons, and I heard someone say he was talking. I wasn’t even mildly interested in what he had to say. They had also questioned anyone who handled my clothing.
There was a rustling at the window and I noticed a tall figure there. Sarah was asleep in a chair by the bed and I heard someone prowling in the outer rooms. I was pretty sure it was Lee. When the man turned from the window, my heart seized because Dev had come back.
“Dev.” The tears started again. It was all right to cry because Dev would hold me and if he was here, then so was Danny. I could sleep between them and they could promise they didn’t hate me for losing our child. I’d been reckless and stupid and we were all going to have to pay.
“I am sorry,” Declan said, his voice low as though he didn’t want to wake the others. Neil shifted beside me, but he did not wake. There was no arrogance on Declan’s face. It was why I’d mistaken him for his brother. “It is just me.”
I took a deep breath and wiped my tears away. “Sorry. I thought you were Dev.”
He nodded. I noticed he was dressed in traveling clothes, his riding gloves in one hand. “I wish he was here right now. I do not mean to pry, but I have to ask the question.”
I knew what he wanted. I was sure it was the question everyone was asking. I sat back, inexpressibly tired as I explained how the bean si curse had been about my son. “You want to know about my first child. God, I can’t believe I just said that. My child. Her name was Summer. I didn’t carry her, obviously. She was the product of a transference box that Daniel and I primed. I never considered her to be mine. She was an odd piece of magic. The tribe the box belonged to took her with them when they passed through the veil.”
Declan thought about that for a moment. “I know a little about transference boxes, though they are incredibly rare. There must be intent of will to create a child. Was it you?”
I thought back to that day so long ago. Daniel and I had been together for the first time in years, making love over and over again. I remember my greatest hope had been to never leave his arms again. It had come as a shock to know that a child had been Daniel’s deepest wish. “No, it was Daniel.”
Declan nodded shortly as though he’d had some truth confirmed. “If Daniel wanted a child and that is the wish he put into the magic, then Zoey, you have to know that child was truly yours. He would not want anyone else’s child. That piece of magic was your and Daniel’s baby. It is why the bean si prophecy is clearly about this child. Devinshea is safe. I suppose it is only natural you would not have considered this child to be yours. I would have been confused as well. We do not normally form humans from the magic. That can be unpredictable.”
The faeries had explained all of that to me. They normally molded the magic into something easily controllable, like a tree or a cat. We had seriously screwed up their plans by making a baby. I thought about her. She’d been so sweet but nothing like what I would have expected from a human baby. She hadn’t cried or given me a moment’s trouble. She’d saved me and healed me. If Daniel had believed for one second that child was truly ours, he would never have allowed her to pass through the veil, magical being or not.
It seemed I had lost two children in one day.
“I am going to find them,” Declan announced suddenly. “I promise I will bring your husbands back to you. I have already sent a riding party to the farthest field to look for them. I will search the others. I cannot fly so it might take me a while, but I swear I will not stop until I find them.”
I nodded.
“I apologize for insisting you come here. I should have left Devinshea to his new home. My only excuse is a need to see my kingdom safe…and I wanted my family back. I…well, I am sorry,” Declan said with more sincerity than I had ever heard from him before. He was quiet for a moment before deciding what to say next. “The healer says this will not affect your ability to carry a child in the future. He says you are already healing because of the vampire blood. He doubts a
poison alone would have hurt the child. It was the curse the vampire blood in your system could not handle.”
“So it was someone who knew about vampires,” I said quietly.
Declan frowned. “That could be anyone. The newspaper ran a story on Dev’s new goddess and his partner. The taking of vampire blood was a salacious story point. I know who did this, Zoey. It was the Unseelie. The black magic proves it.”
“Because no Seelie ever used black magic,” I heard myself saying, surprised at Declan’s naiveté.
“I am not going to argue with you,” he replied with a sad frown as he took my hand. I didn’t care enough to jerk it back. He squeezed it between his hands. “You and Devinshea will have other babies. You will see. I am so jealous, Zoey. Sometimes, I cannot stand it.”
“I never meant to take your brother from you.” I wished he would go and leave me alone with my thoughts. I wanted to think about Summer, to try to remember everything about the only child Daniel and I would ever have.
Declan got down on his knees so he was staring up at me. “I am jealous of my brother, Zoey. I want what he has. He is so in love. He is happy with you. I was in love once.” Declan shook his head. “She was unsuitable. My people would never have accepted her as their queen. She would never have accepted life as a mistress. I left without a backward glance.”
“Then you didn’t love her.” I hated the coldness in my voice but I couldn’t seem to muster sympathy for him.
“I did not look back.” He got up and straightened his clothes. “But I think of her often. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made and, Zoey, that is saying something.”
When he reached the door, he turned back. He was Declan again, his face a mask of royal will. “Know this, sister, I will see my nephew avenged. Padric is questioning the witnesses, but I know the Unseelie are behind it. There is no question. They have pushed me too far, and I will see them wiped from this plane. I will find my brother and we will prepare for war.”
Declan turned and left.
“We’ll be long gone by then,” Neil murmured, moving his head toward mine. “When Daniel comes back, he’ll pack us all up and we can leave this place. Let them kill each other.”
I said nothing, simply let myself fall deeper into the softness of the bed because no war, no amount of killing or revenge, was ever bringing back my son or my baby girl.
The bean si had been wrong. I didn’t care enough to stop a war.
Chapter Nineteen
Grief, at least for me, has always been a private thing. In the days following my miscarriage, the biggest nuisance in my life was the string of people wanting to comfort me. I heard platitudes and metaphors all ending in some hopeful piece of crap about how I would get through this.
I suffered through Neil and Sarah telling me how I would still be able to have babies and Dev and I would make more. Miria came through with tears in her eyes and told me how hard it had been for her and that I would be all right. I was still young and had all those years of fertility ahead of me. Even Bibi patted my hand and told me the pain would get better.
Someone was always sitting in the chair by my bed or, in Neil’s case, resting beside me. They took turns on Zoey watch and I knew someone had made a schedule.
It was easier when Lee was the one watching me. He didn’t feel the need to talk or maybe it was that he didn’t have any idea what to say to me. He just sat and watched over me while I slept, and I slept a lot. I kept my eyes closed even when I was awake because Lee might not talk much, but I couldn’t stand the look of pity in his chocolate brown eyes.
I resented all of them.
After a day or two, I didn’t even want to see Dev and Danny. I just wanted to be alone and sleep. My world narrowed to the confines of my bed, and the rest of life seemed a hazy mess I didn’t want to deal with.
When my husbands showed up on the fourth day after the incident, I barely sat up in bed to greet them.
“Sweetheart, are you all right?” Dev knelt at my bedside. He took my hand in his, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.
“I’m fine,” I said dully.
Daniel stood behind him looking down on me with a worried expression.
“I’m so sorry this happened,” Dev said, and I could tell he’d been crying. “I would do anything if you didn’t have to go through this.”
“It was my fault.” I just spoke, saying the things I thought I should say, running on a zombie-like autopilot. I didn’t see either one of them. For the last several days, most of my time had been occupied with wondering how life would be if I had made a single different choice. What would things be like if I hadn’t taken that sip of tea? It seemed an insignificant thing, but that one tiny move had changed so many lives.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Z,” Danny said harshly. “You can’t possibly blame yourself.”
But he was wrong. I could definitely blame myself. I’d had a person try to assassinate me in the courtyard of that same tavern. What the hell had I been thinking drinking something I hadn’t even ordered? I shouldn’t have touched anything not made by Albert’s own two hands. I should have been more careful because I was risking so much more than my own life.
“Zoey, it isn’t your fault,” Dev said, kissing my hands fervently. “It’s likely there was a spell on the tea that made it attractive to you. If it hadn’t been the tea, then they would have found another way. It is the Unseelie agent’s fault, and I promise you I’ll do everything I can to see that justice is done.”
Daniel’s face caught my attention. He grimaced when Dev said that. It was obvious they had been briefed on something I hadn’t. I questioned him with a single look.
“Declan and Padric are quite certain that the Unseelie are behind the plot,” Daniel explained, but his face told me he didn’t believe it. Declan would believe the Unseelie were behind an earthquake if they had one here.
“Why?” I finally mustered the will to sit up. If there was actual evidence against the dark court then I wanted to hear it.
Dev looked like he wanted to ignore the question and he gave it a go. “It’s nothing for you to worry about, my wife. We’ll take care of everything. Albert says you have not eaten in several days. You have to eat, Zoey. I know it is painful, but you must keep your strength up. We need you.”
I looked past Dev. I didn’t want to talk about my lack of appetite. “Why are they so certain it’s the Unseelie?” I asked Daniel, who seemed more willing to treat me like something other than a china doll who could break at any moment.
Daniel crossed his arms over his chest and looked serious. “The man Zack caught trying to clear away the table claimed to be an agent of the Unseelie.”
“He has confessed,” Dev stated firmly, and it was easy to see he and Daniel had been arguing about this before. He looked at Danny with a stubborn set to his face. “He knew about the hex bags, too. What more do you want, Daniel?”
“How did he get the hex bag in her clothes, Dev? He worked in the tavern. He’d never been inside the palace, according to the guards. Sarah thinks he was under a spell,” Daniel explained. “We won’t ever know though because he was executed before we had a chance to question him.”
“Not big on fair trials here in Faeryland, huh?” I said bitterly. It was nice that my pain had been an excuse to commit atrocities.
“It was a mob, sweetheart.” Dev spoke softly as if the tone of his voice could make it less horrific. “There were too many of them. The guard had to give him up or they would have overrun the palace. The entire tribe is incensed at what was done to you.”
I rolled my eyes. “They couldn’t care less about me, Dev. They finally have a reason to fight and they’re going to take it. They don’t give a damn about me and they didn’t care about my son.”
“You don’t understand them,” Dev said sadly. “They’re frightened and angry. They thought our baby was a sign that things would get better.”
“Did they string up Herne while they were at it?”
I had kind of wondered what had happened to the Unseelie ambassador. I hadn’t seen or heard a word about him since we had gotten back from our adventure with the ogre.
Dev’s face got hard and his eyes were cold as he thought of his former friend. “The Hunter escaped. He fled the palace after you lost the baby. Several of his guards were not so lucky.”
There was something small inside me that was happy he’d escaped. Despite his deeply stupid plan to use me as bait, I didn’t believe he would hurt my child. I wondered if they had killed the goblins I’d shared lunch with. “What other proof do they have beyond a spell-struck faery’s confession?”
Dev sighed. “Zoey, you don’t understand this world. Please, just leave this to me and you concentrate on getting well again.”
“I want to go home, Devinshea.” I stated my desire as plainly as I could. I wanted to leave this place and never come back. If I was ever lucky enough to get pregnant again, I would never let these people near me. I was tired of being a pawn in their war against each other.
“We talked about that.” Dev nodded, seemingly happy he could give me something I wanted. “Albert is organizing the packing already. Neil and Sarah are getting everything ready so you’ll be comfortable.”
I smiled the tiniest bit for the first time in days. The thought of being back in our condo made me slightly energetic. I was a twenty-seven-year-old woman, but I wanted to see my dad. “Really?”
“Of course, sweetheart.” Dev ran his hand through my hair, smoothing it back. “I would never want you caught up in this. I love you. You’ll be home in just a few days.”
There was something about the way he said it that made me suspicious. Daniel was frowning over him as well. He didn’t look like a man who was getting to go home. “What do you mean by ‘I’ll be home’? What about you and Danny?”